One Trip Around the Sun (7 page)

“No! If he did something to one of you, I’m telling my parents!” I hold my hands up in an attempt to keep them back.

“Stop it. Just stop it. Sit down,” Ashley demands.

Kimberly and Ashley each grab one of my arms, and they try to lead me to the couch to sit down.

“Tell me, or I’m walking out there and making a scene.” I pull away from them.

“Okay, okay. Sit down,” Ashley says.

They pull me down and sit on either side of me.

“He tried to…he tried…” Kimberly shakes her head as if correcting her choice of words. “He did touch all of us,” she whispers, looking at the steps to be sure that no one is coming.

“What the fuck?” I yell.

Ashley smacks her hand over my mouth. “Reese, I swear to God, if you start any drama, I’m gonna beat your ass. I am in enough trouble with my parents right now. It would break Gramma’s heart if she knew what a piece of shit her own kid was.”

I stand, but Miley walks to me and tries to push me back down.

When I don’t sit down, she gets in my face. “Unless you want to ruin an old lady’s last years alive, I suggest that you plant your goody-two-shoes ass down and shut the fuck up.”

“Don’t touch me! I can’t be still right now.” I pace across the floor. “You have to tell your parents. They need to know this. You are seriously telling me that Gramma does not know this?”

“No, we’re not telling anyone. Nothing ever actually happened. He just tried.” Kimberly is standing in front of the stairs, so I can’t make a break for it.

“He touched you! That’s not okay!” I hiss, looking at each one of them. “Where was everyone else when this happened? When did this happen?”

“When we used to stay here at Gramma’s house,” Ashley says.

“But I was here, and I never saw him do anything.” I violently shake my head.

“That’s bullshit, Reese! He tried to get under my nightgown a few times with you sitting right next to me. He pressed himself against us whenever he could. Why are you playing dumb? You’re just as bad as all of them upstairs,” Miley states as if she’s talking about a movie. She shows no emotion at all.

“And you?” I look at Ashley.

She looks at the ground. “He touched me through my clothes and tried to get me under a blanket with him, but I didn’t go.”

“I can’t believe this shit. And you all thought he did something to me?” I look at each one of them.

“You really don’t remember any of it, do you?” Miley says in her smart-ass tone. “You don’t recall going into Gramma’s bed at night just to be sure that he wouldn’t get to us after we fell asleep? You have no memory of us all wearing jeans when we came over here just so he couldn’t get up our shorts or dresses? Or, how about our pact that we would never leave anyone alone, even to go to the bathroom, while he was home?”

I’m begging myself to remember something, and then memories crash into my mind all at once. Suddenly, visuals come flooding in. I do remember it all.
Oh my fucking God!
I feel like I’m going to vomit. I remember Randy sliding his hand up my leg, and I stopped him by running into Gramma’s bedroom and lying in bed with her. I remember his smell, and I remember avoiding him as much as I could.

Miley is leaning against the wall with her usual smug look on her face. “Yeah, you were there, and we just figured—”

“Figured what?” I walk over and stand directly in front of her.

“Figured that maybe he did something, and that’s why you have…you know, issues or whatever.” She waves her hand and tips her head.

“Issues? What issues do I have? And how long have you all thought this? No one told me this! Who knows he did this to us?” Losing my breath, a panic attack threatens to assault me.

“Reese, calm down. Relax, honey.” Kimberly puts her hands on my shoulders, walks me over to the couch, and lowers me down. She bends down to look me in the eyes.

“Tell me now!” I scream.

Ashley squeezes my wrist. “Shut the fuck up, Reese.” She grits her teeth.

I shake my head, trying to clear it. “What issues do I have exactly?”

They just remain silent.

As soon as Ashley lets go of me, I dart to the steps, and they all jump up and rush over to me.

“Talk now, or I scream,” I say.

“Okay. Like, your panic attacks, and you’re…you know, kind of a loner,” Kimberly says softly.

“I haven’t had a panic attack in a long time! And no, I don’t know. Since you all have the answers, do tell.” I cross my arms over my chest and look at each of my cousins.

