One More Time (8 page)

“You’d go fishing?”

I made a face. “Yeah. Probably not. So I’d make sure he ate something more than chips and cookies.” Unlike myself most days. “And didn’t get lost in the woods.”

“I’ll talk to Nat about it. Some time away might do us all some good.”

I nodded and figured Nat would probably agree with me and want to come out. She always did like me. I couldn’t wait for her to make some of her fresh pecan pie for me again. Thinking about it right now, I knew I’d be deprived if she never sent me any again. “How’s the job hunt going?” I asked as I munched on a cookie.

Dean sighed, and I heard him get up from wherever he was sitting. Probably from his dark green recliner that was even older than the sofa I was currently stretched out over but twice as comfortable too. “It’s…. Well, there aren’t many jobs for a general contractor here right now. I’m still looking, though.”

I knew he was trying to be optimistic, but I heard the disappointment in his voice too. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m going to go talk over a trip with Nat so I’ll call you later.”

“Sure. Bye, Dean.”

“Later.”

I hung up and rested the phone on my stomach as I finished off the last of the cookies. Times were hard for Dean, especially since his income was all they had. I’d offered to help them a lot of times since the settlement money had come in, but he’d always refused me flat out. I wished there was more I could do for them.

I got up from the couch and went back to the island after tossing out my trash. It was time for me to order a whole lot of furniture to fill up my new house.

I DIDN’T
see or hear from Trent for three days, but that was most likely because I’d been so busy with people delivering furniture that I hadn’t been to Rosie’s, or anywhere in town, during that time. But even when I did see him, it was just a video of him and a lot of other cops rescuing some horses from a neglectful farm south of Denver.

I decided to leave the guys putting my bed together alone and give him a call just to say hi. And I was also a bit curious about why a Thornwood cop would be needed for something that far away. “Hey, it’s Caleb,” I said when he answered the phone.

“Hi. How’re you doing?”

I shrugged. I’d thought about him a lot over the past few days, mostly wondering how he was, and who he was having sex with. But I tried not to think about that while I was on the phone with him right then. I’d already spent plenty of time imagining who he could have run to after I turned him down the other night.

“Good. I saw you on TV rescuing some horses.” I headed downstairs and took some pain pills because my back was acting up after I’d attempted to help put a dresser together before the furniture guys took over. Now I just needed my couch, a glass of water, and some mindless TV to keep me company for a few hours until they got done putting my house together for me since I was useless in that department.

“How’d I look?” Trent asked.

I smiled at his ego. “Covered in mud and tired but still hot.” There was no use in pretending I didn’t find him attractive after what we’d done. “Why’d they call you guys down? Doesn’t Parker have its own police force?”

“Yeah, but it was sort of an ‘all available guys come help out’ situation. One of my buddies in Denver called me up and told me about it. I was off, so I headed down there to do what I could. A place called Green Acres Equine Sanctuary took them in if you want to check the horses out.”

I made a face at the name. “Why would I want to do that?”

“In case you ever want to adopt. The woman who runs it is Evaline Green.” He chuckled, and I wished he was there with me instead of talking to me on the phone. I liked him, even if I’d made a mess of things the other night.

“I’ll check them out,” I told him, not meaning anything much by it.

“You should. I saw a cute little Appaloosa colt there.”

I shook my head quickly. As much as I hated to squash whatever little dream he had of me owning a bunch of horses, that was simply not going to happen. “I’m not getting one of them.”

He didn’t seem fazed by my response. “Sure.”

“I’m not.”

“Okay.”

I pursed my lips at the ceiling. “I can’t.”

Trent laughed. “I’m not saying anything.”

I knew that, but there was also a suggestion in his words, and now I wanted to go check out the Appy colt he’d been talking about. I liked Appaloosas because they were interesting to look at with spots all over them. But that was as far as I went. “Do you want to come over sometime?”

“As friends?”

“Yep.” I nodded. There wouldn’t be anything more between us.

“Sure. Tonight?”

