One More Time (24 page)

“Either put me back on the schedule for Saturday or you can find yourself another performer and part time bartender,” I told Kurt. I managed to wait until I got home before calling Dillon and blasting him. Of course, all I got was his voicemail. I did not leave a message.

Friday night and all day Saturday, I worked on my set list. When I wasn’t practicing, I was thinking.
Should I go back to Charleston?
Now that I had irrefutable proof Dillon was Amelia’s father, Jimmy’s leverage was gone. He was no longer a threat. I promised Piper I would be at her party and I would keep that promise. I may love Dillon Whitaker with every part of my being, but I knew all too well what it felt like to be manipulated and forced into doing things I did not want to do. I would never do that him…ever. If Dillon didn’t want us, so be it.

Saturday night Sally stayed home with Amelia. She’d asked Bobby to come over and watch movies. Of all of Dillon’s friends, I felt closest to Cas and Piper. I had so been looking forward to getting to know everyone else. The realization I wouldn’t get the opportunity made me sad. Once or twice a day I would have these moments where I stopped whatever I was doing and asked myself how I got to this place. This was one of those times.
How in the world did I end up here?
Pulling in a deep breath, I stepped into my new sleeveless hot pink and black polka dotted dress. (
Putting on my armor
) It was vintage and gorgeous and fit me like a glove. I loved it. Sliding on my black platform sandals, I twisted my hair up into an elegant knot and made sure to leave a few stray strands in front to frame my face
. (As if it would protect me
) I had been contemplating dying a few red streaks in my hair. My makeup was delicate but subtle and fit my ever changing mood. Quickly, I spritzed myself with the perfume Dillon loved so much and put on earrings and several bracelets. (
From my breaking heart
) Coating my lips with hot pink shimmer gloss, I left a big lip print on Amelia’s cheek before grabbing my guitars and walking out the door.

I arrived at Dragonfly early to set up the stage. Dillon had always done this for me. Even though I knew he wouldn’t be here tonight, I still searched for his jeep in the parking lot. A part of me expected to walk in and see him in his usual spot behind the bar. In my fantasy, he would take one look at me, fall to his knees and beg me back.
Ha! Get real, Ibby
. For the first time all day, I smiled. Just the thought of Dillon on his knees…. Dillon Whitaker would never beg a woman for anything. He didn’t have to. Hefting both guitar straps over my shoulder, I made my way to the back door. I could tell by the amount of cars already in the lot the place was going to be packed. As I made my way through the door, Meghan Trainor’s peppy voice blasted through the speakers.
I know you lie, your lips are moving.
The irony made me smile, again. I Iugged my guitars up the stage steps and froze when I got to the top. The stage had been set exactly how I liked it. Placing the guitars down, I made my way to the edge and peered out. It was dark, but if I focused I could make out Kurt and Polly behind the bar. Cas, Tut and Kurt’s cousin Harry were sitting on stools directly in front of them. I could see Lena and the new girl, Nora, or maybe it was Nellie, waiting tables.
No Dillon
. Shaking the thought from my head, I made a note to thank Polly and Lena after the show. Fifteen or so minutes later, I was ready. Taking a deep cleansing breath, I perched on the stool, positioned the microphone and electric guitar exactly where I wanted them and waited for Kurt to give me the go ahead.

“You’re on,” he whispered from stage left.

Reaching up, I switched on the lamp and let the crowd’s roar wash over me.

Here I go.

Knowing Dillon wasn’t going to be here tonight made my decision to play one long set, instead of two with a break in the middle, a no brainer. Knowing my luck, I would run into Elvira and her minions during the break.
No thanks.
Like the night I surprised everyone with the piano, I decided to switch things up a bit. Instead of only singing acoustic tunes, I was bringing out my hot pink and black electric guitar and rocking it out. I had a lot of pent up aggression.

I started the set off with some vintage Joan Jett. The hurt I felt from Dillon was a close second to my anger I had with myself.
I Hate Myself for Loving You
pretty much said it all. From there, I rolled into My Darkest Days’
Every Lie
. This one was not only for Dillon, but also for Dana. I gave wings to my anger and let it fly. Next, I channeled my emotions into a haunting rendition of
Soma
by The Smashing Pumpkins. The angst in the song allowed me to use my full vocal range and work out my somewhat rusty electric guitar skills. Unlike all the other times I’d played on this stage, tonight I chose not to speak between songs. I simply couldn’t.

When it came time for the acoustic set, I almost bailed out. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I wanted to….I really, really wanted to. In a way, I felt as if I was saying goodbye and I wasn’t ready.

I chose Blue October’s
Calling You
to start off. Dillon may not want me, but I would always want him. I would always care what happens to him. From there I slowed it way down and sang a Country song. This was not normal for me, as Country was not my favorite genre. However, when I was pregnant with Amelia, I found myself listening to more and more of it, especially the ballads. I had chosen Jerrod Niemann’s
What Do You Want
for tonight because it spoke to the deepest layers of my hurt. After pausing for a sip of water, I sang Heart’s
No Other Love
. I knew I could never do a band like Heart complete justice, but I could damn well try. Each song tonight was carefully picked. Yes, for Dillon, but mostly as an outlet for my pain.

I didn’t want to leave without addressing the audience. That would be rude. Did I want to speak? No. Regardless, I knew it was the right thing to do.

“I want to thank you all for allowing me to play tonight. My last song is by a badass female artist you’ve probably heard of. Her name is Pink and this is
Glitter In The Air.”
The crowd roared as I closed my eyes and began playing. When the song was over, the place went wild. That’s when my emotional dam finally broke. Bolting from the stage, I ran into the back office where I could finally let myself cry. That’s where Cas discovered me.

