Out of Time (Face the Music Book 3) (6 page)

He looked away and tried to breathe through the crushing vice around his chest. Great, now he looked so tired he was depressing his dying mother. That was bad. He would feel guilty either way now, so he agreed to not come in and to have an early night. What else could he do but do what she asked? To disobey seemed even worse.

Ava stepped into the room with his mother’s meds. They looked at each other for a moment.

‘Michael, you remember Ava. She helped me settle in.’

‘Yeah.’ He nodded and stood. He’d spent too much time thinking about her. Since visiting time was over, he leaned over and kissed his mother’s forehead.

‘Remember what I said.’

He nodded and left the room, but he waited in the hallway, hands in his pockets. Ava and his mother talked for a few minutes but he couldn’t make out the words.

Ava came out and pulled the door to, then startled when she saw him.

‘I didn’t think you’d wait.’

‘I didn’t think I would either.’ He didn’t know why he had. ‘Is she going okay?’

‘As well as can be expected.’

That was a non-answer. They stood there for a few more awkward seconds. He didn’t know what to say to keep the conversation going, even though he wanted to.

‘I have to keep going.’ But she smiled like she wanted to stay and chat.

He wanted her to stay. Unlike the chick in the bar, he wanted to get to know Ava better. Yeah, he was so noble and all his thoughts about her had been above the neck. While he’d gotten her number, anything else was much harder sober. It hadn’t used to be. Or maybe it had and he’d forgotten.

He shouldn’t be playing with her at all. But it was so normal and it gave him something else to think about. She was the one bright star in his life at the moment, and he’d met her in a place of death and darkness. Every time he came here it swallowed him up. Yet he couldn’t not come, so he was caught between the living and the dead …

The idea snagged and he remembered the melody Ed had been working. He wasn’t much of a lyric writer. But he was sure that someone else could take the idea and give it the life it deserved.

‘I’ll see you round.’ Ava started walking away.

He followed. She turned around and he realised what he was doing and stopped. He wasn’t a weird hospice stalker. Nah, it just looked that way.
Could I be more of a tool?
‘Do you have a break coming up?’

‘Just finished.’ She pressed her lips together and looked at him. Her gaze sliding from his face all the way down, before she met his gaze again.

She was checking him out. He managed more than a strained smile. At least he wasn’t the only one being inappropriate. His grin widened. It was always more fun to be wrong with someone.

Her lips turned up at the corners. ‘You like to ride? You free on Saturday?’

Err. He liked to ride but he wasn’t that good at it at the moment. If she was all muscle under that uniform, he was screwed. If he said no, there would be no chance of that either.

‘I’m free.’ What the hell was he doing? He didn’t need this. Saturday morning was sleep in and do the laundry and run errands. But he seemed to be unable to say no.

‘Good.’ She took a step back. ‘Call me.’ Then she turned and walked away.

Mike stood there for a moment longer. She’d asked him out … on a date? ‘Hey.’

She stopped.

He closed the distance in a few long strides. ‘How hard are we riding?’ If he’d been in a bar they would not have been talking about bikes. They were still talking about actual riding. He was sure. Even more sure when her golden cheeks turned pink. ‘Are we talking Lycra?’

He was going to die if they were riding that hard. Nothing he did between now and Saturday would help. It was not going to be pretty.

‘I will if you will.’

That was blackmail. Of course he wanted to see her covered in only a thin layer of fabric. It totally worked. ‘What time do you finish so I can call?’

‘Nine-thirty.’

‘Sweet.’ This time he walked before he agreed to anything else. He needed a Lycra-wearing blackmailer in his life like he needed another hole in his head. When he glanced over his shoulder she was gone.

He was in trouble. He knew it and all he had was her name and number.

He didn’t have time for this. And yet he knew he’d pick up the phone and call because it was an escape route from reality. Right now he hated his reality.

Chapter 6

It was wrong to feel glad about not going to see his mother. However, it was one less thing to do after work and as a result he’d gone for an hour’s ride. Saturday was still going to hurt, but at the moment he didn’t care. It was nice to be away from the hospice and pretending that none of that existed. Of course, as soon as he walked in the front door he was reminded that his mother wasn’t home.

