Out of the Ashes (37 page)

“Lexie,” I started to say.

She stood up. “No Mom, I know what you’re going to say but I’ve made up my mind. This is Zane’s club, Zane’s family.” Her eyes moved behind her. “Kill’s family. I trust them. And I barely saw anything anyway,” she added.

I didn’t know what to say. I honestly didn’t. I felt sick at what I, and Zane by proxy had exposed her to. No, omitting a tiny bit of information in a police interview didn’t equal a future of becoming a heroin smuggler, but it did expose Lexie to a world I did not want her venturing into. A world I opened the door to.

She could not be persuaded otherwise, so I just had to look on helplessly while I watched her inform the tight-faced, very attractive police officer she saw nothing but masked men on bikes. The same police officer dragged a shaken Rosie into a corner and had heated words with her. Angry words, which resulted in him storming off and her watching after him with a drained look on her face. I so didn’t have space in my brain to inspect
that
right now. So, after hours of police statements and urging that we stay at the club, I was finally able to take my baby home. Not without a tail and Killian, whom I wasn’t unhappy to take with me.

I also wasn’t unhappy to see Lexie asleep on the sofa in his arms. At least she wasn’t cationic or having a mental breakdown. She looked...at peace, safe, in his strong arms. So that was likely why I lost my mind and put a blanket over them. And why I uttered my next words.

“She stays asleep, you guys spend the night here,” I whispered.

Killian jolted slightly, his eyes widening.

“Only if she stays asleep,” I continued firmly. “And if she stays here on the couch,” I added. “She wakes up, take her to her room and then you stay on the couch. I’ve got like, x-ray mom vision. I can see through the floor. And my room,” I pointed to the ceiling, “Is right there. So I’ll know.”

Killian nodded tightly.

I gave him a look. “I’m trusting you, kid.”

He nodded again.

I was trusting him completely. It may make me an idiot. But the kid literally
jumped in front of bullets,
then shielded my daughter with his own body today.

I surprised him by touching his shoulder lightly. “You quite possibly saved her life today.” I nodded to my sleeping angel. “You’ve earned yourself like a gazillion brownie points. Owe you big time, kid,” I said softly. “Night.” I turned. “Remember, x-ray vision,” I added.

“Mia,” he called quietly.

I turned my head.

“Won’t break your trust,” he promised.

And I, stupidly or not, believed him.

I wasn’t asleep. How could I sleep with the events of today going on repeat in my mind? So when a figure entered the door I left ajar, I wasn’t shocked. My body did flinch slightly on reflex, due to the fact my body was highly strung and firmly ready for both fight or flight mode. I relaxed slightly when the moonlight illuminated a familiar face. I sat up in bed slightly and felt his weight as he hit it. Neither of us spoke, the sounds of his motorcycle boots thudding to the floor reverberating in the silent room. I also heard the slight crinkle of leather as his cut fell to the floor too. My eyes narrowed in that direction, even though I couldn’t see it, I knew it was there. That piece of leather held so many complications within its seams.

The covers moved and I felt Zane slip under them. Within seconds my body was yanked into his, full contact. I didn’t want to, but I instinctively curled into him, every inch of my body yearning for his touch, the sense of safety that came with it. Ironic, really, since he was the very reason I knew what gunshot wounds looked like. That my daughter knew what being shot at felt like. Even then my body screamed out for him.

“Killian’s sleeping on the couch with Lexie downstairs,” he clipped, his voice hard.

“I’m aware,” I replied softly, but in a tone that dared him to challenge me.

There was silence as he chewed over this, his body tight. I knew every inch of him wanted to fight me on this. But she was my daughter. She needed to sleep in the arms of the man who loved her. He’d proved himself a man today by jumping in front of bullets for her. She deserved to feel safe, like I was right now. And as much as I wished I could, I couldn’t give her the safety Killian could give her right now. Thankfully, Zane chose to stay silent. The silence lasted a while. There was a lot you could say without words. Like goodbye.

“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me where you were?” I asked with resignation.

Zane held me tighter, as if he couldn’t get me close enough. “Hunting,” was all he said.

I nodded slightly.

“Mia,” he began.

“Someone died today,” I said quietly. Zane’s body stiffened. “Right in front of me someone died,” I whispered.

“Mia,” he tried again.

“People shot at me today. With bullets, with real, people killing bullets.” I don’t know why I said that; what other kind of bullets were there? “People shot at my daughter today,” I continued.

“Mia.” His voice was tortured.

“She is my world,” I stated, cutting him off. “The center of my universe. My everything. My baby. And she almost died today.” My voice cracked slightly at the end.

Zane twisted my body so he was lying half on top of me, his hand cupping my jaw. He reached over and switched on the light, flinching at what he must’ve seen in my expression. He searched my face in desperation. “Mia, tonight. We got them, made them pay, I won’t let anything like that shit happen again. I’ll protect you. And Lexie, I fuckin’ swear,” he declared firmly.

I shook my head sadly. “It’s
my
job to protect my daughter,” I said quietly. “Protecting her means I don’t ever put her in situations where her being the victim of a drive by shooting is actually a possibility. Put her in situations where she lies to the police to protect your club.” Zane’s entire form stiffened when I said that.

I was silent for a moment longer, my heart preparing for the necessary break. “No matter what I feel for you, what we have, my daughter comes first. Always. I’ll do anything to protect her.” Even break my own heart. Tears welled in my eyes as I locked gazes with Zane once more. His jaw was hard and his eyes for once were unguarded. They were dancing with emotion that usually only glimmered below the surface, hinting at the depths below. It was exposed now for the world to see and I had to squeeze my eyes shut a moment.

