Once Upon a Caveman (16 page)

Also,
there was Rhawn.  It was hard to think your life had turned out
too
bad
when you were kind of dating the hottest, smartest, kindest guy in
whatever-the-hell universe this was.

Damn
it, she was thinking about him again.

“I
just want a do-over.”  Taffi complained.  “A chance to start fresh and be the
me who I was
supposed
to be, before I screwed it all up.”  She shook her
head.  “The shipwreck was a wake-up call.  I’ve got nothing to look forward to now
to except expanding thighs.  This is the prettiest and youngest I’ll ever be
again.  I blew my whole life.”

“You’re
only thirty-three.  You have plenty of life left.”  Assuming they didn’t get
swallowed up by lava, anyway.  “Listen, even if we’re marooned here for good,
you’ll be okay.  We just have to use our heads.”

Sadly,
logical thought had never been Taffi’s forte.  “I just wish…”  She swallowed
hard.  “I just wish we got to grow up to be who we
planned
to be when we
were eighteen, you know?  I was so
great
back then.”

“You
were a raging bitch at eighteen, Taffi.”

That
undeniable fact startled a laugh out of her.  “I really was, wasn’t I?”  She
wiped at her cheeks, chuckling with pleasure.  “I made
soooo
many girls
cry.  Janna Simmons switched schools, because I emailed everyone copies of her
stupid fan-fic about sleeping with the whole cast of
Friends
.”

“A
prime example of why my karma-biting-you-in-the-ass-now theory is a good one.”

“Oh
please.  Like it’s my fault she couldn’t take a joke?”  Taffi tossed her hair
back.  “And you
deserved
me snarking at you all the time.  I was afraid
to raise my hand in class, because I knew you’d have some wiseass remark about
my answer and make me feel dumb.”

Lucy
blinked.  She hadn’t known that.  “I’m sorry.”  She said automatically.  “I
shouldn’t have…”

Taffi
cut her off.  “Of
course
you should have.”  She straightened her
shoulders, regaining her normal self-assurance.  “We’ve been enemies since
kindergarten, Lucy.  No sense in pretending otherwise.  Beautiful girls and fat
girls will always be at war.”

So
much for bonding.

Lucy
pinched the bridge of her nose.  There really didn’t seem to be a way to
exclude Taffi from the rescue efforts, but it was damn tempting.  “Look, all
that matters is finding our way off this island.  We’re building boats and
we’re leaving.  All of us.  Even you.”

“Good.” 
Taffi nodded, adopting a brave face.  “I can’t stay a prisoner of Fraggle Rock
for much longer.  I’m missing
Project Runway,
and I’ve wrecked my
nails, and had to eat bugs for dinner.  Besides, I have a strict rule against
sleeping with longhaired men, so my dating options are --like-- zero around
here.”

That
was so stupid on so many different levels, it boggled the mind.  Lucy went with
the simplest objection.  “You’re hardly a prisoner, Taffi.  No one even knows
you’re here.”

“That’s
because I’ve had to hide in the woods, afraid some T-Rex would eat me!”

“Trust
me, that’s the least of your worries.  Everything here seems to be following pretty
close to our Ice Age and dinosaurs were extinct millions of years before that.”

Taffi
snorted that incontrovertible paleontological fact.  “Not all scientists agree
with you.”

“Yes,
they do.  Unless they’re really dumb scientists.”

“You’re
always so disagreeable!  Would it kill you to be nice to me, for once?  Why
does
no one
understand what I’m going through?  I can’t believe I’m all
alone here and nobody even cares that I’ve…”  She stopped mid-word, her eyes
going wide.  “Whoa.”  She breathed in something like awe.

Without
even turning around, Lucy knew Rhawn had followed her back to the cave.

Rhawn
strokes the small nub of flesh hidden in the soft folds of the woman’s body. 
He uses circles first, then he tugs it gently experimenting to see what she
likes best.  Tugging.  He barely starts and her body is already arching into
his touch.

