Official Girl 3 (16 page)

             
I feel real fucking worthless right now. I don’t understand how much more God wants me to hurt and suffer. I’m only 24 years old and I’ve been raped not once but twice, and beaten to the point where I was barely recognizable, not once but twice. My life was not supposed to be like this. It seems like I just can’t catch a fucking break. On top of that, I’m pregnant with a baby that’s a product of rape. I don’t want people walking around feeling like they have to feel sorry for me. I just know this is not the plan God had for me. This is it, I don’t want to live anymore.

             
I walked in the closet and pulled out a shoe box that held my nickel plated .45. I stood in front of the big mirror on my dresser and watched as the tears fell. I loaded a bullet into the chamber and cocked the gun before placing it to my head.
Lord, forgive me for what I’m about to do. I just can’t take it anymore, watch over my kids and Mykell, and protect them,
I silently prayed. Just when I was about to pull the trigger, the door to the bedroom opened.

             
“What the fuck yo!” Mykell yelled. He rushed over to me and tried to take the gun from me but I wouldn’t let it go.

             
“Let it go Reneice!” he yelled. We wrestled with it for a few before I finally gave up and ran to the bathroom. I slammed and locked the door before turning to the cabinets to find some pills I could take.

             
Bang Bang Bang!
“Open the fucking door Neicey!” he yelled. I ignored him and grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen. I poured a handful into my hand. Before I could even put them to my mouth, the door came crashing down.

             
BOOM!

             
Mykell slapped the pills out my hand. “Ahhhh!” I screamed.

             
He grabbed me by my collar. “Really Reneice? That’s how you gon do it? Shit is that serious that you trynna off yourself!” he yelled with tears in his eyes.

             
I just broke down and cried in his chest. “Just let me die Kell, please, just let me die,” I cried.

             
He slid to the ground with me in his arms. He rocked me back and forth as we both cried. I had finally reached my breaking point.

             
“Y’all okay?” MJ asked walking into the bathroom looking confused.

             
I was crying so hard I couldn’t even answer him.

             
“Yea man, just go watch yo brother and sister till I get down there,” Mykell spoke with a shaky voice.

             
“I just want to be happy Mykell, is that too much to ask for?” I cried.

             
I cried so much that I eventually felt my eyes getting heavy. The last thing I remembered was Mykell carrying me to the bed and laying me down in his arms until I drifted off to sleep.

             
When I got the phone call from Mykell telling me what Neicey tried to do, I almost broke down. I knew she was hurting but I didn’t think it was that bad that she would try to commit suicide. That don’t even sound like her to do something like that. I told Mykell that I would be by to pick up the kids so they could stay with me for a little while. He agreed because he didn’t want them to see her like that and I don’t blame him.

             
“Thanks again man, I really appreciate this,” Mykell said as I grabbed the kid’s bag.

             
“Man you don’t have to thank me, that’s what family is for. I’ll keep them for as long as you need me to,” I said picking up Amyricale’s car seat.

             
“Alright, I’ll call to check on them later. She’s upstairs sleeping now so Imma let her get some rest before we talk about this shit.”

             
“Alright, stay up man.”

             
“I’ll try,” he said looking hurt. “MJ, Romell, y’all be good.”

             
“Alright dad,” they said.

             
I’ll be sure to say a special prayer for my Snook tonight,
I thought as I got the kids settled in my truck.

              I was happy as hell when I found out that Lani was pregnant again. At first she wasn’t but she finally warmed up to the idea.

             
Lani was downstairs cooking breakfast while I was in the shower. When I got out, I heard her phone ringing. I went to see who it was when I noticed she had a missed call and a text message from a Zamier.
Who the fuck is that?
I thought as I clicked on the message.

             
Zamier: Wassup ma? I tried calling you but I figured you were busy. Call me or stop by so we can talk about the baby situation and so we can figure out what we gon do.

             
I was seeing fucking red. What the fuck this nigga mean they need to talk about the baby situation? I just know her ass wasn’t fucking another nigga. I hurried up and threw on some jogging pants and rushed downstairs. I rushed up on her and grabbed her by the t-shirt she was wearing.

             
“Who the fuck is Zamier?” I asked through gritted teeth.

             
She just looked at me and rolled her eyes. “A friend,” she said like she had an attitude.

             
“Really now? Then what the fuck his ass want you to come see him about the baby then? I just know like hell you ain’t fuck this nigga,” I said, getting so close to her face that I was damn near nose to nose with her ass.

             
“He might be the father,” she mumbled.

             
It took everything in me not to put my fucking hands on her. She better thank God that she’s pregnant and I respect females.

             
“Get yo shit and get the fuck out my house and don’t think for a second you taking my damn daughter. Or is she even mine?” I asked with venom dripping from my voice.

             
She just laughed and shook her head like I told a joke or something. “Alright. I’ll leave but you got me fucked up, bent wrong and twisted if you think for one second that I’m leaving without
my
daughter nigga,” she said storming out the kitchen.

