Othermoon (22 page)

“Nobody’s
stealing me
.” I said, shoving my way between them as much as I could. “I’m not a candy bar.”

I forced them both back a few inches. Lazar’s eyes remained fixed on Caleb’s. “Dez
changed my life,” Lazar said. “The same way she changed yours, and Amaris’s. By thinking
outside the box and showing me life was possible outside. Get over it, Caleb. You’re
not the center of the universe—hers or anyone else’s.”

“I don’t need to be,” said Caleb, pressing forward toward Lazar. I could feel the
violence inside him stirring. “You’re the one who’s taking over her life.”

“That’s enough!” I placed a hand on each of their chests, and shoved them both back.
“You’re both being ridiculous.”

Even in my human form, I was a lot stronger than I looked. They both reeled back two
steps, giving us all some breathing room. But the look on Caleb’s face made my stomach
clench.
Does he hate me that much now?

“Now I see why you didn’t want me to come with you.” His tone was mocking. “Lazar
volunteered first.”

“It’s the only chance I had to talk to him,” I said. “And I knew you’d mess it up
if you came, like you’re doing now.”

“Don’t worry, Dez,” Lazar said. “Not even Caleb can stop me from helping you.”

“So noble,” said Caleb. “Tell me, Lazar, whose mother will you kill tonight?”

Lazar went white to the lips. I almost put my hand on his arm, but stopped myself
in time. Caleb hated Lazar for killing Caleb’s own mother, Elisa. He had no idea that
years earlier Ximon had forced Lazar to pull the trigger on his own mother. Caleb’s
words cut far deeper than he knew. My promise not to tell anyone that truth was making
life tougher for me every day.

Caleb paused, assessing us. “No smart-ass comeback for that one, I see. Maybe you
have formed the remnants of a conscience, or maybe you just don’t want Dez to see
how you really feel.”

“Caleb,” I said, forcing my voice to a reasonable tone, “Lazar is risking his life
for us.”

“And you are risking us all,” he said.

“I’d better go.” Lazar’s voice sounded slightly strangled, as if speaking at all was
grueling. “I’ll be waiting for you at one a.m., Dez.”

I blinked, forcing myself not to take his arm or say something too reassuring or too
kind. Anything might set Caleb off now. “Good. Contact Amaris if anything goes wrong.
But even if nobody else will help us, she and I will be there at one a.m. tonight.”

He gave a short nod, taking in my face with one last lingering glance. “I’ll be waiting.”

He left, boots clicking farther and farther down the corridor. Caleb stood stock-still,
waiting till the sound died away and Lazar disappeared around a corner.

“I needed to talk to him,” I said. Anger simmered inside me. “And I knew if I told
you about it, or let you come with me, that
this
would happen.”

“What would happen?” he asked, eyes sparking. “Someone might confront you with the
truth? Yes, how
dare
I do that?”

“Good God, Caleb! There are more important things here than your ego. You could have
ruined everything! If Lazar wasn’t so resolute, so certain this is what he wants,
you could have turned him back to Ximon and ruined any chance we had to stop him.”

“My ego?” He took an exaggerated step back, tucking in his chin and looking at me
through narrowed eyes. “So the fact that you’ve lied and lied and lied to me is a
problem because of my
ego
? Bullshit.”

I swallowed. “No. I know. That’s a bad pattern,” I said. “We’ve been at odds about
Lazar, but I was hoping we could get past that.”

He squinted, his face hard. “So, from now on, you’ll keep me in the loop?”

“Yes, I promise!” I held out both hands, spreading them open. “I never meant any of
this to hurt you. And if I’ve mistreated you or lied to you about stuff . . .”

“If?” Both of his black eyebrows lifted with devastating mockery.

“It won’t happen again,” I said. “I swear to you. . . .”

“You won’t lie to me from now on, right?” The sarcasm in his voice cut through all
my defenses, into my heart.

“Caleb . . .” I didn’t know what to say. He was right, and yet he was so wrong.

“Right.” He took two steps down the hall, and then turned back to me, stuffing both
hands in the pockets of his black coat. “I’ll be back at the school, along with everyone
else you haven’t been talking to. And from now on, that’s how you should think of
me. As just another anonymous soldier for you to use in your war. Because I can’t
trust you anymore. And I won’t be with someone I can’t trust.”

