Outback Ghost (38 page)

In her moments of rational thought, Stella decided she and Heidi should leave. They'd planned on staying the full summer but a lot had changed since then. Being around such devastation wasn't healthy for Heidi, surely, and living with a man wasn't what she'd envisaged for their holiday no matter how pleasurable it had been.

The police had finished questioning her and thankfully not felt the need to interview Heidi. While the crime units were wrapping things up on the farm and would soon be gone, the Burtons were only at the beginning of their grief and recovery. Although she felt deeply entwined with the situation on one level, at the same time she felt a total outsider. Especially when they started sharing Lily-Blue memories. She liked hearing the sweet stories of Lily-Blue and believed talking about the child was therapeutic for Esther, but she got uncomfortable whenever Heidi was in earshot.

She'd had one more discussion with Heidi about her connection to Lily-Blue but Stella had been careful not to go too deep and she thought it might be best if Heidi eventually forgot about this strange friendship. Adam had shared a little bit about the connection or coincidence or whatever it was with his mother and apparently Esther hadn't said much but they'd all agreed Heidi shouldn't be involved any further if they could help it.

Yet each time Stella came to the decision to leave, something happened to throw her off course. Esther didn't speak to Stella much – she wasn't unpleasant but rather focused on Heidi when the two of them were around – but yesterday she'd asked her to sit with her for a chat. She'd brewed tea, poured it into special teacups and they'd taken them out onto the veranda. Heidi had stroked Whiskers who lay in the shade looking very fat and very sorry for herself, and Stella and Esther had talked.

‘I know I've been a bit self-absorbed these last couple of days,' Esther had begun.

Embarrassed by this confession, Stella had tried to disagree, but Esther wouldn't hear any of it. ‘I have,' she insisted, before continuing. ‘But I wanted to say how much we've all enjoyed having you and Heidi around.'

Stella's heart had thudded against her chest. It sounded like Esther was about to say ‘but I think we both know it's time you left now'. However, what she did say couldn't have been further from the truth. ‘I almost can't imagine my life without Heidi around now. I'm so glad you're not going home just yet and I'm hoping that
if
you do, we can all stay in touch.'

Stella's thoughts snagged on the way Esther said ‘if' but she tried not to let her distraction show as the older woman talked. ‘You are so amazingly lucky to have such a special girl.'

‘I know,' Stella replied as both of their gazes drifted to Heidi, oblivious to the fact they were talking about her.

‘She reminds me a lot of my Lily-Blue and knowing they've—' Esther stopped and lowered her voice to barely audible. ‘Knowing they've communicated warms my heart and I feel somehow that Lily-Blue lives on in Heidi.'

Stella didn't know what to make of that but she understood Esther didn't mean to upset her. Esther doted on Heidi and Stella wished her own mother had the capabilities to do the same. She imagined that if Esther got the counselling she'd promised to get and eventually recovered from her grief enough to rejoin the real world, she'd be the kind of woman Stella could easily make friends with. It would be lovely to stick around and get to know the real woman, but while she wanted to help Esther heal, she worried about her own heart and often wondered if she was simply making excuses to stay. Last night she'd mentioned to Adam that maybe they'd overstayed their welcome and he'd rushed to placate her, saying they were welcome to stay with him until the end of the school holidays.

While his kisses and consequent lovemaking were more than lovely – her pelvic floor muscles clenched in recollection – she longed for him to profess how much he wanted her to stay but he never made it personal. He was gorgeous with Heidi, often playing games with her and helping read a bedtime story before she went to bed. Stella cherished these evenings and was thankful Esther had people to look after her at the big house, so that Adam was free to hang out with her. They'd laugh through episodes of
The Big Bang Theory
, which Frankie had given Adam for Christmas, or play Uno, sometimes they'd simply talk and so many times Stella forgot that this was only a temporary situation. Since their grim discovery, not a night had passed when they didn't conclude the evening in each other's arms and her desire for him hadn't waned one bit.

She'd thought it would. Thought that with everything else going on around them, they'd be too emotionally exhausted at the end of the day to want to get in each other's pants but the reality was almost the opposite. The more he kissed her, the more he touched her, the more he made her toes curl in absolute ecstasy with his incredible bedroom talents, the more she didn't know if she could live without it. Without
him
.

