On the Edge (12 page)

“Jason, I love him.  I don’t want to be alone anymore.  He is so sweet and romantic but you drive him crazy.
  Protecting me or not, he’s jealous of you.  I don’t want anyone else but Tommy.  Tommy is the first man to ever show any interest in me what-so-ever.  If there were someone else out there for me, he sure hasn’t made it known.”

“Abby, I’m not going to stop being there for you, but if it’s me that causes his anger and you love him that much, I will stay away from you.  It’s going to be hard considering Mike is my best friend, but I will do what I have to in order to keep you safe.
  And, maybe the man who loves you and deserves to have you was waiting for the right time to be with you and he’s kicking himself in the ass for not telling you when he had the chance,” Jason says with a look of regret on his face.

He gives me a kiss on my forehead and puts the car in gear and turns back toward the restaurant.  We finish the drive in silence but my mind is racing a million miles a minute.  I’ve known Jason for so long that I don’t want him to not be a part of my life, but I love Tommy and I’m having his baby.  This baby deserves to have both its mother and father in the picture.  I need to think of my baby bean. This baby needs me and Tommy and we need to make it work for this little one’s sake.

Dinner is full of laughter and conversation but I just don’t feel up to the celebration.  I sit there and poke at my food without eating so much as a bite.  “You need to eat, Abby.  There is more than one of you that needs nourishment now,” Jason whispers in my ear.

“I’m just not hungry right now,
” I answer pushing around my vegetables on the plate. 

“How about I take you home?  I can warm you up some soup and we can talk before your family comes home.”

“Okay,” I agree.

“Hey, thanks for the dinner Mr. and Mrs. Wilkinson.  Abby isn’t feeling well, so I’m going to drive her back to
the house so she can rest.”

“Oh, ok, Jason,” my mom says, “you’re such a good kid.”

Jason helps me up and we walk to the car in silence.  He opens my door so I can climb in.  My Tommy used to do that for me.  What’s going on with him?  Why is Tommy changing?

“Abby, you don’t have to worry about me telling your folks.  I promise not to say anything.  When you’re ready to tell them, if you want, I’ll be there for support.  I know this is going to be a hard thing for you to tell them.”

“Thanks, Jason, but Tommy is supposed to be with me tomorrow when I tell them.”

“Well, if he isn’t, I’ll sit with you, okay?”

“Okay.”

I head to bed as soon as we get home.  I don’t want to talk to anyone and I don’t want to be forced to eat when I feel like crap.  I grab my phone and I have two text messages from Tommy.

I’m sorry I hurt you.  I lost my mind when I saw you with that guy.

See, Tommy isn’t that bad of a guy.  We all make mistakes and I shouldn’t hold his mistakes over his head.  Every girl wants a guy that becomes jealous when other guys flirt with them or get too close, right?

I love you, angel.  I’ll be at your house at noon tomorrow.  Sleep well and tell the bean that daddy loves it.

See, he’s absolutely a loveable guy.  Everyone is entitled to have a bad day from time to time and he’s not as bad as some men are.  I send him a quick message back before I slip into my pajamas and call it a night.

I love you too and I’ll tell baby Jackson that daddy loves it.  Goodnight and I’ll see you tomorrow.

                     
 
*   *   *

Today came faster than I anticipated.  I awaken at nine o’clock and make my way out to the kitchen.  I’m hungry yet queasy at the same time.  I make some toast and a cup of tea and sit down at the dining room table.  Jason makes his way in and sits across from me.

“You’re parents went to the store and your brother and Katherine are at the mall.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize they were all gone.  But I am glad I didn’t have to go to the mall with Katherine.  That girl is a shop-a-holic.”

Jason laughs,
“Yes that she is.  I don’t see how Mike doesn’t get tired of shopping but he will do anything that makes her happy.”

“So, you didn’t have any plans today?” I inquire.

“No.  I wanted to stay here so you weren’t alone.  I figure we could keep each other company,” he shoots me a corny smile.

“Tommy sent me a text last night and said that he would be here at noon so we could tell my parents the less-than-stellar news.”

“I’m glad that he isn’t abandoning you and is stepping up to tell your parents.  I want you to know that anytime you need to talk or vent, I’m always going to be here for you.  I love you, Abigail.  Probably more than you’ll ever fully comprehend.”

