Out Of The Darkness (24 page)

He hadn
’t been. He’d been strong and protective, willing to do whatever to keep her safe. Because she was his mate; but was there anything more there yet?

“Do you want me because your goddess says it
’s so, or because you want
me
?”

That was the question that had been bothering her, and one her sister had been unable to help her answer.

For Emily and Rydere, it had been because of the goddess. Rydere had believed Emily was his mate, therefore they would be together. No matter what. But Emily had made the decision to stay with him, when she didn’t have to. He’d been willing to let her go, if it meant she would be happier without him. Somehow she doubted Nalik would make that same offer.

Of course…their situation was wildly different. Cass knew enough about
Rajni
s to not be quite as fearful or confused as Emily had been. Rydere had converted Emily without asking. That would be a total big no-no for Cass. She had had enough of being someone’s experiment.

And Nalik was offering her the choice completely.

“If I just wanted you because of the damned goddess’s decree we’d have been long mated by now.”

He had a point. Rydere had taken and converted Emily within hours of meeting her. Same for Josey, Mickey, and Mallory. “Did you just not want me, or something? I
’m not sure I understand why you
didn’t
do what all the other Dardaptoans did.”

“A
Rajni
wants only the best for their female. I was not the best for you. Then. I have changed, I think, in the last few days.”

“How so?” And why?

“I realized the inevitable would happen. My plans were to go to whichever world you chose not to go to. To put space between us so that I would not force or pressure you. I would not take your choices away, like Rydere did with your sister. But then, you were screaming and frightened. And no one else even realized what was happening or that
you
were in danger. But
I
knew. Immediately. We were that connected, already.”

She remembered thinking no one could help her. And then he
’d been there, and she could see his face through that mist, when she could see no one else. His arms had been around her and for a moment she’d thought she would be safe.

And ultimately, she was.

But was protection enough to base a life on?

Somehow she didn
’t think it was, although she did feel adrift and unsafe in this rapidly changing world. Cass had never done well with sudden change.

He shifted, tried to get off the bed. She didn
’t want him to. This was a weird world, and to be honest,
he
was hers.

Her sense of security, someone she could be honest with, and someone who was apparently putting her needs first. Above anybody else
’s.

Guilt filled her for a moment—what was
he
getting out of the deal? She was more of a burden than a blessing, wasn’t she?

Cassandra pulled some air into her lungs, catching just a slight bit of his scent. She forced herself to look
straight at him, and to be honest—with herself and him. “What do you get from
me?
”

He looked at her, his confusion clear on his face. “What do you mean, what do I get from you? I get
you.”

“But what does that mean exactly?” She wasn
’t exactly a great prize, was she? She had a trust fund and never had to work if she didn’t chose to—but he had plenty of money of his own. She was nowhere near experienced as he was, so he was sure to find her boring eventually, wasn’t he? She was much too young to think about getting married and starting a family. And he was an ancient. What would they really have in common? Besides her grandfather? “What would we possibly do together for the next million years? You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. What if when we’re together for a while we realize we just don’t even like each other? What are we supposed to do then? And what if we have children by then? I’m not a big believer in for the children or in broken marriages. Do Dardaptoans even have divorce?”

Even she heard the small panic in her voice. Her hands clenched on the blankets that were the only thing separating them.

“We do as your cousins did, only
we
take it slower.”

“What about the conversion? Could I even become Dardaptoan if
you
are not? What would happen if I kept getting older, but you didn’t? What am I supposed to think about all of this?”

“I do not have all of the answers. I was going to consult with Barlaam and Kindara when—
if—
you wished it. I do not know if we can even have children. That right might have been taken away from me thirty years ago.”

By her grandfather. Would everything in their lives always come back to that man? “And that
’s another thing. How can you ever want me, knowing what
he
did to you?”

He yanked the blankets out of her hands and then grabbed her. He hooked one arm around her back and then rolled
until she was straddling his hips and he was leaning against the elaborate headboard. Cass found herself almost nose to nose with him. He reached out and flicked on the strange lamp next to the bed.

That
’s when she noticed that he wasn’t wearing anything other than a pair of loose cottony pants. Her hands rested against his chest. He was a well-defined man, with little hair marring his skin. He had some strange tattoos and that surprised her. She’d seen similar on Josey’s husband Cormac when he’d been swimming with her and Josey. They had meaning, she knew they did. But she’d never asked Josey. Now she wished she had. She wanted to touch, and she sensed he’d let her. Her fingers spread wide; she could feel his heart beneath her palm.

Chapter 43

He pulled her close. “I want you to understand something. From the very
moment
I saw you in the gardens in Colorado and realize
you
were mine, I never once thought of you and your grandfather in the same way. You are not
him.
You will never be him, and I have never confused that. I never will. I have watched you and wanted you for months, for who you are. Do you understand that? I want
you.
Every last bit of you.” He held her against him and Cass felt his heart rate pick up when he kissed her again.