They were careful to make sure Heidi didn't find out about them, so in the middle of the night, Stella would reluctantly leave Adam's arms and join her daughter in his spare room but she usually took ages to get to sleep.

‘Mummy.' Heidi's call from the door jolted Stella's thoughts. She'd been sitting at the kitchen table, her fingers paused over her laptop as she failed dismally to focus on editing. Heidi had been watching
Happy Feet 2
in the lounge room.

‘Yes, sweetheart.' Stella pasted a smile on her face and directed all her attention to her daughter. ‘What's up?'

‘Want Whiskers.'

‘I'm sure she'll come back this evening,' Stella said, pushing back her chair and holding her arms out for Heidi to come to her. ‘She's probably found a nice cool spot under a tree and is sleeping the day away.'

When they'd first arrived, Whiskers spent most of her time at the cottage with the occasional visit to the homestead, but since the police had taken up residence and Stella and Heidi moved to Adam's place, the cat had found its way there too. It now seemed to divide its time between Esther's veranda and Adam's house – no doubt making the most of being spoiled at both places. It wasn't frightened of Mutton and would swipe at him with her paw whenever he tried to play but mostly the cat slept inside on the couch – Heidi had made Adam soft – or in the shade outside. But no one had seen Whiskers since the day before yesterday. They didn't know how close she was to giving birth and it crossed Stella's mind that maybe that accounted for the cat's retreat, but she didn't say this as she didn't want to get Heidi's hopes up.

‘Where Adam?' Heidi asked, climbing into Stella's lap.

As Stella opened her mouth to say he was out working on the farm somewhere, she heard the front door open and footsteps coming towards them. Within a few moments Adam and Frankie appeared in the kitchen. Heidi rushed to give them both one of her famous hugs and Stella stood.

‘Can I get you guys a drink?' she asked, happy for the reprieve from her attempted editing. She'd wanted to get it done today – New Year's Eve – so she could start the new year with a clear slate but that wasn't looking promising.

‘Nope, you can go get changed,' Frankie announced, a massive grin on her face.

Stella looked down at her faithful denim shorts, white singlet and comfy Crocs, then looked back up to Frankie and frowned. ‘Why?'

‘Because we're going out.'

‘What?' Stella's hand froze in mid air on its way to the kettle.

‘Where?' Heidi bounced between Frankie and Adam like a rubber ball.

Adam chuckled. ‘Your mum is going out with the girls for a special night and you and I are going to watch movies and hang out with Esther.'

‘Hang on a minute? Since when?' Stella didn't like her life being arranged for her and she hadn't agreed to leaving Heidi. It was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

However, Heidi appeared happy to let her mum go if it meant hanging out with two of her new favourite people. ‘Can we make popcorn?' she asked, still bouncing.

‘If your mum says that's okay,' Adam replied, tentatively smiling at Stella.

So now he decided to ask her permission. She raised her eyebrows at him to show her irritation, then looked at Frankie. ‘I'm not really up for a big New Year's and I can't expect Adam and Esther to babysit for me. Maybe you should go out with Frankie instead, Adam?'

Frankie snorted. ‘I don't think so. I don't need my overprotective cousin cramping my style. Besides this is a girls' night. Mum has to head back to Perth day after tomorrow for work, so Simone and I decided to take her out for a night on the town before she leaves. We don't want her whole stay to have been a downer.'

‘Oh, well, I don't want to intrude on your family night out,' Stella said, tasting victory.

‘You won't be. Drew has to work, so Ruby's coming too.' Frankie marched across to Stella, took the kettle out of her hand and put it down on the bench. Then she put her hands on Stella's shoulders. ‘Please, we all need a little lift after the past week.'

Stella couldn't deny that but it still didn't sit quite right. Wasn't there a mourning period or something they should all respect? ‘What about Esther?'

‘As Adam said, he, Heidi and Dave will be with her. She'll be okay,' Frankie insisted, then added, ‘besides it's my birthday today and I want you to come celebrate.'

