Only The Beginning (Rockin' Country) (27 page)

“Damn straight.”

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“Thank you for inviting us out to spend time with all of you,” Kevin told them as they stood in front of Hannah’s bus.

“You are so welcome, and it was such a pleasure to meet and hang out with the two of you. I can see where Garrett gets all his quirks and amazing qualities from,” she told them as she hugged each of them. “Will the two of you be here when we come back?”

“I think Vegas once in six months is enough for us,” Marie confessed. “We’re getting just a little too old for this.”

“Then I will definitely see you when I come to California in a few weeks, and you two will have to come see me in Nashville. It’s not Vegas, but it’s got its own small town/big city feel. I think the two of you would like it.”

“We will, we’ll plan something soon.” Marie hugged her again. “Thank you for caring about my son, I see it in your eyes. He seems much more settled, even in the short time the two of you have been together.”

“You are very welcome, and I think he cares for me too, at least I hope it’s not one-sided,” she teased.

“It’s not, at all. Trust me on that one, pretty girl. It’s not one-sided at all.”

Hannah laughed and hugged the older woman one more time. Kevin also offered her another hug. She waved at Jared, knowing that she would see him again very soon. The next person on her list was Garrett.

“I’m not gonna cry this time,” she did her best to grin.

“I’m going to hold you to that. I can’t stand to see that right now,” he told her, putting his arms around her and lifting her against him.

“So I’m not saying goodbye, I’m just saying see you when I see you.” She reached up, clasping her arms around his neck and burying her hands in his hair.

“Is that how we’re going to do it?”

She nodded. “That’s how we’re going to do it.”

“Then I will be seeing you when I see you,” he told her, leaning down to give her one last kiss.

He held her in his arms for what felt like hours. But after a while, Shell came off the bus. “We gotta be leaving to stay on schedule, Hannah. Let’s go.” She touched Hannah’s arm lightly and directed her onto the bus.

“See you,” she blew a kiss at Garrett.

He waved, a smile on his face, but there were no dimples, which meant the smile wasn’t genuine. He was hurting as much as she was, and there was some comfort in that thought as she boarded the bus.

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” Shell asked, putting her arms around her friend and putting their heads together.

“It really does, but we’ll FaceTime later, and it will be just like it was last week. I just hate that I got used to him, you know?”

“I know, but it’ll make those times that you are together that much better,” Shell assured her. “You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Hannah nodded, but she didn’t want to hear this right now. “I know. I’m tired; it’s been a long couple days. I’m going to go lay down for a little while.”

“All right, but if you need me, I’m up here.”

All Hannah wanted to do was be alone, and she hurried to the back, closing her door. It was quiet back here, and she needed that. She needed to just be alone with her thoughts, alone to absorb all the feelings that had transpired. Taking off her pants and her shirt, she put on a comfortable pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that she had taken from Garrett’s bag without him realizing it. It smelled like him, and she put it up to her nose, inhaling the scent. Slowly, she felt better, felt calmer.

You okay?

The text was just what she needed.

Sad, but I’ll be okay. Just want you to know, if you look for your Black Friday shirt you packed, I stole it.

Are you wearing it right now? I didn’t wash that thing before I put it in my bag; I meant to wash it at the suite.

She smiled, that’s what she loved about it.

I am and I love that it smells just like you. I’m not washing it, jsyk!

Just like that, her mood lifted, and she grabbed her notebook. It was time to journal about her time with Garrett. Her journal was the most important thing in her room on the bus. Journal entries usually turned into songs. She felt like she had so much to say, but when she opened the book and poised her pen to write, she didn’t know what she wanted to say at all. After a long time, she just started to write thoughts that came to her head.

There’s this guy I met, he challenges everything I’ve always believed about relationships. He wants me to be myself, but I don’t really know what that is. I’m learning it with him, though. I’m learning to be myself. I’m learning that I don’t have to change so that others like me. I’m learning that I have a voice and that my voice matters.

I’m learning what it’s like care about someone more than you care about yourself. Is this how people know that they’re in love? Is this how my parents felt when they first met? Do I love Garrett? I think I do, but I’m so scared, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it either—it sounds so juvenile. I’m a grown woman. I should know my feelings, I should know how I feel about someone, and I shouldn’t question myself. But thanks to Ashton, I think I always might have to think twice about everything. I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish I was so much more confident. Maybe I can fake it until I make it????

She set her journal down as she heard her phone buzz. A bright smile on her face, she checked it, only to have her smile fall. Instead of Garrett answering her, it was something from someone she didn’t want to hear from.

So now that you and lover boy have parted ways—how can you be so sure he’s not having someone else warm his bed? I did…don’t forget that.

