Outlaw Hearts (60 page)

Lloyd touched his arm. “Yes, you could, Pa. You'd have me and Evie and your grandchildren.”

Jake looked at the hand on his arm, met the boy's eyes. “Does that mean you're coming home with us?”

“Yes, sir, I'd like to. I'd also like you to sit down there and tell me the truth about everything—your past, how you met Ma, what happened in California, all of it.”

Jake sighed, keeping the cross in his hand and moving to sit in the chair again. “Some of it isn't easy to talk about.”

“I know. Hell, I've got all day, more than that. It's going to be a while yet before I can get out of this bed. We've got lots of time to talk.”

Jake smiled, rubbing at the cross with his thumb. “Yeah, I guess we do, don't we?”

“I love you, Pa. I'm not ashamed, all right? I'm not ashamed.”

Jake closed his eyes and nodded, suddenly unable to speak. He rose and walked to a window, clearing his throat and taking a moment to find his voice again without breaking down.
I'm not ashamed.
The boy really had no conception of what that meant to him. He quickly wiped at his eyes with the back of his wrist.

“Are you, uh, you really good with those guns?” he asked, needing to change the subject for the moment. Lloyd glanced at his father's old guns. They hung over the back of a chair. Jake turned to him, followed his gaze. “We found them hanging in the shed,” he explained.

Lloyd met his eyes and grinned almost bashfully. “I'm pretty good, but not as good as Jake Harkner, I'd bet on that.” He could see his father was struggling with emotion, sensed that for the moment he couldn't go on talking about the past.

Jake smiled sadly. “Good enough to use your guns on the side of the law?”

Lloyd frowned. “What do you mean?”

Jake sat back down in the chair. “I mean that if you come home with us, you'll have to move to Oklahoma. Part of my resentencing was to assign me to duty as a Deputy U.S. Marshal there.”

Lloyd brightened. “I'll be damned! You'll be a
marshal
? Hell, that's great, Pa!”

Jake shrugged. “I guess with opening up the land to new settlers, plus some trouble between Indians and ranchers, there's a need. Besides, a lot of that country is inhabited by wanted men. Who better than somebody like me to search them out? Lord knows I hid out there plenty of times myself.”

“You think they'd deputize me too? We could ride together again, like when we worked on the ranch.”

Jake nodded. “I'd like that.” He walked over to the guns, picked them up. “You couldn't use these old single-action revolvers, though. Double-action forty-fives, that's what you want, and no more lever-action rifles. I've got a Colt Lightning magazine rifle—a lot faster action.” He stared at the guns, turned to Lloyd. “I figured after prison I'd just give up my guns and say to hell with it. But the fact remains I'm damn good with the things, and Randy says that if I have a chance now to use them for good, why not do it?” He grinned then. “'Course that judge back in St. Louis isn't giving me a hell of a lot of choice in the matter.”

“I'm glad for you, Pa.” Lloyd pushed with his arms, trying to sit up straighter. He winced with pain.

“Let me help you,” Jake told him, coming closer to the bed. He reached around the boy to support him, helping him scoot up; but before he could let go, Lloyd's arms were around him. “I'm glad you didn't get yourself killed trying to help me, Pa.”

Jake crumbled, embracing the boy tighter. “Thank God I found you alive,” he said in a near whisper.

Lloyd felt the man tremble, and he hugged him tighter. Miranda opened the door just then, and she drew in her breath at the sight. Lloyd looked up at her. “I don't know which one needs holding the worst,” he told her, his voice shaky with emotion. “Me or Pa.”

Miranda came closer, touching Jake's back. “I think it's your father, Lloyd. He was thirty years old before anyone held him in a loving embrace.”

Jake kept a tight hold on the rosary beads, and a tighter hold on his son.

***

December 1890

Jake balanced his eleven-month-old grandson on his knee, making the boy laugh when he jiggled him extra fast. “Ba-ba,” the infant said with a grin, using his word for grandpa. He reached out with fat little arms, and Jake took hold of him and let the child rest against his chest. He looked around the room of the rambling, frame house he and Miranda had rented in Guthrie, Oklahoma. His job compelled him to be gone for long periods at a time, but he was home for Christmas, and it was a good feeling.

He breathed deeply of the smell of Miranda's baking, watched her lovingly as she took some cookies from a baking pan and laid them out on a tray. She glanced at him, and he knew she felt the same stirring desire he did at the memory of their lovemaking last night, his first night home in six weeks. He chuckled at the way she actually blushed a little before turning to go back into the kitchen, and already he was anxious for night to come again. Age had certainly not affected their passion or their energy for making love.