“I’ll have a pizza made. Seven?” I asked. It wouldn’t be much, since it was just a frozen one, but it was something. And maybe we could go for a walk or something. Or there was always my fairly extensive movie collection. I was pretty proud of it. Having him over for a movie didn’t go so well last time, but I thought maybe tonight would be different.

“Sounds good. See you then.”

We hung up and I smiled as I got up from the couch and went to the big windows to look out over the pine trees. I knew it wasn’t a date since we weren’t anything more than friends. But I wished my stomach would realize it and settle down.

SEVEN O’CLOCK
came and went, and then at nearly eight, I heard a car coming up my driveway. I was going to be upset at Trent for being so late until I saw his expression through my glass front door and shook my head. He looked like he’d had a rough time of it. I unlocked the door and waited for him to take off his holster and hat, leave them in the car, then come up to my front door.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I had a call,” he said as he entered.

“Was it bad?” I asked. I didn’t really need to know, since I could tell it hadn’t been pleasant just by his face, but I was making conversation as much as anything. I tossed a pizza into the oven, since my first choice of a buffalo chicken pizza was cut up and put into the fridge and I wanted something fresher for my dinner with Trent. I went to my fridge, grabbed him a beer, and poured myself some water. I’d had a beer while waiting for him, and the one I gave him was my last one.

“Thanks,” he said as I handed him the beer. “And yeah, it was kind of awful. Domestic violence, which we don’t get often here, but this one couple has been a problem for us for a while.”

“Were they okay?” I asked as we sat down together at the island. His shoulder nearly touched mine and I tried not to think about it.

He turned to give me a look. “You didn’t ask if she was okay, just if they were. Thanks for that.”

I shrugged. I didn’t really know what he was getting at. “Sure.”

“You didn’t automatically assume it was a man and a woman,” he clarified for me.

Frowning, I shrugged. “Why would I? I’m gay. I know there are more relationships than just heterosexual monogamous ones.”

He gave me a little smile and took a sip of his beer. “Yeah, I know. But it’s refreshing. The guys I work with are very hetero. Most have long marriages and kids my age. It’s….” Trent frowned and drank a little more. “Kind of really nice to be around someone who doesn’t see the world in a certain way.”

“I know what you mean.” I put my hands around my water glass and looked down at it. “Trent, I’m sorry about the other night. You wanted to go and I should have let you.”

He shook his head and pressed his shoulder, for just the briefest of seconds, against mine. “Don’t be sorry. I was having a rough day anyway.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I offered.

“No. Maybe someday. But not right now.” He smiled at me, like he was trying to convince me that things were okay with him, that he was okay. I didn’t press him, even though I did see the cracks in his smile and the way his eyes looked sad.

I nodded and tightened my hands on the glass. “Okay. No worries.” I licked my lips and thought about if I actually wanted the answer to the next question I was going to ask him. But I really did want to know, despite what knowing could mean. “When you left here, did you find someone else?” I asked bluntly.

He put down his beer and nodded. “Yes.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say to that.

“I’m not going to apologize for how I am,” he told me, sounding defensive as he said it.

I took a long drink of my water before I spoke again. I needed the minute to be able to think. “I didn’t expect you to. Or even ask you to. I just wanted to know.”

Trent turned to look at me, and there was something in his expression, something about not wanting to be judged, about being angry at me for even asking, about being scared even. I didn’t know how to get him to turn that all off and just be with me as my friend. Maybe tonight hadn’t been a good idea either.

“Why did you want to know?” he asked.

I didn’t have a good answer, or even one really lined up. So I went with the truth as I turned on my stool and looked over at him. “I want you as my friend, and maybe, someday, I might like the chance to see if more could work between us. I think you’re hot—you know I do. And I think you want me too. Or at least it seemed like it the other night. I want to know what I’m getting into first, though.”

He nodded, and I breathed a little sigh of relief at being able to actually get the words out. “I like you too, Caleb,” he told me. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done a relationship though, and I can’t do that again right now. I like casual sex because I get my needs met without having to get involved in any other way. I know you can’t do that, and that’s fine, but if you want to be my friend and actually know about me, then that’s where I am.”

