One Mountain Away (39 page)

“You keep telling me how smart I am.”

“There are all kinds of smart.”

She heard the message. She’d made good grades in high school, even in her advanced placement classes. Despite her terrifying home life, she had managed to rank among the top students in a large graduating class. Her high school counselor had tried to convince her to go to college, but financial aid had required cooperation from her father. In the end all she’d been able to think about was getting away.

None of that added up to anything now. Now she was just Harmony Stoddard, long-haired, tattooed, hippie chick who waited on tables and got pregnant without even trying.

“You were afraid the partners might find out you got me pregnant and didn’t step forward to do the right thing, weren’t you?” she asked softly. “That’s why you decided to marry me. And the more you thought about it, the better a choice it seemed. Because I’m young, with nothing more than a high school education, a little stupid when it comes to what goes on in the world, easily swayed when it comes time to make decisions.”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Davis slapped his hand over his pocket and pulled out the ring box. “Here’s the ring. Let’s make a memory. I’ll get down on my knees right here on the bare floor and put it on your finger, if that’s what it’s going to take to make you happy!”

She stared at him, and she knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that nothing Davis could ever do would accomplish that. She got to her feet, stopped the server as he rushed by, told him to cancel her portion of their order and left the restaurant.

* * *

Charlotte sat on the sofa as close to Harmony as she could, because it looked to her as if her young friend needed comfort.

“It only started to rain after I was nearly home,” Harmony told her.

The moment she’d seen Harmony dripping in the entryway, Charlotte had fetched towels. Now Harmony rubbed one through her hair as Charlotte pulled an afghan over her lap. “I can’t believe that man abandoned you to walk here alone.”

“He didn’t. He caught up with me, but I told him I needed to clear my head. He even followed me in his car for a while, but eventually he drove off. It’s not as bad as it sounds. The restaurant wasn’t that far away.”

“You must be starving.”

“I’ll eat whatever you didn’t.” Harmony cocked her head. “Did you eat anything? I left you stir-fry and a salad.”

“No, I haven’t eaten yet.”

“You’re hardly eating a thing these days. Is it my cooking?”

Charlotte rested her hand on Harmony’s shoulder. “You’re a fabulous cook.”

“For a while I thought that might be enough, you know? Cooking for Davis. Cleaning his house. Raising our baby. And maybe it would be, but what if it’s not? What if I decide I want more? That’s all my mother was ever allowed to do. Davis isn’t my father, but he does like to control everything, the same way my father did. How long before he started to push me around, just because I made it so easy?”

“So you aren’t going to marry him?”

Harmony shook her head slowly. “Maybe I’ll regret it, but you know, I’d rather be poor than sell myself short. The baby won’t suffer. Davis will have to pay child support, and I’m good at squeezing a dollar dry. Maybe he’ll even want visitation rights. I hope he does. But that’s the only relationship I want with him. I don’t think I ever really loved him. I know I don’t love him now.”

Charlotte felt a wave of relief. Harmony hadn’t been happy since the day she agreed to marry her baby’s father. There had been questions in her eyes and in everything she did.

“You know you’ll be welcome here.” Charlotte saw the time had come to be honest, but she stumbled over the next words. “Harmony, you’ll…you’ll be more than welcome.” She stopped and swallowed. “I think you’re going to
needed
. I think I’m going to need your help.”

“You have such a way of turning things around so it sounds like you’re the one who should be grateful.”

Charlotte dropped her hand. “No, this time I’m afraid it’s absolutely true. I’m…I’m sick. I’ve known for a while.” She gave a shortened version of everything that had occurred so far, the diagnosis, the chemo and, finally, the prognosis.

“I’m not doing as well as we hoped I might. I’m going to need another round of chemo, but they’re going to do it in Asheville this time. Things may not go well.”

Harmony’s eyes were wide. “Leukemia?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“But they can beat leukemia these days. I’ve seen specials on television about children who get cured.”

