Only Love (20 page)

Slowly, I turned but when I did, Don wasn’t staring at me. His gaze went lower but I didn’t need to look down to know what he stared at.

Lifting my hand, I touched the cross around my neck. I tucked it away without words. I wouldn’t let him use it for leverage anymore. After grabbing my bag, I shut my locker. I stepped right up to him and lifted it, touching it against his chest. “Take some time, Don,” I said. “I think you need to get your mind back before you talk to me again.”

Pushing past him, I left. He may have helped me, may have gotten me through some shit, but that no way in hell allowed him to say what he had. I hoped he knew that because I wouldn’t warn him again.

I stopped by the grocery store after I left the precinct, wanting to distract myself from what happened with Don. I respected the hell out of that man, but it seemed like more and more he made me question why. His ignorance went without question. I’d known that for a while but I put up with it. I had because of everything we’d been through together. More specifically, everything he’d done for me. He’d been there while I was at the end of a bottle, completely inebriated after… after…

I nearly lost my job things had gotten so bad, hung over at work, sick and depressed, and it was he who talked me down, got me to go to that first AA meeting that got me back on track. I found Caroline there going through the same struggle. She hid her disease well. At the precinct, I hadn’t even known about it. We got better together, but none of that would have been possible without that initial first step, Don, my partner.

But how much could I owe him if that meant I’d be giving away a piece of myself, my dignity and all I believed in while I looked the other way at his crap? The things he said on the day-to-day, the things he’d
done
both on the job and off? Things like the Lopez case. To that question, I didn’t know the answer.

Lost, I wandered around the grocery store. I filled my cart with things I needed, toothpaste, shaving cream, but then they became things I didn’t need—juice boxes, cereal that was easily chewable, and those little containers of applesauce kids liked. I also got candy bars, freaking candy bars, and when I grabbed a single rose out of the floral aisle I read the writing on the wall about where I wanted to be tonight. Rerouting, I put back the frozen dinners I got for myself tonight and grabbed chicken, veggies, and pasta to make my moms’ famous casserole, at least famous to me, as I loved it so much. Maybe Aubrey and Gabby would too. I also got some of those
Gerber Graduate
things for Rissa, too, in case Aubrey wanted her to eat something different.

My arms were lined with bags when I got back to the apartment. I hit the stairwell and coming up on the fourth floor I bumped into someone. The guy was hooded and I couldn’t see his face at first.

“Sorry, man,” I said holding him steady by the shoulder. He just about fell over he ran into me so hard.

“Ah, yeah. Sorry, sorry—”

When the kid looked up his eyes flashed, and something I also noticed?

His pupils were extremely dilated.

He lowered his head and tucked something he had in his hoodie pocket. Before I could question him, he pushed past me, mumbling, “Sorry, officer,” before he left the building.

With a sigh, I turned to go up the stairwell to my floor, but decided to stop. Since both Gabby and Aubrey were on this floor I might as well ask the pair now about dinner. Deciding to stop by Gabby’s first, I headed that way.

I knocked when I got to the door, groceries still in hand, and to my surprise, Gabby didn’t open, but a woman, not yet middle age but older than thirty. Despite that, she aged herself tremendously, bags under eyes and face worn and weathered. The signs were there that she had experience with drugs, though she may not be using now there were years there in her eyes, her face. I could tell right away she knew who I was, and I wasn’t surprised. Though I hadn’t seen her before, she’d definitely seen me around.

I smiled at her, keeping things casual. “Ma’am.”

“Officer.” She closed her robe, pushing her hands under her arms. “Can I help you with something?”

“I was actually looking for Gabby,” I asked kind of looking behind her.

She inched the door closed and cut off my view. “Why? What did she do? I ain’t got money to bail her out or nothing.”

“Oh, no, ma’am,” I paused. Raising my bags, I showed them to her. “I’m making dinner for her friend across the hall. Aubrey? Gabby’s always around and I wondered if she wanted to join us.”