“You’re…like…you’re a seventeen-year-old virgin,” Miley says.

“Ugh!” I gasp and lunge at Miley. She backs away before I’m able to make contact. “Are you kidding me? My virginity is not an issue. I just choose not to be a slut like you!”

Kimberly and Ashley hold me back, so I can’t rip Miley’s cocky face off.

“Fuck you, Reese. We didn’t do anything to you.” Miley throws her arms in the air and falls down onto the couch.

“What’s going on in here? What are you guys fighting about?” Gramma walks in, and we all stare at each other. “Well?”

“Nothing, Gramma. We played a joke and took it too far. It’s fine.” Ashley walks over and hugs her.

“It’s fine, Gramma, really,” Kimberly says.

“Okay, if you girls say so. I love you all.” She starts back up the stairs.

“Love you, too, Gramma,” we all call after her.

I shove past Kimberly and Ashley on my way out of the room. In the spare bedroom across the hall, I slam myself onto the bed, and I pull my phone out of my pocket.

Kimberly joins me and lies down next to me. “Honey, listen,” she says like I’m a two-year-old.

“Don’t treat me like a child, Kim.” I shove her away from me.

“Miley’s a bitch, and she shouldn’t have told you that stuff.”

I need to get the hell out of here, but I know my parents aren’t going to let me leave even if I ask.

I type out a text as fast as my fingers allow.

Chelsea?

I’m tapping my fingernails on the back of my phone.

I need you. Where are you?

Why isn’t she responding?

Miley enters the room and sits down next to me. “Reese, this is exactly why we didn’t tell you. Here’s the deal…”

I’m not listening to a damn word she says, nor do I care to. At this point, I just want out of here.

I just got home. What’s wrong?

Please come get me now. I’m at my gramma’s.

On my way. Are you okay?

Miley’s voice is annoying the shit out of me.
“
Do you understand me, Reese?”

What?
I obviously missed something.

“What?” I ask, looking into her cold stare.

“Did you hear anything I just said?” she asks, irritated.

“No, I didn’t. I don’t care what you have to say.”

“You’d just better keep your mouth shut, Reese.”

“Get away from me, Miley. Now!” I point my finger at the door.

Surprisingly, Miley and Kimberly leave me, and as soon as they do, I run up the stairs and out the back door. Chelsea hasn’t arrived yet, so I head down the street. I’m just walking. I’m going nowhere in particular. I just want to be anywhere but here. My thoughts are everywhere.

I’m hot and sweaty. Ugh, I’m so pissed.

More than anything, I’m confused.

How could I have forgotten this? Why didn’t my cousins say something about this before now?

I pace across the parking lot of the convenience store down the street until I get a text from Chelsea.

I’m here.

I run down the sidewalk back toward the house and slip into her car as quickly as I can before she takes off.

“What’s going on, Reese?”

“Oh my God! Oh my fucking God, Chels! You are not going to believe what just happened. Either those bitches are crazy, or I just found out why I’m so fucked up.”

She just stares at me.

I start explaining everything that Miley, Kimberly, and Ashley just told me. I tell her that I remember avoiding Uncle Randy and even staying in my gramma’s bedroom just to hide from him.

She pulls into the coffee shop just as I finish.

“Wow.” Sitting in the driver’s seat, she looks straight ahead. “So, you don’t remember anything?”

“Did you not just hear me? Yes, all of it.”

“No, I mean, are you sure there’s anything more? All you know is that that you used to hide from him. You said that nothing else happened.”

“Chelsea, the thing that scares me is that I didn’t recall anything until they told me.”

“That’s a good thing, Reese. If you don’t remember it, then it probably didn’t happen.”

“Ugh! You are not listening to me.” I turn sideways in my seat to face her. “Chelsea, you know that there are gaps. We’ve talked about it a million times. You remember so much more of your childhood than I do. What if something did happen?”

“No, you wouldn’t forget that. It’s not like a trip to the zoo when you were five, for God’s sake.”