Zane’s touch was feather light on my face, trailing down on my temple.

“Open your eyes Mia,” he whispered.

I couldn’t help it, I did.

“What happened today will never happen again.” His voice was fierce. “Shit’s taken care of. You need to know this though. The club’s a part of me. It is me. I am who I am, ‘cause of that cut.” He nodded to the floor where the leather lay.

He was telling me he would never leave it. Never leave the club that killed his brother today. Got people shot today. In a weird way, I got it. The things you love are never perfect. Sometimes they’re downright ugly. But that’s the way of love. It’s not about sense or aesthetic or even reason. And Zane loved his club. His brothers. No one could ever rip him away from it. Like he said, he was the club. You loved him, you loved the club. I loved him, every inch of him. I loved the broken parts he seemed to only be able to give me. I even loved the club. The sense of family, the loyalty. But it wasn’t just me. I didn’t get to be selfish. Didn’t get to throw reason and sense out the window. I had to hold onto that shit, because of the being downstairs.

He must have seen it in my face because his whole body tightened, shut down, his eyes closing for a moment. I reached up to touch his face, memorizing what it felt like.

“Zane,” I whispered, and he opened his eyes. “If it was only me I’d be there with you, at your side no matter what. I’d trust you with my life,” I promised. “But it’s not just me. I know you promise this won’t happen again, but I can’t take that chance. I could for you, for us, with me. But not with my daughter’s life,” I finished quietly. I didn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t.

His fingers gently lifted my chin to lock my eyes with him. I braced for the fury. For the glare I had only just said goodbye to. But it wasn’t there. There was a hardness to his eyes, hiding something. But there was also tenderness. Love. I nearly choked when I saw it.

“You’re a fuckin’ good mom, baby. Protecting your girl. I get it,” he ground out, like it was physically painful for him to say. “Gonna fuck you now,” he murmured. “Taste every inch of you one last time, so I can imprint it into my memories. So you’ll feel me for weeks after this,” he growled.

Then it was nothing. No words. His mouth claimed mine. Different than any other time before. I didn’t think it could be better. But it was. Zane wasn’t holding anything back; he was giving me everything. Taking everything. I clutched to him for dear life. Wishing this moment, this night, could last forever so I never had to say goodbye. That’s what it was. Goodbye. Countless times he made love to me, worshipping every inch of me, possessing every inch of me. Then in the early hours of the morning, he bundled me into his chest, surrounding me with his warmth, his strength.

“Sleep, baby,” he commanded softly.

And although I didn’t want to, didn’t want to surrender to the force dragging down my eyelids, I did. I was too far gone to hear him murmur in my ear.

“Love you, baby, to the moon.”

And when I awoke, he was gone. Most of me was gone too.

The moment the first gunshots sounded was the moment his heart stopped entirely. His eyes had already been on Mia and he had been bursting with fury. Not because Gage had his hands on her, although that did contribute, but mostly because it wasn’t him. He couldn’t smile and laugh while twirling her round to some stupid fuckin’ song. One Lexie could sing the shit out of, no matter how silly it was. It grated him that he couldn’t be the one that made her laugh, give her what Brock gave Amy. Even Cade, who didn’t dance had Gwen curled in his lap, murmuring to her. Bull couldn’t even fuckin’ do that. His past, his demons had screwed him up so bad he couldn’t even give the woman he loved what she deserved. Be the man he was before. He was watching Mia make her way over to him with a small smile. Even knowing what he couldn’t give her she still smiled, still took what he could give. Christ, if he didn’t love her even more.

So when he saw her standing among people who were getting cut down by bullets, he couldn’t think. Couldn’t move for a second. He was frozen in terror. Only for a second, then he found his feet. Found his voice.

“Mia! Someone get Mia!” he screamed desperately as he watched her spin and sprint toward the stage. She dodged every one of his brothers easily, her movements desperate. He watched as Gage finally got a hold of her. He was never happier to see Mia in another man’s arms as he was in that moment. His terror translated to Lexie. His girl, who was on the fuckin’ stage. Every part of him screamed to be able to be there, protect his girls. His mind quieted slightly to see Killian shielding Lexie.

With them taken care of he moved his body, pulled out his piece and started firing. He didn’t even bother to crouch down. Fuckers were riding off anyway. He thought he managed to clip the last one to run off, but he wasn’t sure. As soon as the danger disappeared, he didn’t make chase like some of his other brothers did. He went for his girls. He tried to swallow the bitter fear that poisoned every inch of him. When he finally made it to Mia, when she struggled in his arms like a banshee, he relaxed slightly. She was struggling, screaming, fighting. Which meant she was alive. Once he had catalogued every inch of her gorgeous body to make sure it was unharmed, he felt like he could breathe slightly.

“Let me get to my daughter,” she demanded in a voice he didn’t recognize, a voice laden with terror
.

He flinched and felt that same terror inside him at the thought of Lexie. His eyes fell on her girl, climbing off the stage with the help of Killian.

“Mom!” she screamed, running over.

Bull let Mia go so she could hug her daughter. He watched in relief as Lexie hugged her back, unscathed. Unable to help himself, he touched her golden head, closing his eyes, thanking something that they were both okay.

His eyes met Mia’s. For the first time ever, his woman’s eyes were hard. He restrained a flinch at the sight of them, tried to communicate a silent apology, a silent declaration of how much he loved them both in his look.

Then he left. Because he had to. Had to punish the fuckers who killed his brother. Shot at his two reasons for living. Not existing. But
living
. Anyone who tried to extinguish that light was dead.