One Night With Her Best Friend (7 page)

Kate
couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak.
 
Her
legs weren’t doing a good job of supporting her, so she slid down the wall to
sit on the floor.

Aaron
lowered himself beside her, leaning against the wall just like her. “I guess
this means you’re surprised,” he said, sounding a little more like himself now.
“I thought my feelings would have been pitifully obvious for a long time, but I
guess not.”

They
sat in silence for a full minute. She could hear his breathing in the quiet
room.

“Kate,”
he said at last. “I’m not trying to rush you, but if you don’t say something
soon I might have a stroke.”

A
choked laugh surprised her, but the amusement didn’t distract her for long. She
desperately needed to explain something to Aaron, and she wasn’t sure how. “I…I
do want you.”

He
blinked. “What?”

“You
said that I don’t want you, despite how good we were together. And the truth
is…I do. I
do
.” She couldn’t look at him, so she focused on one of the
pedals of the recumbent bike.

He
obviously knew she wasn’t finished. “But?”

“But,”
she forced out, “I’m scared.”

“Tell
me what you’re scared of.”

“I’m
scared of jumping into something on impulse and then losing everything.”

He
reached over and put his arm around her, pulling her body against his. She
huddled against him, despite his sweaty shirt. “I don’t think that’s going to
happen, Kate.”

“How
do you know? How do you
know
?”

“Well,
it’s been fourteen years, so we’re not really jumping into anything on impulse.
It’s been a long time coming.”

“Yeah.
I guess.”

“I’m
not anything like your dad, you know.”

She
sucked in a sharp breath. “I know that. I never thought you were. It’s not that
you’re like my dad. It’s just that he taught me it’s better to be careful, to not
take risks when you have something good, to plan everything. If not, things can
get…get awful.”

“They
don’t have to get awful. They can get better.”

“Maybe.”
For the first time, she was torn between the fear and something else. Something
new and warm and excited.

Aaron
didn’t respond immediately. If she was reading the tenor of his silence
accurately, he was thinking hard. Finally, he said, “Tell me what you’re afraid
would happen. The worst case scenario. Everything falling apart. What would
that be?”

She
chewed on her lower lip as she made herself think through the question
honestly. “That would be losing you.”

He
let out a breath, and she felt his body relax. “That’s not going to happen. I’m
not going anywhere. You can throw me out, but I won’t leave. I’ll just keep
pounding on your door.”

Absurdly,
she almost laughed at the visual, but this was serious so she made herself try
to explain. “But sex changes things. You can’t pretend it doesn’t.”

“Of
course, it changes things. But we’ve been together for fourteen years. Do you
really think sex is going to make us love each other
less
, make us
less
committed? We’d be what we’ve always been. Only more.”

Only
more.

It
sounded perfect. Exactly what she wanted. What she’d always wanted but hadn’t
known.

But
it was too new, and she couldn’t yet trust it.

“I
have too many issues,” she said after a moment. “Even if I wanted to, I’d just
make a mess of this.”

“Everyone
has issues. Whatever’s leftover from life with your father hasn’t gotten in the
way of our friendship. I don’t think it would stop us from being more. It’s
just a question of whether you want to work through it. With me.”

She
was having trouble breathing. Part of her wanted desperately to say yes—to
claim Aaron in every way—but that would be a final step, one she couldn’t take
back.

The
fear paralyzed her.

She
knew Aaron was waiting. His body was tense beside her. She had to say
something, so she managed to force out, “Can I…can I think about it?”

“Of
course. This is obviously what I want, and I think it’s the best thing for both
of us. But I’m not giving you an ultimatum or trying to pressure you.”

He
stood up and reached down to help her to her feet, and his mouth twitched
irrepressibly. “You can make lists of pros and cons and anything else you need
to do to decide.”

She
almost laughed. She started to leave, since there wasn’t anything left to say,
but she turned around before she reached the door, suddenly concerned she
wasn’t being fair to Aaron, that she was taking advantage of him in some way.

His
expression softened when he saw her expression. “I’m fine, Kate. And I’m not
going anywhere.”

“Please
don’t,” she whispered.

She
left the workout room and started walking down the hall.

It
was all new to her. That was why it was so overwhelming. Aaron had always
belonged in one compartment of her life, and now he was trying to spill over
into everything.

But
that didn’t mean she was going to lose him.

She’d
trusted him all these years, and he hadn’t let her down. She could trust him in
this.

They
could be everything they’d always been.

Only
more.

She
hadn’t yet reached her apartment door when she froze in the middle of the hall.

She
suddenly realized he was right. He was
right
. And she was absolutely
crazy not to claim so much more when it was offered.

She
might have a few issues to work through, lingering fears about a life that didn’t
feel secure, but she wasn’t going to let them shape her future. And she wasn’t
a complete idiot.

Her
world wasn’t going to fall apart just because Aaron moved out of the friend
role.

Her
world could instead get better.

A
surge of dizzy excitement rushed through her as she turned on her heel and
hurried back to the workout room.

Aaron
was still there. He’d been finishing off his bottle of water, but he lowered it
abruptly when he saw her, almost choking as he swallowed the last gulp.

She
was breathing unevenly now. Everything was about to change. “Okay.”

She
saw him tense up. “Okay what?”

