Out of the Blue (14 page)

“I think we’re a good fit,” he said. “When you’ve pleased thousands of women, you start to read them instinctively. I know you’re looking for romance, for someone to be with. I’m looking for a bit of normalcy.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know that I’m normal. I beat up a woman yesterday.”

Jason’s eyebrows pressed down. “What?”

“Never mind,” she said. “You should have seen me in college. So awkward.”

“Is that when you met Justin?” He asked.

“Can we not talk about him?” The waves felt boring to her now, repetitious. “I don’t know why people keep assuming he wants me, but he doesn’t.”

“Right from the horse’s mouth eh?”

“Yup.” She pushed her bottom lip around with her top one. “So that’s that.”

“So what do you do now?” He said. “Because there happens to be a lonely, very interesting, about-to-retire version of Justin right here that is willing to hang out.”

“You aren’t anything like him.”

“We’re men in the sex industry. That’s more similar than you think.”

She considered it. She pressed a finger against the fullest part of her bottom lip. “I don’t know. I think it depends on the reasons. The context.”

“And that is why I could just talk to you all day.” He leaned against her, bumped her shoulder with his, and sat back up. She bumped him back. They smiled.

~~~

Molly was surprised to get a call from Justin later that night. She’d assumed he’d need more time to rest.

“Hello?”

“Molly.”

“Justin.” She sank onto the couch and rubbed her forehead till the tension receded. “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” he said. “All things considered.”

“Great.”

She didn’t feel like saying anything. He’d made her life too complicated. She was the type that could float through, never thinking about the under layers of life. It might be a good thing to change that, but it didn’t feel comfortable. “What do you need Justin?”

“Whoa, I’m your friend. Can’t I just call?”

Good point.

“Anyway, I just called to say thanks for what you did. That was amazing. I thought maybe, to you know, pay you back, we could go out Saturday.”

Oh no he didn’t. Molly flattened her lips and clamped down the anger that rose in her chest. It was one thing to act so scared of her that when she came to untie him he insisted she couldn’t be more than a friend. It was another to ask her out on a pity date after. How much was he assuming about what she wanted?

“Oh Justin.” She dug her nails into her thighs and prayed for patience. “How can you be so bad with women?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“When did I say I wanted to date you?”

“Didn’t you kiss me?”

“You kissed me.”

“Right, but …” He was quiet for a moment. “Do you not?”

“No,” she said.

“Why?”

She could hear something in his voice that said he was hurt, but she was tired of trying to read all the undertones.

“Why would I?”

“Because I’m … I don't know.”

Molly wished this awkward call would end.

“Well, then can I at least take you to dinner Saturday?” he asked. “As friends.”

“I …” She thought about whether she should, then remembered. “Actually I’m busy. I have a date that night.”

“You do?”

Why did he have to sound so surprised?

“With who?”

“None of your business.”

“Okay. Is it Jason?”

“Yes.”

“He’s a good guy.”

“I guess.” Molly pulled the phone back and looked at the minute count on the screen.

“Then how about Friday?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Molly, if you don’t want to date me, how come you seem so hurt?”

“I’m not. I’m just offended you think that I need a pity date. Or that you have to tell me you don’t want me like that. You’re confusing me.”

“Okay Molly. All stakes on the table. I promise to keep it simple. I promise not to get feelings like that. Promise not to act out of line again.”

Somehow it wasn’t the promise she wanted, but she’d accept it as an honest attempt to at least stop playing with her mind. “All right. Friday.”

“Can’t wait.”

“What will we do?”

“Whatever we want. Dinner. Anime?”

She laughed, quietly, away from the phone so it didn’t make an awkward swishy sound in the speaker.

“All right. Deal.”

“All right.”

Chapter 9

J
ustin couldn’t help smiling as he watched Molly flop in a green microsuede chair. She got a little scrunched up look that let him know she was thinking it over.

“So what does your bony butt think about it?”

“It’s not bony,” she said.

Justin shrugged. He tried to squish in the chair with her, and she flushed and jumped out.

“There is not enough room for that.”