“It’s easier to treat in children. They’ve made wonderful advances. But I’m nearly fifty-three. My body’s not particularly resilient, and this is an acute type that moves quickly. The first round of chemo didn’t end the way we wanted it to, but it did give me this time at home. They’ve been trying to build me up for the second.”

“Last week, when you said you were going on an overnight business trip?”

“They were doing tests and working out details. We’ve decided on a treatment I can do as an outpatient. But when my blood counts drop even further, which they will, I have to stay out of crowds, away from viruses and bacteria.”

“The puppies?”

“I shouldn’t have them in my room anymore, no. And you and Nell will have to be sure to clean up after them even more carefully than before. There’ll be some point when I won’t be able to be around them at all, but we can cross that bridge when it’s time.”

She reached over and took Harmony’s hands. “I told the doctors I want to be with the people I love. And I love
you,
sweetheart. You’re special in every single way I can imagine, and I’m so glad you came into my life. No matter how this ends, you can stay here, in this house, as long as you need to. I’ve made sure of it.”

“I don’t want to think about that.”

“I hope this isn’t going to be too much for you, but having you here while I’m in treatment could be a lifesaver. Just having someone nearby, in case I take a turn for the worse. Can you do that?”

Harmony’s eyes filled, and the tears spilled over. “This isn’t fair. I don’t want you to be sick. I don’t want you to—”

“Me, either.”

“You know I’ll stay. I’ll do anything you need.” She threw her arms around Charlotte and hugged her tight.

Charlotte thought about how good that felt, and how long it had been since anyone had held her this way. She slipped her arms around Harmony’s waist, and the two women sat together in silence.

Chapter Thirty-Four

First Day Journal: June 18

During my childhood, my grandmother is many things to me, but she’s not demonstrative. We rarely kiss or hug, except at holidays or during moments of sorrow. I wonder, is she afraid if she succumbs to loving arms, she won’t be able to rise each morning and face what waits for her? When I sit beside the bed during her final days, she allows me to take her hand. But even then, when she most needs comfort, she wants nothing more from anyone.

When Ethan comes into my life, he’s not the first man to touch me, but he’s the first whose touch gives me real pleasure. In Ethan’s arms I learn the joys of sex, but also the simple joy of skin against skin, a rough cheek in the morning rubbed against a smooth one, a hand across my breasts as he sleeps.

After Ethan leaves I become my grandmother. I allow no one to touch me, except in the most casual of ways. I wall off my body like a nun in a cloistered convent. At last I understand that when my grandfather died, my grandmother couldn’t bear the memory of the sweet intimacies they shared. And so she made certain never to be reminded.

Divorce brings with it many sorrows, but none greater than this.

Chapter Thirty-Five

CHARLOTTE WAS PREPARING herself for the inevitable. So far she had survived all her treatments, and there was every chance this next step in the process would, if nothing else, buy her time.

Phil and her physicians at Duke had decided on a less intensive program, which she could do as an outpatient. The hospital was nearby, and if she didn’t feel well enough to drive, Nell or Harmony would take her, or she could use a car service.

The treatment wasn’t optimal. The drug was most often employed for older patients, but attempting an inpatient round of stronger chemo was considered too dangerous with her recent history. And because of that, a transplant was now out of the question.

Her options were fewer and less hopeful, but medical science was constantly discovering new and better treatments. If she could hang on long enough, she might be in line for an appropriate clinical trial.

Optimism wasn’t the same as denial. Even if Phil hadn’t reminded her, she had known it was time to be honest about what was happening. Now Harmony knew the truth, as did Nell, who had volunteered to add extra hours if needed. Analiese had known for a while, and the next time Charlotte saw Sam, she would tell
her,
as well. She couldn’t afford to spend time at Sam’s clinic, not when her own immunity would be so seriously compromised. What strength she had would be needed to battle for her life.

She’d finally revealed the truth to her colleagues, as well. That morning she had called an emergency meeting of Falconview’s executive committee, the colleagues who had been forced to scramble to fill in most of the gaps her absence had left in the past months. She knew they had become increasingly skeptical about her explanations, and all too frequently, when she did show up at the office, conversation stopped when she walked into a room.

