Olivia (31 page)

My aunt was always too nice to discipline their only
child. I often wonder if I’d have been as spoiled as him if Trey
hadn’t come along. Looking back, I know I would have been
worse.

“
Do you?” Chris asks when Eli
doesn’t answer.

“
Whatever.”

“
What happened?” my uncle asks his
wife.

“
He has a girlfriend that was
there. Did you know that?”

“
No. You have a girlfriend?” Chris
asks.

“
Who cares?” my cousin says. “Yes,
whatever! Why does it matter?”

My uncle looks confused, and glances at Anna. “Why
does it matter?”

“
He was locked in the bathroom with
her.”

“
It was a game!” Eli
argues.

“
We should go... um... where should
we go?” I ask meekly.

“
We’ll
go
to Eli’s room,” Chris says, getting up and leading his family
upstairs.

“
He’s fourteen?” Jon
asks.

“
I think so, yeah.”

“
Will’s age.” Jon flips through the
channels hurriedly, finally shutting off the TV. “Where’s your
iPod?”

“
Here.” I grab it out of my purse
and hand it to him. He finds the playlist for the band we saw
tonight, turning up the volume as loud as it will go, which isn’t
very loud.

“
It’s just like we’re there,” he
says with a laugh. We listen through the first few songs, but then
the driving beat from the song they opened with starts, and I bound
off the couch and start chanting the lyrics, just like I had in the
club. Jon starts laughing, finally joining me, and we’re both
yelling the words a bit too loudly, bouncing on our feet to the
quick rhythm. My sides start to hurt from giggling so hard I can’t
take a breath. When the last note plays, applause comes from the
doorway. My aunt and uncle are watching us, and we laugh harder.
Jon pulls me into him, his cheeks red from the activity and
embarrassment, and kisses the top of my head.

“
This talk with Eli’s gonna take
awhile,” Chris says. “Jon, I need to get you home.”

“
Chris,” I whine.

“
I’m sorry, Livvy,” Anna says with
an empathetic frown. “You can see him tomorrow, right?”

“
It’s fine, Olivia,” he says,
hugging me again. My aunt and uncle leave us alone for a minute.
“Maybe I can come over tomorrow,” he suggests.

“
Okay,” I agree. “Thank you for
tonight. It really was fun.”

“
It was. Happy New Year, baby. I
love you.”

“
I love you, too.” He puts his
hands on my cheeks and pulls into me, kissing me
sweetly.

“
Your polka-dot panties are hot,”
he whispers in my ear. I pull away, shocked. “That was quite a
show. When you were jumping up and down, your skirt–”

“
Shut up.”

“
It’s a compliment,” he laughs.
“But no wonder you garnered such attention at the
concert.”

“
Oh, my god. Do you
think...?”

“
I don’t think so, Liv. We were
packed in like sardines, remember? You’re fine.
Really
fine,” he says with a sultry voice.

“
Really?” I ask him, teasing him by
drawing a finger up my thigh, bringing my skirt with it. He grabs
my hand and gives me one, last, quick kiss.

“
Really. I’ve got to go. While the
images of you are fresh in my mind.” I roll my eyes at him, walking
him to the front door where my aunt and uncle wait. “Sweet dreams,”
he says with a wink, following Chris outside. I watch as they drive
away, waving to him, my eyes never leaving his.

On the second day of the year, Mom and I start our
morning at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Both of us dressed in black, we
kneel in pews in the back of the empty church, saying our own
prayers.

Nate’s funeral had been here, although Mom had been
in the hospital after their wreck, and missed it. Granna’s funeral
was also here, and she was buried in the same cemetery with her
first husband and only son.

Mom starts sniffling, her head in her hands. I look
over, feeling my own eyes tear up as I see my mother crying. “Mom,”
I whisper, leaning my head on her shoulder. We both settle back in
the pew, embracing one another in a tight hug.

