Out Bad (11 page)

He made it to the front door only to struggle in his haste
to unlatch the locks.  He thought he had it unlocked, only to discover the
door wouldn’t budge. 

Shit. He took a deep breath and tried again.  Still,
the damn thing wouldn’t open.  He was taking one more deep breath when Gwen
reached beside him to flip the offending lock the tiniest bit more and open the
door.

They stood face to face, the storm outside all but
finished.  A droplet of water trailed down her temple and the urge to
brush it away was almost overpowering.  He needed to get out of
here.  Now.

Before he could move, Gwen took a step closer to him, her
body so close he could feel the damp air from the front of her dress through
his shirt.  He was frozen, the feel of her body so close to his, the look
in her eyes as she studied his face rendering him helpless. 

Slowly, she leaned into him, closer and closer until her
soft, full lips gently brushed his.  For a second, the shock of what was
happening seized his lungs, clouded his mind.  But only for a
second.  Weeks of thinking of nothing but her, tormented by her image at
night, frustrated by thoughts of her overtaking his day, came crashing down on
him, overwhelming him with the need to hold her.

The sound of his heavy work bag hitting the floor echoed
through the foyer as he released it to wrap her in his arms and pull her body
against his.  She came willingly, molding against him as he deepened her
kiss, unsatisfied to merely feel her lips touch his.  

He tangled one hand in the damp strands of her long hair,
pulling her head gently back as he explored her mouth.  He released her
lips to trail his way down her neck, the soft scent of her skin amplified by
the dampness still clinging to her, filling his senses.  She felt so
good.  Tasted so good.  Smelled so good.  He needed more of
her.  All of her.

She clenched his shirt, trying to pull him closer to
her.  Her breath was coming fast, her pulse racing under his lips as he
brushed them across her throat.  He wrapped his hands around to her
bottom, pulling her hard, the feel of her body rubbing against him forcing a
low groan from his throat. 

Shit.  This was getting out of control real fast.

He tore his lips from hers pushing her gently away from him
as he tried to catch his breath. 

Did she think she could still get him to bed her?  The
look of fear and apprehension on her face made him think not, but he needed to
be sure.  “I told you I’m not looking for something casual and I meant
it.”

“I know.”  Her lips were trembling as she spoke.

“We still have some things we need to talk about before
this,” he motioned between them with his finger,” goes any further.”

She nodded silently, wrapping her arms around her waist.

He forced slow breaths as he tried to regain control of the
situation and himself.

“You need to go change and I need to get home before I do
something I’ll regret.”  He picked his bag back up.  “Can I come back
tomorrow after work?”

She nodded again, her eyes wide as if her actions were
surprising, even to her. 

He wanted to lean in for one more kiss.  One more feel
of her lips against his, but knew that was a bad idea, so instead he turned and
walked out the door, not looking back until he was locked safely in his
van. 

She watched from the open doorway as he pulled away from the
curb.  This was going to be more difficult than he thought, and it quickly
becoming apparent that dealing with Gwen wasn't going to be the hard part.

Gwen leaned over and held her head between her knees,
sucking in long, slow breaths.  She sat back up slowly and tipped her head
back.  She really needed to not puke right now.

She'd been sitting at home for an hour.  Sixty of the
longest minutes of her life.

It was almost six.

And she was almost ready to throw up.

Her phone rang on the counter, buzzing gently across the granite. 
She snatched it up.

Her breathing went back to normal as she read the name on
the screen.  "Hello."

"
Gwennie
?  What's
wrong?  You sound terrible."

Gwen rolled her eyes at herself in the mirror. 
"Thanks."  She fluffed her hair just in case she looked as bad
as her sister apparently thought she sounded. 

"Don't be a crab.  I was just worried, you sounded
like you didn't feel good or something."

"I'm just tired I think."  Gwen pulled a
magazine off the counter and fanned her face trying to stop the stress sweats
threatening the bronzer hiding her paleness.

"Oh, I was calling to see if you could watch the girls
for us Saturday night, but I can find someone else if you need a break."

"No way.  I'd love to.  Besides it gives me a
reason not to work."  Gwen stopped fanning and gently tapped the area
under her eyes to make sure it was dry.

"Well, okay..."  There was dead air on the
line long enough Gwen checked to make sure she hadn't dropped Gabbi's
call.  "I was thinking maybe we could go to lunch Sunday too. 
Just the two of us."

 Gwen squinted at her reflection in the half bath
mirror.  Something was up.  They hadn't been anywhere without the
girls since they crawled out of Gabbi's body.  "Is everything
alright?"

"Yeah.  Yeah.  I just thought we could have a
little time to ourselves."

"Sure."  She was still suspicious, but right
now she didn't have the wherewithal to drag it out of Gabbi.  It could
wait.

