Outback Ghost (36 page)

For the first time in her life she contemplated leaving Heidi and driving over there, but the thought of Heidi waking and finding Stella gone stopped her. Instead she picked up her phone and dialled Ruby, thankful once again for the friendships she'd developed over the last few weeks.

‘Hi Stella.'

Relief flooded her at the sound of another adult's voice. Her internal thoughts were sending her insane. ‘Have you heard?' she asked.

‘I'm at the cottage now,' Ruby replied, then lowered her voice. ‘With Esther.'

‘What's happening?'

‘Geraldton CID have just arrived.'

‘Oh. How's Esther? And Adam?'

‘As well as can be expected.' Stella had no idea what that meant.

‘I feel like I should be there,' she said.

‘No, this is no place for a child. I'm going to try to convince Esther to come home in a moment. Maybe put the kettle on.'

‘Yes. Great. I'll do it right away.' She relished the opportunity to do something helpful.

But when Ruby and Esther arrived ten minutes later, Esther politely declined the offer of a drink. Stella and Ruby watched, both feeling utterly helpless, as the older woman walked like a zombie towards her bedroom and then closed the door behind her.

‘Do you think we should just let her be?' Stella asked.

Ruby shrugged, but before she could say anything Heidi appeared in the hallway rubbing her eyes. ‘Hungry, Mummy.' She noticed Ruby and smiled. ‘Hello, Ruby.'

‘Hi, sweetheart.' Ruby bent down and gave Heidi a hug. Stella couldn't help but think how in normal circumstances Heidi would have almost knocked Ruby over in her effort to hug her. ‘Did Santa bring you some good presents?

Heidi nodded. ‘Want see my tea set?'

‘I'd love to.'

Ruby followed Heidi into the lounge room and Stella went to find her a snack. After Heidi consumed almost half a packet of Tim Tams, the three of them, in the absence of knowing what else to do, sat down to play tea parties.

‘Who are all those presents for?' Ruby whispered to Stella, indicating the pile of gifts under the tree.

‘Not sure.' She shrugged but Ruby had piqued her curiosity again, so she got up to investigate. Her eyes widened and a lump formed in her throat as she read the name on all the fancy festive labels. There had to be about twenty packages of various sizes. ‘For Lily-Blue,' she mouthed at Ruby when Heidi had her head down.

Ruby's eyes widened and she mouthed back, ‘Oh.'

The sadness of it all was almost too much for Stella to bear. Had Esther been buying one present a year for her daughter in the hope she'd one day return to open them? Her chest hurt and she almost couldn't bear to think about the pain Esther must be feeling now. She rushed back to Heidi, dropped to her knees beside her and pulled her onto her lap.

‘I love you, so much,' she said, kissing the side of her head. If anything ever happened to Heidi, she would want to die. Was that how Esther felt now?

‘You think one of us should check on Esther?' Stella asked Ruby.

Ruby glanced at her watch. ‘I should be getting back to my parents. They came back from their travels to spend Christmas with Drew and me. How about I check if Esther needs anything before I go?'

Stella nodded, grateful for Ruby's offer. She didn't feel close enough to Esther to intrude. ‘Thanks.'

Ruby got up and returned from Esther's room a few minutes later. ‘She's asleep.'

‘Really?' Stella couldn't imagine how she could possibly succumb to slumber after what they'd found. ‘Are you sure she's not…'

‘I checked her breathing,' Ruby said. ‘I only hope she sleeps a long time. She's going to need all the energy she can find to get through the next couple of weeks. Will you be okay if I go now?'

‘Of course.' Stella glanced at her watch. It was almost seven o'clock at night. ‘I'll get Heidi something to eat and then try to settle her again.' She didn't know where she'd put her little girl to bed but it felt wrong to leave Esther and she couldn't very well take Heidi back to the cottage with the police there.

As Stella was putting together something for Heidi's dinner, she heard Adam's ute pull up out the front. Mutton scrambled off the kitchen floor and darted down the hallway to the front door. Stella was right behind him, flinging it open as Adam started up the garden path.