“Thanks, Jason.  I love you too.  You’ve never let me down.”  I lean over and give him a hug and a kiss on his cheek. 

With that, I get up and make my way to my room.  I grab a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from the closet and get dressed.  My pants are too tight to button.  I didn’t think women started showing this early in their pregnancy.  I can’t be more than two months pregnant.  What the hell is going on?  I grab a hair tie from my vanity and loop it in the hole and wrap it around the button.

Tommy arrives at noon, just as he said.  Jason escapes to Michael’s room so that he doesn’t create a conflict between Tommy and me.  My parents have arrived home about an hour prior to Tommy.

“Are you okay?” Tommy asks.

“I’m about as okay as I’ll ever be.”

“Well, it’ll be okay.  Did you pack some clothes for a few nights?  You may want to stay with me for a few days if they don’t react well,” Tommy says as he kisses the top of my head.

“Yea, I have enough clothes packed for three days but most of my clothes don’t fit anymore.”

“Well, we will go out and I’ll get you some things so you aren’t running around naked,” he tells me with a smirk across his face.

I ask my parents to take a seat in the dining room.  My dad is concerned and my mom looks worried.  My mom and dad sit next to each other and Tommy and I sit across from them.  I take a big breath before I tell my parents the news.

“Mom, Dad,. . . Tommy and I need to tell you something.”

“Oh, God, you better not be pregnant,” my dad says in an angry tone.

The tears begin to flood over and I am a sobbing mess.

“I fucking knew it!  You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

“Dad, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Honey, calm down, yelling about it isn’t going to make it better.  What’s done is done and we just have to get through it,” my mom says calmly.

My mom looks at me and then to Tommy.  I can see sympathy in her eyes mixed with disappointment.  I hate when I disappoint my parents. 

“Tommy, what are your plans?” my mom asks him.

“Mrs. Wilkinson, I plan on taking care of Abigail and the baby and providing the best life I can for them.  I plan on finding a second job and marrying Abigail before the baby comes.”

“Whoa!  Marriage?  I don’t think so!  You have know
n each other all of two minutes for Christ Sakes!  You guys are not ready to marry.  Do you have health insurance?  Can you provide
my
daughter, let alone your own damn child, the life they deserve?” My dad yells.

“Well, no, I don’t have health insurance right now, but I hope to find a job that offers insurance before the baby is born.
  And, yes, it will be hard and life won’t be as cozy for Abby as it is here, but I can provide for them,” Tommy says, controlling his anger.

“Well, that’s it.  You aren’t marrying my daughter.  She needs health insurance to cover the doctor visits and birth of a child that you, obviously, aren’t ready to provide for.”

“Mr. Wilkinson, I plan for Abby to move in with me this summer.  I want to care for her and be a part of this pregnancy!”

“I don’t care where she lives but you two will not get married.  So long as she isn’t married, my insurance will cover this pregnancy.  God Dammit, Abigail, what the fuck were you thinking?  Why didn’t you come to your mom for birth control?  And you, Mr. Jackson, did no one teach you how to roll a condom on?  Fuck, two irresponsible kids ha
ving a kid.  Just fucking great.!  Do you realize that pregnancy is the least of your worries, Abigail?  You could have gotten any assortment of STD’s that are out there.  I thought we had the sex talk and you understood!” my dad stammers as he gets up and storms off to his room but not before swiping a vase with flowers off the hall table and shattering it to a million pieces. 

“Abigail and Tommy, I think it’s best for you guys to go ahead and leave for now.  Your dad is upset and it’s going to take him a few days to calm down.  I’ll call the obstetrician tomorrow and make an appointment for you and the baby,” my mom says as she grabs her purse and pulls out her wallet.  “Here is some money. Abby, you need to go get some new clothes.  My advice to you is to get a belly band that you put over your unbuttoned and unzipped pants.  You should only need two of them and you won’t have to buy any jeans throughout the pregnancy.  Buy a few large t-shirts for now and I will help you get some other clothes as you grow.  I’ll call you tomorrow, honey.” My mom instructs as she hands me a hundred dollars.
  She doesn’t seem too happy either, but frankly, none of us are happy at the moment.

Tommy heads out to the car as I head to my room to gather my bag and some extra things.  Jason knocks on the door and comes in.
  “I heard what happened.  I’m sorry, Abby.  Your dad just needs time for the news to sink in,” he says as he walks toward me and hugs me.  “You know that you will always have me.  I support you in whatever you do.  Remember to take care of yourself because you have a little one that depends on you,” he whispers as he places his hand over my belly.