“Oh
God… Please.”  She begs.

Rhawn
smiles, pleased with the reaction.  He wonders what would happen if he tugs and
then slips his other fingers inside her so she…

The
woman cries out in pleasure, her channel constricting.  She is panting for
breath, completely opened to him.  Rhawn analyzes the facts and realizes that
she is close to release.  Can women reach orgasm?  He isn’t sure, but --gods--
how he wants to find out.

Rhawn
and Lucy’s Dream- Eight Years Ago

Lucy
turned and immediately spotted a certain shirtless caveman standing in the
mouth of the cave, looking like an ad for the Pleistocene Olympics.  For once
Taffi seemed to be speechless and Lucy didn’t blame her.  It was hard to think
with all that golden skin shining at you.

Lucy
sighed.  For real, there was no way she was going to be able to avoid this
guy.  It would be like Charlie trying to stay away from the chocolate factory.

“This
is Taffi.”  She told Rhawn by way of introduction.  “Before you ask,
no
. 
She’s not a god.”

Fathomless
brown eyes surveyed Taffi with math-geek concentration.  “But she has come with
you and War-en?  She is from Newyork?”

“Sort
of.”

“I
live in Queens.”  Taffi told him, rallying quickly.  She beamed like the head
cheerleader she’d once been and hurried towards him, her aversion to long-haired
men forgotten.  “I’m super happy to meet someone who speaks English.  I was
beginning to think we were stranded in some icky foreign place.”

Rhawn
clearly had no idea what she was talking about.  Lucy could see him sorting
through her words, trying to make sense of them.  “You are a queen?”

“Why
yes!  Yes, I am.”

“You’re
not a queen, Taffi.”  Lucy snapped.

“I
was prom queen, wasn’t I?”  Taffi hissed back.  “Shut up.  I think he likes
me.”

“He
doesn’t even know you!”

“Men
don’t
have
to know me to like me.  It’s just a gift I have.”

“I’m
sure they like you
better
when they don’t know you, but this particular
man is spoken for.”  The words were out before Lucy even thought about them.

Rhawn
glanced at her sharply.

“Spoken
for by whom?”  Taffi sneered.  “
You
?  Right.  I’m so sure
you’re
the
dream girl of a guy who looks like a superhero.  When’s the last time you even
wore lipstick?  I mean, yeah you’re
finally
accessorizing properly,” she
gestured to the shiny necklace Anniah had given Lucy, “but, it’s too little,
too late.  You can’t really believe…”

“Lucy
is the woman of my dreams.”  Rhawn said simply, cutting her off.  His attention
stayed on Lucy.  “She is… perfect.”

Lucy
stared back at him, hypnotized and a little afraid.  That gaze was so intense. 
So penetrating.  Like he could see straight through her.  But, if he could, why
didn’t he already know the truth?  “I’m not perfect.”  She whispered.

He
shrugged.  “You are perfect for me.”

“She’s
so
not perfect.”  Taffi agreed, not even hearing Rhawn’s quiet assurance. 
“You should have seen her hair back in tenth grade.  She dyed it this god-awful
blue.”  She rolled her eyes.  “Lucy always has to be
special
.”

“I’m
not special.”

They
ignored her denial.

“Lucy
cannot help being special.  Even in my dreams, I knew she was born to change
the world.”  Rhawn looked at Lucy.  “But I have not dreamed of this queen.”  He
waved a hand at Taffi.  “I only dream of
you
, goddess.”

“You
better
not
have dreamed of Taffi.”  Lucy scowled at him, outraged at the
thought.  Maybe she wasn’t completely sure what was going on between them, but
she knew damn well it was only between
them
.  “You’d better not be
dreaming of anybody else, at all!  I mean it, Rhawn.”

He
liked that demand.  “You have no need to worry.  I’ve Chosen
you
.  No
others fill my thoughts.”

“Good.”