For a few minutes, we stare as people come and go.

“I’ve heard of people blocking traumatic things from their memories—you know, like on those trash TV shows where they go on and air all their dirty laundry,” I say.

“Just like you said, that’s trash, and it’s fake, Reese.” She grabs my hand and pulls it to her lap. “Do you remember anything at all?”

“I mean, I guess I have memories of sitting on his lap at Gramma’s when I was maybe six. Then, crawling into Gramma’s bed, but I can’t recall anything in between. I do know that he smelled…sweet, like vanilla or something. That’s it. That’s all.”

As soon as I get the last word out, I feel a panic attack coming on. I take a deep breath and pull my hand away from Chelsea. I frantically grab for the car door, but it happens too fast. I suck in the little bit of breath that I can. The next thing I know, the door opens, and Chelsea is pulling me out of the car. I bend over and grab my knees.

“Deep breaths, Reese. It’s okay. Calm down. Slow your breathing.” She drops to her knees, looking up at me in the eyes. “Breathe with me. That’s it, Reese. You’ve got this.”

This goes on for a good three or four minutes before I start to come out of the panic attack.

Chelsea wipes away the tears running down my cheeks. She kisses my forehead and stands, pulling me up with her. “Are you okay?”

I nod and lay my forehead on the roof of the car.

“Wow. You haven’t had one of those in a while. Now that it’s over with, I’ll go in and get some coffee. We’ll head back to my house and figure this out. Stay put. I’ll be right back.”

I slump into the passenger seat of her car and leave the door open, so I can get some fresh air.

When we get back to Chelsea’s house, we go straight to her bedroom and sit on the floor across from one another. She’s as determined as I am to sort out this mess.

“You need to talk to your mom, Reese. She knows about this stuff.”

I look at her, confused as all hell. “How exactly does my mom know anything about this stuff?”

“She works in a gyno office. She would know how to deal with this.”

“That’s stupid, Chelsea.” I pull open her nightstand drawer and retrieve the stationery and pen that I know she keeps in there.

LOSE MY V.

SNEAK OUT WITH A GUY.

SNEAK A GUY INTO MY ROOM.

Chelsea reads the list as I write it. “I know damn good and well that I am not reading that correctly. I’m not a pro at reading upside down, but really?”

“Yes, really.” I continue my list.

GET DRUNK.

GET HIGH.

“Whoa there, killer.” She grabs the paper from me. “What is this?”

I stand and look down at Chelsea. “I have tried to do right all these years. I’ve made good choices and look where it got me.”

“Nothing got you here, Reese. You need to calm down and figure this out. Not…what is this shit? Lose your virginity? Why? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, actually, I need to rephrase that to,
Have sex
. I don’t even know if I’m a virgin, but I’ll know once I do it.”

“So, you are telling me that you are going to have sex just to find out if you are a virgin? I am not hearing you right, Reese, because this is the craziest fucking shit I have ever heard in my life. This is movie shit, Reese. And get high? This is not you.”

That’s golden, coming from her mouth. After some of the shit she’s come up with, she should be proud of me for hatching up such a fucked-up plan.

“How else will I know?”

“Your gyno. Can’t she tell? You could go and ask her.”

“Well, that’s an odd question to ask her. Plus, she’s my mom’s boss and close friend. She would probably tell my mom. At the very least, she would have to put it in my file, which my mom has full access to. The thing is, Dr. Lana asked me if I’ve had sex yet, and I told her no. She didn’t tell me that she knew I was lying.”

I try to recall the doctor’s reaction when she did the exam. Maybe she could tell and thought I was lying. But I don’t think so.

Ugh! This is all so confusing and frustrating.

“Go to a different gyno. Then, you can tell someone the whole story.”

“How am I going to sell that to my mom when I’ve already let Dr. Lana do an exam? I should have been smart enough to do that in the first place. For God’s sake, I can’t even remember if my family member only felt me up or full-on molested me. What is wrong with me?” I fall over onto Chelsea’s bed.