I give Jason a quick hug as I grab my stuff and make my way out of the house.  Tommy is waiting by the passenger side of his car.  I go and put my stuff in my car.

“I thought we would go together,” Tommy says confused.

“I’m going to take my car since you work during the week.  My mom is making an appointment for me and I may need to go while you are at work.”

“Okay, that’s fine.  Follow me back to the apartment then.”

I get in my car and follow Tommy to his apartment.  I am trying to fight back the tears that are trying to fall.  My dad was so upset with me.  I feel like a horrible daughter.  How could I do this to my dad?  As I pull in the guest parking of Tommy’s apartment complex, my tears begin to fall at an alarming rate.  I sit in the seat and cry until Tommy comes over and opens my door.  He leans in and unbuckles me and pulls me into his arms.  No words are said between us.  He just holds me until the sobbing subsides.  He gets my stuff from the back seat and we head inside.

Once inside, Tommy takes me by the hand and leads me to the bedroom.  The closet doors are open and there are three dresser drawers left ajar.  “Baby, I want you to move in.  I didn’t think it would be under these circumstances but I still want you here.  I have cleared out half my closet and dresser for your stuff.  I want you to feel like this is your home.”

“Oh, Tommy, are you sure?”
  I know this is a big step and I really don’t mind living out of my suitcase for a while.  I really don’t want to put Tommy out.

“Yes, baby, and I know your dad doesn’t want us to marry.  I get it.  You need health coverage for yourself and the baby, but I want to marry you.  If not now, after the birth of baby bean,” he says as he drops to one knee and pulls out a velvet box with a princess cut diamond ring inside, “Abigail Marie Wilkinson, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Tears start to slide down my cheeks.  “Yes, Tommy, I’ll marry you.”

He slips my promise ring off my finger and slides the engagement ring in its place and stands up taking my face in his hands and kisses me more passionately than I have ever been kissed before.

Chapter Nine

I wake up in Tommy’s arms.  Yesterday feels like a blur.  My left hand is on his chest and the light from the morning sunlight makes the diamond sparkle.  I’m engaged, pregnant and moving in with my fiancée.  If anyone had told me that this is how my life would turn out
at eighteen, I wouldn’t have believed them.

             
Tommy’s alarm sounds and he reaches over to turn it off.  He looks back at me with the most gorgeous eyes.  He kisses my lips and runs his hand over my face.

             
“I love you, Abigail,” he says looking me in the eyes. 

             
“I love you too.  What would you like for breakfast?”

             
“I don’t care, baby.  Anything you want to make will be fine,” he adds before getting out of bed and heading to the shower.  My oh my, Tommy is one good looking man.

             
While Tommy showers, I start his breakfast.  My stomach is queasy and the smell of the eggs and bacon cooking is making it hard for me to stay in the kitchen.  I manage well enough to plate the two eggs, three slices of bacon and two slices of toast.  It’s sitting on the breakfast nook with a glass of orange juice when he comes out of the bathroom.

             
“This looks delicious.  Thank you,” he says with a kiss on my lips.

             
“You’re welcome.  I hope you enjoy it.”

             
“Anything you make I will enjoy.  Aren’t you going to eat?”

             
“No, I’m not feeling well.”

             
“Well, you need to eat something today.  You need to stay strong for our baby,” he says as he smiles his delicious smile.  I love when Tommy smiles.  His eyes dance when he’s happy.

             
“I’ll eat something a little later.”

             
“Good.  Hey, we should start getting the extra room ready for the baby.”

             
“I’m still a little early in the pregnancy.  We have a while to get the room ready.  Speaking of the extra room, what’s in there?”

             
“It’s just a storage room.  There isn’t much in there.”

             
“Well, I’m sure it will make a wonderful nursery when the baby comes.  Have you thought of any names for the baby if it’s a girl?”

             
“I don’t know.  All I know is that I want her to have your middle name.  You can pick the first name if you want.”

             
“Well, I was thinking Addison or Amelia if it’s a girl.”

             
“I like Addison.  We can call her Addy for short.”

