Once Was: Book One of the Asylum Trilogy (6 page)

My father had been an apprentice in the very forge I now stood before. The wooden barn doors stood open, a few wooden plank tables had been put out beneath the roof’s overhang displaying his wares. The sight was no different than it had ever been. Father had taken it over when the prior smith retired out of the trade with no son to pass it on to. As his apprentice, Father had leapt at the chance. Now, with no working heir of his own, he sold the forge to Cade but left the home to me so I would always have a place to return to. It was likely a paternal nudging to have me behave as he desired, to settle down with Cade.

It was not unheard of for a priestess to marry, but not one who was given my gifts. No oneira turned down the mantle of Oracle when offered. Instead of refusing, I threw myself into my missionary work. I spent years lying to myself and Bas about my intentions. Her claw twisted in my chest, a reminder of what it had cost both of us and would cost my people.

Returning to the forge took me back twenty-five years. With each stroke of the blacksmith’s arm, the metal crooned a morning song, the same beat that had awoken me for eight years. Standing at the anvil that was older than I, Cade was no longer the dark-haired youth full of enthusiasm I last saw at my Mother’s funeral and the days following. His face and hands had weathered and toughened into the skin I recall touching so lovingly on my father. The falls upon the anvil were much more rhythmic than those of the last time I awoke to his work. I had snuck out of the house without being seen that day, only to return just now. Then, I feared disappointing him. Now, I feared facing him.

I would have attempted to slip by the forge unseen, but Aya’s words to me were coupled with the fact I was certain the gossip that his tenant had returned would reach him soon. To see the responding hurt in his eyes that I had tried to find my way into my home without letting him know I was safe would crumple me. I had caused him enough pain.

It was far easier to admit Cade was right, that I would return despite my prior convictions, than to see the accusations in his face when he forced me to face the truths I have long since hidden. Cade will make me look into that shadowed path of misery, I know it.

I stood there, watching the blacksmith work and listening to the clang, my heart beating in time with the hammer’s fall upon the anvil. The heat of the fire reached out to me as an old friend, making sweat begin to bead upon my forehead and beneath my hair along my neck. For comfort’s sake, as well as knowing this was the one place I would be perfectly safe, I slipped my sweater’s hood from my head as I walked into the forge for the first time in many seasons.

Dark, wavy hair curled around the blacksmith’s ears where it needed to be trimmed. Small scars, the earned tattoos of his trade, were visible on Cade’s arms. A larger one marred the back of his hand, one I would see lessened
—
if I could not remove it completely
—
before leaving.

Cade was engrossed in his work, only his broad back and a hint of his profile visible to me, and the rhythm of his strikes reverberated within my bones as I stepped inside. That I passed this far into town without too much notice was a blessing; he and I could meet on our own terms. “Good morrow, Cade, I give thanks to Bas for sending me the sounds of your anvil ringing in the day to guide my steps home.”

He looked up at me before returning his eyes to his craft. That he did not grunt or wave me off was a good sign, so I made myself comfortable sitting atop a saw horse until he finished hammering the sword. Watching his muscles contract and extend in measured swings, I almost did not see the few smiles that threatened to grow upon his lips before he forced them away. Our years of friendship were so ingrained in Cade’s heart that his annoyance with me was easy to set aside. After my city’s master blacksmith finished his task, I stood to greet him, dusting off the sawdust and metal shavings I had picked up.

“It is Aya Wayland you should be thanking, my Lady. I trust you are wearied from travel. Shall I get the key for you?” Not once did he turn to look at me, all hints of smiles gone from the part of his face I could see.

Aya had been wrong. I already felt the burn, though not from his passion.

Chapter Five

The Lady’s gifts are as numerous as the stars. Among them, the highest praised are those of the dream-walkers. Should you find yourself to be one of the blessed oneira, prepare yourself for a life of hard work. She only gifts this task on those of extreme strength and talent.