She heard the doorbell ring, the beautiful chiming doing
nothing to soothe the sickness in her stomach.  "Gabs I've
gotta
go.  I'll call you later."

She stood up off the commode and gave herself a long look in
the mirror.

She would get through this.  The first step was always
the hardest.

She marched out and straight to the door, keeping her eyes
on the floor, knowing his shadowy outline through the etched glass could be
enough to make her loose the last little bit of a grip she had over the panic
attempting to ruin her evening.  And maybe ultimately, her life.

She yanked the door open.  Joe stood on the other side
looking much more intimidating than she'd remembered.  She straightened
her spine.  He was just a man.

That wasn't actually true, but dealing with what he might be
was not on the list of things she could deal with today.  It probably
wasn't on tomorrow's list either.

Joe held up his hands, a brown paper take-out bag looped
over each wrist.  "Hungry?"

Her stomach churned.

"Yes."  She swallowed.  She'd expected a
little time easing herself into being alone with Joe before she would have to
try to stomach food.  She at least figured she'd have the drive to the
restaurant to relax a little.

The smell of curry wafted in through the open door. 
Her stomach rumbled, but it wasn't clear yet what the reasoning was behind
it.  Hopefully it would decide to be hungry.  She stepped back,
holding her breath as he passed and closing her eyes, trying to stay calm.

He walked to the kitchen and set the bags on the
counter.  "I hope you like Indian."  He grinned, a deep
dimple creasing the skin on the left of his lips.  "I took a
risk."

"I love Indian food."  She leaned against the
counter as he unloaded the foam containers.

"Then I guess the risk paid off."  She
watched as he opened the containers, still smiling, obviously satisfied he'd
made the right choice.

She pulled a couple plates out of the cabinet and snagged
two forks from the drawer wondering if she would be as lucky.  She leaned
close to Joe, sliding the plates onto the breakfast bar.  He stiffened as
she brushed against him.

The upset in her stomach calmed a little.  Maybe Joe
was a little tense around her too.  The idea that he might not be as calm
as he seemed on the outside made her feel a little less like she was at a
disadvantage.  Maybe she was more in control of this situation than she
realized.

She smiled up at him as she straightened beside him. 
"What would you like to drink?"

"Water would be good."  He turned back to
focus on opening the containers of rice and chicken curry.  Gwen stepped
away, a smile tugging the corners of her mouth.  Joe was definitely not as
cool and composed as she thought.

Thank God.

She filled two tall glasses with icy water and set them
beside the plates and forks as she slid into a high-backed stool, watching as
he continued to organize the five containers of food.  She was feeling
better and better about this.

"It looks really good.  Where's it
from?"  She tipped a container of rice over her plate and scraped a
pile out before topping it with chicken curry.

"Right down the street actually."  He slowly
slid into the seat beside her, his hands in loose fists on the counter in front
of him.

She scooped a bite and tasted it.  "This is
really, really good.  I might have to order from here again." 
She yanked gently on the menu stapled to one of the bags, pulling it free.

"You order out a lot?"  Joe finally piled
some of the food onto his plate.

"No.  I'm usually too tired to deal with it so I
eat stupid things for dinner."

Joe chuckled beside her, his full mouth forcing the sound to
rumble through his chest.  She caught a glimpse of his dimple out of the
corner of her eye just before he used a napkin to wipe his lips.  Lips she
kissed yesterday.  Lips she might even get to kiss again today.

"What kind of stupid things?" 

"Cereal, toast..."  She looked at him out of
the corner of her eye.  "I've also been known to eat ice cream out of
the container."

His eyes twinkled.  "I didn't realize how health
conscious you were."

"Well, now you know."  She took a big gulp of
water as he burst into laughter beside her.

A half hour later her belly hurt.  Whether it was from
too much food or laughing at Joe's stories about Heath and Gabbi, there was no
telling.  Either way, it was a good pain.

Joe started stacking the empty containers and dropping them
into one of the paper bags.

"You can leave that.  I'll get it later."

"I'm not leaving you with a mess to clean
up."  He stood up and took her plate, adding it to his.

"You bought dinner.  I can at least clean it
up." 

He took both plates to the kitchen and started rinsing them
in the sink.  "Maybe next time."  He gave her a grin and a
wink that said, 'probably not then either'.

She watched as he shoved his long sleeves up over his
forearms then squeezed some soap into the sink.  Sliding out of her seat,
Gwen collected their forks and glasses.  She set them beside the sink
before grabbing a dish towel.

Joe rinsed each plate before handing them to her. 
Quietly they washed, dried and put away their dinner dishes.

He pulled the plug on the sink and ran the faucet, rinsing
out the bubbles.  When he finished, she handed him her towel to dry his
hands.  Something caught her eye.  Grabbing his hand with both of
hers, she turned it so she could take a closer look at his thumb. 