             
I smile and clear his plate.  He grabs his keys, wallet and cell phone and puts them in his pocket before giving me a kiss.  “I have my phone on me if you need to reach me.  Let me know when your appointment is.  I would like to try to be there for all your appointments for our baby.”

             
“I will, Tommy.  Have a good day at work.  I’ll see you this evening.”

             
Tommy heads out the door at a quarter to seven and I am left alone in the apartment.  I go into our room and unpack my stuff.  I utilize some of the closet space and drawers that Tommy has cleared out for me.  It doesn’t take me long to unpack since I only brought a few items.  I hear my phone vibrate across the nightstand.  I pick it up and see that my mom is calling me.  I slide my finger across the screen to answer.  “Hello.”

             
“Hi honey.  I just wanted to call to let you know that I made an appointment for you with Dr. Hubert at two o’clock.  He’s at 243 E. Greenwood St.  You need to be there thirty minutes early to fill out the paperwork.  Would you like me to meet you there?”

             
“It’s okay, Mom.  I’ll message Tommy and let him know.  Maybe he will be able to make it.  If not, I’ll be fine.”

             
“Ok Abigail, but if you change your mind, I’m just a phone call away.”

             
“I know, Mom.  Thank you.”

             
“You’re welcome.  Will you come by after the appointment so I can see the ultrasound?”  She sounds truly excited about this baby.

             
“Do they even do an ultrasound this early?”

             
“I’m sure they do.”

             
“Ok, Mom.  If they do an ultrasound, I’ll bring it by.”

             
“I love you, little girl.”

             
“Awe, Mom, I love you too.”

             
We hang up and I decide to text Tommy before looking at the extra room, soon to be nursery. 

             
Appointment is at 2 this afternoon.  I have to be there at 1:30 for paperwork.  The address is 243 E. Greenwood St.

Tommy wasn’t lying.  There really isn’t much in here.  Some old clothes and empty boxes are stored in the closet.  There is a futon along one wall with some extra blankets on top of it.  The room isn’t very big, but surely it’s big enough for a nursery.  I sit on the futon and daydream of the life inside me.  I fantasize that the room is a pale yellow with a crib against the wall that the futon is on and a dresser under the little window.  There’s a changing table against the wall in front of the crib and little clothes hanging in the closet. 

As I walk out of the room, I close the door behind me.  This is the first time that I’m actually excited to be pregnant.  I decide that now is the time to call Katherine and inform her of my pregnancy.  This should be an interesting call and I’m sure Michael will call me sometime today because Katherine has a mouth larger than an alligator.

“Hello?”

“Hey Katherine, how are you?

“Oh Abby, I’m doing great.  Missing your brother but that’s it.  How are you?

“Well, I have some news.  Are you ready for it?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she says as if what I’m about to tell her isn’t anything big.

“I’m pregnant.”

Silence…… “Katherine, did you hear me?”

“You’re kidding me, right?”  She questions sounding less than thrilled.

“No.  I have an appointment today to find out how far along I am and mom says I should be getting my first ultrasound.”

“Abigail!  Oh. My. God.  What have you done?  A baby at your age is never a good thing.  You should be having fun and going to school and living life.  Not changing diapers and waking at all hours to feed a baby.”

“Katherine, I know that this baby is going to change my life but I’m ready for it.  Please, don’t judge me.  Just be my friend and lend support when I need it.”

“I’m sorry.  Am I supposed to be happy for you?” She says sounding smug and judging.  I’m about ready to tell her where she can go screw herself.

“You know what, screw you Katherine.  You are supposed to be happy for me but you can’t be happy for anyone but yourself.  I can’t stand your conceited and judgmental ways.
  When you were jumping from one man’s bed to another I didn’t call you a slut or tell you that you should be having fun being a teenager instead of being a notch in someone’s bed post!”

“Abby, I didn’t mean it like that
so put the claws away.  It’s just some girls aren’t happy to be pregnant and I don’t want to be happy for you if you’re not happy for you.  And you need to back the fuck up.  Pregnant or not, you do not have the right to call me a slut.  When I was screwing around I, at least, had common sense enough to use
both
birth control pills and condoms.  You couldn’t even figure out one or the other.  So before
you
clean out my closet you better start cleaning yours out first!”

“Well, for your information, yes, Katherine, I am happy.  Could this pregnancy have waited a few years?  Of course it could, but it didn’t and I am happy that Tommy and I created a life together and that I have him in my life.
  And yes, I was stupid for not using birth control,” I say trying to keep myself from bawling into the receiver.