‘Hey,' he said as he conquered the steps up to the house in two large strides. It was so good to see him. She felt like it had been days not hours since the last time. ‘Are you and Heidi all right?' he asked.

She held the door open for him and nodded. ‘We're fine, but what about you?'

He paused in front of the doorway. ‘I'm surviving. I can't really believe all this has happened. Drew will want to talk to you, so will the detectives.'

She nodded. ‘I kind of expected that.'

‘How's Mum?'

Stella shrugged. ‘Ruby brought her back a couple of hours ago and she's been in her room since.'

‘Right.' He sighed and she just wanted to wave a magic wand and make all his hurt and devastation disappear.

Instead she said, ‘You must be starving. Want to come inside and have some dinner with Heidi?'

‘I'm famished but don't think I could eat and I should probably check on Mum and have a shower first anyway.' He glanced down at her and she realised she was still wearing the dirt-covered dress. ‘I'm guessing you'll want one as well. Would you like me to watch Heidi while you go grab some clothes for the two of you or would you prefer I get some stuff for you?'

‘Oh. I hadn't thought that far ahead.'

He reached out his hand and placed it on her bare arm, his thumb stroking down. ‘You can't stay at the cottage. Major Crime Squad will arrive tomorrow and Drew's got no idea how long they'll be there. He said a pathologist and the Forensic Crime Scene Unit will be in attendance too.'

She nodded. Of course she and Heidi couldn't stay here. It might be time for her to do what she'd contemplated so many times already and leave. But it wasn't their holiday being cut short that made her heart sink into her stomach. It wasn't even the awfulness of their afternoon discovery. It was the thought of her fling with Adam ending barely before it had started. How shallow did that make her?

‘You can stay here or I can take you over to my place,' Adam continued. ‘I'm going to stay with Mum until her sister arrives, so you'd be on your own tonight if you went there, but go wherever you're comfortable and think you might be able to sleep. I managed to contact Dad on the ship and they're making arrangements for him to disembark at the next port. Frankie, Simone and their mum, my Aunty Ruth, are going to drive up from Perth at first light tomorrow morning.'

However hard Stella tried to concentrate on what he was saying, she couldn't make sense of any of it. ‘Where do
you
want me to go?' Her heart hammered as she waited for his reply.

His hand slid down her arm and clasped hers as he looked into her eyes. ‘I'd really like you to stay here with me. Heidi and you can take the double bed in my old room and I'll sleep on the couch, but I'll feel better if you're here.'

A bizarre kind of happiness flooded Stella at the need in Adam's voice. Despite everything that had happened, he wanted her here, near him. ‘We'll stay,' she said. ‘I'll just serve Heidi the scrambled eggs I've made and then I'll go over to the cottage and get our stuff while she eats.'

‘Will you be all right on your own?'

She nodded. ‘I'm guessing the police are still there anyway.'

‘Yep.' He sighed. ‘I fear they'll be there for days.'

While Stella finished making Heidi's dinner, Adam found the courage to go check on his mum. He'd been so relieved earlier when Ruby had taken over looking after her. However grim it sounded, he'd been grateful for the need to talk to Drew and the other police because it meant he didn't have to face his mum. He felt like a coward but couldn't ignore the fear that burgeoned within him of what she might do with this discovery.

His hand shook as he placed it on the handle to her bedroom and prayed harder than ever before that she hadn't done anything drastic. When he pushed open the door his heart lodged in his throat. The room was almost in total darkness but a small gap in the curtain let in a slither of moonlight that fell across the bed. His mum lay on her back on top of the covers, a peaceful expression on her face. Why had he ever allowed her to be left alone? Guilt slammed into him like a fist to the gut as he slapped his hand against the wall to flick the switch.

As light flooded the room, his mum's arm moved up and flopped over her face. A groan emanated from the bed. ‘Adam, are you trying to blind me?'

He puffed out a breath and placed his hand against his chest to ease his crazy heartbeat. ‘Are you trying to give me a heart attack?'

She sighed, removed her arm and pushed herself up into a sitting position. ‘Come here,' she said, patting the spot beside her.

