Only For Now: Second Chances (9 page)

"That's easy for you to say, though. The future of your career doesn't depend on it. You've already proven yourself as a photographer. You're the golden boy of the blogosphere it seems."

He laughed at that, and Alexa's body warmed at the sound. "Not quite. I went out on my own, did my own thing. I definitely wasn't the golden boy in my family's opinion. I think my grandfather still wants me to 'come home' and take up the family business, but my dad has resigned himself to the fact that it's not going to happen."

Alexa knew exactly what he must feel like. "Was it hard? To go against expectations, I mean?" She hoped he couldn't tell just how much she was in need of his answer. Her entire career was based upon meeting expectations, her own mostly.

She swallowed and turned away when he looked at her as if were trying to see through to her very soul.

"Yes." Her shoulders slumped. "And no." She looked up at him in confusion and he laughed. "The idea of it was extremely difficult. It had always been assumed that I would fall in line, without a thought as to what I wanted. But once I made the decision, I felt... Well, I guess I felt free."

Alexa searched his eyes, looking for something to give her a clue. "Were they angry?"

"What is this really about, Lex?" Will leaned forward and lifted her sunglasses so he could look into her eyes. "Me, or you?"

She let out her breath in another sigh, wondering what she should tell him. On a whim, she decided she'd go with the truth. What could it hurt at this point? He'd already seen more of who she really was than any other person she knew other than her sister. "I hate my job."

He placed a hand on each of his cheeks, mouth and eyes wide in mock-disbelief. "No."

Alexa giggled and punched him lightly on the arm. "Funny now, aren't we?" Then she was serious again. "Is it obvious?"

"Not to everyone."

She glanced sharply at him. "You don't understand. I’ve spent so much time trying to prove myself. To make people see that I’m not some flighty girl with her head in the clouds."

“You mean you’re not?” He laughed, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “Seriously, though, you think I don't get that? You do realize that I've had everything handed to me my whole life by my family, right? I don't take that lightly, despite what people may say or think about me. I'm not throwing it in their faces by running off to pursue my own passions. I realize that without them, I may not even have had the opportunity to do so. But I'm not going to live my life doing something I hate just to make other people happy. Because their happiness over it would really be a drop in the bucket of life if I was sacrificing who I am to do it. And they get that." He grinned ruefully. "Well, maybe not grandfather, but I think the rest of them do now, in their own way."

She didn't know what to say. This man continued to amaze her. She wanted to tell him that, but she didn't have the right words. And besides, just because that was right for him, didn't mean it was right for her. Their background and circumstances were completely different. She and Cara had fought tooth and nail to make something of their lives, not having come from a wealthy family. Cara had succeeded, both financially and in the happiness department. Alexa was striving for one, but it seemed it would be at the sacrifice of the other.

Trying to change the subject slightly to take some of the focus off of her career choices, Alexa blurted out, "I do have a blog." Then she clapped her hand over her mouth. Why had she told him that?

That piqued his interest. He leaned forward. "What is it?"

"Well I don't have it public. I have several years’ worth of posts, but I'm the only one who has ever seen them."

"Why not? I know it's not because you don't have anything interesting to say."

"No," she said slowly, thinking. "But on there, I'm completely open and honest, my true self—“

"And you don't want anyone to see the true you," he interrupted. It wasn't a question.

How could he see through her like that? It astounded her. On an impulse, she opened her computer again, intending to show him some of what she had kept private all these years. She was about to click on her blog app when she noticed a new email from work had arrived. Her throat constricted as she hovered the mouse over it.

Will must have noticed it as well because his squeezed her thigh encouragingly. "Open it."

Holding her breath, she clicked the icon.

* * *

Will studied Alexa's face, trying to discern what the email said, but she kept it carefully blank. He realized he was almost as nervous as she must be. He really wanted to see her do well, and he felt pretty sure her story was a winner.

While he waited impatiently for her to break the suspense, he thought over the conversation they had just had. Somehow, even after years apart, he felt that he was able to see her for who she really was. He did know what it was like to have expectations placed upon you, but Alexa's circumstance was a little different. She’d placed them upon herself, at the expense of her own hopes and dreams. Even though he didn't quite know exactly what her dreams entailed, he did know that it wasn't what she was doing now.

Bringing him back to the moment at hand, Alexa raised her eyes to meet his, and his heart dropped at the disappointment he saw there. She shook her head ever so slightly, then closed the laptop again and looked away. Whatever she had been about to show him was dismissed with this turn of events.

Will reached for her hand hesitantly, unsure of how she would respond. He had edited her story after all. Would she blame him? He wasn't sure, as her hand remained limp in his.

After a moment he leaned down to try and catch her eye again. "Lex? Are you okay?"

She heaved a large sigh and leaned back in her chair. "I don't know. I mean, I kind of figured this would happen. I tried not to get my hopes up. But I guess I did anyhow. Especially after you said it was good." Her face turned pink and he realized how she must be feeling.

"Putting yourself out there like that is hard, I know. The first time is the hardest. But you did it, and that says something about you. Most people only think and dream of it, but you gave it a go. And now you know a little better about what they want." He hesitated, then asked, "What did they say?"

Her laugh sounded bitter to his ears. "That it was too whimsical. Not suited to their audience. I should have known that. I do read article after article of dry facts about economics every day, after all. I don't know what I was thinking, trying to inject some life into an article about the economics of tourism."

"You were putting yourself into it, that's what." He didn't like the discouragement in her voice.

"Well, you're right about one thing." She pulled her hand away. "Now I know. I know that my writing needs to remain exactly how it is. Private. I'll stick to what I do best. Proofing others' work. And maybe I can eventually move up the ranks. I shouldn't have tried to overstep my boundaries. I should do what I know."

