On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep (8 page)

But he never did.

***

“You remember my name?” I was hoping he couldn’t read my face and know everything that just ran through my mind about the night we met.

He chuckled a little, nodded, and tucked more fallen curls behind his ear.

“Dude, I fixed it. Dude, was that you singing?” Van came through the beaded curtain from the back room, holding out a guitar in Calon’s direction. I assumed we were both tagged as
dude,
so I just nodded, and in the moment it took Calon to walk to the counter, I hung up the guitar that had caused the attention. I gathered my stuff from the floor and headed toward the door, mortified.

“Gracie, wait.” Calon zipped his guitar bag and threw the strap over his shoulder as he jogged toward me. He pushed the door open for me and called out a “thanks, man” to Van.

It was time to meet Jake at Café Best, so I headed in that direction. Calon fell into step with me, and we walked together silently for a full minute. I couldn’t stand the quiet.

“Your show in March at
Mitchell’s
was amazing. I love the new song, ‘Fallen.’”

“Thanks, Gracie.” That was the third time he’d said my name in five minutes, and it was on the verge of erotic every damn time.

“I have to be honest; I’m shocked that you remembered my name.” I ran my fingers through my hair and twisted the hairband from my wrist around a sloppy bun to hold it away from my face. His effortless intensity made me so nervous, I was sweating.

“I’ve seen you at tons of our shows. I couldn’t remember your name; it hit me just now when I heard your voice.”

So, our kiss was obviously
not
as memorable for him as it was for me, which was completely embarrassing. I wanted to lighten the mood for both of us, so I just giggled and said, “Yeah, you couldn’t remember my phone number either.” I nudged him with my elbow.

I looked up at the side of his face as I waited for his response, and that’s when I saw them. Long scars from in front of his ear zigzagged up the left side of his forehead and disappeared into his hairline. When I looked up, two Sigma Chi pledges from last semester stared and elbowed each other as they walked directly toward me. I looked away and moved out of their way in a huff and swallowed a big breath. I re-focused on my conversation with Calon.

“Gracie...look...I...” He reached out and gently took hold of my arm, which stopped us both dead in our tracks. He squeezed it and seemed to struggle to find words.

It was an intimate few seconds that we stood there staring at one another. I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered that he was speechless or uncomfortable because he thought he owed me an apology.

“Calon. Totally joking. No apology necessary.” The uncomfortable silence had me grasping at straws for what to say to fill the space. “It’s not like I thought I was the only fan you’d ever kissed.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Of course, I wanted to know if he at least remembered the kiss, but under normal, comfortable circumstances I would never have mentioned it.

“Gracie, you have no idea. I—” his eyes shot from mine to someone standing next to me, and his hand dropped from my arm.

“Gracie.” Jake’s eyes bounced from mine to the hand Calon just dropped. Without realizing it, Calon and I stopped directly in front of Café Best for our awkward, silent moment. I had no idea how long Jake had been standing there.

“Jake. ThisisCalon. CalonthisisJakemyboyfriend.” Yes, I just won the idiot of the year award. I wasn’t sure either of them understood anything I said.

They shook hands and exchanged awkwardly forced smiles. Calon hiked his guitar strap higher and turned to walk away.

Ten

Jake

“See ya, Gracie, Jake.” Calon spoke the words without looking at Gracie or me. I watched him sidle down the sidewalk with a cocky stride.

What the fuck was that?

“Hey.” That’s all she said. We stepped up onto the patio, walked to a table, and sat down as though it was choreographed.

“So, you were hangin’ with Calon this morning? I thought you had counseling.” My words came out harsher than I expected, but my blood was boiling. I’d never been the jealous type. I’d always been secure in my relationships and never felt threatened by another guy. But, Calon fucking Ridge? I couldn’t compete with that. Gracie had this thing for lead singers. Sam always used to tease her that as long as a guy held a mic and stood at the front of the stage, he could look like Hannibal Lecter and she’d still swoon. Calon Ridge was more likely to have stepped off the cover of
Rolling Stone
than be cast as a creepy serial killer. I was completely straight, and I could absolutely see why girls melted at the sight of him.

