On Every Side (28 page)

“But…but she's already gone, right? Like if I talk to her, she won't be able to hear me, right?” Heidi stood inches from him, waiting anxiously for his hand to be free so she could take hold of it.

Jordan set the tube of gel down and pulled her close. “She won't hear you, but God will. Remember what Mom said? Don't stop praying… and one day when we go to heaven she'll be waiting for us.”

Jordan frowned into the cool dark air. Had those really been his words? Had he truly felt that confident in the hours before his mother's funeral? He wasn't sure. He just knew he'd vowed to take care of Heidi until she was grown. Other than Faith and her family Heidi was all he had and clearly she needed him.

The air was getting colder and frost was appearing on the park grass. Jordan looked across the field and searched for the woman he'd seen earlier. Whoever she was, she'd gone home. Jordan knew he should do the same. The hearing was scheduled for ten o'clock the next morning. But somehow he didn't want to leave this place—or the memories of those days after his mother's death, the last days with Heidi. Jordan remembered making breakfast for her and doing laundry and making sure they got to bed on time. Faith's mother was there a lot, and so was her father. But most of the time Jordan had been in charge, and though they were still reeling from the loss of their mother, there was comfort that went beyond words in the fact that they had each other.

How long had that time lasted? Jordan used to think it was a week or so, but now it seemed more like two or three days at the most. Either way, it hadn't been long enough. Faith's father had pulled him aside and promised -he'd do all he could to see that Jordan and Heidi stayed together. Certainly he hadn't contacted the state and reported them living alone. But somehow the office of Social Services got wind of their situation and one afternoon— the day they'd returned to school—two workers came and asked them to pack their things. Heidi had been terrified about going away, even for a night, but the state workers promised she'd be back with Jordan in a day or so.

Promises that meant nothing at all.

He remembered Heidi's cries and wide-eyed terror as one of the workers drove her away from their home. Jordan had watched her go, believing he would die from the separation and helplessness of that moment. He had promised to take care of her and suddenly in an hour's time she was gone.

His heart felt tight and trapped at the memory awash in an ocean of pain that still hadn't even begun to subside.” Heidi, where are you?” Jordan stared out ahead of him and wondered what she might look like now. Heidi…his little sister…the one who had depended on him for everything that last year they were together.

Another onset of tears burned his eyes. Jordan rarely afforded himself the chance to miss her this way, but here, with visions of that terrible afternoon as real as they'd been in the months that followed, he felt as though his heart would break from missing Heidi. He should have done more to find her, searched for her, refused to give up. Instead he'd made a series of bad decisions, choices that only cost him whatever hope he'd had of getting them back together again.

There was a rustling behind him and he whipped around. First New York City, now Bethany. Wasn't any place safe from the crazies who roamed the night? He scanned the bushes and a movement caught his eye. It looked like the same woman who'd been at his bench earlier that night, and she was walking toward him. Before he could clearly see her face she spoke.

“Jordan, it's me… Faith.”

His heart skipped a beat as a series of emotions washed over him. Shock at seeing her here at the park, seeking out solitude at the same hour he'd chosen; guilt and sadness, and as she came into the light, a desire he hadn't known before in his life. She was so beautiful, her heart so clearly like it had been when they were
kids living next door on Oak Street. It was all he could do to keep from meeting her halfway, taking her in his arms and apolo-gizing for everything that had happened over the past few months.

He read her eyes as easily as he had sixteen years ago. She cared for him still—regardless of the war they were waging against each other, she cared. Then he moved to one side of the bench and patted the empty place beside him.

There were a dozen things he could think to say to her, but instead he held her gaze and hoped she, too, could see beyond the battle lines.

F
aith was still quite a ways off when she recognized Jordan. Something in the way he stretched out and stared off in the distance—the tilt of his head and the long legs that refused to stay bunched up beneath him—the same as when he was a boy For a moment she stopped and considered turning back. What would she say to him? After all they were enemies now, weren't they? But in the quiet of the darkened park the trappings of their current situation seemed to fall away Here, in the shadows of the walled in Jesus statue, they were merely two grown-up kids who'd lost each other a very long time ago when life was its most impressionable.