“I know,” he said. “I like this one. Not the color though.”

Molly looked at the tag. “Not the price either.”

Justin coughed. “Actually, that’s not a problem.”

She looked with just her eyes away from the price tag at him. “Really?”

“Sure. Not that it’s any of your business but I’m pretty loaded.”

“How’s that?” She moved to another couch. Light brown. Of course. She sat down, ran her hands along the arms.

“Just been a lot of years saving,” he said. “Being a host pays well. Been squirreling it all away for years. Waiting in case I needed to disappear.”

“And now you don’t think you’ll need to?” She bounced lightly a couple of times on the cushions.

“I think so,” he said. “I mean, I had already decided not to run this time. Before she even showed up.” He leaned back in the couch and looked up at the high ceiling. A surprising amount of dust for an upscale store. “After telling you.”

“Really?” she said. “I’ve never seen your place. Is it a dump then?”

“Yeah,” he said. She looked shocked. “I guess it kind of is.”

She scooted over on her couch and peeked her eyes over the top of the arm. “You know what we should do? Find the most expensive couch in here.”

The thought made him light up. He felt like he’d been promised a day at Disneyland. He hadn’t thought about all the things he could do now that he could be normal.

“I wonder how much that would be?” He slapped his hands down on his knees. “But I think I can think of better things to do with my money. I can do the things I didn’t get to as a kid. I can help people too.”

“Money goes faster than you think,” she said. “Be careful.”

“It’s not like I quit my job,” he said. “And I’m going to be an engineer, if I want to, in another couple years.” He ran a hand over the green fibers and made a little picture in the fuzz. “That’s if I go part time.”

“Well, I still want to see your place,” she said. She stood, rubbed her arms.

“Sorry I didn’t bring a jacket,” he said.

“It’s my fault,” she said. “I didn’t bring one either.”

He stood. “I’m sorry I brought you couch shopping on our date.”

“We’re friends, remember?” She pushed him ahead of her towards the door. “That’s what friends do. They also show other friends their house.”

Suddenly he wanted to. Wanted her to see all of it, the gray dull parts he couldn’t show a woman he was interested in. If he truly trusted her to be just a friend, he should be able to show things he’d show a guy friend. She shouldn’t care about his box ottoman, or his dirty old couches.

“Let’s go to my place then,” he said. “Let’s stop for snacks first though. And maybe we should pick up one of your animes?”

“Sure,” she said. She reached in her bag. He tried not to laugh at its size as she rummaged in it like a bag lady. “But I actually brought one, since you said you wanted to see one?”

“Oh, so you were hoping to come to my place tonight?”

“Sure,” she said. “Mine feels lonely. I’m tired of being there. Besides you’ve seen it.” She put the DVD back in her purse. “Plus I’m even more excited now that you’ve said it’s a dump.”

Okay, maybe dump was a strong word. At least she couldn’t be disappointed now.

But when Justin went to unlock the door, snacks in grocery bags hanging from his wrists as he held the lock, he had second thoughts. We’re just friends, he reminded himself. It doesn’t matter what she thinks. Friends should just accept you. He put the key in and turned it. He hefted up the bags to push it open but Molly pushed in front of him and moved into the house ahead of him.

“Hey—” He followed her, wishing his hands weren’t busy so he could pull her back by her arm. “I haven’t—”

“I like it,” she said, walking through the living room, looking at the walls, and then moving into the kitchen. She moved to a couch, brushed it off with her hand, looked at her hand, and sat. “I don’t know why you called this a dump,” she said. “It’s actually pretty neat. The couches are old, but not gross. Comfy too.”

“Watch out, they’ll eat you right up.”

“I can see that.” She laughed, trying to pull up so that she didn’t sink completely into the back of it.

He laughed because she looked small and it looked like the couch was winning whatever battle they were engaged in.

“You can sit here too,” she said. “If you want to brave it.”

He looked at the couch for a moment. Awkward. He felt like the biggest idiot for not remembering he only had one couch. Now if he said no, it’d be like saying straight out that he was either repulsed by her, or still suspicious of her. Because he’d be sitting on the ground. A ground that hadn’t been vacuumed in too long.