“What happened?”  The nail of his thumb was shades of
blue and black with swelling around the edges.  It had to be painful.

He left his hand in hers, making no attempt to pull back,
even as she turned it in all directions, carefully inspecting the extent of his
injury.  She looked up at him and found him once again grinning at her.

“It’s not funny.  It looks awful.”  How could he
be laughing?  His nail was probably going to fall off.  It would take
it forever to grow back.

“I smashed it at work.  Happens all the time.”  He
held out his other hand.  A bandage was wrapped around the middle of his
index finger.

“You smashed that one too?”

He looked down, rubbing the edges of the bandage with his
thumb.  “No.  Burned this one.”

Gwen took full advantage of the opportunity he was giving
her.  She ran her fingers gently over his bandaged finger, then higher,
over the pale scarring covering his knuckles.  He held his breath as she
moved further, tracing the lines of the tattoos he normally covered with long
sleeves, even in the heat of July.

She looked up at him.  "Why do you hide these?"

****

 It was the moment he'd been dreading for years. 
It was here both too soon, and too late.

He should have told Gwen sooner.  She shouldn't have
had to ask a question that would bring it all out.  Explaining his past
was something he'd never intended to keep from anyone important in his life,
and he was really hoping Gwen would be important.  Very important.

All the excitement he felt about getting to spend an evening
alone with Gwen getting to know her better dissolved as the reality of his situation
smacked him across the face.

As much as he wanted to know more about her, she deserved to
know more about him.  It was time to tell Gwen about his past.

He held on to these last few seconds with her, knowing they
might be the last he ever had.  As much as he didn't want to consider it,
Gwen may never want to see him again after she found out the kind of life he'd
lived.  And he couldn’t blame her.  It would be a reasonable
reaction, but it was one that made him feel the curry he'd just eaten trying to
climb back out. 

He didn't want to tell her at all.  But he had
to.  And he had to do it now before he got any deeper than he already was.

“There’s something I need to tell you."

"Ok."  Her hands gently released his arms,
but her feet stood firm, her body only inches from his.

His breath caught in his chest.  He had never been more
scared of anything than he was of this woman walking away from him and from
what he was desperately hoping they could be.

“I…” 

He went to run his hand through his hair only to remember
he’d tied it back.  Dropping his hand back to his side he sighed, waiting
one more second before what he said might change everything.

Her brow furrowed.  “Is this about you going to
prison?”

Her words stunned him.  Had Gabbi and Heath already
told her?

“Don’t look so shocked.  All I had to do was Google
you."  She put her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow at
him.  "I’m not some young girl naive enough to think people always
tell the truth.”

His heart sank.  Did she feel like he’d lied to her?

 She stepped closer her fingers toying with the fabric
of his shirt.  “I'm also not foolish enough to believe people can't
change.  The only way to know who someone is, really, is to let them show
you who they are."  Gwen tipped her head ever so slightly to the
side, the soft strands of her hair spilling over one shoulder.  "So
far, you've shown yourself to be a hardworking, kind, gentle man.  I will
believe otherwise when and if you give me reason to do so.”  She took a
deep breath.

"But I really hope you don't"

Joe was speechless.  He had been running through
scenarios of how that conversation would go for over a week.  Never once
did it go even a little like this. 

Before he could stop himself, he pulled her close, crashing
his mouth down on hers.  He wrapped his arms around her, holding her lean
body tightly against him as his tongue slipped easily between her lips and into
the hot wetness of her mouth.

She wound her arms around his neck, pulling him to her,
pressing into him as she rubbed her tongue against his before pulling back to
nip at his lower lip. 

He pulled her mouth back to his, swallowing a soft moan as
it escaped her lips.  Lifting her off the floor, he spun and settled her
bottom on the kitchen counter, bringing her up to his height.  She wrapped
her legs around his waist as he abandoned her mouth, nipping and licking his
way down her neck.  She tightened her legs around him, the friction
against his straining cock dragging out a moan as he buried his face in her
silky hair.

He froze.

What was happening?  He’d vowed to be slow with her and
here he was dry humping her while he groaned in her ear. 

He unwrapped her legs from around his waist and pried her
arms from his neck before taking a very long step back.  Then
another.  And another until he was safely across the kitchen.

“I’m sorry.”  His voice was strained and tight in his
throat.  He needed to slow his breathing and calm down. 

Taking things slow with Gwen was going to be harder than he
thought.  Much harder.  Especially when she was still sitting on the
counter, not looking even the least little bit regretful of what just
happened.  Quite the opposite actually.  Her lips, swollen from his
rough kisses, spread into a slow smile.

“I’m not.”  She jumped down from the counter and slowly
sashayed toward the family room.  She looked back at him over her
shoulder.  "Want to watch a movie with me Mr. Parker?"

No.

Yes.

No.  Definitely no.