Our Eternal Curse I (3 page)

The chariot was unaccustomed to
carrying three people and Julia’s extra weight made the noise of the
iron-rimmed wheels on cobblestones quite deafening.  Unmoved by his challenge,
the charioteer was magnificent and his concentration never wavered in the
slightest.  Standing holding the reins he seemed as a part of the vehicle
itself, moving in unison with every small lurch or bump.  Gleaming sweat
covered the pitch black stallions and where the bridles rubbed on their
well-muscled bodies, white foam formed to be blown away by the rushing wind. 
The ever-vigilant centurions rode ahead and behind at full pace, each horse frequently
whipped to maintain their exhausting tempo.

Absorbing much of Julia’s
involuntary movements Sulla grasped the front rail of the beautifully ornate
metal embossed carapace.  With powerful arms locking her sides, his mouth was
in gently contact with her ear as he explained what she was seeing while they
sped past villages, towns and villas.  No one had ever given explanations
before and his simple act of thoughtfulness encouraged her to place her trust
in his hands.  Julia was also very grateful for his attention, because with
every pace she was being taken away from her family.  She did not miss or feel
for her parents, but as detrimental as they had always been, they were the only
form of security she had ever known.

At the end of a hard day’s ride
the flickering lights of a major city came into view.  Hardly slowing, the
procession flashed through the city gates and inconceivably Julia was in Rome. 
Unable to sit down at any time during the journey she was exhausted and every
inch of her body ached from the battering inflicted by the unforgiving war
machine.  After rattling along the streets for some time the chariot stopped
outside a very large and well-lit home situated somewhere in one of the many
suburbs they had passed through since entering the city.  Sulla silently
dropped to the ground and the chariot, flanked by only two of the centurions,
carried on into the Roman night.  His sudden departure took Julia completely by
surprise because she had not heard any orders or seen any apparent signals to indicate
that this intricate maneuver was about to happen.

With feelings of panic growing
within, Julia had no idea what was to become of her.  The reason for her
impulsive departure was no longer standing behind her and she felt hopelessly
lost and deeply afraid.  Sulla had explained nothing about her destination
before dropping from the chariot and the driver showed no interest in his
master’s newfound companion.  His only concern was the navigation of his
vehicle through extremely narrow streets in the black of night and even after
stopping he said nothing.

The only sounds were those made
by wheels and hooves as the horses rocked back and forth in an attempt to cool
down.  Everything was abnormal, even the city smells were unfamiliar and Julia
felt completely disoriented.  By the light of a full moon she saw one of the
centurions drop to the cobblestoned street and bang loudly on a large wooden
door situated in a high wall.  The wall was one side of a house but in the
darkness Julia could not see the rest of the building.  She was not yet able to
comprehend Rome’s large even multistory buildings.  It was all too much for a
girl raised in a hut.

After a long wait, the door was
sheepishly opened and a pretty, motherly face illuminated by a flickering oil
lamp appeared.  The centurion conducted a brief conversation in the language
Julia could not understand; then returned to the chariot to make gestures which
seemed to indicate that she should step down.  Walking to where the women held
the door open, Julia was beckoned inside and as it closed behind her all
external noise ended with the snap of a bolt.

The chariot, the centurions, and
Sulla were all gone, almost as though they had never existed and the security
they represented was now totally removed.  The fear of being so completely on
her own overwhelmed Julia and just a hair’s breadth from screaming in total
panic she apprehensively followed the woman to a small silent chamber.  The
stranger made signs to indicate sleep and as her eyes adjusted to the light cast
from the hand-held lamp Julia saw something that she assumed to be a structure
made for sleeping on.  Too tired to think about anything, even her hunger,
Julia lay her head on the unfamiliar pillow and for no apparent reason, dreamed
of herself standing next to a handsome young man on the deck of a ship crossing
a deep blue ocean.

The next three years of this
country girl’s life was spent growing up in the strange house without any kind
of security.  Every day Julia fought back the feelings of panic which began on
the eve of her arrival.  She had not seen Sulla since the chariot ride; not
even a message had arrived and day after day, she longed for him to come back
to her.  The domestic slaves told her that Sulla’s sumptuous house was a secret
place which he used only as an escape.  He used to visit regularly but these
days he was always away from Rome, “In the East,” they said, “teaching upstart
kings and princes how painful rebellion against Rome could be.”