Hannah wanted to scream as she threw her phone on the bed. There was no doubt in her mind that she would ever forget that. Taking a few deep breaths, she promised herself that she would do her absolute best not to let Ashton take away her happiness, but he was doing an excellent job of making her question everything—like he always did. In the back of her head, she heard Shell telling her to let Garrett know. She would, but not this night. This night, she just wanted to remember all the good times they’d had and try to decide if her feelings really were what she thought they were. In the morning, she could wake up, and tomorrow would be a new day. Granted, it would be a new day without Garrett at her side, but it would mean she was a day closer to being back with him.

*  *  *

“D
id you see this?” Shell swirled her laptop around so that Hannah could see what she was talking about.

“What is it?” she asked, putting a chip in her mouth as they sat at the kitchen table on the bus.

“Looks like Ashton is still sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.”

Ashton Coleman Breaks His Silence:

How he’s moving on from the heartache of his breakup with Harmony Stewart.

“Are you kidding me?” Hannah clicked on the article and began to read. Shell watched as her face got redder the further into it she got.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Shell was beginning to not only wonder but get worried. It took a lot for Hannah to get mad, and it looked like she was working on a good one.

Hannah held up her hand as she finished the article and slammed the lid on the laptop.

“Hey, don’t hurt my laptop because it told you what an asshole Ashton is. That’s something you should have already known.”

“Shut up right now, Shell. I’m furious. Livid.” She cut her eyes at her friend, her hands shaking as she gripped the edge of the table.

“I didn’t read the article. What did it say?”

She blew out a breath and ran her hand through her hair. “It said I was the one that cheated on him, and it’s taken him this long to move on from it, to be able to trust others again. I basically ripped his heart out and stepped on it.” She slammed her notebook on the table. “I am so mad that I could spit,” she told Shell, getting up.

“We know the truth,” Shell tried to console her.

“But he’s so full of…he’s so full of shit. I’m sick of him. He hasn’t bothered me in almost two years. Why is he doing it now?”

Shell’s eyes widened. It was very rare to see Hannah this riled up. She usually kept a tight lid on her emotions, especially anger. Something else appeared to be going on here.

“Be honest with me, what’s up?”

Hannah sat down, putting her head in her hands. “It’s just everything with him is coming to a head. He’s texted a few more times, all of them might be small things to other people, but they’re huge things to me. Him saying that he’s seen pictures of Garrett with other women, when they’re obviously pictures he’s just taken with fans. I don’t understand why I matter. Why now?”

“Because you’re happy. He was a controlling dickhead when the two of you were together. He hasn’t had to worry about you being with another man since the two of you broke up. You haven’t been with anyone else. Not seriously. Unless I’m completely reading all of this wrong, you and Garrett are pretty damn serious. He’s feeling threatened.”

“But what does he have to be threatened about, that’s what I’m confused about. I should mean nothing to him; he means nothing to me.”

Shell slowly took a breath. “Please don’t get mad at me for saying this, but I have to.”

Hannah chewed on her bottom lip, not sure if she wanted to hear the words that were about to come out of Shell’s mouth.

“You’re naïve when it comes to Ashton. For you, he was just somebody you hung around with—your first real boyfriend—who ended up being an ass. But I’m telling you, for him, you were something. You were a possession. Until you show him that you are no longer a possession, he’s going to play with your head.”

“It’s not like I want to be with him again,” Hannah argued. “I want absolutely nothing to do with him.”

“I know, but you can’t tell me he doesn’t probably have a fake Instagram account, Twitter account, and any other account that he can use to follow you. You’re very open with your life. It’s not too hard for him to keep up with what’s going on with you and Garrett.”

“I don’t want to close my life off to everyone because of him. I enjoy being accessible. I don’t want to change because he makes me feel uncomfortable.”

“Then don’t,” Shell was terse with her answer. “But don’t expect him to go away either, because he’s not going to. I say show Garrett just what exactly Ashton’s been sending you and let Garrett fuck shit up, because he will. He will tear Ashton apart. You know this, right?”

“I don’t want Garrett getting in trouble because of someone that doesn’t matter. Why can’t you understand that?”

“Listen to me, Hannah. He does matter. He matters because he’s making you question Garrett, when Garrett doesn’t deserve it. You need to grow a pair and do something about it. If not, I don’t feel sorry for you when this all backfires.”

Hannah didn’t want to be in the same room as Shell anymore. She hated when they fought and when she couldn’t seem to articulate how she was feeling, but she also couldn’t stand it when Shell felt like she knew what was best for her. “I’m gonna go back to my room before I say something I regret, but I want you to stop telling me what to do. I’m a grown woman.”

“Fine, I’ll stop, and I’ll be here when this goes south, but stop being blind to how Ashton’s manipulating you.”

Her feet picked up the pace as she went to her room and slammed the door. It felt good as it rattled the bus, but at the same time she had to wonder. Was Shell right?

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