“
I miss him so much some days,” she
says. “And I miss Donna, too. The only saving grace is that they
have each other.”

“
I miss her too, Mom,” I
cry.

“
Without her here, I don’t get to
talk about him,” she confides in me. “We would talk about him. In a
way, it kept him alive,” she says, the tears flowing now. “I have
no one to reminisce with me.”

“
Chris?” I ask.

“
I don’t want to put him in that
position,” she says. “That’s the only drawback to your uncle being
your dad’s best friend. I can’t talk to him about Nate. I don’t
want it to get back to your father.”

“
You can talk to me, Mom.” She
looks at me with sorrow, shaking her head.

“
No, sweetie, I can’t. I promised
Dad I wouldn’t.”

“
He can’t keep you from talking
about him.”

“
He doesn’t. He didn’t ask me not
to. I just told him I wouldn’t. I don’t want to do anything to put
your relationship with him in jeopardy.”

“
Mom, I’m over that–”

“
I know, I know.” She holds me
close as she composes herself, wiping her nose with a tissue and
concentrating on her breathing. “You know what I also
know?”

“
What?”

“
I know Granna is up there fuming
mad at us for being sad today. That is not what she would want.
Ever.”

I chuckle a little, knowing she’s right. “Sushi?” I
ask Mom. There was one restaurant that Mom and Granna would always
meet at. It was only a block from our house. They took me there for
the first time two years ago. I only ate California rolls that
time, but since then, Granna had gotten me to try nearly everything
on the menu. Mom had mentioned once that Nate was the one who
introduced her to sushi. Since Granna died, neither Mom nor I had
been back here.

“
Mrs. and Miss Holland, it’s great
of you to join us,” the hostess greets us. “We have the booth you
requested ready for you.”

“
Thank you,” Mom says. They take
our coats, then lead us to the table. The waitress immediately
brings us water and hot washcloths. Mom orders a glass of wine and
a soda for me. We look over the menu together, finding things that
we can share. When we order, we realize it’s a lot more food than
either of us can eat.

“
I guess we’ll eat for Donna,” Mom
says. “We couldn’t
not
get the rainbow
rolls and the dragon rolls,” she adds. “Or the sashimi. Those were
her favorites,” she justifies our order.

“
Mom?”

“
Yeah?”

“
Were you closer to Donna than to
your own parents?” I ask. I knew that I was closer to her than any
of my grandparents, but that could be attributed to the fact that
she lived in the city nearby.

My mother nods. “I love my mom and dad,” she says,
“and I even love my step-parents, so much. But there was something
special about my relationship with Donna that isn’t there with
Grandma and Grandpa. Her attention was always on Nate. And when I
came along, she could see how much he cared about me. I spent a lot
of time at their house in high school. She understood creativity
more than my parents. She encouraged it wholeheartedly, and just
had this vast understanding of art–of course, you know this.”

“
Yeah.”

“
My parents thought it was a silly
pursuit. They wanted a doctor, or a lawyer. I guess all three of us
let them down,” she laughs. “You know, by the time I met Donna, my
mom had left my dad... I was feeling a bit betrayed, and they were
both very much preoccupied. Donna never was. Even with James, Nate
was always her first priority. He came before everything. And when
he died, I assumed the role of that only child. She needed someone.
So did I,” she remembers.

“
Did your parents care?”

“
They understood the role she
played in my life, especially after Nate was gone,” she says. “But
Grandma and Grandpa both felt really sad–for you–when she passed.
They don’t have the relationship with you they’d like. I think they
blame some of that on me. All the grandparents have mentioned it,
actually. Even Grandma and Grandpa Holland.”

“
They know I love them,” I say.
“Right?”

“
Of course, honey.” She puts her
hand on mine. “When you’re with them, you’re always so affectionate
and sweet, and you don’t talk to them like there’s a full
generation between you. I find it utterly respectful and beautiful.
I never was that way... but I think we can thank Donna for that.
You know, she had a lot of influence in raising you, too. I’m
grateful that she was in our lives.”