No one asked her to do anything
and the house slaves kept her fed and clothed in fine garments made of brightly
dyed wool and linen.  It seemed that all she was expected to do was wait.  As
time slowly passed Julia became more convinced that she was unattractive,
unintelligent and completely worthless.  Even the man who maintained her upkeep
couldn’t be bothered to contact her.  Every day she brooded over the terrifying
consequences of becoming homeless, never knowing how long she would be allowed
to live in Sulla’s house.  Her parents would never take her back; they must
surely hate her for leaving during the harvest and with absolutely no friends
or means of supporting herself, the only companions Julia could rely on were
her terrible insecurities.

To pass the endless hours and
take her mind away from the constant fear Julia developed an insatiable thirst
for knowledge.  Every moment of her time became dedicated to education, and the
senior house slave she now knew to be called Cecilia marveled at her ability to
learn.  Julia became fluent in Latin within months and because so much of her
time was spent with a knowledgeable Greek house slave her learning was swift. 
The peaceful old man who the other house slaves nicknamed Homer, after the
ancient Greek poet, had once been an educator and he enjoyed teaching such a
keen mind.  Within one year Julia had a grasp of many subjects and the ability
to read even the work of the real Homer in both Greek and Latin but as always
she could not give herself credit for what others saw as incredible achievements,
because for her it was so easy, surely anyone could do it.

Over time Julia’s Homer
explained the wonderful subtleties and meanings held within the scrolls which
contained stories from antiquity, and she became captivated by the accounts of
Jason and the Argonauts, the pharaohs and pyramids of Egypt, the Persian Empire
and even Greek philosophers like Plato and Socrates.  Books of all kinds were
consumed at a fantastic rate but Julia was always particularly interested in
the account of Alexander the Great’s conquest of the Persian Empire which
caused the death of its ruler, King Darius.  Julia was fascinated by accounts
of the great man’s trusted General, Ptolemy, who was known as a conniving man
who manipulated Alexander and his wife Roxane.  Homer told her that the
descendants of Ptolemy still ruled Egypt from the city of Alexandria and Julia
longed to see the wonderful library that her teacher had visited many years
before.

Of all the books Julia read her
favorite was Homer’s
Iliad
, which told the 1200-year-old story of the
conquest of an ancient city at the edge of the Aegean Sea by the name of Troy. 
It was a war that lasted ten years, cost thousands of lives, and destroyed the
Trojan civilization.  Her tutor explained that many Romans still believed that
they are the descendants of the fleeing survivors of Troy and Julia was
captivated by the heroic characters who had wonderful names like Agamemnon,
Hector, Paris, Ajax and Achilles.

There were so many extraordinary
individuals in the story which ended with a wooden horse full of Greek soldiers
who opened the gates of the city from within, but the character who intrigued
her most was Helen, whose beautiful face was said to have launched a thousand
ships.  She was the wife of Menelaus who sailed away with Paris, Prince of
Troy, and caused the Greeks to fight for lost honor.

Of all the passages in the old
book Julia felt compelled to read and re-read the lament which Homer had chosen
to finish his work.  In his final sentence he explains how Helen stood beside
the great warrior Hector's slain body and compared their misfortunes with the
words, “These tears of sorrow that I shed are both for you and for my miserable
self.  No one else is left.” It was the loneliness of Helen’s words, they
seemed to echo Julia’s fragile existence perfectly.

Leaving the house had taken a
year, simply because Julia believed herself too plain for sophisticated Roman
society.  The ornate polished brass mirrors should have exposed the obvious lie
because Cecilia’s grooming had converted her appearance to that of a beautiful
Roman woman, but she could only interpret the image staring back at her in
accordance with the belief she held of herself.  Julia’s mother and father had
installed their negative messages so deeply, that even her dazzling reflection
in the highly polished metal could not dispel their myth.

Driven by curiosity and the
encouragement of Cecilia, Julia slowly found the courage to exit the front
door.  Infrequently at first, she gradually roamed further each day and her
confidence grew with every trip.  With each week that passed Julia learned to
tolerate the crowds while shopping with the housemaids and it was during these
excursions that she learned the idiosyncrasies of Rome and Romans.  In order to
get to the markets, Julia had to join the throng as it passed along the Forum
Romanum with its spectacular architecture which positively exuded power.  Homer
had explained that this short length of road, which stretched between the
Senate House and the Great Temple of Venus and Roma, was the very center of all
Roman authority.  He spoke of dignified Senators convening great meetings in
the white marble structure, which was also known as the Curia, to discuss and
agree actions which held consequences for the whole of the known world.