Will was stunned. This was not the Alexa he had seen blossoming over the past few days. This was a bitterer and restrained version of the woman he knew. She was resigned and closing down within herself again, and he didn't like it.

"Don't do that. Don't beat yourself up. I loved the story. Your take made an otherwise dull subject come to life."

Alexa simply grimaced. "You would say that. Your writing can be whimsical. You can push the boundaries. I, however, work at a business magazine, and don't have that luxury."

He started to speak again, but she raised a hand and stood up, effectively cutting him off. "You know what? I don't want to hear anything else about it. You don't get it."

"So, what? You're just going to give up? Go mope about it? That's not you."

"You don't know that. What makes you think you know who I am anymore? Just because we've spent a few days together on vacation, doesn't make you an expert on my life." Her eyes were blazing, and not with the kind of heat Will had come to enjoy seeing when she looked at him. "In fact, you don't know the first thing about me. So thanks for your words of wisdom, but no thanks."

Will was left sitting with his mouth agape as she stormed into the house. He heard her feet pounding up the stairs, and thought about going after her. He was about to, when Cara came outside, eyes narrowed.

"What the hell was that about? I swear if you've done anything to hurt my sister."

"Slow down," Will said, holding his hands up defensively. "She got a rejection letter from her editor. I tried to offer some words of encouragement, but it only set her off."

All the fire went out of her. "Maybe I should go talk to her."

"If you feel like facing that hurricane, you're a braver than I am."

Cara looked behind her, debating, then sat down. "What are your thoughts? Why didn't they like it?"

"She didn't say much, but my best guess is that writing about economics is not the best fit for Alexa."

Cara looked troubled. "Do you think she's unhappy?"

"That's something you would be better able to figure out than I can. I'd be smarter to stay out of it."

Cara knit her brows together, pondering, then surprised him with a sudden change of subject. “How are you two getting along?”

Despite himself, Will couldn’t keep the grin off his face.

“That’s what I thought.” Cara laughed. “I feel like I did the right thing having you come here to be part of the wedding. It’s what she needed to get over whatever has kept her running for so long.” She hesitated for a moment, looking like she wanted to say more.

“Spill it.”

“I just worry about her. I know it’s only for now, but I don’t know if she capable of that.”

Will brought himself eye to eye with Cara. “That is one thing you don’t have to worry about. Because despite what Alexa thinks she wants, or thinks I want for that matter, as far as I’m concerned this week is only the beginning.”

A smile broke over Cara’s face at his words. “About damn time.”

“Tell me about it.” Now if only he could make Alexa see it that way.

CHAPTER TEN

The next day was the rehearsal dinner, and Will had managed to get back in Alexa's good graces. Really, he had just kept his distance, and hadn't spoken any more about what he thought she should do with her career. It was her life, after all, and who was he to tell her what was best? Even though he thought he probably had a good idea.

His easing up on the subject had seemed to relieve her, and over the course of the previous night and earlier in the day, she had come around and was beginning to act like herself again. The fun, adventurous self that Will recognized as her true self, even if she wrote it off as being in vacation mode.

There had been a few times in the pool or at the beach when they had almost had a moment alone, but then right as he'd been about to kiss her or say something to make her blush so prettily, someone had come along. Will had a plan in mind to get her alone, but it would take some careful work on his part to bring it to fruition.

They were all currently getting cleaned up after spending another day in the sun, dressing up for the rehearsal dinner Cara had booked at a private dining room at the marina restaurant. Afterward, the plan was for the men to take Jace out to some local clubs and bars for his last night as a bachelor. The women were debating going out as well, even though they'd spent the previous weekend in New Orleans. If it played out according to Will's plan, they would all be out of the house, and he could sneak off with Alexa.

A key component of his plan remained to be seen, however, as it lay with Cara. He was fairly certain after the last conversation that she was on board with whatever it took to give Alexa and him some time together. Just as Jace announced he was getting in the shower and disappeared into his room, he made his move.

* * *

What was he up to? Alexa saw Will give her a sly wink, then slip away with Cara onto the deck. She started to follow, but was ambushed by Lauren, the maid of honor.

"I think the guys are going out tonight after dinner, and I think we ought to do the same, don't you?"

Alexa shook her head, surprised. "I don't know. I thought last weekend was enough."

"Oh, come on, why should they have all the fun? What are we going to do, just sit around here and watch a movie while they're out partying?" Brenda joined in the conversation.

Alexa had to admit the idea of Will drinking and dancing with other women didn't hold any appeal for her, and now that the image was in her head, she knew it was all she would be thinking about the entire time they were gone.

Before she had time to think about it, the words were out of her mouth. "Yes, let's do it." If he was going to be out making her jealous, well, two could play at that game. She gave Brenda a grin, and Lauren squealed and clapped her hands in response.

Just then, Will and Cara reappeared, and he caught her eye, curious. She gave him a mysterious smile and went up to her room before he could question her. Better to leave him wondering or she may do something stupid, like spill the beans about making him jealous. She wasn't very good at these games, after all.

On an impulse, she had packed the dress she'd worn last weekend when she'd met Will. Now she was glad she had, because what better dress to wear to make sure he was thinking of her all night than the one she'd apparently stripped off of herself in front of him. She smiled at the thought, no longer embarrassed by her previous actions. Will made her comfortable with herself, even if he did put her body on edge every time he was near.

An hour later, they were down on the beach with the wedding coordinator, going through the motions of the ceremony that would take place in just over twenty-four hours. Alexa wasn't surprised to find that she and Will had been paired together, and as they made their way down the sand to take their places at the end of the rows of groomsmen and bridesmaids, he bowed his head slightly toward hers and whispered, "Nice dress." She merely smiled in return.