“Jake, I
did
go to counseling.” She looked a little surprised that I’d insinuated she lied, then she continued, “After counseling, I went down to The Garage and played one of the guitars again. That’s where I ran into Calon.”

“Well, the two of you looked pretty intense for having just met.” I spun my fork on the table and tried not to sound like a jealous teenager. I never had a problem with Gracie’s fascination with rock stars before. But the way he touched her, it was still making me crazy, and he walked away five minutes ago. He held her arm as though he
needed
her to stand still.

“You two want your usual? Chef salads with dressing on the side?” We nodded. The waitress fumbled with her order pad as though she picked up on the discomfort at our table and refrained from chit chat.

“Jake.” She said my name as though it was an entire sentence. She twisted her hands in her lap nervously.

“Gracie.” I answered then arched my eyebrow in a way that let her know the longer she stammered, the guiltier she looked. My knees bounced under the table while I waited for her to finish.

She took a deep breath as though it took all her strength to get her thoughts and words to sync.

“Jake, the very first time Noah and I broke up, the girls and I went out to Phi Tau to hang with Robert. Alternate Tragedy was playing that night. Robert and Calon are friends.”

She was speaking faster than usual. She reached for the water the waitress had just dropped off. She took a sip and regrouped. I felt sick. Gracie had never sprung anything on me I wasn’t expecting, but I had a sneaking suspicion she was about to do just that. She finished her sip with a deep breath and continued.

“That night Stacy got sick while I was watching the band, Becki asked Robert if he could walk me home because she needed to get Stacy to a clean bathroom to do her puking.”

The waitress came back with our food, fumbled some more, and quickly darted away. I could feel the vein pulsing in my neck. I nodded for her to continue even though I knew I didn’t want to hear the rest.

“Jake, listen. Calon offered to walk me home and we kissed. That’s it. End of story.”

She gulped down half of her water and I just stared at her. Instantly, I could see it, his lips on hers. I knew what her soft pouty lips felt like. They would make anyone melt. Gracie wore her heart on her sleeve, and in the throes of passion, she held nothing back. Gracie’s kisses were heaven. I know how she must have kissed him, and it ripped me apart. My heart experienced a sense of déjà vu when it skipped the same beat it did each time she went back to Noah last semester. I wanted to punch something. Gracie didn’t need a distraction like Calon clouding her judgment, and, selfishly, I didn’t need a rock god overstepping boundaries with my vulnerable girl.

“So, it’s been a secret all this time?” I pressed my fingers against my forehead and massaged away the tension that threatened to split my head wide open.

“No. Not at all. It wasn’t until just now, when you referred to us as having just met, that I realized I had never told you. I told Becki and Stacy the next day, and they agreed it should never get back to Noah, even though we were broken up. It was so long ago, I guess I just sort of lumped you with the girls and assumed I’d told you because I’d told them. I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you. We weren’t as close back then as we are now.” She seemed less nervous, which should have helped me calm down, but that didn’t happen.

“God, Gracie.” It’s all I could muster. My hands were fisted on the table.

The waitress refilled Gracie’s water but didn’t stick around. I was thrilled the Café was apparently understaffed so we could get through the conversation without her asking if we were okay every five minutes. My brain was spinning; I certainly couldn’t think about the food in front of me until the discontent worked its way through me. In those couple minutes of silence, I realized I wasn’t upset they’d kissed. Hell, Jessica and I were dating then, so it’s not like Gracie had cheated on me. But I
was
upset by the fact that what had obviously been an intense connection two years ago was still a force big enough to be visible from where I stood.

“He kissed me on the walk home, Jake. That’s it. He didn’t come in. He left when I walked into the building, and I just assumed he’d been drinking, too, and didn’t remember. So, it was just weird that he remembered me today. Then he seemed cryptic, like he wanted to explain why he hasn’t approached me since. I was curious, but also ridiculously uncomfortable. That’s the intensity you saw when you walked up.”

“Gracie. I don’t want secrets. I
won’t do
secrets.” I let my mind wander to how it all must have played out earlier at The Garage. Sensitive, broken rock star sees a beautiful girl he once hooked up with but didn’t get as far as he’d wanted. He strikes up a conversation, and when he senses she is broken, too, he swoops in with the cryptic, open-ended excuse for why he’s kept his distance all this time. It’s probably his normal MO. I hoped there was nothing about the night they met she wasn’t telling me. I raised my eyebrow.