“Really?” 
Taffi exclaimed, throwing up her hands in frustration.  “I mean
really?
” 
She turned back to Lucy.  “You’re dating
him
, now?  While I’ve been
eating shriveled up worms and gross, green berries, you’ve been shacking up
with the Wild Man of Borneo?!  I swear, you don’t care about anyone but
yourself!  You’re selfish and I’m
glad
I tripped you going across the
stage during graduation!”

Lucy
dragged her attention away from Rhawn and stabbed a finger at her.  “I’m not in
the mood for your bullshit, Taffi.  The fat girls have won the war, so just
accept it and
shut up
, before I throw you out on your liposuctioned ass.”

“You
don’t own this cave!  I can be here if I want!  Why are you always so mean to
me, huh?  If you knew what I’d been through you’d be a lot more…”

Rhawn
cut her off.  “You ate the green berries?”

“Yes.” 
Taffi muttered distractedly, her eye still on Lucy.  “You know, it’s all
your
fault that…”  She suddenly seemed to process Rhawn’s concerned tone and stopped
mid-word.  “Wait what?”  Her head swung around to look at him in growing
panic.  “Yes!  The green ones.  I ate the green ones.  Was I not supposed to
eat the green ones?”

Rhawn
didn’t respond to that, but he backed away from Taffi with a worried frown.  His
eyes cut over to Lucy.  “She ate the green ones.”  He said in a grave voice.

“Is
that bad?”

Rhawn
gave a shrug.  “Perhaps.”

“Oh
God.”  Taffi whispered, looking a little green herself.

Lucy’s
eyebrows compressed.  “Will she die?”

Rhawn
gave another shrug.  “Perhaps.”

“Oh
God.”  Taffi gasped again.  “I
can’t
die!  I’m supposed to go to Italy
in October!”

Even
Lucy was concerned about her prognosis.  “Can we do anything for her?”

A
third shrug.  “Pray to the Savior?”  Rhawn suggested in a suspiciously dire
tone.

Lucy
paused, taking in his oh-so-grave expression.  “Pray to the Savior?”  She
repeated skeptically and amusement began to take the place of worry.  “The
Savior who’s passed out in the other cave?  You really think that’s going to
cure her, huh?”

His
mouth curved slightly.  “As well as anything else will, I imagine.”

“Oh
God!
”  Taffi slapped a hand over her mouth, missing the joke.  “I
totally feel the –like-- poison poisoning me.  It’s seriously happening!”  She
went rushing from the cave.  “I’m going to be sick.”

“That
is always a good remedy.”  Rhawn called after her.

Lucy
didn’t bother to follow her out.  She crossed her arms over her chest and
arched a brow at Rhawn.  “The green berries are fine, aren’t they?”

He
shrugged, but his eyes were glinting with laughter.  “Perhaps.”

Lucy
couldn’t quite contain her snickering.  “You lied to that poor girl about toxic
berries?  I thought I was supposed to be the evil one around here?  High-five!” 
She held up a palm and he frowned at it confusion.  “Never mind.”  She dropped
her hand again.  Clearly, those weren’t a caveman custom, yet.  “What’s
important is that you were mean to Taffi in an awesome,
awesome
way.  I
knew
I liked you, caveman.”

“She
will be fine.”  Rhawn was epically unrepentant.  “The woman deserved far worse
than she got.  I do not like the way she speaks to you.  Who is she and why is
she here?”

“She’s
Taffi  Dawson, the prettiest girl in Woodward High.  And she’s here because I’m
having a real bad week.”

Except
for meeting Rhawn, anyhow, that didn’t seem so bad, at all.

Rhawn
blinked in total incomprehension.  “Someone believes
that
woman is
prettiest?  Did no one in this Wood-Ward-High place see
you?
”

Lucy
slowly smiled.  “You just won yourself soooo many points.”

He
brightened.  “Points are good.”  He reminded her.

“Yeah,
points are
real
good, especially considering you want to see me naked
sometime this epoch.”

His
eyes narrowed in deep thought, taking her literally.  “How many points do I need
before you will mate with me?”

“A
lot
of points.”

