Out of Focus (Chosen Paths #2) (11 page)

Our stares remain joined and I even dare to push forward on my own, which earns me a prideful grin from Grady. Just as we turn another corner, someone zips by us and brushes up against me, throwing me off balance. A person whips past, my eyes are ripped from Grady’s, and I feel the security of our connection splinter as our joined stares break apart. With my defenses already lowered, and now the loss of Grady’s eyes, I’m helpless against what happens next.

My stare locks onto the whites of the wall nearest us, drawn by the colors fluttering along them from the strobe light overhead.

Their pull is unbreakable.

I can’t tear my eyes away.

I’m frozen, forced to watch the movement of the colors dancing along the walls, leaving me defenseless and unprepared for when I’m pulled under as the wave of my past crashes all around me.

No one else exists. There is only blackness surrounding me as I’m left alone, submerged in my darkness. My eyes are permitted to see nothing, no one, except those lights on the wall. Memories rush my mind, and the revulsion and disgust accompanying them extinguish any spark of hope Grady somehow managed to ignite.

My entire body begins to quake. Tears escape the corners of my eyes as they remain glued, bound to the revolutions of flitting color. My knees buckle and with the sudden loss of strength, I begin to collapse. A weak whimper escapes me and I barely register the fact that I never hit the ground, but instead, I’m lifted off it. I shiver from the cold, even though warmth now surrounds me.

You’re a disgrace.

You don’t deserve someone like him.

Tell him to leave you, before it’s too late.

You will only pollute his perfection with your foulness.

“Look at me, Cass.” Grady’s voice slices through the vile murmurs, but I can’t break my stare. Our bodies are jolted as he steps off the floor and onto the carpet, but there’s no safe haven from my fears. Blues, reds, yellows, and greens follow me everywhere we turn.

A gentle hand is placed against my cheek and it presses firmly, forcing my eyes into the crook of Grady’s neck. His touch remains, never leaving while I stay cradled against his chest. I focus on the sound of his heart as it repeatedly strikes the inside of his chest, its soothing whoosh calming my own. I breathe in deeply, but the tears are relentless as they continue coursing down my cheeks. I grip the material of Grady’s shirt, pulling myself as close as I can and force my face deeper into the safety of his neck, the security he offers my only saving grace in this moment.

We jostle as he takes a seat on a bench, and terror constricts my chest with the idea that he will release me, or force me to break my hold. But he doesn’t. Somehow I’m able to remain within the safety of his arms as my skates are removed, and my upper body is drawn closer into the heat of his chest as he leans to take off his own. After some maneuvering, I’m jostled once again as he rises, and cool breeze stirs around us with each of his swift steps. Grady turns and presses his back against the front door, and a gust of much-needed air washes over me as we exit.

Goosebumps line my arms and legs as I heave an exhausted breath, all fight within me gone. Grady continues with his strides, carrying me across the parking lot, and my grip on his shirt remains tight. Gravel crunches beneath his shoes and I listen to the sound until those steps finally cease. It’s only then that he breaks the silence.

“Cassie, I need to put you down now. Is that okay?”

I nod into his neck and breathe him in deeply, for the first time noting the scent of his skin. Fresh and clean, like the soothing waters of the bluest ocean. An influx of emotion swells inside my chest. Blue. His eyes. I
need
his eyes.

What am I thinking?

I don’t need anything, or anyone.

As I continue trying to convince myself, the longing for the peace he offers becomes frantic and my walls splinter with their force.

I peel my face out of the safety of his neck to find those eyes gazing curiously back at me. There is absolutely no apprehension in them. No fear. And thankfully, no pity. Just pure strength and resolve emanating from his returning stare. Releasing his shirt from my clutched fingers, I press the tips firmly just under my eyes, clearing the remnants of my tears. I give him an apologetic smile and nod, sniffling once in the process.

My heart braces itself for the impact. For him to drop me like a hot potato and take off running. I wouldn’t blame him one bit. In fact, I kind of expect it. Instead, and much to my surprise, he cradles me into his body and presses his lips against my forehead, breathing in deeply before finally releasing me and setting me on my feet.

With my kick-ass heels dangling from his fingers, Grady lifts his free hand to cup the side of my face, tenderly stroking it with the pad of his thumb. The sensation of his repeated touch along my damp cheek continues to soothe. His mouth forms a half grin, then he releases me, leaning forward and opening the passenger-side door of his grey Maxima. Just as before, his hand finds the small of my back as he guides me into the passenger seat, then his body crosses mine to buckle my seatbelt before he gently sets my shoes in my lap, stands, and shuts me safely inside.

No longer trembling, I curl my fingers over the tops of my heels and watch as he rounds the front of the car, trying to push aside the absolute mortification threatening me. As soon as he slides into the driver’s seat, I twist to face him. My voice is shaky as I speak. “I’m so sorry, Grady. I don’t know . . . I can’t explain why . . .”

Grady reaches across the console and his hand envelops mine. “No need to explain, Cass. None at all. The only thing I need you to do is tell me what you want to do. Do you want me to take you home, or do you want to come home with me?”

My brows shoot up, instigating a chuckle from beside me. I would typically pounce on the chance to go home with someone, fuck
anyone
just to avoid being alone, but my conscience won’t allow it this time. Grady is different. I’m in unfounded territory with him.