Looking at Jordan she saw him as he'd been in his mother's room the day she died, the way he'd held his head high at her funeral, the way he'd clung to his sister the day she was taken from him. Rather than fight him or berate him for his political views, she wanted only to take him in her arms and soothe away the years of hurt and anger and bitterness.

Jordan… her long-ago best friend…

When he finally spotted her she knew that she'd been right that first night in the diner parking lot. No matter what words came out of his mouth when the cameras were rolling, he was the same Jordan Riley she'd loved as a girl. When he patted the empty place beside him on the bench, she came to him willingly “I thought it was you.” She took the seat, careful to keep her distance, angling her body so she could see him. Although they
sat in darkness, the stars cast enough light so she could make out his features.

“I must have walked right past you. Were you sitting on the bench over there?” His voice was quiet and kind, and Faith felt herself relax.

“Yeah. It's been kind of crazy lately.” She stared across the expanse of frosty grass toward the towering plywood walls. “I guess I needed some time alone.”

Jordan followed her gaze and waited a moment. “I know what you mean.”

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Faith could sense him searching for something to say. Something that didn't involve the statue or the fact that common sense said they were crazy to be sitting on a bench in a hidden comer of the park in the middle of the night.

He turned to her and seemed to force a smile. “Tell me about the little Asian girl.”

Her gaze fell, and she tried to still her racing heart. “Rosa Lee?”

“I don't know…” He changed positions so that he was closer than before. “She was by your side at the protest the other day I saw her with you on the news.”

Faith gulped and tried to concentrate. Something about being in his presence was making her feel thirteen again, like they were only pretending to be adults locked in a legal battle. “She's… she's a foster child. Sometimes she reminds me of you.” Suddenly her heart soared at the chance to share her deepest feelings with him. “She wants me to adopt her.”

Jordan's smile seemed more genuine this time. “That's won-derful. Will you? Adopt her, I mean?”

“Oh, I don't know” She felt the corners of her mouth lift some. “Actually, I'm praying about it.” Faith thought of the little
girl and how close they'd grown in the past weeks. “I keep waiting for a real family to show some interest. You know, with a mom and dad. I think she deserves that.” She hesitated, not sure if she should tell him. “Besides, my next job might take me away…”

He searched her eyes. “Away?”

She nodded. “I got a call today from the station's competition. A national network. They're considering me for a spot.”

Jordan's eyes lit up, and for the first time that night his grin reminded her of the boy he'd once been. “For the national news? Faith, that's great!” He reached for her hands and squeezed them, then as the moment faded he let go and crossed his arms tightly against his chest.

Faith couldn't bring herself to tell him the rest of the conver-sation. The network executive had acknowledged that Faith was embroiled in a national legal battle. “Be careful,” he'd told her. “Don't do anything too extreme. And keep a low profile. I have to be honest with you, prayer rallies, protests, that kind of thing won't look good, Ms. Evans.”

She and Jordan fell quiet, and an icy breeze kicked up a pile of long-dead leaves. Faith angled her head, studying Jordan. She wanted desperately to know the thoughts that filled his head. Was he here to strategize his next move? Or was he drawn to the past the way she was so often these days?
Talk to
me,
Jordan…like old times…
“What are you thinking?” Her voice was soft, allowing him the right to refuse to answer.

He shrugged and met her gaze. “About Heidi.”

Faith's heart melted. He was the same; deep inside he was still the same. “I think about her a lot. Especially since…”

“I know,” Jordan finished for her. Their voices were quiet, like the night around them. Even the breeze had stilled, and time seemed strangely suspended. “Since that night at the diner.”

Faith nodded. “She loved you very much, Jordan.”

He sighed and narrowed his eyes. “It was my fault what hap-pened. I let her down.”