Outside the main building near
the beautiful marble steps where the golden milestone was set, Julia often let
the masses meander around her as she pondered the old distance marker which
signified the beginning of all roads out of Rome.  Legend had it that the
remains of Romulus the mythical founder of Rome, who was suckled by a she wolf,
lay under this stone, but Julia found it hard to imagine any of the wolves
which had passed near her family hut doing anything other than eating the child. 
She also found it impossible to grasp the organization and motivation required
to carve an inscription on every milestone throughout the Empire proclaiming
how far it was from this one.  Such a huge task boggled her still
unsophisticated peasant mind but it did dawn on Julia that this practice had
both a practical and a sinister motive.  To a Roman it was a measure of
distance; to an enemy it was a warning of impending doom.

Everything about city culture
was exhilarating and while Julia enjoyed the experiences she also found the
crowds somewhat overwhelming.  When it all became too stressful for a girl who
had spent the great majority of her life in the company of just two people,
Julia bolted for the sanctuary of a friendly jeweler’s shop which was situated
conveniently between Sulla’s home and the food markets.  It was a small shop in
which she felt safe enough to rest when the noisy streets became too much and
Julia enjoyed looking at the gold and silver adornments that were so
beautifully handcrafted and extravagantly priced.

One gold bangle in particular
stole her attention from the very moment the jeweler removed it from the
little, red felt pouch to show her.  Its effect on Julia could only be
described as breathtaking she seemed to know it intimately as though she had
been close to it somewhere before.  Julia was sure that she had never seen the
heavy gold amulet with its intricately raised lions’ heads but it looked so
incredibly familiar.  The jeweler watched in fascination as Julia slid his amulet
across her hand and on to her birthmark which fitted its shape perfectly. 
Neither of them spoke as Julia touched its beautifully smooth surface with the
love a mother has for a child, then gently sobbing for no apparent reason, she
sat staring into the beautifully raised feline heads set all around its wide
face.

The jeweler who had introduced
himself as Calpurnius left her alone for many hours because it seemed like the
respectful thing to do but his greedy instincts slowly niggled at him until he
could no longer resist the urge to close a sale.  Sitting down next to Julia he
pointed at one of the lions and explained how the most valuable piece in his
collection had been crafted by one of the finest goldsmiths in ancient Greece. 
“I acquired it from a deceased estate,” he said in the solemn voice he saved
for significant negotiations.  “It has a deliberately prohibitive price tag
because I am extremely reluctant to let it leave my collection,” then added
thoughtfully, “however as a trader I will let it go but only for a very high
price.”

Looking forward to asking her
Homer about amulets, Julia studied the jeweler’s pained expression.  She had
observed this underselling technique in other traders in Rome. Many of them
feigned reluctance to sell certain things, it was as though they were doing the
customer a favor and it made little sense to a girl with a sharp mind.  Surely
if a trader is in business to trade then he must trade.  If he says he is
reluctant, he must be lying and this simple string of logic led Julia to
conclude that all traders are liars who cannot be trusted; a cynical but safe
conclusion.

As she formulated her theory
about the morality of traders, Calpurnius went on to describe the processes
involved in making such a breathtaking object while Julia clutched it lovingly
in her pretty hands. “Look here,” he said, pointing at one of the lions, “see
how each individual hair in the mane is clearly defined?  That is the sign of a
true artisan.” Then taking it gently from Julia he rotated the amulet as he
explained, “The goldsmith first handcrafted an original of the work in
beeswax.  The wax original is then set in a box which is filled with gently
packed, very fine sand.  A rod which touched the wax original was also packed
in to the sand and when the mold was gently heated the wax melted and ran out
of the hole left by the rod.   The space left by the wax was then filled with
molten gold poured through the same hole.  The process assures that only this
one exists because the mold must be broken to retrieve the piece and the wax is
no more.  A copy can never be made for as long as one is in possession of the
original and that makes this object unique and incredibly valuable.”