“You were amazing tonight,” he said from the doorway.

Ducking my head, I tried to hide my tears. “I’ll be out in a second,” I shakily told him.

I heard the door click shut and felt the sofa shift as he sat down next to me. “Want to tell me about it?” he quietly asked.

“No,” I managed to choke out. I glanced up into his eyes and his sad expression mirrored mine. Without a word, he pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me. Like a ninny, I completely fell apart. Who knows how long we sat there, him holding me and me sobbing in his arms. When I was done, he waited for me to get cleaned up and then we talked. I told him every sordid detail, from the moment I met Dillon to now. I left nothing out. He knew just what and what not to say to me. At some point, Kurt knocked on the door and Cas was kind enough to take care of it. The few times I asked him about himself, he brushed me off by telling me tonight was about me, not him. When we were done talking, it was late and I needed to get home to Amelia. Cas walked me out to my car.

“We all have demons, Isabella. Dillon loves you, but until he fights his and wins, he will do nothing but hurt you. Trust me.” He leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. “I’ll stop by tomorrow and take you and baby girl to lunch,” he said. Then he shut my car door and walked away. For all the things that didn’t happen tonight, I was grateful for the one that did.

Dillon

‡

I
sabella Fisher is
a beautiful woman, but when she sings, she is fucking spellbinding.
Glancing out at the crowd, I bit back a growl of frustration. The entire front row was filled with leering assholes. It didn’t help Ibby was wearing a skin tight polka dotted dress with heels that showed off her mile long legs. Her hips shook with the beat as she strutted across the stage, while her feminine fingers worked the frets of her hot pink electric guitar. I wanted her. Fucking hell, how I wanted her. This past week had been complete and utter shit. And now, because I’d let her go, I had to sneak around like some sick minded stalker just to get a glimpse of my woman. As I listened to her pour her hurt out on the stage, I doubted myself again.

After telling Piper what Adam and I had discovered in Charleston, she sabotaged my plans to hide out alone and drove me to her therapist, Dr. Parker. My previous experience with a shrink, when my aunt made Adam and I see one after we’d moved in with her, had been a joke. All the lady had done was force me draw a bunch of shit on a piece of paper.

Dr. Parker, or Parker as I call him, helped me gain some much needed perspective. Don’t get me wrong, my head is still all kinds of screwed up, but I can’t deny, I felt better after talking to him. He told me it would be a long road, but things would get better if I stuck with it. After the first session, Piper ran errands. I had to blow off steam. That’s when I remembered Gage mentioning how he wanted to build a deck off the back porch. Looking for something to do besides worrying about how screwed up my life was, I drove down to the hardware store, picked up some wood and spent the rest of the afternoon building a deck.

The shocked expression on Gage’s face as he stepped onto his almost finished deck later that afternoon was all the thanks I needed.

After changing out of work clothes, Gage helped me get the rails secured. By the time Piper arrived home, we had managed to drag three living room chairs onto the new deck and were enjoying a beer. To say Piper was surprised is an understatement. If I’d known how happy this would make her, I would have done it a hell of a lot sooner. Gage ordered us pizza for dinner and we ate it out on the deck. After dinner we got shitfaced. I wanted to call Isabella, but what would I say? One decent session with a shrink didn’t change the fact I had murdered my father. Nothing would.

Tuesday morning I woke in a world of hate. My gut and head ached from the alcohol and my chest felt as if a lead weight was pressing down on it. Even though I had distanced myself from Ibby over the past week, I always knew where she was and what she and Milly were doing. Now that I was here and they were there, I was in the dark. All I wanted was for them to be okay.

Around mid-morning Tut called to tell me about what had happened at Dragonfly the night before between Dana and Isabella.
What is Dana thinking?
Piper was right when she warned me my scare tactics were not going to work. The bitch was completely out of control. More and more I found myself focusing on her instead of the things I needed to focus on, like getting my shit together. Speaking of losing focus, what was Cas up to last night?
Does he have a thing for my girl?
I made a mental note to have a little chat with him later. As soon as I hung up with Tut, I called Kurt and told him to take Ibby off the schedule for the rest of the week. I didn’t want her anywhere near Dana. My head may be all kinds of fucked up, but one thing is for sure. I love my girls and will protect them…no matter what.

Wednesday afternoon, I spent two hours with Parker. He helped me work through the years before we moved to Virginia. We talked a lot about music and how I originally used the guitar as my escape from the turmoil my parents caused. I had almost forgotten how much time I’d spent locked in my room playing my guitar, until I found myself talking to Parker about it. As we worked through that time in my life, I began to recall more and more things about my mother. For instance, how she used to pick us up from school looking all glammed up and drive us to a large house with iron spiked gates lining the front driveway. For months we went to that same house. Adam and I used to argue about why Mom wouldn’t let us go inside with her. He thought it was a movie star’s house and I thought it was Batman’s secret lair.
Neither of us would ever in a million years have guessed the truth.

“Do your homework, boys. If you need something, you’ll just have to wait. This is a very important client. Whatever you do, do not ring the doorbell. I’ll be out in a bit,” she told us. I hated sitting in that damned car. It all seemed so innocent at the time.
Bullshit, that’s what it was.

Piper and Gage were amazing hosts. Not only did they take me in, they accepted the situation for what it was and didn’t pressure me to talk about it. Wednesday night, we hung out on the deck and I mostly talked about my aunt and Adam, while Piper told funny stories about her brothers. Gage talked a little, but not much. In the end, it wasn’t what was said as much as it was the comfort of having people to share with. The whole time we were out there, all I could think about was how much I missed Isabella.