Onyx (36 page)

Or neither of us could kill anymore. I was done. Daemon was done. Too many had died tonight. My legs folded under me, and I knelt in the snow. Using the Source had weakened me and fighting Blake, the injuries inflicted, caused my thoughts to run together in an endless stream of confusion and regret. I doubted I’d ever feel strong enough again.

Slipping in and out of consciousness, I was vaguely aware of someone holding me. There was this incredible warmth cascading through my veins. When I opened my eyes again, I was bathed in light.

Daemon?

There was a buzzing through the connection and then…
I told you we couldn’t trust him
.

The pain I felt couldn’t be healed by his touch, couldn’t be erased in his light. I squeezed my eyes shut, but the tears leaked out.
I’m sorry. I thought…I thought if I learned how to fight, I could keep you safe, all of you safe.

His light pulled back and then it was Daemon staring down at me, eyes a brilliant shade of white. His body shook with the force of his anger, which was so at odds compared to the gentleness of his embrace.

“Daemon, I—”

“Don’t apologize. Just don’t apologize.” Daemon lifted me out of his lap and sat me on the cold ground. Climbing to his feet, he drew in a ragged breath. “Did you know he was working with the DOD this entire time?”

“No.” I climbed to my feet, swaying to the side as my legs got used to working again. He reached out, cupping my elbow until I stopped moving, then he let go. “I didn’t know until a few nights ago. And even then I wasn’t sure.”

“Dammit,” he spat, taking a step back. “Was that the night you went to Vaughn’s on your own?”

“Yes, but I wasn’t sure.” I lifted my hands, surprised to see them covered in blood. Mine? Someone else’s? “I should’ve told you then, but I didn’t know for sure, and I didn’t want to add anything for you to worry about.” My voice cracked. “I didn’t know.”

He looked away, jaw clenching. “Adam is dead. My sister almost lost her life.”

I sucked in a painful breath. “I’m so—”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare apologize!” he yelled, eyes glowing through the darkness, through me. “Adam’s death will
destroy
my sister. I told you we couldn’t trust Blake, that if you wanted to learn how to fight, I would’ve shown you! But you didn’t listen. And you’ve brought the DOD into your life, Kat! Who knows what they know now.”

“I didn’t tell him anything!” My chest was rising rapidly. My breath came out short. “I never told him you healed me.”

Daemon’s eyes narrowed. “Do you think he didn’t guess?”

I winced, at a loss what to say. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He flinched. “And those times you were covered in bruises? That was him, wasn’t it? He was hurting you during training, wasn’t he? And never once did you think there may be something wrong with him? God dammit, Kat! You’ve lied to me. You didn’t trust me!”

“I do trust—”

“Bullshit!” Daemon was in my face. “Don’t say you trust me when it’s apparent you never did!”

There was nothing I could say.

A burst of energy left him, slamming into an ancient oak. It cracked with a loud snapping sound and then folded into a tree beside it. I jumped, gasping for air.

“All of this could’ve been prevented. Why couldn’t you trust me?” His voice cracked, and the sound reverberated through me like a barb-tailed whip.

I wished I had. My trust should’ve been placed in the one person I’d always trusted. I’d been fooled. Worse yet, I’d let myself be fooled. Tears streamed down my cheeks, a never-ending river of remorse.

Daemon drew in another harsh breath as he started toward me, but he came up short. “I would’ve kept you safe.”

Then in a flash of red-white light, he was gone. And I was alone in the freezing night, left with my choices, my mistakes…my guilt.

When I returned to my house, everyone was gone except Matthew, who stayed to help…clean up after everything. Someone had removed Vaughn’s body, plus his car and Blake’s truck. There were broken picture frames everywhere. The coffee table was scratched all to hell. I had no idea how I was going to explain the broken window in the hallway upstairs.

But the spot where Adam had fallen was worse.

Glistening liquid pooled in two spots. Matthew was trying to clean it up, but his hands were shaking, his jaw working. I grabbed some towels from the linen closet and knelt beside him.

“I have this,” I whispered.

Matthew sat back, lifting his head and closing his eyes. He let out a staggered breath. “This should’ve never happened.”

Tears built in my eyes as I sopped up what was left of Adam. “I know.”

“They are all like my children. Now I’ve lost another, and for what? It doesn’t make sense.” His shoulders shook. “It never makes sense.”

“I’m sorry.” Wetness gathered on my cheeks, and I wiped at my face with my shoulder. “This is my fault. He was trying to protect me.”

Matthew didn’t say anything for several minutes. I worked at the spot, drenching two towels before he placed his hand on mine. “It’s not just your fault, Katy. This was a world you stumbled into, one filled with treachery and greed. You weren’t prepared for it. Neither are any of them.”

I lifted my head, blinking back tears. “I trusted Blake when I should’ve trusted Daemon. I let this happen.”

Matthew twisted toward me, grasping my cheeks. “You cannot take on the full responsibility for this. You didn’t make the choices Blake did. You didn’t force his hand.”