Then he was walking down the hallway, his back stiff and straight. He didn’t look
back.

CHAPTER 17

I didn’t allow myself to cry for long. After the sobs ebbed, I found my way into the
empty, echoing bathroom, put my hair in a ponytail, and splashed cold water on my
face. I looked pale and haggard, and felt even worse. The emptiness inside me felt
bottomless. I was like a summerhouse abandoned in the fall, after all the furniture
is put in storage and the windows locked for winter.

I stared at myself in the mirror and forced myself to think about the future. Even
a future without Caleb at my side. Because tonight, if everything went as planned,
we would stop the Tribunal’s most destructive plan yet, or die trying. That’s what
mattered now. The issues between me and Caleb would have to wait.

I made my way quietly back into Mom’s hospital room and handed Richard one of the
bottles of water.

He took it from me, searching my face. “Brothers fight,” he said. “Especially if they
both like the same girl.”

My face got hot. “I’m sorry if you overheard that.”

“Well, I don’t claim to understand it all,” he said. “But don’t let them take over
your life. Do what you need to do for yourself.”

“Thanks, Richard,” I said, my voice small. “You almost sounded like Mom there for
a second.”

As if on cue, Mom groaned and turned her head from side to side. My heart jumped as
Richard grabbed her hand. “Caroline?”

I circled around the bed to take her other hand. “Mom?”

Mom licked her lips; then her eyelids fluttered open, hazel irises moving back and
forth between us. “Hi,” she said. It was almost a question.

My throat got tight as Richard brought her hand to his lips. “Hi, sweetheart.”

 

Within the hour the neurologist pronounced her on the road to recovery, and told us
she could go home in the morning. I used Richard’s phone to text that information
back to November, who could tell everyone, and to call Raynard, who had been out running
errands in the SUV, to see if he could take me back to the school. Until he showed
up, I sat with Mom, who lay there, quiet and quizzical, as we told her what had happened.

She remembered nothing, including the horrible thing I’d said to her just before her
transformation. I was so grateful for that, I laid my head down on the edge of her
bed and breathed a prayer to the Moon, or the universe, or to the Othersphere. It
didn’t matter whom. I was thankful.

“You’re doing something dangerous tonight, aren’t you?” Mom said when I was getting
ready to go.

“Probably,” I said, leaning over to kiss her forehead. “I love you, Mom.”

She let go of Richard’s hand to put her own on my cheek, pulling me in close to her.
“I love you too,” she said. “And I’m not going to say good-bye. I’m also not going
to tell you not to do whatever it is. I know how stubborn you are. But I am going
to tell you what I always tell you.”

I nodded. “Trust yourself.”

“Exactly.” She pushed my cheek to make me look her right in the eye. “You’re going
to make mistakes, Desdemona. Everyone does. But you have to trust yourself to know
you’ll make it through them and come out wiser than before.”

“I will,” I said. Her words made a kind of sense, but I was in too much turmoil to
ponder them. “I’ll call Richard in the morning and come see you.”

“We’ll be home. Aren’t you worried about the Tribunal following you to our new house?”
she asked.

“After tonight, we won’t have to worry about the Tribunal in this area again,” I said.
“One way or another.”

 

I found everyone outside at the fire pit, wearing thick coats and huddled around a
roaring blaze. They were sipping hot cocoa and passing around a Tupperware container
full of cold slices of Raynard’s homemade pizza. The air smelled like both fire and
snow, even though no flakes were falling and the last rays of afternoon sunlight still
filtered through the trees. Everyone sat on the benches around the fire, except for
London, who walked around anxiously, breathing on her gloveless fingers.

As I was about to join them, I heard her say, “She thinks she’s better than us. I
am so done with her.”

“About time.” That was November. “There are plenty of other rabbits in the forest
to chase, Wolfie. Available rabbits.”

“Shut up, ’Ember.”

I fought the urge to turn and run away. I couldn’t really blame them for talking about
me. But if London was moving on, maybe one tiny good thing could come out of this.