The First Lessons: The Path Ahead

W
hen
the
blacksmith refrained from meeting my gaze, I crossed the distance to his side and rested a hand upon his work-strengthened arm. He was warm beneath my touch from his work and the fire. Cade chanced a brief glance at my dirt-smudged face, and I saw a faint blush spread across his cheeks. It took away all the years since I last saw him. Unlike our last encounter, I had the words of Cade’s patron God running through my veins, encouraging me to stoke the fires between us despite my uncertainty of my own emotions. The divine forge had burned away any true fear of what was contained within Cade’s heart.

“Is everything alright, Master Smith? I would not have you fall ill on my watch.” After growing up together and so many years apart, I desired to force my way into his arms like the old friends we were, but hard times were upon us all. I was not welcome in this city, maybe not in my own home. Cade was too important to me to endanger his life because I longed for a soft bed and a warm welcome.

His lips pulled up into a half-smile, one that was tight with worry. When he spoke, it was a whisper of sound that danced between the crackling chunks of hardwood set among sizzling embers of the forge’s fire. “I am just glad to see you home safe, my Lady. Two of your Sisters were interred just days ago. Asha refused to answer any questions. She contacted their former families and had the bodies transported. She left alone, taking Sheelin’s ferryboat with her.”

Locked on his prior statement, I felt my rage coming to the fore of my thoughts. “What do you mean, former families?” It had always been a painful pride to bear a priestess. Looking back upon the street priest, Avarin’s welcome speech, and the whispers, my anger gave way to curiosity of how far the poison had spread. Was not even Sheelin to be spared? “Cade, what has happened here?”

He made a deliberate motion of pulling my hood up, his sun-darkened skin carrying a salty musk that filled my senses as he walked me through the courtyard joining our two properties.

“The war, Roseen. It has reached our shores at long last. I’ve been fearing for your life with each announcement made by the soldiers inside Madani. There are four in the city at any time, one at the gate, one patrolling, and two ready to relieve them on the next shift. There is a full squadron stationed an hour’s hike to the south supervising the construction of the true wall.”

Despite sensing that I would regret hearing the next words he spoke, I opened my heart to receive them. Cade’s already dark eyes carried the depth of a hopeless night as they bore into mine. “We have been forced to turn out any children with visions to the waters. Under orders of the army, I’ve had to hold back fathers as they watch their daughters drown in the evening tide.”

The anvil floating on the water in my aisling; Cade held them down even if it was not his hand that forced the children’s faces beneath the waves. I shook my head to clear the memory of the vision. I had thought I would return to find him gone, not one of the harbingers of death. I did not require Cade to explain what had occurred; my abilities as an oneira showed me the hidden truth. The girls intended to be initiates had been drugged with potions before being cast over the edge of the rowboat. Cade’s arm caught me around the waist to hurry me before releasing, and in that moment I was inundated with all the pain washing through Cade’s heart like the dark tide.

It ebbed around the shelter I offered for a moment as we stepped between the forge and my parents’ abandoned home. The roses between our properties had become overgrown in my extended absence. Though no roses still bloomed upon them, leaves and stems formed a bower of green. Despite care, the trellis-lined path to Mother’s dye garden caught my cloak as we walked. A thorn found itself ensnared within the surplus fabric of my hood and twisted into the threads. No sooner had I reached to lower my sweater’s hood and release the snag, Cade grasped my arm with a painful squeeze.

“I beg of you, Lady. Do not show yourself here. I would not desire you to be taken by the soldiers. Your kind are not welcome any longer. Asha left for your blasted island after burying her sisters. She told me you would return and that she left you a message.”

The call. She had felt it, too, or perhaps she had been the one to send it. When I ignored the first twinges of it, Bas had then come to me, demanding my return. Either way, I shrugged, feeling insolent. I did not appreciate being told what I would do. “You told me yourself that I’d return.” At my words, I caught the faintest red grace his cheeks again.

“Aye.” My eyes fell onto his chin as he rubbed at the unshaven shadow growing there. “Well, I thought you would listen to the other things I said also, Roseen.” He still harbored a flame for me in his heart after all these years. I had thought, or hoped, he would have found a bride while I was away. This could not end well for either of us, despite Aya Wayland’s intentions. Cade’s life was here in Madani with the forge I would never ask him to abandon, and my life was beneath the stars while a part of me still longed for the binding of my youth.