Faith shook her head. “None of it was your fault. The state took you to separate homes and even if you'd-—”

“No.” His tone was gentle but insistent. “You don't know the whole story”

Faith thought about that for a moment and angled her head, trying to understand. For all the success Jordan had managed to achieve professionally, she suddenly knew he had no one to talk to, no friend like she'd been to him that year before he was taken from his home. She thought of a hundred things she could say.
Talk to
me,
Jordan. Share your heart with me. So what if we're ene-mies in the morning? Right now we're thirteen again, and you can tell me whatevers on your heart
She swallowed hard and let her thoughts fade. “Tell me, Jordan. I have all night.”

And to her surprise, he did.

Drawing a slow breath he stared straight ahead and talked as though the events were only just now happening, as though he could see them unfolding before his eyes the way they had that terrible year. “They put me in a foster home, and every hour I asked about Heidi. Two days passed, and then three, and I over-heard the lady on the phone. I don't know who she was talking to, but she said she didn't think they could find a place for Heidi and me, for both of us. She said it could be weeks before I saw my sister again.”

Jordan paused, and Faith allowed the silence. He closed his eyes as though the events of the past were settling into their proper order. Finally he looked at her and exhaled, his breath hanging in the air. “On the third day I set out on my own. The man of the house had told me where Heidi was staying—with a family on Birch Street. I figured I knew my way to Birch Street
and even if I had to knock on every door I'd find her eventually.” He released a frustrated huff. “I should have known better. One call to my social worker, and I might have had a visit with her that night. Maybe they didn't know how badly I needed to see her.”

Without thinking, Faith reached out and took Jordan's hand in hers, wrapping her gloved fingers around his.” That's why you got sent to the boys’ camp?”

Jordan gripped her hand, his gaze still straight ahead. “I wasn't gone an hour when the police came cruising up behind me. I'd almost made it to Birch; I was so close I could practically see Heidi waiting for me, calling my name. When the police asked me to get in the car, I ran the other direction.” He released a sad laugh. “I was thirteen. What chance did I have at outrun-ning two police officers? They caught me, cuffed me, and tossed me in the squad car. That afternoon I was shipped thirty minutes away to the Southridge Boys’ Camp.”

Faith felt suddenly awkward holding Jordan's hand and she quietly pulled it back. “You can't blame yourself for that, Jordan. You were doing what you thought was best.”

“I should have been patient. Who knows?” He turned and locked eyes with her. “Everything might have been different.” He paused, his eyes more intense than they'd been all night. “Absolutely everything.”

Faith thought she understood what he was saying. If he'd had the chance to grow up alongside Heidi he would not have held the anger he held today. He might not have become a human rights attorney, and perhaps…perhaps she and Jordan might even have stayed friends or… She refused to dwell on the possi-bilities. “Did you… at the camp, did they tell you anything about Heidi?”

“Not a thing.” The muscles in Jordan's jaw flexed and he fell
silent. He turned his attention to the spread of grass in front of him. “The camp was like a prison. Up at seven, chores till nine. A bowl of slop for breakfast each morning, lessons through the early afternoon, and four hours of hard labor before dinner.”

Faith felt tears in her eyes. That was the type of life he'd been forced to live in the months after losing his mother? After losing Heidi? After losing his home and Faith's family and everything that had mattered to him? The reality of it tore at her heart, and she pictured Rosa Lee… stranded in the system, without a family Where would she wind up when she got old enough to have a bad attitude? At a similar camp, fighting for her place among a houseful of angry young women? The thought made her shud-der. “Oh, Jordan… I had no idea.”

He nodded, his expression unchanged.” The boys at the camp were tougher than I was—serious hard-core kids. Most of them were drug addicts or thieves, guys destined for prison. I thought about Mom and Heidi—” he looked at her— “and you…every day, every hour. But there was nothing I could do about it. It took all my strength just to survive.”

She always believed he'd remembered her, that he thought of her in those days after he was taken from his home. But this was the first time he'd said so, and a warmth made its way from Faith's heart out across her body. “You thought of me, Jordan? Really?”