“She knew you guys wouldn’t support her,” Arnaldo said. “I mean, if these plans for
the particle collider are real . . .”

“We should give those plans to the Council,” Siku said.

“Yeah, let them do the fighting,” said London. “They’re the grown-ups.”

I pushed the door open and walked out into the sharp air toward them. London glared,
her intense aquamarine eyes radiating cold resentment. She’d arrayed her nose rings
all in one nostril and painted her fingernails black, her version of war paint. She
turned on her heel and walked to the edge of the patio, where the flagstones met brown
grass, staring out at the snowy wood with her back to us all.

Amaris moved a bit closer to Arnaldo to give me enough room on the bench to sit down.
I kept my head down and didn’t look at Caleb, who sat on the opposite side of the
fire pit, long black coat buttoned up to his throat. The flames licked upwards between
us, and the air shimmered.

“Good news,” Arnaldo said, leaning over to me. “My dad’s been sentenced to probation
because he agreed to go into outpatient rehab and anger management classes.”

“That’s great!” Hope pushed past my sadness and trepidation for a moment, heat from
the fire edging back the cold. Arnaldo was looking much happier, and speaking to me
as if nothing bad had happened between us. “Did you get that lawyer you talked about?”

He nodded. “I talked to him on the phone. Apparently, the hawk-shifter on the Council
went down and talked to Dad himself. Persuaded him to get help.”

“The hawk-shifter on the Council went down?” I pictured the man’s guarded face from
that recent video conference call, the clever hooded eyes and how he’d stood against
me from the start. “Wow. He hates my guts, but I guess he’s smart enough not to let
that get in the way of helping someone he represents. Any word on your brothers?”

“The lawyer thinks I can get custody of them, and we can all live in our old house.
There’s some kind of program that will help us out financially for awhile.” His long
face brightened. “I am an adult to the humdrums, and they try to keep families together
if they can.”

“That’s wonderful!” I got up and hugged him. I couldn’t help myself.

He squeezed me back. “Well, we’ll see.”

“We’re all keeping our paws crossed,” said November.

“It’ll work out,” said Siku.

Amaris nodded, and quiet took over as we all stared into the flames. I remained standing,
girding myself for what I had to do next.

“So I need to talk to you guys about the Tribunal,” I said.

“Amaris already told us about Lazar,” November said, her breath frosting as she spoke.

“I figured the sooner they knew what was going on, the better,” Amaris said.

“And maybe better we hear it from Amaris,” said Siku. “Since most of us are pretty
angry with you.”

Leave it to Siku to say out loud exactly what everyone was thinking.

“Why’d you go rogue, Stripes?” November hunched close to Siku’s warm bulk. “What are
we, stale gumdrops?”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t blame you for being mad. But you all hate Lazar so much,
I didn’t think you’d go along with what I wanted to do unless I got the plans from
him and proved we could trust him.”

“Still no guarantee of that,” Caleb said shortly, his face a blank behind the fire.

“Well, he’s going to meet us and help us get into the accelerator tonight,” I said.
“He’s willing to trust a bunch of people who hate him. If he makes one wrong move,
you can jump on him. And then you can all tell me how wrong I was.”

“How wrong we both are. Except we’re not,” said Amaris.

I flashed her a grateful look. “Also, I found out tonight that after his plan is successful,
Ximon plans to have all of the extra laborers and scientists working there killed,
to keep them quiet. He told Lazar he would have to murder them all in their sleep.”

“Whoa,” said Arnaldo.

“That’s messed up,” said Siku.

“So that’s why he needs our help so desperately!” Amaris stood up. “I had no idea.”
She sat back down, shaking her head. Caleb put his hand on her arm, and she looked
at him. “How can such a man be our father?”

“So Lazar’s telling Dez secrets he doesn’t even tell Amaris, hunh?” November made
a
tsk
ing noise. “You’d better watch your back, Caleb.”

Caleb didn’t answer, but his eyes shot over to me, then settled back to stare at the
fire.

“What, exactly, is Ximon planning to do with this accelerator?” Arnaldo asked. “And
how does this tie into their taking DNA from all of us?”

“If you don’t know, how the heck are we morons going to figure that out?” said November.