I don’t want to see him as my conquest.

I want him to be so much more than that.

So I evade his offer by asking, “What about my curfew?”

This spurs another beautiful grin. “I’m sure Mother Bear will understand. I’ll even talk to Spencer myself, if you like, but only if you’re comfortable. We still haven’t eaten and honestly, I’m not quite ready to let you go. So I’d like to continue our time together, but only if that’s what you want to do.”

His eyes implore mine as he ends his proposal. “I’ll be a complete gentleman. Scout’s honor.”

Grady lifts three fingers, sealing his promise, and I shake my head, laughing freely at the gesture. “That’s what you told Spencer about the curfew.”

His expression is still filled with humor, but his voice is laced with sincerity as he states, “Yeah, but this time I mean it.”

I narrow my eyes and assess him, weighing my options. I can go home, where I’ll be left alone to fend for myself against the impending darkness still skirting my mind. I can still see the colors but they’re more of a vague mist.

How did he manage to ground me so easily?

Normally by now, I’d be . . . I’d be . . .

Don’t go there, Cass. Don’t . . .

I
could
accompany Grady to his apartment, enjoy some company, and temporarily distract myself from the inevitable. Because the memories will eventually overtake me, they always do. But as I root myself in Grady’s patient stare, I feel . . .
safe
.

I allow the sensation to wash over me, then inhale deeply, disbelieving of the words coming out of my mouth. “All right, but no funny business, blue eyes.”

I point a warning finger in his direction and my conscience sings its approval.

Grady dips his head, acknowledging my one condition with a wide grin as he turns the key and starts the engine. I lean forward and finger for my clutch under the seat, and once it’s in my possession I flip it open, removing my phone as I relax back. “I’ll take care of Spencer,” I remark, just as Grady exits the parking lot. “I need to check up on her anyway.”

I slide my finger across the screen, noting the time of 9:48 p.m. before tapping on Spencer’s name. Four rings sound with no answer. Just as I begin to lower the phone and disconnect the call, Spencer’s voice hits my ear. “Cassie?”

“Hey, hooker.” Grady chuckles beside me and I smile into the receiver. “Everything go okay with Liam-slash-Dalton?”

Her voice is shaky with her response. “Yeah. It will be, I think. It’s just a lot to take in, his being back after all these years, you know?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

As much as I want to ask her more, I don’t. I don’t know what she can share and what she can’t, but I
do
know I don’t want to put her in a difficult position. So I ask the next best thing. “Are
you
okay? I mean, I was going to stay at Grady’s to give you more time to talk and reconnect, but I can come home if you need me.”

Spencer’s answer is immediate. “This is your apartment, Cass. Come home if you want. Don’t stay away on our account.”

Then her familiar giggle hits my ear. “But if you want to stay with Grady, go for it. He seems like a good guy from what Dalton said. Plus, I have a good feeling about him. About the two of you.”

Another giggle. “So, consider your curfew lifted. Indefinitely.”

There it is. The light. The hope. It’s in her voice. I haven’t heard that since her eighteenth birthday.

I take a quick thankful breath, and despite my nagging demons, I feel somehow at peace for her. She’ll be okay. I smile and give Grady a sideways glance. “So, you’re saying you approve of Grady Bennett?”

The side of his mouth kicks up as he signals left, checks all available mirrors, then merges into the left lane.

“I do,” Spencer resounds.

“Got it. I’ll keep that in mind.” Still grinning, I face forward and inquire, “See ya tomorrow?”

“It’s a date.” Spencer laughs, then states, “Love you, Cass.”

“Love you, times two.”

Before hanging up, I add, “I’m really happy for you, Spence. You deserve this. After all these years, you’re gonna get your happily ever after with the love of your life. It’s an amazing gift you’ve been given. Treasure it always.”

Before she can respond, I hit the end call button. Tonight has been emotional enough without going down that road.

Road.

Path.

I draw in a long breath, trying to fortify myself against the degrading whispers, but they zip right through my defenses and infiltrate my mind.

Spencer and I were on the same path, at one time.
You were never meant to be on that path. It was too good for you.

When I was eight years old I was plucked right off and placed onto another.
As you should’ve been. You found your rightful place.

And although they remained conjoined for years, this is the moment I was certain would happen.
It’s for the best that you’re separated. Your existence will only darken hers.

The fork in our road has come.

I swallow back the tears as
all
the happenings of the evening invade my mind.

The sad fact is, regardless of my present company, the
truth
of the matter is undeniable.

After five difficult years, Spencer has finally found her happily ever after. She will continue along her happy path, joined hand in hand with the man she loves.

And I will remain on mine, nothing more than the absolute disaster who has a panic attack because of some fucking strobe lights.

The voices mock me as they begin to celebrate in my acknowledgement. I shake my head and exhale deeply in defeat as I gaze out the window, their wicked, gleeful laughs all I’m able to hear as Grady drives.

Past—8 Years Old

“I’M SORRY ABOUT YOUR
daddy, Spencer.”

We’re sitting side by side on her porch, knees tucked into our chests, cheeks pressed on top of them as we look at each other. I watch a tear disappear from the corner of Spencer’s eye into the material of her black dress.

My own chin trembles at the sight, and as a strand of her long blonde hair catches with the breeze and blows onto her face, I pluck it away with the tips of my fingers, sliding it carefully behind her ear.