On the Outside Looking In (Wrong Reasons) (20 page)

I stopped in front of the pet store, peeking at the fluffy puppies in the window.  I didn’t want to go in even though I wondered what had become of the puppy we’d played with.  Surely he’d found a new home by now.  He was just too cute.

Tempted though I was to run inside and buy him (if he was still there) for Evan, I resisted.  I didn’t know what his aunt and uncle would think of a puppy living in the little apartment above the garage.

Out of ideas, I wandered to the computer store to purchase photo paper for the fancy photo printer my aunt had given me for my last birthday.  After picking up the paper, I wandered around the store, looking at stuff, hoping for an idea for Evan.  Nothing struck me – until I found myself standing in front of a display of photo portfolios.  That’s when the idea hit.

I dug through the display until I found a lovely, black leather covered portfolio.  Once I made my purchases, I left the mall.  I wanted to get home as soon as possible to get to work.

Excitement flooded my heart as I hoped my idea would not only make a great gift, but would help to heal some wounded hearts.

Chapter Twenty

That fancy printer spit out photo after photo and I hurried to collect them so I could lay them out on the table to dry.  Once I had all the photos situated, I stood back with my hands on my hips, surveying my work.

It took me three hours to sort through all the photos and then to arrange them properly in the portfolio.  I stressed over placement and order, wanting everything to be perfect.  I had a lot riding on this, like it or not.  It was more than just a gift.

Once it was finished, I turned out the lights and crawled into bed.  Exhaustion swept me and I greeted it with open arms.  I was afraid sleep would elude me as it had the last few nights.

Monday morning dawned gray and gloomy, suiting my mood.  The dreary weather was something that I was growing used to, even though I hated it.  It wouldn’t be so bad if it would just lightly snow.  Pretty, dainty snowflakes had a way of bringing a smile to my lips.

I trudged through my classes, barely listening, wishing I could just speak to Evan again.  If he would only give me a chance to explain, then maybe we could work out things.

I was asking for the moon.  I’d hurt him and it was going to take a lot to make it up to him.  I couldn’t blame him.  I’d brought it all on myself.

I went to work after class, my eyes constantly flashing to the door, holding my breath each time the little bell tinkled. But he never came.

My mood grew darker and darker as each day passed.  True to their word, Irelyn and Bailey called more frequently and we managed to get together a couple times a week.  It helped having someone to whine to, but even their company couldn’t fill the hole that Evan had left in my heart.

So many times I picked up my phone, wanting to text or call
Evan, but I chickened out before I could even find his name in my contacts.  What would I say that I hadn’t already?  I couldn’t think of anything that would prevent him from hanging up immediately – that is if he even answered.

“He probably deleted me from his phone,” I mumbled as I left class on the last day of the semester.  Winter Break was upon me and I still hadn’t made any headway with Evan.  “I know I would have if it would have been me.”

The snow had finally come and I stomped through it, slowly making my way to my car.  My mother would probably call again tonight, begging me to come home for Christmas.  I hadn’t made up my mind as to whether I would go or stay in my little apartment.  I wanted to be in town in case Evan had a change of heart.

“That’s ridiculous,” I said as I climbed into my car and started the engine.  “I can’t sit around and wait for him.”

With that in mind, I dug out my cell at the first red light and called my mother, promising to come home Christmas Eve.

“That’s so great, dear,” she said.  “I was beginning to think that you had some secret boyfriend that you didn’t want me to know about.”

“No,” I muttered.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

I snorted at her question as the light changed and I accelerated.

“Well, I had a boyfriend that I didn’t tell you about,” I said, recklessly.  “But we’re going through a rough patch right now.  I haven’t told you about him because you wouldn’t approve – he’s the guy that bartends and works in his uncle’s garage.”

“Oh,” Mom said.  “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Me, too,” I said, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut.  I was sure to hear about it when I went home.

“Well, contrary to what you may think,” she said in a soft tone, “I’m really sorry that things aren’t going well.  I hope you work it out – if you really like him.”

“I do,” I whispered.

“Morgan, you’ve always been your own person,” she said.  “No matter what I wanted for you, you’ve always kept your eye on what you wanted for yourself.  And it makes me so proud.”

