Olivia (66 page)

“
The morning after the wedding,
yes.”

Greek men.
She didn’t have
to say anything more. “I’m in.”

LIVVY

“
You should try to sleep, baby,”
Jon says.

“
I can’t,” I tell him.

“
Just try. Lie down.” He takes a
pillow from the row across from us and sets it in his lap, then
lifts his eyebrows at me with a smile.

I undo my safety belt and tuck my legs up on the
window seat, lying down with my head on the pillow and facing him.
I look up and thank him quietly. “I love you,” I whisper.

“
I love you, too, baby.” His
disheveled t-shirt leaves a hint of skin, just above the waistband
of his jeans. I lift the shirt a little further, and kiss his
stomach. The touch surprises him, as is evident by his sudden
intake of air. I do it again.

He caresses my head with one hand, pulling his shirt
down with the other. His thumb brushes my lips and lingers, giving
me something else to kiss. When I glance back up, he’s smiling down
at me.

“
Go to sleep,” he encourages,
rearranging his legs by propping them onto another seat. He
reclines his chair, which makes it easier for me to see him, and
him, me.

“
I don’t regret anything,” I tell
him softly. He glances toward the front of the plane where my
father sits before responding.

“
I’m glad,” he says. “Thank you.
For the best night of my life, thank you. I’m just sorry it had to
end the way it did.”

I feel the same way. In all the times I thought
about our first time together, we always woke up to birds singing,
the sun shining, the two of us kissing.

This morning, there were no birds. There was no sun.
There were kisses, but they weren’t passionate, desperate ones like
I thought they’d be. They were kind, though, and reassuring. They
were comforting. They were what I needed after the news of Granna’s
death.

And I lied to Jon. For the most part, I don’t regret
anything… except I do regret not answering the call that came in
last night just as we were settling into bed.
You
can’t change it now, Livvy. You have to deal with the
consequences.

I can’t help but wonder, though… what if? Would she
still be with us now? Could I have helped her in some way,
thousands of miles across the sea?
No, Livvy. And
that’s why you just have to move on.

I feel like I let her down in some way. I feel
guilty. I don’t want to feel guilty for last night. Jon and I are
in love, and had every right to express our feelings in the way we
did.

Would Granna have been disappointed, though? For the
fact that I ignored her call, yes. For the fact that Jon and I
slept together, yes. For the fact that I lied to my parents, and
had every intention of maintaining that lie, yes.

I know I’ve let her down. To escape that, I think
sleep would be best.

EMI

I guess no one in the Wilson family wanted a long,
drawn-out goodbye. Sudden deaths sure did run in that family, and
now, there are no Wilsons left. I guess, technically, Nate was the
last one. He was the only son of two only children. With Donna’s
passing comes the end of her family line, the Corlisses.

It makes me want to have more children, which is an
impossibility for us. I’d opted for an hysterectomy after Trey was
born. The stress from my only successful pregnancy almost caused it
not
to be. The last few months came with
too many warnings, too many moments that scared me, moved me to
tears.

That emptiness I once felt days after Nate died, and
again months later, returns now. I want Jack’s family line to go on
forever. He is such a good man and father. Technically, only our
son can do that for us.

I shake my head, disgusted at my own thoughts. I
hate thinking for a second that Livvy’s children wouldn’t be just
as valued to us. Of course they would. And for her, she would give
our family history to any offspring. The blood in her veins would
extend the lines of two other families. Families she doesn’t know.
Of course she knows about the DeLuca family… but there’s a whole
other side we know nothing about.

I wonder if she’ll ever be curious about her
birthfather. A part of me is afraid she will. Afraid for Jacks more
than anyone else. With the heartbreak he suffered last year as
Livvy began questioning her identity, I never want him to have to
go through something else like that. I’m so grateful we’re past
that phase, though. The past couple of months have been wonderful
in our family. Livvy’s back to her old self, painting and learning
and growing up so fast. She no longer blocks out her father from
her life. I suspect she knew in her heart all along that there was
no father better than Jacks, but the rebellious teen in her decided
to stake its claim for a few years. I like to think that girl’s
gone, but I know I’m only fooling myself.

Jon and Livvy are back together, and with Jon
enrolling in college this year, I suspect we’re in for even more
change in our daughter over the next few months. All I can hope is
that she’s honest with us, that she’s open with me, at least. We’ve
had a great relationship over the past few years. I hope being in a
serious relationship with her boyfriend doesn’t change that.

Serious.
Did it get
more
serious for them in Mykonos? If given
the freedom to do whatever she wanted for one evening with Jon,
would she choose to sleep with him? I knew I shouldn’t have let
Matty go with them. I should have been there. I didn’t want to go,
though. I didn’t want to be the disciplinarian… nor did I want to
be the one who allowed her daughter one night with the boy she
loves.

The romantic in me took away my good judgment. The
regrets I had from my own youth clouded my decision.
I’m a horrible mother.

“
Sweetie, what is it?” my
sister-in-law asks me in a hushed voice, careful not to wake Trey
or the other passengers on the 757.

“
I just wish Jacks and Livvy were
here.”

“
We’ll all be together again
soon.”

“
I wish my mother could have come
with us, too.” Kelly squeezes my hand. “I wonder if Livvy needs
me.”

“
I’m sure Jacks is taking excellent
care of her, Em. But of course she needs you. I think you will
bring her a special kind of comfort that no one else can. And I
know she’ll do the same for you.”

I bite the inside of my cheek to distract myself
once again. I’ve done well, keeping in the tears on this commercial
flight. It’s easier with so many strangers around. But how is my
daughter coping on that private jet? I fear she’s inconsolable…
even if she is with the three most important men in her life. She
needs her mother. She needs her
horrible
mother
.