Stella's shoulders slumped as she realised she was fighting a losing battle. ‘Why didn't you say so before now?'

‘Because I didn't want you getting silly and thinking you had to buy me a present.'

Stella turned to Adam. ‘Are you sure you don't mind looking after Heidi?'

‘Not at all.' He scooped Heidi up and held her on his hip. ‘We're gonna have a ball, aren't we, miss?'

She nodded eagerly, adoration for Adam obvious in her wide eyes.

Stella pushed aside the anxiety that they were getting too close and decided what the heck! How often did she have the chance to go out with friends in the evening? ‘Okay, how long do I have?' she asked, leaning over to turn off her laptop.

Frankie grinned victoriously. ‘I'll be back in an hour to pick you up. We'll head into Gero, catch a late arvo movie, have dinner and then hit the pub.'

‘I hope I can stay awake long enough for all that,' Stella said.

Adam laughed. ‘Trust me, Frankie won't let you fall asleep.'

Frankie left to go ‘pretty herself up' and Adam said he'd make Heidi's lunch so Stella could do the same. ‘Not that you need any prettying up,' he whispered as they heard the front door shut behind Frankie.

His compliment sent the usual heat to her cheeks and certain other places and she couldn't help wishing her evening out on the town was going to be with him instead. Knowing Frankie and Simone, by the time they got her home, it would be next year and Adam would have been asleep for hours. ‘Will you be okay getting Heidi to bed?' she asked, suddenly unsure again whether she should leave them alone for so long.

He nodded and ushered her towards the hallway. ‘I've been helping you with her evening routine for the last few days. We'll be fine. Don't you trust me?'

‘It's not that.' Scarily, she found she did trust Adam. The thought of leaving Heidi with him wasn't half as terrifying as she'd imagined it would be. ‘It's just…'

‘I know,' he said, his tone full of understanding, ‘and I promise you I'll look after her. Now go and get ready. Frankie will skin me alive if she returns and you're still wearing those fetching orange Crocs.'

Stella laughed and went to prepare herself for her first real night out since she had been a teenager.

After waving Stella and the girls off, Adam turned to Heidi standing beside him on the cottage's veranda.

‘What would you like to do first?' he asked, hoping she didn't choose anything involving baking. Quite aside from the fact the oven would only make the temperature inside his house even more unbearable, he wasn't far behind his mum in the cookie-making stakes.

‘Find Whiskers,' she said, frowning into the distance.

Mutton, who'd been dancing around their feet, stopped and looked up eagerly as if he understood what they were staying. Adam ignored the over-exuberant pup.

‘Has she not been around again this morning?' he asked.

Heidi shook her head, her normally sparkling eyes looking doleful.

‘Maybe she's having her kittens,' he said, realising too late that planting this possibility in her head was possibly not the brightest idea.

Her eyes returned to their normal brightness. ‘Go look for her.'

Adam inwardly groaned. He hated to disappoint her but aimlessly wandering around the farm in the mid-afternoon heat would be foolish. If Heidi got heatstroke or sunburn, Stella would tear strips off him. ‘How about we go see Esther?' he suggested instead. ‘If we're lucky Whiskers will be over there, but I promise you if she's not, we'll go looking for her when it gets cooler. Deal?'

Grinning again, Heidi nodded as she thrust her little hand out to him. ‘Deal.'

His hand seemed massive as it enveloped hers. ‘Come on, let's go inside and find your shoes. Anything you else you want to take with you?'

‘Tea set,' she announced as she turned to go in ahead of him.

As they went through the house searching for Heidi's sandals and gathering the pieces of tea set, which were scattered throughout the various rooms, Adam felt a surge of pride at the fact he'd offered to look after Heidi for an extended period of time. When Frankie had put the idea to him, he'd said ‘yes' immediately because he wanted Stella to have fun and he didn't want to admit to the fear he'd always harboured about the responsibility of children. Yet, the heart palpitations he'd expected to come with his decision had never arrived. Instead he found himself excited and almost confident about spending time alone with Heidi. She was such a great kid and he found himself looking at the world in a different, more respectful way whenever she was near.