“What
is the specific number, though?”

“Sixty-one
and a half.”  She randomly decided, because he wasn’t going to be satisfied
until he had a target.  God, he really was the straight-A kid who asked about
extra credit.

“How
many points do I presently have?”

“Three.”

He
frowned at that news.

“Anyway,”
Lucy continued cheerily, “Taffi’s a vapid twit.  Always has been.  I don’t want
to see her dead, though, so we’re going to take her with us when we leave this
island.”

“You
are still committed to this insane plan with the
ragan
, then?”  Rhawn
asked her that about nine times a day, like he just kept hoping that she’d
change her mind.  He was such an optimist.  “Have I mentioned that
jigon
live
in those waters?”

“A
couple hundred times.  But unless you have a better way to avoid being melted
by the big ass volcano, we’re still going with my plan.”

“Believe
me, I’m trying to think of one.”  He sighed.  “In the meantime, we need to
focus on more practical concerns.  Like food.  It’s why I came to find you.”  He
stepped closer to her, apparently just because he wanted to be closer to her.  He
did that a lot and it always made her heart race.

“Food?” 
She repeated dumbly, staring up at his incredible face.

“Yes. 
We used the last of our stores for the Savior’s feast.  If you really plan to
put us into
ragan
, we will need supplies.  The rest of the Clan will not
eat from the sea.”

“I
guess green berries and those vegetarian flower things are a no go?”

“We
need to hunt a mammoth.”

God,
he said that so casually.  “Hunt a mammoth?”  Lucy repeated, pretending that
those words weren’t fucking crazy.  “Like the huge hairy elephants, who could
crush us with their huge hairy feet?”

“I
am unfamiliar with this word ‘ely-fanz.’”

She
waved that aside.  “I thought you said all the mammoths were gone.”

“
Most
are gone.  There is a small herd in the valley.  Some females had to be spared,
so they might breed and raise the young.  Others are too large or bad-tempered to
bring down safely.  We saved them for last.”

“So
now
you want to hunt the big, mean ones and the babies?”

“How
else will we get food?”  He retorted.  “You might not enjoy meat, but there are
few other options available.  We will need weeks of provisions, if we’re going
on the
ragan
.  Strips of meat will last longest and take up the least
amount of space.”

“Damn
it.”  She tilted her head back, because he was right.  What
was
the Clan
going to eat for however long it took them to find land?  She hadn’t really
considered the logistics of her plan, just the “getting the hell outta there”
part.  Of course Rhawn had thought about the nuts and bolts of it, though.  He
was a nuts and bolts kinda guy.

“What
about --like-- smaller, unextinct animals?  Could we kill them, instead of a
mammoth?  Maybe mice.  I don’t like mice.”

It
hurt her to even ask that, though.  Corny and tree-huggy as it sounded, Lucy
really did love animals.  One day, she fully planned to get a cute, little
dog.  Slaughtering fuzzy creatures was the last thing she’d ever want to do. 
Especially mammoths, for crying out loud.  Every paleontology-student bone in
her body wanted to study them, not eat them.

“Small
creatures are scarce now.  It would take too much time to gather enough to feed
us all.  And wolves,
tandar
, and long-tooths are very dangerous to
hunt.”

“
Tandar?
”

“Monstrous
beasts with
septar
.”

“Right.” 
That really cleared it right up.

“So
you see, mammoths are the best choice.”  He sounded positive and she had no reason
to doubt him.  Rhawn could probably show her some complicated graph proving
exactly how much meat each person needed per day.  The caveman was kind of a
nerd.

Lucy
sighed.  “Alright.”  Jesus, twenty years of vegetarianism and now she was going
on a goddamn safari.  Her only consolation was that the volcano was poised to
wipe out the mammoths anyway.  They’d just be speeding up the inevitable.  It
still sucked, though.  “Just promise me you’ll pick an old and sick one.  And that
you’ll be super,
super
careful during the whole spearing part, because I
don’t want you crushed to death.”