With the change in routine he got to Ed’s early … but everyone else was already there. None of them had said it, but he wasn’t pulling his weight.

He didn’t want to be here either.

Nothing was going right, and when he screwed up a simple rhythm he should’ve been able to bang out in his sleep he tossed the drumsticks away in disgust. Dan, Ed and Gemma looked at him. No one made a joke or called him a name like they usually would. It was like they were walking on eggshells.

Mike shook his head. ‘This isn’t fucking working.’

‘I got that.’ Ed put his guitar down.

‘I don’t mean the song … yeah I do … but all of this.’ He waved his hand at them.

More silence and blinking from his band mates.

Oh for fuck’s sake.

‘I’m not made of glass.’ The only difference between this time and last time was that now the outcome was guaranteed. There was no uncertainty.

‘I know, but you aren’t yourself either.’ Gemma said. He should’ve known that she’d be the only one with big enough balls to say anything.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ But he already had a good idea. However, he couldn’t be who he used to be.

She shrugged. ‘You get extra silent and grumpy and I don’t know what to say.’

‘Well, don’t say anything,’ he snapped back. That wasn’t helpful either.

‘That makes you cranky. Like now.’ Dan smirked.

If Mike had still been holding his sticks he might have thrown them at Dan, instead he forced out a breath between his teeth. He looked at his friends, all waiting for him to say something. Do something. ‘I’m fucking this up for you.’

He stood up and walked to the fridge. Beer was tempting, but he picked up a soft drink. Beer wouldn’t help in the long run, but he would be happy to settle for short-term relief. He swapped and twisted the top off the beer—Ed was now stocking light beer. That was Dan’s fault.

He made a point of chugging down half before even thinking about what he was going to say. He had to say it. Someone had to. ‘Maybe I should step back.’

It was the last thing he wanted, but he couldn’t keep up with speed of his rat wheel anymore.

Ed shook his head. ‘No.’

‘No what? You aren’t running my life.’

‘No, you aren’t going to pack up your toys and go home because you think it would be easier.’ Ed crossed his arms. ‘I get that you are being squeezed. We all get it. You’re in a shitty spot.’

‘You have no idea—’

‘I didn’t say I did. But we’ve run this race before.’

Ed had the perfect family. Mum and dad still together. The matching his and hers children and a girlfriend that came with the cute accessory of a three-year-old. He had no idea what it was like to be the only child. To have no one else and then to be standing on the edge watching as his mother fell, knowing that there was no reprieve, and no safety net this time.

‘No, we haven’t. Last time we had nothing. You lot were at uni.’ He glanced at Gemma. ‘Or high school.’ She flicked him the bird. She hadn’t been part of the band. That had happened the year after. But she’d been around because of her friendship with Kirsten. ‘We weren’t trying to get a second album written and recorded.’ Mike shook his head, his voice softened. ‘In four weeks we’re supposed to be in Brisbane.’

Then it was down the east coast for the summer festival, with a long stop in Melbourne to record.

‘I know,’ Ed said.

‘If you’re going to get a session drummer in you need to start looking.’ There. It was out. The clock was ticking and it was another decision he didn’t want to have to make. Ed could make it and do what was best for the band.

Ed shook his head. ‘I don’t want to start looking.’

Mike took a swig of beer. Ed didn’t get it. ‘I don’t want to be over there …’ His voice broke. He couldn’t even finish the sentence.

‘What if you’re working? Or sleeping?’

Mike scrubbed his hand over his face. ‘I want to go. I want to get away and pretend that none of this is happening. It shouldn’t be happening.’

Gemma walked up, her guitar bumped against him. ‘We can’t do this without you.’

‘Sure you can. Any idiot can keep time.’

She gave him a quick hug then punched his arm. ‘Yeah, but you’re
our
idiot.’

‘What she said.’ Dan raised his beer in salute.

‘We aren’t going to leave you by the wayside just to cross the finish line.’

‘I’m glad you can see the finish line, because I can’t.’ There was that thought again. Trapped in a place between where nothing existed, yet everything was pulling at him. ‘Where’s that bit you were playing with earlier in the week?’