I was speechless.  Who was this woman?

“And, I hope that you and your young man get back together,” she said.  “I’m sorry, dear, but I have to run.  Call me later and we can talk some more, if you’d like.”

“Okay, thanks,” I said, ending the call and tossing the phone to the passenger seat, still slightly in shock at my mother’s words.  What had changed her mind?

I thought about it until I parked behind Beans.  Heaving my bag over my shoulder, I jogged up the stairs to finish up a few things before I had to leave for home.

I wrapped up the gifts to my friends, leaving the portfolio for last.  That one I placed in a box and wrapped carefully in green paper, tying a pretty red bow around it.  I wrote a little note in a Christmas card from the box I’d purchased and attached it to the gift.  Before I could lose my nerve, I put my coat back on and headed out the door, gift in hand.

My heart thumped as I maneuvered through the messy streets toward the garage.  It was late in the day and I hoped that he wouldn’t be there.  I wasn’t ready to face him just yet.

I parked in front of the garage, grabbed the gift, and headed into the office.

“Can I help you?” a friendly man asked.  His smile was wide and his eyes bright.  I glanced at the embroidered name on his shirt, realizing that he was Evan’s uncle.

“Um, yes,” I said, sliding the gift onto the counter.  “I was wondering if I could leave this for Evan.”

“Sure, no problem,” he said, his grin widening.  “You must be Morgan.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said as I shook his extended hand.

“I’m Greg.  It’s nice to meet you.  Evan’s told us a lot about you.”

“Oh, sure.
  You, too,” I stammered like an idiot.  “He’s told me a lot about you, too.”

“Won’t you come by during the holidays?” he asked.  “My wife would like to meet you.”

“Thanks,” I said, my heart aching.  “I’ll try, but I’m going home for Christmas and am not sure when I’ll be back in town.”

“Well, I understand that, but if you get back in town early enough, come on by,” he said.  “We’d love to have you.”

“Okay,” I said, forcing a smile.  “Thanks again.”

“No problem.”

I hurried out of the office before he could talk me into staying for dinner.  And before Evan popped up somewhere.

***

The night before Christmas Eve, an open suitcase sat on my bed.  I stood over it, studying the contents, wondering if I should pack more.

“Mom probably bought me a ton of clothes for Christmas,” I mumbled, zipping the suitcase and dropping it to the floor.  “If I decide to stay for a while, I’ll be fine.

As much as I loved my family, it was still kind of depressing thinking about spending my entire break at home.  I longed to hang around Dalefield, being with my friends and possibly fixing things with Evan.

Groaning, I sank to the bed, covering my face with my hands.

“Why the hell did it take me so long to figure out that I’m not in love with Spencer?  Why the hell couldn’t I have figured out that the right guy was in front of my eyes?”

Self-pity was my constant companion lately and I was really getting tired of it.  But it was harder and harder to fight it the more I thought about how messed up things were.  Especially since I hadn’t heard a thing from Evan since I’d dropped off his gift.

I sat on my bed, feeling sorry for myself, not paying attention to any sounds coming from the apartment.  When the pounding on the door became desperate, I jumped off the bed, swiping at my face and hair, hoping I didn’t look a complete mess.

“Coming!”
I shouted as I stomped to the kitchen and threw open the door.

My face fell when my eyes landed on Evan, standing in the threshold, a furry bundle in his hands.

“Merry Christmas,” he said.

“Um, thanks,” I muttered, still in disbelief. 
“You, too.”

A light snow had started to fall and snowflakes were sticking to his hair and gathering on his shoulders.  My heart trembled as I continued to stare at him.

“Um, do you mind if I come in?” he asked.

“Oh, sorry,” I said, stepping back so he could pass.  “Um, how are you?”

“Fine,” he said. He turned to me, offering the furry white bundle.  “For you.”

My heart melted at the little white kitten with a red bow around her neck.  “She’s adorable!  Thank you!”

“I didn’t think you’d be allowed a dog here, but I figured a cat wouldn’t be a problem,” he explained.

I held the kitten to my face, her soft fur caressing my cheek.  Her purr echoed in my ears as I closed my eyes and kissed her little head.  “No, it’s fine.  Cats are allowed.”