His hands dropped to her butt, flexed on her flesh. Cass didn
’t care. Her hands tightened on his shoulders and she kissed him back with every bit of emotion she felt.

This was the man a goddess had decreed was
hers.
That was a very powerful thought. His fingers went to work on the sleep top she wore. It was held together with ribbons, little decorative frills that made little protection from a man’s questing fingers. 

Before she could even breathe, she was naked from the waist up. He pulled back and sucked in a breath, cursed. His hand touched her breast, and Cass
’s eyes watered when she realized he was trembling.

This man was trembling because he wanted to touch her. How could she ever understand that? His fingers quested over her skin, and then she was the one shivering. His hands were big, hot, just rough enough to contrast against her softness.

His hands were stronger, bigger, than Tyler’s had been. And they weren’t groping at her—they were almost reverent when they touched her.

Cass ran her own fingers over his chest, touching the flat male nipples. She wanted to laugh when his skin tightened beneath her touch.

Somehow the atmosphere in the room changed from emotionally charged to something else. She wasn’t so inexperienced that she didn’t understand it.

This time
she
kissed him, pressing her chest against him. His hands tightened on her butt. When she pulled back, he said her name, an obvious question in her tone.

While Cass hated change and quick decisions
this
didn’t feel wrong; not at all. In fact, it felt more right than anything had in a long time.

When his hands slipped beneath the cotton covering her butt and brushed over the panties she wore, Cass shifted to give him better access.

At least one of the decisions she had to make had just been made.

Her body wanted his, and that was what was important right then. Maybe they could just figure everything else out between them later?

He pulled away first. “Please, tell me this is something you are certain of? This is not something we can erase, once it is done.”

Cass leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes. Of course he would put the decision fully in her hands. It
was
her decision, and she knew it. She took a deep breath, then nodded. “Yes. I get that.”

His arms tightened around her and he flipped them both until she was on her
back and he was above her. She looked up at him, overwhelmed for just a moment.

He was so beautiful, even with the scar across his cheek. Or maybe more so because of it. She ran her fingers across his cheek. He had no stubble. Was that common for a man like him?

But then again, there wasn’t
any
man like him out there, was there? He was unique, and he was hers.

Sudden hesitation hit her; she didn
’t know what to do. She’d only been with Tyler a few times, and each time he’d led the way. She’d enjoyed being with him, but there was definitely not the same sense of intensity.

He had to know that she felt nervous. He smiled and laid his forehead against hers. “We
’ll go at exactly the speed you want.”

That was exactly what she needed to hear. She pressed her lips to his, tentative. More nervous than she
’d ever been in her life.

He never rushed her, and he asked her several times if she was alright, if she wanted him to stop.

If she liked what he was doing to her.

She definitely did, but it was the way he touched her, the emotions he did not bother to hide from her that had her a mess of nerves before they
’d even really started.

It was Cass who decided enough was enough, who wanted more.

Nalik leaned over her and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down, closer to her.

She remembered what her sister and Mallory had told her once. About a Dardaptoan
’s neck.

She nipped him, harder than she
’d really intended.

He cursed, then laughed. “So you know about that?”

“Mmm. I’ve heard a few rumors.”

Chapter 44

Little tease. Did she realize how beautiful, how damned alluring she looked right then? Her hair was beautiful, tangled in heavy curls around her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen. From
his.
Did she realize what that did to him?

She was thinner than a Dardaptoan woman but that didn
’t matter to him. She was beautiful, so damned damned beautiful. He trembled as he wrapped her legs around his waist.

He wasn
’t sure he could do this. It had been more than thirty years since he’d been with a woman. And that woman was nothing compared to the female he’d been given.

She leaned up and kissed him again, and he sank into her, careful not to hurt her. She was so fragile beneath him. So vulnerable. Yet so strong, too. She nearly had him defeated; did she realize that?

Anything
she wished for he would get it for her. Give it to her. He would do whatever he had to in order to make this woman happy.

He tried to tell her that with his body because his words simply failed him in a way that he could never explain.

Was it always like this for
Rajni
s? Or was it just because he needed her so much more than he ever thought in order to be
whole
?

He suspected that was the real reason.

She was shaking in his arms when they were finished, clinging to him tightly.

He ran his fingers in her hair, slipping it behind her ear and out of her eyes. He needed to see her eyes.

They were wet.

He
’d made her cry?

Fear filled him. “Cassandra?”

She was quiet for the longest time. “I didn’t get it.”

“What?”