“Hmm. Well, she ain’t here. She out with some friends.”

I thought about that, sighing. Hopefully she was keeping out of trouble. The woman about closed the door in my silence and I raised my hand. “Um, are you her mom? Could you tell her that I came around? There’ll be plenty for her.”

Sniffing, this woman gazed me up and down, a harshness behind her eyes that I knew most people reserved for law enforcement like me. “Yeah, I’m her mama. I’ll tell her.”

I doubted she would, but I couldn’t do anything about that. She wasn’t here. Taking my bags, I went to Aubrey’s. She opened the door after the second knock and the look on her face made my stomach do crazy things, like a teen having his first crush on a girl. Though, I knew this was more than a crush. So much more.

“Adam.” She hugged me, one-armed like it was the most natural thing. Like I was coming home to her. Stepping back, she eyed my bags. “What you got there?”

I raised them. “Dinner? I hoped,” I said chuckling lightly. “I got things to make a casserole. Enough for you and Gabby. I also brought some things for Rissa too if she can’t eat it.”

Putting her hand to her mouth, she chewed on the edge of her thumbnail a bit, almost like she was trying to hide a smile. Noticing she was doing that, she pushed her hand behind her neck and into her curly hair. She waved me in. She tried to take some of my bags, but I told her I was fine, bringing them into her kitchen while she led the way.

“I can go get Gabby,” she said. I watched her as she went to grab a hoodie off her kitchen counter. She wore only a small tank top and probably wanted to cover herself before going, but I saved her from that as I said I’d stopped by there already.

“Oh?” she questioned.

I nodded putting out the chicken and fresh veggies on the counter from the bag. “Yeah. I met her mom. She said she wasn’t there. Out with friends.”

“How was she? Her mom?”

I paused on the thought. I didn’t want to tell her the truth. Her mom definitely had some issues. That was one thing I was certain of. Balling up the sack, I tossed it in Aubrey’s garbage, then turned, leaning back on the counter. “I think to be expected. I can see why she’s never around. Gabby.”

Nodding, she chewed her lip.

“I’ll keep a lookout. Make sure she comes home okay tonight.”

“Thanks. I’ll sleep better knowing that.”

I pushed off the counter. “Do you have a casserole dish? Nine by eleven should be a good size.”

She squatted, opening a bottom cabinet and I turned, arranging the things I bought on the counter with a smile. I was very obviously checking her out for longer than I should have, her thin shorts well above her knees. The glass dish touched the counter beside me when she placed it.

“It’s just going to be you and me then,” she said. “Hey, what setting do you need the oven?”

“Four hundred and fifty degrees, and why?”

She came over. “Rissa is staying over at my aunt’s. One of my cousin’s kids is having a birthday party. A sleepover and they’re having it over there. Rissa was invited. Can I help with anything?”

I wanted to do all this for her, but cooking together would be better, being together. I set out a squash for her to cut and she got a cutting board and knife. While she did that I boiled pasta, cooking the raw chicken right after. Just because I was letting her help didn’t mean I’d make her do much. She watched me with fascination after she cut her single squash, shaking her head while I sautéed. “You’re doing all the work,” she laughed.

“I like doing all the work.” And I did.

That made her smile. “Well, I’ll make a fruit salad then with some stuff I got. I’ll feel like I contributed.”

Something told me I couldn’t argue with her even if I wanted to. I let her and she started cutting fruit. I thought about something she said during our silence of working and couldn’t help asking her about it. “You said your cousin invited Rissa. Is there a reason why she wouldn’t be? Invited that is.”

At first, I didn’t think the question was prying but when her silence continued I suddenly felt it was. She sighed, chopping an apple. “Rissa doesn’t really get invited to things.”

Frowning, I turned my head, lifting my hand from the cooked chicken I just placed into the dish. I didn’t understand that. It wasn’t like she got into trouble or anything. She was only a baby. But then Aubrey continued.