I choked on a broken sob as grief tore through me. His words didn’t ease the guilt, and he knew it. Then the strangest thing happened. He pulled me into his arms, and I broke. Sobs racked my entire body. I pressed my head against his shoulder, my body shaking his, or maybe he was crying for his loss, too. Time passed, and it became a New Year. I welcomed it with tears streaming down my face and a heart ripped apart. When my tears dried, my eyes were nearly swollen shut.

He pulled back, pushing my hair aside. “This isn’t the end of anything for you…for Daemon. This is just the beginning, and now you know what you’re truly up against. Don’t end up like Dawson and Bethany. Both of you are stronger than that.”

…

I spent the rest of the night trying to hide what had gone down from my mom. Eventually, I needed to tell her. No doubt the satellites had picked up on what had happened the night before. And there was the issue that some of what Vaughn had said hadn’t made sense, a lingering feeling that the worst had yet to pass. I figured in the coming days or weeks, it would. There’d also be questions about Adam.

But she didn’t need to know right now.

I convinced her that the wind had thrown a branch into the window upstairs. Believable, since Daemon had knocked down several outside. The pictures were harder to explain.

Then I slept through New Year’s Day, waking the following Sunday morning only to eat sugary Pop-Tarts, and then I went back to sleep to avoid the swamping darkness waiting for me. Guilt ate away at me, even in my sleep. I dreamed of Blake and Adam, even Vaughn. They surrounded me while I swam in the lake, slipping under and pulling me below the surface.

So it was strange that when I did wake that evening, I took a shower, piled on some clothes, and left to go to the place haunting my dreams. Mom was already gone, and I had a vague recollection of hearing Will in the house earlier.

Snow continued to fall, but with the moon out, reflecting off the pristine surface, I found my way to the lake easily. I stood by the frozen, flawless water, huddled down in my sweater and the scarf my mom had bought me for Christmas. I’d even donned the matching gloves.

Things were clearer here. Not less intense, but manageable. Adam was dead, and eventually the DOD would come looking for Vaughn. And when they did, it would come back to me…and to Daemon.

And I’d killed. Not by my own hand, but I had led everyone down this road. People have died—innocent and those not so innocent. Daemon had been right—a life was a life. Enemy or not, there was blood on my hands I couldn’t wash away, soaking through my skin and leaving a dark stain.

And every time I closed my eyes, I saw Adam’s body. There was a tightness in my chest that would probably never go away.

I wasn’t sure about going to school tomorrow. It seemed pointless after everything. I still had no clue who had betrayed Dawson and Bethany, and there were more implants out there, watching me—watching all of us. An invisible clock had appeared, ticking away to my very own personal doomsday, and I had no one to blame but myself.

About a minute later, I felt a warm tingle dancing across my neck. My breath stalled in my chest, and I couldn’t will my body to turn around. Why was he here? He had to hate me. So did Dee.

The snow crunched under his footsteps, which I found strange. He could move so quietly when he wanted. His body heat blanketed me as he stopped directly behind me. I couldn’t ignore him forever, and I also knew he’d stand there forever if he chose to. Surprised and wary, I faced him.

“I knew you’d be here.” He looked away, a muscle popping in his jaw. “It’s where I come when I need to think.”

I said the first thing that came to mind. “How’s Dee?”

“She’ll survive,” he said, eyes shadowed. “We need to talk.” Daemon leaned forward before I could respond. “Are you busy right now? Not sure if I’m interrupting. Staring at the lake can take a lot of concentration.”

I couldn’t figure out anything from his words or expression. “I’m not busy.”

His ultra-bright gaze settled on me. “Then come back with me?”

Anxious energy built inside me. Was he going to kill me and stash my body? Drastic but probable after everything I’d caused. My throat dried as we started back to his house in silence. I followed him inside, hands clammy and trembling.

“Hungry?” he asked. “I haven’t eaten all day.”

“Yeah, a little.”

He moved into the kitchen and pulled out a package of lunch meat. I sat at the table while he made two ham and cheese sandwiches. He doubled up on the mustard on mine, knowing that was how I liked it, and I almost started bawling again right then. We ate in strained silence.

Finally, after he’d cleaned up, I stood. “Daemon, I—”

“Not yet,” he said. Drying his hands, he then walked out of the kitchen without answering me. Drawing in a deep breath, I trailed after him. When he started up the steps, my pulse skyrocketed.

“Why are we going upstairs?”

Daemon glanced over his shoulder, hand on the mahogany-colored rail. “Why not?”

“I don’t know. It’s just seems…”

He went up the stairs, leaving me no other choice. We passed Dee’s empty bedroom. It looked like Pepto-Bismol threw up in there. There was another bedroom with the door closed. I figured it had been Dawson’s, probably untouched since he’d disappeared. Months had passed before Mom and I had moved any of Dad’s stuff.

“Where’s Dee?” I asked.

“She’s with Ash and Andrew. I think being with them is helping her…”

I nodded. More than anything, I wanted to go back in time, to ask more questions, to not be so damn stupid.

Daemon opened a door, and my heart flip-flopped. Stepping aside, he let me brush past him. “Your room?”