“When Emily and Josey said sex was worth it. Not until now.” Her words were quiet, and he could feel her heartbeat returning to normal. “I wasn’t a virgin. And I was with someone I loved. But,
that
wasn’t like this. That was sweet. This…this was…deeper than that, wasn’t it? Or is it always like that for
Rajnis?
”

“I wouldn
’t know. You’re my first
Rajni.
” He smiled as he pulled the blanket over her. She wasn’t Dardaptoan—yet—but this world would still be too cold for her at night.

She laughed. “I guess I am.”

He turned on his side and tucked her against him. His body dwarfed hers; he was half afraid he’d crush her in the night. She didn’t seem to mind; she curled against him and closed her eyes. “Nalik?”

“Yes?”

“I really don’t want you to leave tomorrow. Even going with my uncle and Rydere. I—I’ll miss you while you’re gone.”

He closed his eyes. How long had it been since someone had cared where he was going? Since someone had missed him? Did she realize what a gift she had given him with those simple words?

Somehow he doubted she did; she’d already drifted off against him.

He held her throughout the night, until the sun began to shine through her window. He kissed her once, then slipped from the bed. He had much to do
still, and they were leaving at first light, to time their arrival in Gaia correctly.

He thought of waking her, to give one last farewell, but she slept so peacefully…

Still.

He couldn
’t leave her without telling her…what? That he loved her?

Love was such a weak word for what he
’d felt for her over the last several months. Obsession was a better word for it—that he couldn’t deny, he was Dardaptoan, in heart if not in body no longer; and Dardaptoans were always obsessed with their females. It was the way of their people.

He shook her awake. Watched as her eyes widened and a hint of red hit her cheeks. She sat up, pulling the blankets up between them. “Nalik.”

“Cassandra.” He stared at her for a moment, wanting to imprint the sight of her like that on his brain so that he would never forget. “Are you well?”

Her color deepened. “Yes.”

“Not sore?” He knew she had to be. They hadn’t been together just once in the night.

“A bit. I think I
’ll take a hot bath. When do you have to go?”

“Probably in the next few minutes. I am sure Rydere will think to try here once he finds me out of those rooms the demon king tried to hide me in. Clear across the castle from here.”

“Rathan was probably just messing with you. He is like that sometimes.” 

“Yes. That I have noticed. And the males in your life have long been overprotective, have they not? Just another thing they will have to realize is no longer their concern.”

“When will you be coming back?” She pushed some of her tangled hair out of her eyes.

“Two days, at the most, I expect. We are just seeking information. A few personal belongings, and for any refugees.” Two days sounded like a long time, once he thought about it.

He considered taking her with him, but they’d left Gaia because of the destruction to the lands surrounding their homes. What would that do to an untrained Druid halfling? The smoke alone would choke her from miles away. No, it was best if she stayed here, with demons and Dardaptoans alike to protect her. “Stay close to the castle here. To Eaudne and even the goddess. They are well protected, and you will be, as well.”

“I am not afraid, Nalik. Why would this war come for
me
? I am nobody, really. Not like Kennera, or Kindara, or Emily or the others.”

“You are
everything
to me. And you will soon be
Equa
of my House. You are a target now, just as your sister and cousins are. You mustn’t ever forget that.” He dropped to the bed beside her and pulled her against him. “I will not live if something were to happen to you. I survived the loss of the two people who mattered most to me thirty years ago. I cannot survive the loss of my
Rajni
. I will not. Remember that.”

Chapter 45

Cass was at a loss the minute he stepped through the portkey back to their home. She wanted to run after him, but knew he didn
’t need that from her. But the desire to follow
him
almost had her falling to her knees.

He
’d looked so…strong and powerful standing at the right hand of a god. Did he realize that? Somehow she didn’t think he did. He was a natural leader, did he realize that? It seemed very clear that Rydere would not be staying in the demon world, but many of the Dardaptoans would. More than just Rydere’s tribe were coming, or were already in the demon world. And rumor had it there were more to come. Hadn’t someone said there were between two and three hundred thousand Dardaptoans?

Kennera stepped up behind her. “Levia is one of the smallest of the realms, layers as you think of them.  It is not large enough for both the Lupoiux and Dardaptoan peoples who have been displaced. And the two peoples were at
war for centuries. There is a difficult line between peace and not. We thought it best if some of the tribes of my people join those Dardaptoans who followed
Equan
Black to this world. The demon world is larger than both Gaia and Levia combined, and only half as populated as your home world. This place will have the room for my people to grow. And…my brother’s.” The woman—a
goddess—
of all things, held out one of the babies in her arms toward Cass. She took the little girl and cuddled her against her own chest. The baby looked like Kennera and was absolutely beautiful.

“What exactly are
your brother’s people? Are they Dardaptoan?”