*    *    *

              Hearing Lani say that’s it’s a possibility she could be carrying another nigga’s child had me fucked up but what had me even more fucked up was the fact that she was acting so damn nonchalant about it.

             
I went to the one person I knew I could talk to about anything. My senior.

             
“Wassup dad?” I asked as I walked through his door.

             
“You tell me. You look like you’re about to kill somebody,” he said sitting across from me on the couch.

             
“Man, Lani told me that she’s carrying another nigga child. Well, it
could
be his,” I said.

             
He just looked at me shocked. “Damn,” he said shaking his head. “So she cheated on you and got pregnant?” he asked me.

             
“Yea…no. I mean, I really don’t know. I didn’t ask any questions, I just told her to get her shit and get out.”

             
“And your daughter?” he asked.

             
“She’s with her,” I said.

             
“Wow, so you have your woman and daughter out there on the streets and you didn’t even try to talk to her about the situation. That was smart,” he said sarcastically. “You must have forgot that little period when you two broke up,” he said reminding me of that little spell me and Lani went through.

             
“What the hell was I supposed to do? She fucked somebody else, I didn’t. She acted like she didn’t care so why should I?”

             
“Did you see any signs of her cheating? Did she ever come in smelling like another nigga? Did her pussy feel any different? Did she stop fucking you? Was she acting funny?” he asked all in one breath.

             
I thought about it and the answers to all those questions is no.

             
“Oh shit,” I said realizing that I fucked up and made the situation worst.

             
“Yea, you messed up. Now get out my house and go get your daughter and girl,” he said.

             
What the fuck am I gon do now?

             
When I went to the doctor's, I knew I was in some deep shit when they said I was already three months pregnant. That was exactly how long ago me and Zamier slept together, me and Ramone’s relationship was still rocky so I kept him around. Now I realize me being selfish and trying to be on some payback shit could have cost me my relationship. I couldn’t even be mad about him kicking me out of the house. I deserved it but he didn’t even try to give me a chance to explain. He acts like he’s oh so perfect, he must have forgotten that he didn’t tell me about his son that he knew about and decided to keep from me.

             
I haven’t even slept with Zamier since me and Ramone decided that we wanted to work things out. But he doesn’t give a fuck, so why should I? My kids and I will do perfectly fine without him. I was good before him so I know I’ll be good without him.

             
I told my daddy about the situation and he was not happy at all. Of course he felt like he had to give me a damn lecture but that’s okay, I’m used to it by now.

             
He helped me to realize my faults and mistakes in the situation. He told me I should have been a woman about the situation and told him how I was feeling. He made me understand that it was very juvenile of me to go on a revenge fuck and mess with somebody else’s emotions.

             
I never looked at it like that. That’s why I loved my daddy, he always kept it real and let me know when I’m in the wrong. I had just put Ranyla down to sleep when I got a text message from Ramone.

             
Ramone: open the door.

             
I just rolled my eyes while I went to open the door. He was standing there looking sexy as hell with only sweats and a white tee on, but I wasn’t going to let him know that.

             
I just walked to my room without saying a word to him. When we got to my room, I sat on the bed while he closed and locked the door.

             
“I’m sorry,” I said being the first one to speak. “I only slept with him when we weren’t together and when I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with you. He was only a revenge fuck and nothing else. I have no feelings for him past a friend level but if this just so happens to be his child, I will allow him to be in its life.”

             
He just looked at me without saying anything. Next thing I know he was taking off his t-shirt and pushed me back on the bed. “I want you and my daughter back home where y’all belong first thing in the morning,” he said, pulling my boy shorts off.

             
Before I could even protest, he dove head first into my honey pot. My hand automatically went to the back of his head. He was sucking so damn good like he was trying to prove a point.

             
“This shit is mine Le’Lani and if you ever give it away again, I’ll kill that nigga,” he said right before he made me cum. I was trying to catch my breath when I felt him slide his ten inches in me. All I could do was gasp.

             
“Tell me you love me,” he said placing my leg on his shoulder and going in deeper.

             
“I uhh…shit. I love you,” I said, barely able to talk.

             
“This my pussy Le’Lani and don’t you ever forget that shit,” he said, speeding up his pace.

             
“Turn around,” he demanded and I did as I was told.

             
He slapped my ass before entering me from behind. He grabbed a handful of my hair while he pounding into me unmercifully.

             
He bent down and placed kisses down my spine and that shit drove me crazy. I was amped up so I started throwing it back, giving as good as I was getting.

             
“Baby I’m about to cummmmm!” I yelled out.

             
“Cum then,” he said slapping my ass again.

             
I started to shake and my knees gave out. Not too long after, Ramone followed suit and collapsed on the bed. He pulled me close to him and kissed my neck.

             
“I want yo ass home tomorrow Le’Lani and I’m not playing,” he said.