“You knew when you asked that my heart was not my own to give.” Cade had been one of the witnesses at my lakeside impromptu binding to Fion. As a child, I did not realize how cruel that was to him.

Cade opened my door for me and ushered me inside, barring the door shut with his broad back propped against the aged wood. “I knew that then, and I know it now.” His crossed arms and the pout of his full lips gave him the look of a stubborn child. “I also know that you’re harboring hope where there is none.” Closing my eyes and turning away from him did not stop the words from coming.

“Aristeer fell last year. Any unmarried men were forced into the army. Fion was not one of those who marched on our town. He’s either married or dead, Roseen.” His voice was hard as he told me what I knew to be truth.

I knew that the binding between Fion and I had been severed two years ago; my constant sense of his well-being snapped through me like a loom’s warp thread stretched to its limit before breaking. Before that day, its presence was strong enough to lead me to him upon a direct path across the shortest distance. At the time of my awareness I was not free to determine the meaning. It was after our stolen days within Liand’s camp and my subsequent escape, and I was on the other end of the mapped lands.

Knowing in my soul that he was lost to me in this life was different than hearing it, and I felt tears welling up unbidden. My friend’s words brought hidden truths to light, sending a cascade of broken dreams over my cheeks. I brushed at the tears with my sleeve, my tattoos showing in the dim light.

Cade’s footfalls creaked on the old boards as he crossed the room and pulled me back against his chest. I could smell the wood smoke and his sweat, as well as the tang the iron left on the skin of its worker after so many years. His arms went around me, resting just beneath my breasts, as he gave me the only comfort he could. Cade pressed a kiss into my hair, and just that simple action reminded me of all the hurt I had seen in his eyes when I left last time. The same hurt that pushed me to escape Madani without saying good-bye.

*

“Don’t go. Stay here, with me. We can be wed. I’ll be a good husband to you.”

A younger version of myself, one only slightly less hard, looked up into his brown eyes. “I can’t stay. My soul is pulling me to the road, Cade.” I wasn’t ready to stay in just one city yet; my work was undone and harder tasks awaited me if I returned to Sheelin. “My heart is not here.”

He nodded and stroked my face, imparting a dismal sadness with his touch. “Your heart is in Aristeer, I know. But you have mine; you always have. If you must travel, do it, but come home to me in between. We can make this work.” He meant that he would make it work no matter what I did.

“But, Fion—” I tried to make Cade see reason, to see that I loved Fion, but he interrupted me with strong words I knew he meant.

“If you come across him in your travels, I won’t begrudge you a night in his arms. It would hurt, but I would know that I’m the one you come home to. I’ll keep you safe from the war. We can move to the inner lands where the people care not which religion you follow. Or if I must, I’ll leave this life behind and go to Sheelin with you. They no doubt could use a smithy on site.” I didn’t stop his planned words to explain that any men on the island are smiths. “I will share you with our Goddess, and with Fion if I must, but please, Roseen, let me walk this life with you.” Cade’s large hand cupped my chin and tilted me up into his kiss. Strong hands held my face as if he thought I would break like a fragile egg, and his lips commanded mine to answer his in resounding passion. The heat of the forge was nothing compared to that within his veins.

I broke away, breathless. The love I felt for him was not that of romance, not yet. “Cade, as long as my heart harbors hope, it cannot be given elsewhere.”

He nodded and turned from me, but not before I saw his soul shattering before my eyes.

*

The Cade of my memories and the one holding me now merged into one. Aching comfort melted through my clothes at his touch, the strength leeching out of his body and into mine. I felt his warm breath on my ear as he whispered, “My offer still stands, Rose.” Cade released me and set about opening the shutters on the side of my house that bordered his forge and the small cottage he had built for himself out back. “I break for dinner at dusk. If you wish to dine with me, there will be enough for two.”