“You know,” she said, looking around, “I’m impressed. I really thought your house would be some
GQ
special or Betty Crocker thing, but it’s totally not.”

“Betty Crocker?”

“You know, all … kept and nice.”

“I think she’s a brand name for baked goods.”

“You know what I mean,” Molly said. “I expected the house to be as pretty as you.”

He opened the DVD player as an excuse not to look at her.

“Instead, it’s really comfy.”

He heard squeaks that meant she was battling to sit up again.

“I’m really comfy here.”

He didn’t know if that made him feel relieved, or angry. Pretty, that’s right. A lot had changed but his face stayed the same.

“What do you think of my dark hair? I was hoping it’d make me less pretty.”

She stopped fighting the couch and looked at him, studying the hair, moving down his face. He expected her to go lower but she didn’t.

“I don’t know. It makes you look a bit more intense,” she said. “But I’m no hair expert.”

Justin felt vulnerable. “I guess there’s no real way to not be pretty.”

“I think you’d better watch my anime after all,” she said. “The main characters are all too pretty and you can probably sympathize. Unlike me.”

He looked over his shoulder and she looked away innocently. “Molly, you could be pretty.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean you are pretty,” he said. “You could be stunning if you want.” He pressed play and turned the volume up to low, and stood. “But what’s the point? It’s just a pain.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It might be nice.” She patted the couch next to her in such a friendly way that he felt okay sitting, albeit trying to stay on his side. The couch made it hard, trying to move them both to the middle and back. “Gosh this thing is a vacuum. Comfy, but a vacuum.”

“Yeah.”

“And anyway.” She seemed to be trying equally hard to stay away from touching him. “I don’t really want people to like me for that.”

Justin held onto the arm with one hand and turned so his legs faced hers. “What do you want them to like you for?”

“Who I am I guess.”

“And who’s that?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe I’m hoping I find someone who can tell me what’s lovable about me.” She put a hand up and rested her cheek on it in an adorable way.

The thought appealed to him. Someone to tell him what’s lovable. What was lovable, other than his looks?

“I don’t know if I even have anything like that,” he said. “I don’t know that anyone gets around the face.”

“You won’t have the face forever,” she said. “Don’t rely on it.”

“I don’t try to,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just have to wait till I’m old to see what else there is to me, other than sex.”

“I hope not,” she said. She poked him. “Maybe you could get really fat?”

He laughed and flinched away. “I don’t think so.” It would make him feel too helpless.

“I think it’d be funny,” she said.

“You go ahead and get fat then,” he said. “It’d look good on you.”

“Oh yeah?” She said. “Watch out then, you promised not to get feelings for me.”

He nodded and chuckled. “I’ll do my best.” He looked at the screen. “What is this about anyway?”

She giggled.

“Which one of those is the girl?” He stared at the screen for a moment. One of the characters had pink hair and tiny shorts. The other was tall and blond, but really pretty. Big sparkly anime eyes. But both had deep voices. He assumed the pink haired one was just a bit butch.

“None are girls.” She put a hand up to cover her mouth.

“What?” He stared at the screen. He got up with some effort, and went to grab the case. “I can’t read it. It’s in Japanese.”

“Um,” she said. “They’re both guys.”

“So then.” He looked from the screen to the cover, then to her, and then raised an eyebrow.

“Come back and sit,” she said. She grabbed a pillow off the ground and hugged it in front of her. “I’ll explain.”

“So you’re making me watch a gay anime?”

“It’s not that per se,” she said. “That’s not why I watch it.”

“Why then?”

“It’s got a deep storyline,” she said. “I mean sure, some of them are just glorified porn, so girls can watch guys make out. But this one is different.”

“I’ll take your word on it.”

“I think you’d like it though.”

“Why?”

“Well.” She curled up even smaller if possible then looked at him with those big, frank eyes. “The main character was abused. I guess I shouldn’t spoil it.”

Justin wished she hadn’t taken the only pillow in the room. He wanted one to squish as well. “Give me my pillow back.”