“Ok, Abby.  I’m happy for you.  Really, I am. We should get together this week for lunch and talk.  I love you and I didn’t mean anything bad by my question.
  Please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.  I’ve been really moody lately.  It must be the hormones or something.  Lunch sounds good.  Do you want to get together on Wednesday maybe?  And Katherine, please don’t say anything to Michael.  I want to be the one to tell him.”

“Wednesday sounds great and, of course, I won’t tell your brother about your pregnancy.  Abby, can I talk to you about Jeremy?”

Really?  That got back to her quickly.  Damn it Jeremy and his big mouth.  “Why do you want to talk to me about Jeremy?”

“Well, I heard what happened with you and Tommy last night and Jeremy is concerned that Tommy was high on something.  Is Tommy into drugs?”

“Oh, for heaven’s sakes!  Not you too, Kat!”

“So, there are others that believe Tommy is a drug user, Abby?”

“Look, I don’t know if he’s on drugs or not, but that’s none of your concern.  He’s my fiancée and I will deal with it if it comes down to it.”

“Abby, that’s where you are wrong!  It is our concern because we love you and you’re too close to this and not thinking rationally.”

“Can we just drop this?  I don’t feel like talking to you about this anymore.”

“That’s fine,” she sighs.  “Keep me updated.  I miss you and I want to see you when you have time.”

“Thank you.  I miss you too and I will call you and make arrangements to get together with you later this week.”

As we hang up, I look at the clock.  I still have several hours until my appointment so I decide to take a quick nap on the couch.  I set the alarm on my phone and turn the television on and gaze at the screen until I finally fall asleep.

                   
 
              *   *   *

I arrive at the office of Dr. Ernest Hubert a little before 1:30.  I make my way in and sign the check-in sheet.  The receptionist hands me a clipboard of forms to fill out.  I sit in the empty waiting room and begin filling out the forms.  It doesn’t take me long to fill them out and I return them to the lady at the front.  I grab a magazine from the rack, sit down and thumb through the pages. 

“Hey baby,” Tommy says as he takes a seat next to me.  He’s dirty from work but I don’t mind.  He made it and that’s all I care about.

“Oh, you made it.  I didn’t think you would under such short notice.”

“Yea, well I asked my boss if I could work through lunch and take off early for the day.”

“Well, I’m glad you could make it.”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world, angel.”

“Abigail Wilkinson?” A short, blonde nurse asks.

Tommy and I stand and walk back with her.  She checks my height and weight and then moves us to a room in the back.  The room is cold and small.  There is an exam table in the center, two chairs, doctor’s stool, and a small counter.  The nurse hands me something that looks like a small blanket but is made out of paper.  What the hell is this for?

“I need you to strip from the waist down and cover yourself with that,” she says matter-of-factly as she turns and leaves the room.

“Would you like me to step out of the room while you change?” Tommy asks.

“Yes, please, if you don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind, baby.  I’ll be right outside.  Just holler when you’re done.”

Tommy closes the door behind him and I quickly undress and climb on the exam table and drape the paper over my legs as I try to bring it around to cover my butt.  This is the most embarrassing thing I have ever had to do.  With how much my dad pays for insurance you would think they could afford something more practical to cover their patients with.  What the hell is the doctor going to do to me on this visit?

“I’m done!” I yell.

“That was quick, Abby,” Tommy says as he comes back into the room.

I feel my face flush with embarrassment.  Before I can say anything, there is a soft knock on the door and a middle-aged man walks in.  He’s not very tall and has salt-and-pepper hair. 

“Hi.  I’m Dr. Hubert.  You must be Abigail,” he says as he closes the door behind him.

“So, I see your last menstrual cycle was April first.”

“Yes,” I confirm.

“And this is your first pregnancy.”

Again, I confirm his statement.  I don’t know why he has repeating everything that I have answered on the forms.

“Ok, Abigail, this appointment won’t take long.  I’m going to ask some questions and then perform a transvaginal ultrasound to determine approximately how far along you are in your pregnancy.”

“Umm, okay.  What is a transvaginal ultrasound?”

“Well, a transvaginal ultrasound is an ultrasound that is done through the vagina instead of over the abdomen.  In early pregnancy, we can get a better image of the fetus through the vagina.”