“
Do you think Dad is?”

“
I know he is, Liv. He loved her,
too. They had so much admiration for one another... and yet, they
could have some fantastic debates. Both so smart, and connected. I
never really knew whose side to be on, but at the end of the night,
they’d hug and never hold a grudge.

“
But your father always had a bit
of a wall up with her. He never wanted to step into that ‘son’
role. He never wanted her to think he was trying to. Or me. He
wanted to make it clear from day one that he was not here to take
Nate’s place.”

“
How did Dad get to be the way he
is?” I ask.

“
I don’t know, Livvy, but I don’t
question it. I just thank God every night for sending me Jacks. And
I follow that up by thanking Him for you. I’ve been so
blessed.”

“
My prayers are pretty similar,” I
admit. “Sometimes I pray to Granna, though. Do you think she can
see us from up there?” I ask.

“
I know she can. Some days, when
I’m having a bad day, I swear the sun will shine a little brighter
the second I step outside. I’m convinced she moves the clouds away.
I think she does everything to keep the sad memories at
bay.”

“
I think so, too,” I tell her.
Three different waiters deliver our plates, and we both scan the
dishes in front of us, clearly overwhelmed with all of the
food.

“
I think we’re going to need help
with this,” Mom says, looking over at me curiously.

If anyone can cheer up my mom, it’s Dad. “Dad likes
sushi, right?”

Her smile grows quickly. “This is our girl’s day,”
she says.

“
I’d like for Dad to spend the day
with us,” I tell her.

“
I’d really like that, too.” She
picks up her phone and calls Dad, inviting him and Trey to join us
for lunch. She tells him our plans for the rest of the day: a trip
to the florist, another to the cemetery, and then a stop at one of
the hospitals Granna worked closely with. They’d recently dedicated
an indoor garden area to her, and we were going to spend some time
planting things with friends of Donna’s and other
volunteers.

“
He’s going to pack a lunch for
your brother. They should be here in eleven minutes, he
says.”

“
And not a minute later,” I say,
knowing how prompt my dad always is.

“
Nope. Jacks is always where he’s
needed, when he’s needed,” she agrees. “I kind of need him today,”
she admits.

“
I kind of do, too.” We ask the
waiter for two more plates and sodas, and start to pick out
different dishes to sample, making sure we save plenty for my
dad.

I consider confronting him about the way he’s been
toward Jon, but I decide that today isn’t the day. Maybe Dad just
needs more time. Today, I have to overlook that, and appreciate Dad
for the strong provider that he is for me and my family. I
do
love him.

At the end of January, I make it through full days
at school without anyone jeering at me or making snide comments
about the picture. Although no one really believes it wasn’t me–no
matter what I tell them–other scandals have taken the place of
mine.

It’s a relief to my parents, to say the least. My
dad had been truly concerned that it would affect my acceptance
into Yale. He didn’t want to be questioned because he didn’t want
to lie for me. That wasn’t his way, and I wouldn’t have asked him
to, anyway. Fortunately, he’d had multiple conversations with the
dean and someone on the admissions board, and no one had even
brought it up. He’s finally starting to relax again.

At dinner one Wednesday, Trey is telling us about a
role he got in the school play. For the production, Matty has
volunteered to help with sets, which will undoubtedly make this the
most talked-about performance in the history of my brother’s
school. My uncle doesn’t do anything in moderation.

We had started to eat without Jon. Sometimes he was
late, but he’d always let me know beforehand. Today, he didn’t and
he hasn’t answered my calls. Engaging my brother in conversation
distracts me for awhile.

“
So you play a cat?” I ask him once
more. He’d stuttered through his explanation of his role to us, and
I couldn’t stop laughing.

“
Señor Don Gato!” he yells at me
again. “He sat on a roof.”