“My family has dissociated themselves from me. Rissa is our link. They see her they see me, which is why she rarely gets asked.”

“Why?”

“My mom,” she said dropping some apple into a large bowl. “She’s basically a crack prostitute. Still is I can imagine. I haven’t seen her in a few years. She only comes around when she wants something. Basically bled my grandparents dry. They raised me, not her. My family associates me with her I guess, and I also think they’re resentful. My grandparents were always there for me before they died. Old age. They took care of me and anything I needed.” She shrugged. “It is what it is.”

Dropping in a few more bits of cooked chicken, I shook my head. “That’s not right. Not fair.”

“A lot of things aren’t fair. My aunt’s the buffer but not much. She tolerates me because she loves Rissa. After I met Javi, had her, things just got even worse with my family. They thought history was repeating itself. That I was spreading my legs for any guy that came calling. My aunt’s words.”

I got the pasta into the dish, finishing up the casserole. After I put it in the oven and set the timer, I rested back against the counter beside her. “No one can tell you who you are, and you’re not destined to be anything you don’t want to be.”

Her lips lifted, and a beautiful laugh escaped her lips and into the air. “Yeah?” she asked, looking up at me.

I nodded once. “If that was the case I’d be like my father, a struggling alcoholic instead of a reformed one.”

Her smile touched her eyes, and I left her, deciding to put the rest of the groceries away while she finished the fruit salad. I pretty much figured out where everything went. When I came across the rose I got her I laughed a bit that I’d almost forgotten about it. I turned to give it to her but placed it down when she said, “Ouch.”

I went over to her. “What?”

She didn’t have to answer as she held her finger and two drops of blood stained the wooden cutting bored. The cut didn’t look bad at first glance but I wouldn’t know until the blood was gone. Taking her hand, I guided her to the sink to rinse her finger off. I turned on the water.

“I can’t even cut fruit.” She laughed. “No wonder you wouldn’t let me help you.”

My laugh joined hers. Pushing my other arm around her, I held her hand under cold water in both of mine. “What’s cooking without a little clumsiness?” I teased.

Nudging me with her elbow, she let me help her and as I thought, the cut wasn’t bad, wasn’t much deeper than a paper cut. I got her cleaned up, and though the water running over our fingers was cold, that spoke differently of the rest of me.
Her
. Her body was so warm in front of me, and I leaned forward, smelling her hair. Doing so discretely turned out to be impossible. I got too close, my lips to close. She caught me almost immediately, but didn’t pull away. A breath escaping her lips, she lay back to rest against me.

Lowering my head, I kissed her shoulder. I expected to do so just once but I couldn’t stop, and I lingered there, tasting there.

A whimper left her throat and she panted, tilting her neck, and my lips, urgent for her, went right there. Needing her in my arms, I embraced her. I knew my hands were wet but I couldn’t help it. I wrapped her up, gripping her forearms under my hands, the water from my fingers dripping down her dark skin.

Her eyes closed, her hands went to my hips, rocking me against her, and my length, so hard, fell to rest between her cheeks through my jeans and her thin shorts.

The control I had was leaving me. She was so close and warm against me. Leaving her arms, I palmed her breasts, pressing them together and pillowing them over her top while I kissed her neck.

“Make me yours,” she said, the breathless words falling from her lips. “Tell me I am.”

Her statement gave me pause. My hands stopped and my lips followed as well. I turned her around, staring in her eyes. “Aubrey?” I asked. What would lead her to say that? To even form the words?

Her eyes wouldn’t meet mine immediately and she pushed a hand through her thick locks. “It’s just,” she struggled, chewing her full lip. “We didn’t talk about it and that’s what I want. If that’s what you want, I want that too. Thing is, I have Rissa and I can’t just do the physical. So if that’s what this is I’m sorry I can’t—”