Now was the time to tell them. I just hoped I could convey how much danger the otherkin
were facing. “Lazar found out a few things and just met me at the hospital to let
me know,” I said. “The Tribunal scientists think they can cut off access to Othersphere,
all over the world.”

Everyone stirred as I said this, exchanging disturbed glances. I went on. “He’s not
exactly sure how it works, or how our DNA ties into it. But the collider will be online
tomorrow. The scientists meet at seven-thirty a.m., so we have to stop it before then.
Then we download everything we can and destroy the files.”

“Holy shit!” said November.

Siku took a bite of pizza, chewing thoughtfully. “How can they do that? Stop us all
from shifting?”

“And Caleb from calling forth from shadow, and me from healing.” Amaris’s voice was
laced with anger. “Not that I can heal anymore, but that’s still none of their business!”

“That can’t be right,” said November. “Because they’d stop their own ability to push
our animal forms back to Othersphere too!”

“We wouldn’t have any animal forms,” I said. “Don’t you see? All of us would be humdrums,
so the Tribunal’s objurers won’t need to have special powers. They will finally have
achieved their ultimate objective and rid the world of otherkin. The report talked
about forcing us all to walk the earth ‘as our Maker intended.’ They won’t have to
fight us anymore, because to them we’ll stop being demons.”

Amaris was nodding. “Exactly. To my father, this is merciful.”

November snorted. “Merciful, my ass.”

“Yeah,” said London. “It’ll make it easier for him to kill us all, you mean.”

Arnaldo frowned in concentration, as if doing calculus in his head. “Einstein called
it ‘spooky action at a distance’ when quantum particles interact across vast distances
with seemingly no connection. So the Tribunal’s theory must be that we’re connected
to Othersphere via quantum teleportation. That makes sense. But I don’t see how the
particle collider could cut off that connection. Unless they’ve discovered the exact
nature of dark matter. . . .”

“Spooky action at a distance?” November’s thin eyebrows climbed upward. “Sounds like
a horror movie shot with the camera too far away.”

“The point is that they think they’ve figured it out,” I said. “And they’re going
to try to do it tomorrow. They might be wrong—I don’t know. But we can’t let them
try. If they’re right, everything we’ve fought for, everything we are, changes completely.”

Caleb stood up, his face set in challenge. “So you want the seven of us to just walk
into the Tribunal’s armed, top-secret facility and destroy miles of high-tech equipment
stored hundreds of feet underground.” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that.”

“We have the plans to the facility and a man on the inside,” I said. “Lazar.”

Caleb uttered a short, derisive laugh and then said no more.

“But why does it have to be us?” Siku licked his fingers clean, and then held his
large hands out toward the fire. “We should tell the Council and let them do it.”

November was nodding. “Imagine how cool a whole army of bear-shifters would be. They’d
take care of the stupid Tribunal in a hurry.”

Before I could argue, a voice drifted in from farther away.

“The Council will never believe us.”

We all turned to London, still standing at the edge of the flagstones of the patio,
almost in the forest. Between the curtains of her two-tone hair, her cheeks were spotted
pink from the cold. She looked pissed off, and her voice was thick with reluctance,
as if she spoke against her own better judgment. “The Council already told Morfael
to kick Dez out of school. If we go to them now with a plan of hers based on information
from Lazar, a member of the Tribunal, they’ll banish all of us and tell our parents
to lock us up and swallow the keys.”

She walked toward us, blue eyes glowing. “Well, tough shit. I won’t become a humdrum.
If we tell the Council now, we’ll never get a chance to stop Ximon.” Her voice got
louder, more resolved. “I’m a wolf-shifter, and no one’s going to take that away from
me.”

Siku grunted thoughtfully. Next to him, November stirred. “But you were the angriest
of all of us.”

“Yeah, I’m pissed that Dez didn’t tell us what she was doing,” London said. “I’m going
to be pissed off for awhile. But this isn’t about her.” She took a deep breath and
exhaled it in a cloud into the frosty air. “They don’t get to decide who I am. Nobody
does that but me.”

“Amen,” said Amaris, and her voice reminded me of Lazar’s in prayer.