“No secrets, Jake. None.”

“You two okay here?” Gracie nodded, looked up at me, and the waitress smiled and walked away. I wasn’t okay. It was the first time I ever wondered if Gracie could be pulled away from me again.

She reached across the table for my hand. Another first...I pulled away from her.

The look on her face cut me deeply.

“Shit, Gracie, it’s Calon Ridge. I can’t compete with that.”

As soon as it was out of my mouth, I regretted it. She looked up at me as though I’d poked a hole in her heart. I was disappointed, but I didn’t want her to think
she
disappointed me. Her eyes filled with tears.

“It’s not a contest, Jake. I’m here with you, aren’t I?” Her voice was quiet and a little shaky. She hovered between offense and exhaustion.

Eleven

Gracie

It had been a couple days since our uncomfortable Calon conversation lunch date, and Jake hadn’t mentioned him again. I wasn’t sure if that meant he’d worked it out in his own mind or he just didn’t want to talk about it again.

We were in Circle Park, enjoying the shade under a big, gnarly tree that had probably been growing there for a hundred years. As I’d wrapped up my finals and projects at the end of last semester, I couldn’t wait for days like this when we could just hang out and talk without watching the time. My only obligations were counseling on an as-needed basis and my Wednesday evening guitar lessons with Yaz.

“I got a job.” Jake was lying with his head in my lap, flipping through the paper, and I was pulling blades of grass apart and tossing them into the breeze.

“You did? When?” We hadn’t left each other’s sides since the Calon episode, which told me he
was
still sidetracked by what happened that day. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have forgotten to tell me about his job.

“Just before I met you at the Café the other day, I ran into
Mitchell’s
for a drink, and Becki was there studying. I sat down for a minute, and Buzz came upstairs all pissed off because they were short one bartender for the training course. So, you’re looking at one of
Mitchell’s
new bartender trainees.”

“That’s great, Jake. Wait, you don’t know how to mix drinks, do you?” I giggled.

“No, I’m clueless. But that’s the point of the training.”

I thought about Jake standing behind the bar at
Mitchell’s
in their standard issue tight black t-shirt. His deep brown hair curling a little at his ears and those piercing blue eyes would have girls gaga while they waited for their drinks. I wasn’t sure if I liked that idea. I was used to girls eyeing Jake, but most bars have that underlying meat market atmosphere, even in chill places like
Mitchell’s
.

“You’re not happy.” He put the paper down across his stomach and tilted his head back to see my face.

“Yes, I am. I’m happy for you, Jake. Just thinking of all the girls I’ll have to peel off you at the end of each of your shifts.”

He rolled his eyes and picked the paper back up. “Who knows, if I’m good at it, maybe I could supplement an income after college by tending bar. It’s a good skill to have. It would make a good filler job until I get a real one, and a great way to make some extra cash on the side even after I’ve started a career.”

A sharp pang hit my stomach and I sucked in a quick breath. I had barely even given any thought to my career. I was drawn to kids from as far back as I could remember, so, making sure all children had safe and happy homes seemed like a natural career for me. But I’d been so preoccupied with just getting better and using the summer to be carefree and easy that I guess I had also put my future plans on the back burner. Our lives were so comfortable. It was all so easy.

The thought of Jake and I leaving campus at the end of the next year was a bit unsettling. It was exciting to think of graduating and starting my career as a social worker, but the comfort of our campus, classes, our apartments, it was all so easy. The thought of finding housing and all the responsibilities that go along with a career was stressful enough, and I wasn’t sure what that meant for Jake and I. Would we have to have a long distance relationship until we could find jobs in the same city? What city? Would I be close to my family? Would he want me to move out west to his home town? I wasn’t very outdoorsy. Sitting on the ground at Circle Park was as close to camping as I’d ever been. Jake, on the other hand, loved adventure. He was into skiing and snowmobiling and all kinds of stuff you couldn’t do while wrapped up in a blanket and reading a good book. What if we moved out there and I hated it?