“Yep. The best spot in the whole house.”

His room was large, surprisingly clean and organized. A few band posters hung on the walls, which were painted a deep blue. All the blinds were down, curtains drawn. With a wave of his hand, a bedside lamp clicked on.

There were a lot of expensive electronics: a flat-screen TV, a Mac that sent a dose of envy through me, a stereo system, and even a desktop. My gaze went to his bed.

It was big.

And the blue down comforter looked comfy and inviting. Lots of room to roll around…or just to sleep. Nothing like my little-girl bed. I forced my gaze away from his bed and walked over to his Mac. “Nice computer.”

“It is.” Daemon kicked off his shoes.

I could barely breathe. “Daemon—” The bed springs creaked under his weight as I ran my fingers over the lid of the Mac. “I am so sorry about everything. I shouldn’t have trusted him—I should’ve listened to you. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“Adam didn’t get hurt. He died, Kat.”

A lump formed in my throat as I turned to him. His eyes glittered. “I… If I could go back, I’d change everything.”

Daemon shook his head as his gaze dropped to his open hands. He curled them into fists. “I know we don’t always get along, and I know the whole connection thing freaked you out, but you knew you could always trust me. The moment you suspected Blake was with the DOD, you should’ve come to me.” Helplessness cracked his voice. “I could’ve prevented this.”

“I
do
trust you. With my life,” I said, inching closer. “But once I thought he could possibly be involved with them, I didn’t want you involved. Blake knew and suspected too much already.”

He shook his head, as if he didn’t hear me. “I should’ve done more. When he threw that damn knife at you, I should’ve stepped in then and not backed down, but I was just so damn angry.”

Tears built in my eyes. How could I still cry or think it would make any of this better? Some papers on his desk stirred restlessly behind me. “I was trying to protect you.”

He lifted his eyes, and they pierced straight through me. “You wanted to keep me safe?”

“Yes.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Not that it turned out that way in the end, but when I found out Blake and Vaughn were related, all I could think was that he played me—I let myself be played. And he knew how close we were. They’d do to you what they did to Dawson. There is no way I could have lived with that.”

Closing his eyes, he turned his head. “When did you know definitely that Blake was working with the DOD?”

It was the second time he’d ever said his name. That’s how serious things were. “On New Year’s Eve—Friday. Blake showed up while I was sleeping, and I saw Simon’s watch in his car. He says Simon’s still alive, that the DOD took him, but there…there was blood on his watch.”

Daemon cursed and then asked, “While you were sleeping? Did he do this often?”

I shook my head. “Not that I know of.”

“You should’ve never been worried about me getting hurt.” He stood, running both hands through his hair. “You know I can take care of myself. You know I can handle my own.”

“I know,” I said. “But I wasn’t going to knowingly put you at risk. You mean too much to me.”

His head swung toward me, eyes suddenly sharp. “And what does that mean, exactly?”

“I…” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“The hell it doesn’t!” he said. “You nearly destroyed my family, Kat. You almost got both of us killed, and none of this is over. Who knows how much time any of us have before the DOD comes? I let that dickhead go. He’s still out there, and as terrible as this sounds, I hope he gets what’s coming to him before he can report back to anyone.”

Daemon swore. “You lied to me! Are you telling me all of this is because I mean something to you?”

Heated blood crept across my face. Why was he making me do this? How I felt didn’t matter now. “Daemon…”

“Answer me!”

“Fine!” I threw my hands up in the air. “Yes, you mean something to me. What you did for me on Thanksgiving—that made me…” My voice cracked. “That made me
happy
. You made me
happy
. And I still care about you. Okay? You mean something to me—something I can’t really even put into words because everything seems too lame in comparison. I’ve always wanted you, even when I hated you. I want you even though you drive me freaking insane. And I know I screwed everything up. Not just for you and me, but for Dee.”

My breath caught on a sob. The words rushed from me, one after another. “And I never felt this way with anyone else. Like I’m falling every time I’m around you, like I can’t catch my breath, and I feel
alive
—not just standing around and letting my life walk past me. There’s been nothing like that with anyone else.” Tears pricked my eyes as I stepped back. My chest was swelling so fast it hurt. “But none of this matters, because I know you really hate me now. I understand that. I just wish I could go back and change everything! I—”

Daemon was suddenly in front of me, clasping my cheeks in his warm hands. “I never hated you.”

I blinked back the wetness gathering in my eyes. “But—”

“I don’t hate you now, Kat.” He stared intently into my eyes. “I’m mad at you—at myself. I’m so angry, I can taste it. I want to find Blake and rearrange parts of his body. But do you know what I thought about all day yesterday? All night? The one single thought I couldn’t escape, no matter how pissed off I am at you?”

“No,” I whispered.

“That I’m lucky, because the person I can’t get out of my head, the person who means more to me than I can stand, is still alive. She’s still there. And that’s you.”

A tear trailed down my cheek. Hope spread through me so fast it left me dizzy and breathless. The feeling was like taking a step off the edge of a cliff without seeing how far the fall would be. Dangerous. Exhilarating. “What…what does that mean?”