‘It’ll be here somewhere.’ Ed picked up his tablet. ‘Err, which bit exactly?’

They had so many fragments still lingering, but they had enough songs for an album if push came to shove … however, they all felt that some weren’t worthy of even being called a song.

Ed played a couple of the recordings. The sound quality was crud but it was enough to keep track of what they were doing. Fourth one was it. It was pretty simple and as he’d remembered.

‘Can we do this instead?’ The other song had been too … happy … bouncy, that was a better word. The last time he’d felt that good had been when he’d walked off stage a few weeks ago before he’d ended up in some chick’s tent.

‘Yeah … but we got nothing else. We haven’t secretly been working on stuff while you aren’t here,’ Dan lied. It was almost convincing.

They had been putting together things without him, but it was the first thing they played when he arrived so that he had input. They were working around him because they didn’t know what else to do. His heart grew a little too big for his chest.

‘I had an idea.’ So he explained it as best he could, leaving out Ava, knowing that while he was talking about an idea they would join the dots and see how stretched thin he was. But it was the only way he could do it. He wasn’t a smart ass like Dan and he didn’t have the heart that Ed had. He wasn’t half as tough as Gem.

He was becoming more brittle and he had no idea how to stop it. He wanted to stop everything. Put the world on hold so he could take a moment to breathe.

Most of what he wanted these days was impossible.

The doctor had said take one day at a time. She hadn’t been talking to his mother.

***

Of course she was going to wake up with a pimple on her forehead and her period arriving two days early. If she hadn’t suggested going for a ride with Mike nothing would have happened. There was nothing she could do about the zit, except stop pressing it to see if it was still there. The question was, did she dare to try the cup or play it safe?

Playing it safe won. And even though she’d have rather stayed home and watched TV, she downed some paracetamol and pulled on her black bike pants. Why had she agreed to Lycra … because it had seemed like a really easy way to check him out. Karma was backhanding her for being forward.

Now she felt pudgy, bloated and overexposed. She pulled on a hot pink top, decided it drew attention to her zit and switched to yellow. A little all-in-one sunscreen and foundation later, she was as good as she was going to get.

This wasn’t a date.

She’d asked because he looked like some giant lost puppy wandering the hallway looking for a friend.

‘Where are you going so early?’ Her father didn’t bother looking up from the newspaper. If he had, he wouldn’t have needed to ask.

‘Riding before it gets hot.’ The temperatures were climbing again and it was supposed to crack forty by Monday. Yay. She liked summer … just slightly less summery. ‘I have my phone on me.’

He glanced up and frowned. ‘Why do you dress like that?’

She loved this lecture and had her replies down pat. ‘It’s cycling clothing. Wouldn’t want something to get caught in the chain and cause an accident.’

He looked as though he wanted to say more. She’d give him to the count of ten. He made it to four. ‘I’m going to invite some friends around on Australia Day.’

‘Have fun.’

‘I want you to be here.’

Oh, those kinds of friends. The kind with sons. Eligible sons. She remembered her promise to herself to sleep with the next guy she fell over … she could arrange a fall with Mike. That was far more enticing than it should’ve been.

‘I have plans.’

‘You can change them.’

Ava drew in a deep breath. ‘I don’t want to let my friends down just so Grandmother can try and set me up with someone that she approves of.’

‘That I approve of.’ He pursed his lips. ‘Why are you moving out?’

Because I’m sick of the constant interference in my life.
‘Because it’s time.’

‘A good girl stays at home until she is married.’

‘Mum didn’t. She travelled around Australia.’ Her grandmother blamed Rose and Ava’s faults on her mother’s wilful ways.

His eyes narrowed. ‘You’re my daughter. I have to protect you.’

He was doing what he thought right and obeying his mother. ‘And you have. But I need to stretch my wings and fly.’

‘You have a boyfriend.’

‘No.’ She wished she could say yes just to see his face. ‘Would it matter if I did?’

‘It would matter who he was.’

Ava shook her head. ‘It would only matter to me.’ She checked her watch. ‘I have to go. Meeting a friend.’ Was he a friend? He wasn’t even that yet, but it would be nice to have someone to ride with. He hadn’t balked because she was a girl—some guys did.