Slowly he moved towards her, strangely nervous as he lowered himself down onto the bed. He had no idea what was going through her head because his own mind was a whirlpool of contradictions. Anger, grief and relief all fighting to be top dog.

Esther took his hand. The simple gesture had tears rushing to his eyes but he wanted to be strong for her. ‘What a day,' she said after a long period of silence.

‘The worst,' he uttered.

‘I don't know,' she said, surprising him, ‘I think the day she disappeared was far more awful.'

Silence followed again as they both thought back to that day. Was she right? He'd been scared when he couldn't find Lily-Blue straightaway, but as that day had worn on and friends and authorities joined the search, the fear had almost crippled him. It was unlike anything he'd felt in his first ten years of life and he hadn't experienced fear that intense since. Even digging under the tree and knowing what he might find hadn't been like that.

‘I'm sorry, Mum. I should have been watching her better. If I hadn't been so consumed with my catapults, maybe I could've…'

‘No!' She squeezed his hand. ‘What happened was not your fault. You were an innocent little boy and she was an innocent little girl and my depraved brother abused that.'

‘We don't know that for sure.' He had to say it, even if he knew neither of them believed it.

‘I think we do,' she said sadly. ‘I guess the only thing we'll never know is the extent of the damage he inflicted.'

Adam didn't say that the pathologists would likely be able to tell a lot more than they wanted to know, because she was right in that Lily-Blue would never be able to offer her story. If she
had
been talking to Heidi, she hadn't given any awful truths away and for Heidi's sake, he was grateful.

‘You know,' Esther spoke again, ‘I'm not sure whether I'm glad he's already dead so I don't have to look at him with the knowledge he hurt my daughter or whether I wish he was still alive so I could kill him.'

Adam couldn't help but laugh and then he extricated his hand from hers and pulled her into an embrace. ‘Oh Mum,' he said into her hair, ‘are you going to be all right?'

She sniffed. ‘You know what, darling? I think I am. Twenty years I haven't known what to do with myself. I guess in my head I thought she was gone but I refused to believe it in my heart. Now I know the truth. Knowledge can be a terrible thing but it can also offer peace. The hope in my heart of ever finding Lil alive is gone, so it's time for me to find new hope. I have the best son on the planet and I think together we can get through this.'

‘I think so too. You're an amazing woman, Mum.'

‘I need a tissue.'

He let her go and leapt off the bed, retrieving a whole box from her dressing table. ‘Here you go.'

‘I think you need one too.' She ripped one tissue out the box and he realised tears were silently pouring down both their cheeks.

‘Thanks.' He took one, the white tissue turning immediately black as he wiped it against his grubby face. ‘I've got to go look after Heidi while Stella pops back to get their things,' he explained, screwing the tissue into a ball and holding it in his fist. ‘We're all going to stay here tonight. Do you want to come out and have some dinner?'

Her answer was instant and insistent. ‘No. I need time to be alone with my thoughts and this box of tissues.'

Her attempted humour made his heart break a little more. ‘Are you sure you should be alone?'

‘Adam, I promise I'm not going to do anything crazy but I can't face anyone else right now.'

‘Okay.' He understood. ‘Can I at least bring you something to eat?'

She shook her head again. ‘I don't think I could stomach food just yet and I had a big lunch. Stop worrying about me and go clean yourself up.'

‘I'll never stop worrying about you.'

She tossed him a look of reprove. ‘That's supposed to be my line. Now, please. I want to be by myself.'

Still feeling slightly uncomfortable about leaving her after such a traumatic day but wanting to respect her wishes, he stepped towards her again and kissed her on the forehead. ‘I'll be on the couch in the lounge room if you need me.'

Although it was a spacious four-bedroom house, Lily-Blue's room had remained untouched for twenty years and the spare room had so rarely been in need that it had morphed into a junk room. He couldn't sleep in either. Esther nodded as he left the room and quietly closed her door behind him.

‘How is she?' Stella asked as he walked back into the kitchen. Heidi was popping the last spoonful of egg into her mouth.

‘She's doing okay, I think,' he said, crossing to the sink to wash his hands. ‘Do you want to go now? Heidi and I will clean up here while you're gone.'