“Okay.
Okay
. I’m still kind of scared, but I want to…to do this.”

She’d
thought he would look happy—as excited as she was starting to feel—but he looked
rather stunned instead. “You want to do what, exactly?”

Frowning,
she explained, “I want to be with you. What did you think we were talking about
just now?”

“Are
you just saying this because you don’t want to hurt my feelings?” Aaron walked
toward her, peering at her closely.

“No,
of course not. I just decided…I want more.” The last of her fear faded as she
spoke, as she explained herself to an uncomprehending Aaron, and now she reached
out to grab his damp shirt. “I want you.”

He
reached up to cover her hands on his shirt. “Just to be clear. I’m not talking
about a friends with benefits thing. This is serious for me.”

“It’s
serious for me too. I could never have casual sex with you. Surely you know
that.”

His
expression was briefly torn between reluctance and hope—as if, now that he was
getting what he wanted, he couldn’t really believe it. “It’s
really
serious for me. I’m not trying to put too much pressure on you, but you need to
know this. I’m in too deep to try it halfway and then pull back.”

The
words were like a balm to her wounded soul. She’d never before known they were
the words she needed to hear. “What’s going on here, Aaron? You’re the most
important relationship in my life. It’s just as serious for me as it is for you.
That’s why I’m so scared. Why are you balking about it now? If you’re going to
change your mind about this, after I’ve finally worked myself into doing it,
then I’m just going to have to wring your—”

She
wasn’t able to answer because he was suddenly kissing her. And she was kissing
him back.

She
wrapped her arms around his neck and gave herself up to the kiss. He was urgent,
hungry, almost desperate, and it matched her mood exactly.

Her
chest was exploding with excitement when he finally broke off the kiss. He
started to pull away, murmuring dryly, “Sorry. I’m all sweaty.”

She
choked on a laugh and pulled him back toward her. “Why the hell would I care
about that?”

Despite
the deep passion in his expression, he still seemed to be holding something
back, and she knew it for sure when he said hoarsely, “Kate, I want to make
sure you know this. There’s not going to be any way back from this for me. I’m
in it all the way. So if you care about me at all, you won’t start this if
you’re likely to change your mind later on. You won’t do this unless it’s…it’s
real.”

She
knew Aaron better than anyone, but even she hadn’t realized this kind of
passionate intensity was part of his nature.

Never
dreamed it could be directed toward her.

 “It’s
real, Aaron. I’m not saying it will always be easy, and I might…I might get
scared sometimes. But I’m in this all the way. It’s funny, since I was so sure
it was going to mess up everything, but it actually makes perfect sense. I couldn’t
have worked it out better if I’d planned it. I just needed one last piece to
fall into place.”

She
could see he finally believed her. Something blinding shattered in his eyes
before he covered it with a familiar downward smile. “One last piece? What was
that?”

“That
was you.”

***

They ended up going
back to her apartment, but then Kate wasn’t sure what to do. She felt jittery
with excitement but also a little awkward—and absolutely exhausted. It wasn’t
even dawn yet.

It
had been a really long night.

“What
do you want to do?” Aaron asked, either sensing her mood or feeling it himself.

“I
think I’ll take another shower,” she said, “And get some sleep, if that’s all
right.”

“Of
course.” He glanced down at himself. He was still sweaty from running. “I need
a shower too.”

She
stretched up to kiss him briefly. “You do. Go to your apartment and take a
shower. Then you can come back and get in bed with me.” When she saw the shift
in his expression, she chuckled. “To sleep.”

She
got in the shower—the third shower she’d taken in less than twelve hours—and
had a sudden realization that she’d somehow gotten together with Aaron
overnight.

It
was surreal. She wasn’t sure how it had happened. But it made her want to hug
herself with delight and tremble with fear at the same time. She tried and
failed to imagine what their lives would look like from here on out.

Whenever
she’d started dating someone in the past, she would visualize an entire future
with him—playing out various scenarios and plotting out details all the way
down to what kind of car they would have and how they would decorate their
bedroom.

But
she couldn’t seem to do that with Aaron. She knew him too well. Had no way of
imposing a future on him based purely on her inclinations.

She
was just soaping up, trying to keep her hair out of the spray since it was
still damp from her last shower, when a sudden gust of cold air startled her.

She
gave a little squeal when Aaron stepped into the shower with her.

“What
are you doing?” she demanded, even though the answer was clear when he reached
out to pull her naked body against his.

“Taking
a shower.” His intensely tender expression belied his bland tone.

“I
thought you were going over to your place.”

“I
was, but then I started to worry about your talking yourself out of things
while you were in here, and I didn’t want to risk it.”

She
laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. His body was hard and slick
against hers. “I’m not talking myself out of anything. It’s just that it’s all
new to me. You’re eventually going to have to believe me.”

“I
do.” He kissed her. “It’s just new to me too.”

They
kissed for a while, but she was too tired to feel any real momentum to desire.
Aaron didn’t have that problem, though, and soon he was hard against her.

She
took him in both hands and worked him over until his body clenched up
unmistakably and then relaxed with a shuddering breath. She loved watching his
face as he came. Loved being able to give him what he needed.

She’d
always taken care of him, but it was particularly enjoyable to take care of him
like this.

She
was rinsing off his release—not much since he’d come not long before—when he pulled
her into his arms.