“
Kelly, did you ever feel like
you’d made a decision that would seriously alter your kids’ lives?
Like, in a bad way?”

“
Plenty of times,” she answers,
glaring out of the corners of her eyes. She laughs lightly. “Jacks
said you might get lost in your thoughts. What’s going
on?”

“
I just think I made a poor
decision where Livvy is concerned.”

“
You probably did,” she says
plainly.

I look at her, surprised. “I think I should have
given her limits, when I didn’t…“

“
Did you do it at
gunpoint?”

“
Huh?” I ask her.

“
Did you force her into something
at gunpoint?”

“
Of course not!”

“
Did you drug her, and disable her
own decision making skills?”

“
No…“

“
She’s still alive, and healthy… so
whatever you did can’t be that bad.”

“
It might be…“

“
Livvy’s a very smart girl. Putting
aside the few moments of her life when you made this poor decision,
you equipped her with a fair amount of knowledge and good judgment
over the rest of her entire life.”

“
But–”

“
Not to mention my brother’s
involvement. Not to lessen what you’ve done for her, but Jack
is
the dominant parent in your family.
Maybe
he
made the right
decision.”

“
I took away that opportunity from
him,” I mumble.

“
Well, then, maybe
Livvy
made the right decision for
herself
. Wouldn’t that blow your mind?” she says,
still poking fun at my worry.

“
I don’t think she’s old enough to
make this decision, though… I don’t think she knows what the
right
decision for her would
be.”

“
Is this about Jon?”

I nod, rolling my eyes.

“
Are you regretting this Mykonos
dinner date that she talked you into?”

I nod once more.

“
And you don’t trust Matty…“ The
way she says it, I know she wouldn’t have, either.

“
I love Matty,” I admit. “I feel
like Matty understands the silly, romantic side of me better than
Jacks does.”

“
Because Matty is silly and
romantic.”

“
Yeah,” I agree. “And it’s for that
exact reason that I think he was a poor choice of
chaperone.”

“
Livvy is still alive and healthy,”
she repeats. “And if anything happened between her and Jon, they’re
both responsible kids with specific and important plans for their
futures. I don’t think either of them would take chances that might
hinder those plans.”

“
You just called them kids. Kids
can’t make decisions about their futures.”

“
Of my
kids
, Brandon is the only one who waited until
college.”

“
The girls, too?”

“
Madeleine was seventeen. Jackie
was eighteen.”

“
Both older than Liv…“

“
Andrew was sixteen. Livvy’s age.
Maddie’s got a great job. Jackie’s on the Dean’s list. Andrew…
well, he’s Andrew, but it’s safe to say he’d turn out the clown he
is whether or not he had sex at sixteen. He’s been that way since
birth. But he is ambitious and resourceful. He’ll be
fine.”

“
How do you know all of
this?”

“
Jackie’s always been the
confidant… the listener… and you know how close we are. Strategic
planning on my part,” she says cockily, and I laugh. “The younger
kids are close, and they talk. I only know about Brandon because he
talked to Jacks about protection before he did it.”

“
Yikes. No offense, but are you
sure you can’t blame Brandon’s indiscretions on Jacks? Maybe he
gave him bad info,” I tease her. “And he’s the dominant parent…“ I
linger on that thought.

“
No, no,” Kelly says. “I know Jacks
gave accurate information
and
supplies.
Brandon was never a good listener.”

“
Right, that’s Jackie.”

“
Right,” she says.

“
We’ll be home in a few hours.
You’ll be able to gauge for yourself how much damage you’ve done.
But I would guess that she’s still on track to be the brilliant
painter she’s wanted to be since she was four. Maybe she’ll be even
better now, you never know.”

I sigh heavily. “She’s still too young. Yesterday, I
didn’t think so. Today, imagining how distraught she is with
Donna’s passing, and knowing she’s never experienced loss like
this… We have so much to teach her still.”

“
And she’ll still be receptive to
learn from you, no matter what happened last night. You know as
well as I do that sex is not the earth-shattering event it’s built
up to be. It’s a part of life. As long as they’re taking all the
necessary precautions every time, they’ll be fine. And if you’re
not sure they are, then
that’s
the
conversation you have when you get home. As for last night, though,
I guarantee Matty would have made sure Jon was prepared. I’m sure
Jon was the best-informed guy in Greece.”

Sex wasn’t taboo to my brother-in-law. That, I knew
from years of conversations that would make Jacks blush every time.
“I’m sure he was.”

JON

I wave at Olivia as the town car pulls away from the
curb. All the way from the airport, she leaned into her father as
he spoke to her in a low voice, trying to comfort her. I feel like
a failure. For the last hour of the flight, she wouldn’t stop
crying, and I wasn’t sure what to say, or do. Honestly, I was
frustrated, and I’m not sure if it was with her, or with me, but my
nerves are more than frayed and I have this nagging urge to be
alone.

The exhaustion is definitely setting in. After
getting about three hours of sleep in Mykonos, and none on the
eight-hour flight back home, I could probably curl up on the
concrete steps leading to my building and blend in with the locals.
Glancing down at my disheveled clothes, it wouldn’t be hard. The
monogrammed bag with my laptop in it would make me stand out a
little. The fact that I’m thinking about this at all depresses me.
I don’t want to go inside. I don’t want to see my mother.

The morning before I left the states, she didn’t
even get out of bed to see me off. I can put on my tough exterior,
but there’s always a lingering element of pain and hurt when I
think about Mom. I feel like I’ve always been a burden to her,
rather than a blessing. No child should feel that way, be it an
eighteen-year-old son who knows the reality of the situation or a
little boy who still thinks his mother hung the moon. Although the
peace of the library down the street beckons me, I’m anxious to see
Max and Will. Maybe my mom won’t be home.