The announcement had been met with silence. She’d followed it with explanations, that she hadn’t wanted the staff scurrying off to find new jobs or spreading the word about her illness. She’d reminded them that the economy had already done significant damage to Falconview, and she had been sure she was going to beat this without doing more.

The explanations had been met with silence, too, at least for a minute. Then the recriminations had begun. The committee had let her know she’d sold them short right from the beginning, which was true. Then they had wanted to know what would happen to her share, the majority share, of Falconview if the chemo didn’t go well.

She had admitted she wasn’t yet sure, but that no matter what did happen, everyone who worked at the company would be taken care of. She had made sure of that much.

She didn’t think her answer had relieved much of their stress, but it had been all she could give them.

Now, with the meeting finally behind her, another meeting in place to inform the rest of the staff, and a short visit to her attorney’s office to sign new papers, she was at home in the den, lying flat on her extravagant Italian leather sofa, fully clothed in her dress and blazer. She hadn’t even taken off her pumps. The day had left her nearly comatose.

As hard as everything had been, the worst encounter was still to come. More than anything, she dreaded telling Ethan, who would then have to pass on the news to Taylor. She was afraid both of them would rally to her side simply because she was ill and not because they wanted to set the past behind them. Thinking about that made it impossible to close her eyes and rest.

Harmony wandered in a little while later and caught Charlotte staring at the ceiling. “I’m sort of committed to go in a little early to Cuppa. We’re giving away free appetizers to anybody who brings in five pounds of groceries for the food bank, and they’re pretty sure they’re going to be slammed. I told them I’d help set up, but if you need me…”

“I’m fine. Just tired from my meeting.”

“The puppies are settled in the family room, and you can let Velvet in and out from there without any fuss. I’ve put down tons of newspaper, and I’ll clean up the minute I get home. Don’t touch a thing.”

“We’ll be fine. I’m just going to take a nap.”

“Here?”

“As good a place as any.”

Her eyes were finally closing. She struggled to keep them open a moment longer. Harmony took a plaid woolen afghan off a chair and brought it over to cover her. “I wrote down Cuppa’s number.” She put a scrap of paper on the coffee table and anchored it with the cordless receiver. “If anything comes up, call, and they’ll get me right to the phone.”

Charlotte closed her eyes before Harmony was out of the room. She didn’t need Phil’s detailed report on platelets and white cells to know the time had come for intervention. She was bruising so easily now that she had to wear long sleeves to cover her arms, particularly the sites of the recent blood draws, and her thighs were bruised and sore to the touch. She had a prescription for painkillers, but she was afraid if she took them, she would never be able to get on her feet again.

She woke up when she heard the telephone. She sat up, and tried to focus on where she was and where the telephone might be. Three rings later she saw it on the coffee table and put it to her ear.

“Charlotte? Ethan.”

She blinked. For a moment she was in her twenties, waiting for Ethan to come home from work and complete their little family. Then she remembered. She cleared her throat. “Hi. What time is it?”

“Five. Were you sleeping?”

“I’m glad you woke me. I had a long meeting, and I just collapsed when I got back. If I don’t get up now, I won’t sleep a wink tonight.”

“I’m not far away. Are you free for a little while?”

“All evening. What’s up?”

“I’ve got something for you.”

She smiled at this surprise. For the briefest of moments she hoped the “something” was her daughter, or at least a letter. Then she realized he would have told her that immediately.

“I’ll unlock the door. If I’m in the shower, just let yourself in.”

Thirty minutes later, showered and dressed in more casual clothes, she found him in the family room petting Velvet.

“Now I see why you’re here,” she said. “You just can’t resist my puppies.”

“I still can’t believe you have them.”

“They’re adorable, aren’t they?”

“Nothing cuter.” He got to his feet. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“I’m not. Can you stay awhile?”