As Calpurnius handed it back,
Julia reconnected with its energy which seemed to provide feelings of strength
and security.  She asked if he could also feel it but he just shrugged his
shoulders.  Looking closely at the six lion heads which surrounded the amulet’s
wide face, Julia noticed that all possessed the same intricate standard of
workmanship but each was different from the other.  She also became aware that
each lion possessed an individual personality and was surprised to realize that
they inspired the feelings of love which had not been felt since the death of
her brother Robertus.  Every face provoked the familiarity of a sibling and
even though she was unable to understand why this bangle had such a powerful
influence, Julia instinctively let down her guard and allowed herself to
connect with its power.

Two days a week at first, then
three, then five and eventually every day Julia returned to try on her “lions”
but much to her and Calpurnius’s constant frustration, had no money with which
to buy them.  As reluctant to part with the amulet as he was, the jeweler had done
his best to sell it.  During her earlier visits he even suggested a system of
payments but much to his amusement Julia did not even know what money was.

As her obsession with the amulet
grew, Calpurnius told Julia that her behavior was unhealthy, but nothing
dampened her enthusiasm.  She seemed fixated and completely unable to control
the urge to rekindle the feelings of sanctuary that only her lions could
bring.  Being a practical man he realized that her visits were not going to
stop, so eventually gave up trying to prevent her inevitable disappointment.

Having reconciled himself to her
constant attendance he justified her compulsion by saying, “Anyway what harm
can an eye-catching woman do in a jeweler’s shop?”

As always Julia’s dysfunctional
mind found a way to interpret his flattery in a negative way.  After all he was
a trader and she had seen traders telling ugly customers how beautiful they
looked, therefore traders could never be relied on to tell the truth.

Whenever she felt strong enough,
Julia made her way from the jeweler’s shop to the Cuppedenis market, which was
the most interesting bazaar in all of Rome.  Traders of every nationality
journeyed from all over the empire to do business at this place because it was
where all luxury goods, grown or manufactured were sold.

The aromas were sumptuous, the
languages exotic and the clothes worn by the foreigners spectacular to look
at.  Shimmering colors dyed into the different styles of garments were as
exciting as the strange talking birds tethered above many of the brightly
striped awning-covered tables which displayed the most wonderful wares and
Julia soon learned to enjoy walking from one fascinating stool to the next.

It was under the shade of gently
flapping canvas that she tried her first taste of exotic spices.  The short
somewhat ugly man with the knowing eyes, standing behind his table handed her a
small quantity of something he referred to as, “his precious pepper.” 
Remembering her embarrassment at the jeweler’s shop Julia explained that she
had no money but he wanted no payment in return for what turned out to be one
of his most expensive commodities.  Just for as long as she stood at his place
of business the Jewish man who introduced himself as Joseph would chat and
allow Julia to taste his interesting flavors.  Even while serving a customer he
was always happy enough just to talk and not about anything in particular, just
idle chatter seemed fine by him.

These visits eventually became a
regular ritual for Julia who always received a small amount of pepper or a
spice from places she had read about in her teacher’s books.  Never did any
money change hands and she always learned something new from the kind man who
seemed so trustworthy and dependable.  She thought of him as a wonderful man who
never seemed to mind how long she stayed by his stool, he was never negative or
condescending, just positive and happy to talk on any subject.

Over time Julia grew to confide
in her friend telling him the hidden intimacies of her childhood, even about
Robertus’ death and after three years of visiting his stall Julia felt a bond
had been forged between them.  He was without doubt a trader who could be
completely trusted and someone to who she could divulge her innermost fears and
secrets.

Building on the small element of
trust inspired by Joseph’s calm and supportive behavior, Julia began to look
for other encouraging influences in her life and when observed through secure
thoughts, it became obvious that the actions of Cecilia, Homer and even
Calpurnius were not something to be suspicious of, but the heartening acts of
friends.

This realization both shocked
and pleased Julia who understood that her fear of being hurt had prevented even
her supporters from penetrating her defenses.  Joseph had opened a door to a
world which Julia had no idea existed.  Some people could be trusted; life did
not have to be spent in sad anticipation of the next act of mental abuse and
her awakening made Julia laugh out loud as she walked home.

What a day.  The ability to
trust was going to change everything, Sulla would be home soon and Julia was
determined to impress him with her academic achievements.  Even her
assimilation into Roman society would please him and something as unattainable
as happiness now appeared possible.