“I get that,” I said gently. He raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t believe me, which was a fair assumption considering how little we knew about each other. So I decided to give him some honesty too. “Two months ago I broke things off with someone I’d been with for three years. This person also happened to be my boss, who has been married to his wife for years.”

He cringed. “Ouch. Well, then I guess here’s to making horrible choices in bed.” He raised his bottle of beer and I raised my glass of water. We clinked them together, each of us taking a sip right after, and then I was smiling because yeah, that about summed up what my relationship with Paul had been like.

The pizza was done ten minutes later, and we ate quickly, neither of us saying much, before we walked over to the couch and I chose a movie for us. I didn’t think it mattered what we watched since we both kind of seemed lost in our own thoughts, but I chose something upbeat and action-y anyway before I came to sit down next to him. Trent surprised me by putting his arm around my shoulders. We were okay like that, I figured. Friends could do that. Friends could do a whole lot more too, I knew, but I tried not to think about that as we sat together.

“How many guys have you been with?” Trent asked before the movie had even officially started.

“Three,” I answered without thinking. Paul, Steven, and Chris. Trent didn’t say anything to that so I turned to look at him. “I don’t think I want to know your number.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. We’re not having sex, so it’s probably not even an issue worth mentioning. I do actually know it, though. I’m not that weird.”

“Then why ask me?”

He didn’t have a good answer for that, just pursed his lips as if he was refusing to say anything.

I settled back against his arm and tried not to think about it. But I couldn’t help it as I pictured him with some guy on the same night I’d nearly slept with him. “Was he any good?” I asked. I really didn’t want to know about it. I didn’t want to have any more images in my head of him fucking some other guy.

“Who?”

“The guy you had sex with after I told you no,” I said bluntly, because I was a little annoyed at him for not figuring out what I meant.

He gave me a look and shook his head. “You don’t want the details.”

Well that was true enough, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want my question answered. I was sure he could figure out a way to give me one without the other. “No, I don’t want a play-by-play. But just tell me if he was good.”

“Why?” Trent stalled.

Irritated, I blew out my breath. “Because I want to know?”

Trent shrugged, and I did get my answer, though. “He wasn’t awful. But he didn’t mean anything to me either, so he couldn’t have been that good.”

It was an answer, of sorts, I supposed. But then again it really wasn’t. “How often do you have sex with random guys?” I continued.

Instead of answering me, Trent used his body in a move that was far too fast for me to counter as he pushed me down so I was on my back on the couch and he was over me with his body between my legs. “Umph,” I groaned as he pressed into me, putting his weight on my stomach and chest.

“If I hold you down like this, will it keep you from asking more questions?”

It wouldn’t. I knew that much. “Why? Don’t you want to answer them?”

He frowned and shook his head. With him on top of me like this, I could feel everything about him, including that he was a little hard. I wondered if it was because he was lying on me or if it was because he was thinking about the guys he’d been with recently. “People don’t know about the guys I have sex with, Caleb. It’s not something I advertise, and it sure as hell isn’t something I’m particularly proud of. When I hook up with people, I usually don’t know their first names. Then I have sex with them and never talk to them again. Sometimes we don’t even do much talking while we’re having sex. More often than not they call me random names of guys they’d rather be having sex with anyway, and I think about the people I’d rather be with too. It’s not a great, earth-shattering experience. The only reason you know is because I want to be friends with you and real friends are typically honest with each other. So could you please stop with the questions about it?”

I stared at him for a long time and eventually he simply laid his forehead against the side of my neck and went still on top of me. I didn’t know what to say or even really where to begin. Everything he was talking about was stuff I couldn’t—and wouldn’t—do. It sounded dangerous and empty. I’d judged Paul for his number, but I had the feeling Trent’s was even higher. The difference, though, and the thing that mattered most to me, was that Trent was willing to be honest with me whereas Paul had never even tried to be.