“Good,” he said.  “Then I’ll be right back.”

I nodded as I carried my precious bundle to the living room, sinking to the sofa to cuddle her better.  Evan returned with a box loaded with kitten supplies.

“Thank you.  I love her,” I said.

He sat beside me and ruffled the kitten’s head.  “Thank you for the gift you gave me.  I loved it.”

I smiled at him.  “I wanted you to be the first to see my photographs.  I thought you’d appreciate them the most.”

“I did,” he said.  A comfortable silence fell over us as he scooted closer and touched my cheek.  “I guess we’re kind of stupid, huh?”

“I’m the stupid one,” I said.  “It took me far too long to realize that I had no feelings for Spencer – that all the feelings in my heart were for you.”

His slow smile warmed my heart.  Leaning over to kiss me, he brushed back my hair.  “I love you, Morgan.  Maybe it’s a little too soon to say that, but it’s what I feel.”

I set the kitten next to me and she immediately curled up in a little ball, still unsure of her new surroundings.

“I love you, too,” I said.  “And I’m really sorry about getting so angry.  I’m even sorrier that I kissed Spencer, but you
see, when I did, it was…different.  Sweet, sure, but there was none of the passion or fireworks or heart-pounding emotions with it.  Like there always is with you.”

His grin widened as he draped an arm around my shoulders and tugged me closer.  “Yeah, I was really mad and hurt by that, but now I’m sort of glad that you did kiss him.”

“Me, too,” I whispered.  “I closed the book on that part of my life.”

“And,” he said with a sigh.  “Maybe I overreacted with Owen.  I swore to myself that I wouldn’t be so jealous and stuff, but he is a slime ball.  I hated seeing him touch you, especially since I know his history with women.  I didn’t want him saying anything to you or touching you, or anything.”

I nodded.  “You have to trust me, though.  I mean, I can handle myself and if I can’t, I promise I’ll let you know.”

“Okay,” he replied slowly.  “I can do that.  But you have to promise me that you won’t kiss anyone else.”

My laugh came out as a sort of snort.  “I promise.  But I want you to know the only reason why he was here in the first place was because my friends were out of town and I needed someone to talk to about all the stuff that was going on between us.  He’s called me in the past and talked to me when he’s had girl troubles – I figured he owed me one.”

“I can’t promise that I’ll be cool with you being around Spencer right away.  That will probably take time,” he said.  “But I can promise that I’ll work on that.  And I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”

“Okay.”

“So,” he said.  “What do we do now?  Start over?”

“No,” I said, standing.  I yanked him to his feet.  “Evan, I don’t want to start over.  I think we’ve come a long way and I don’t want to go back.”

“So, we move forward, huh?” he asked, a glint in his eyes.

“Yes,” I said, rolling to my toes to press my lips to his.  The innocent kiss soon turned heated and I struggled to push off his coat.  My breath grew heavy as I finally ripped my lips from his.  “Evan, I know that you said our first time should be special and all that…”

“Morgan,” he warned.

“Hear me out,” I pleaded.  “I want to be with you no matter what so why wait?  The way I see it, any time with you is going to be special.”

He studied my eyes intently.  “Are you absolutely sure?”

I nodded, hope building in my heart.

“Okay,” he said, grinning.  “I have to confess, though, that it took all I had the last time to tell you no.  I don’t have the strength tonight.”

“Good,” I said, taking him by the hand and leading him to my room.  My body shook with anxiety and anticipation as he slowly removed my clothes and helped me to the bed.  The lights were off, which was a good thing in my opinion.  I was a little self-conscious and wasn’t ready for him to see me totally naked in full light just yet.

I waited on
the bed while he shed his clothes and shivered when he joined me.  He took his time, kissing me, moving his lips over my chin, to my neck and down my body.  Goose bumps broke out on my skin as I leaned into him, wanting whatever he was willing to give.  My heart beat frantically as he continued his ministrations.  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do so I clutched the sheets in my hands.

After a while, he fumbled for his discarded jeans.  I heard a wrapper and figured out exactly what he was doing.  When he returned, he kissed me sweetly.