“In a way.
Thousands of years ago Nelciana and I ran for our lives, and ended up in Gaia. After some time, when it became clear that we would not be returning to our home, we came together and were able to…recreate…our family lines. From those lines the Dardaptoan and Druidic-Witch lines descended. Jushua stayed with the rest of our family after the others were killed. The survivors were mostly servants in our households, some of his fighters, and some widows and orphans. Not many who would threaten others. Through the millennia he has absorbed other displaced peoples. They eventually married and created new beings. Jushua’s people are also called Dardaptoan, after our forefathers, but they aren’t exactly the same as
my
Dardaptoans. But perhaps together, and along with the Lupoiux people who Eiophon leads by way of your cousin Rand, a
new
people can grow healthier in numbers. It may be that the damage to our peoples can be reversed.”

The goddess
’s hope was hard to miss. “You are staying here?”

“A large part of me wishes so. But my place is in Levia. I have learned that is true. And we have growing numbers there, as well. No, the Dardaptoans who will come here will look to
your
male to lead them. He is an ancient and well-respected fighter and leader. Legends of him abound in the other tribes, as well as his own. He is one of the oldest of the Dardanos tribe, did you know that? He has waited a long time for you.”

Cass stared at the remnants of the mist that he
’d stepped through. She had so many questions of the goddess. When else would she get a chance to ask them? “Why did you pick me for him?”

“I am not sure that I did. I think…. Come; let
’s find a place to sit while we forget for a while that we are missing our males. I shall tell you the stories of my people. I love each one of them dearly, and hurt when they do.”

Cass followed obediently. What else could she do? They settled in a small sitting room just off of the main hall. The babies were asleep and Cass enjoyed the feel of rocking a small baby. She
’d rocked Mickey’s daughter a few times.

“I don
’t understand any of this. Not really. I don’t even understand myself.”

“You are very young. What are you, twenty?”

“I am twenty-two. I’m the youngest of the women in my family. I guess. I think Jordan, my father’s half-sister, may be younger. But I don’t know.”

“Jordan lives in my world, now. She has suffered a great deal.”

Cass knew almost nothing about the other woman. Jordan stayed away from most of the family; all except for Rand and Becca, who had rescued her. “Why? I don’t understand why anyone in my family has to suffer the way they have. Mallory, Josey, Jordan. What purpose does it serve? Why did Nalik have to go through what he did because of my family? And why did you pair us together? Isn’t it cruel?”

“You also have both the courage and doubt of youth, don
’t you?” The goddess looked at her. “Cassandra, I am going to be frank with you as I have been with no other save Nelciana. Who you resemble a great deal, do you realize?”

“I haven
’t met her.” The other goddess she’d read about guided the Witches, and was rumored to live high in the hills of Canada.

“I will request she send a Druid-witch tutor to you. I think the Druidic lines—not the same as the Druids you are thinking of; those were offshoots of my world nearly ten thousand years ago, sent to Gaia and trapped, never to return—I am talking about Ev
elanedean Druids. They are the ancestors of the Witches that Nelciana guides now. It is
their
blood that has found its way into your soul. Somehow.”

“My grandfather.”

“Yes. Every Kind has its evil ones; remember that. You must always remember that, Cassandra. Your grandfather had something in his soul that caused him to be what he was. I just could not stop him these last fifty years. I was too weak, unable to help any of my people, no matter how much I tried. I am greatly sorrowed that Nalik and all those others were caught in my failing. I will never forgive myself that.”

“Why were you so weak?”

“I was dying. It was only recently that I was fully healed.” 

“I didn
’t know. I’m glad you’re well, now.”

“Kilan was my oldest brother. He was strong and fierce and would have ruled Ev
elanedea well. I spoke with Jushua; Kilan was the first to fall. He died protecting his female Rajna and their babe.”

Cas
s was confused. “But isn’t that–”

“Yes.
Rajni
s derived from her name. She was Nelciana’s sister, as well. Sweet, loving. Beautiful. If you resemble Nelci, you look even more like Rajna.” The goddess waved a hand between them and Cass could just see the ethereal outline of a young woman. A male shadow was behind her. When he came closer, Cass gasped. “He–”

“Is Nalik? Yes, in many ways. You see, when Nelciana and I ran so long ago, we took with us the love of our families. Tiny pieces of their souls were etched in our hearts. When we were able—we were both hurt severely before we escaped, and it took nearly a thousand years for us both to be strong and powerful again—we recreated those souls and sent them forth. A few were born right away; others it took time. Some, still have yet to be born. Your cousin Mickey
’s daughter has the soul of one of Nelci’s younger sisters. She was barely twelve when she was killed. I had twenty-one siblings, and was able to create eighteen new lines of Dardaptoans. Nelciana had eleven siblings, and recreated all eleven. Now I understand that the reason I was unable to recreate Jushua was because the original soul still lived.”