In spite of the violence he sometimes experienced when out chasing men through the wilds of Oklahoma's backcountry, this was the happiest, most peaceful time of his life that he could remember. Living on the ranch in Colorado had been good, and they all missed it; but the cloud of being a wanted man had always been hanging over him. That was gone now. Brian was doing well in his practice, and he and Evie lived only a few houses away, close enough to be company for Miranda when he and Lloyd were out on an assignment.

Brian was out on call right now, and Evie was helping Miranda with the cookies. A Christmas tree stood in the corner, decorated with popcorn and ribbons and cookies…and topped with his mother's beautiful cross and rosary beads.

He patted little Jake's back, still a bit overwhelmed that Evie had named her son after his grandfather. He still fought the feeling that he did not deserve all of this happiness, this loving family, this peace; but he had long ago given up trying to convince Miranda she should never have married him, and deep inside he knew life would not have been worth living at all without her.

Lloyd came inside then from picking up the mail, and Jake grew a little alarmed at the look of surprise and near pain in Lloyd's eyes. He kept the baby in his arms as he sat up a little straighter. “What's wrong?” he asked.

Lloyd held up an opened letter. “It's to me,” he said, “from Beth.”

“Beth!” Evie was coming into the room then, followed by Miranda. “What does it say, Lloyd?”

The young man looked dumbfounded, keeping his eyes on his father. “She wants to see me…wants me to come to Chicago. Her husband was killed in a ferry accident two years ago, and she says she needs to talk to me about something very important.”

“Then you'd better see about getting some time off to go,” Jake told him.

Lloyd turned away, removing his gun belt and hanging his weapons high on a hook where the baby could not get to them. “I don't know,” he said quietly. “I just got over her. I don't know if I
want
to see her again.” He looked back at his father. “Does she think she can just pick up where we left off? Do you think that's what she's thinking to do? I don't think
I
could do that, Pa, after the way she let her pa just whisk her out of my life like that when I never really did anything wrong. She said she loved me once, said she'd never let anything come between us.”

“Lloyd, you don't know that's what she wants,” Miranda spoke up. “Everything that happened was a terrible shock for her too. Maybe she just wants to explain. After all, she was only sixteen years old at the time, and she was under the thumb of a very powerful man. She must know how she hurt you. Maybe she just needs to get it off her mind.”

Lloyd looked down at the letter again. “I wonder how she even knew where to write me.” He looked back at his father. “Do
you
think I should go?”

Jake rose, keeping little Jake in his arms. “I think that when a chance for love and happiness presents itself to a man, he ought to grab onto it. And if it's nothing more than having a good talk to straighten things out, that's important too. You say you've gotten over Beth, but you won't really be able to get over her until you
do
have a good talk. It might do both of you a lot of good. There's something unfinished there, Lloyd. You and I both know it isn't good to leave things unfinished.”

Lloyd shoved the letter into his pocket. “I guess you're right, but it scares the hell out of me.”

Jake glanced at Miranda. “Yeah. A woman can do that to you sometimes. She can make you do things that are contrary to your whole nature and your better judgment.” He grinned. “But it's usually worth it.”

Lloyd shrugged, turning back to the door. “I'll go see if I can get some time off.” He looked back at Jake. “What about you? You might have to go out alone on your next assignment. You'll be hunting that guy that killed that Cherokee up north of here. I should be with you.”

Jake watched him lovingly. “Lloyd, I've been up against a hell of a lot worse things than that. Don't worry. This old man can still take on the best of them.”

The boy had seen his father in action since riding with him, and he knew it was foolish to worry, especially after the way he had handled Jube Latimer and his bunch. His reputation as a lawman was already spreading, and some men had actually given themselves up rather than having Jake on their trail. “Yeah, I guess you can at that.” Lloyd left, and Jake turned to Miranda and Evie. “I hope to hell she doesn't hurt him all over again.”

Miranda walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders, leaning up to kiss him lightly on the lips. “He'll be all right. He has his family now.”

“I'd better go check the next batch of cookies,” Evie said, leaving them alone.

Jake kept his grandson in one arm and moved the other around Miranda, pulling her closer and planting a deep, lingering kiss on her mouth. “Have I told you yet today that I love you?” he asked, kissing at her eyes then.

“No, but you told me enough times last night. Now quit teasing me, Jake. Evie is here, and I have cookies to bake.”

“See you later,” he told her. “I'm going to take Jake for a walk.”

“Good! Go!” She hurried away from him before Jake could grab her back, and he watched the movement of her hips beneath the dress. Still just a slip of a thing, she was. And she was wearing yellow today. He sure liked that color on her. She always wore it when she knew he was coming home.

He turned and plopped little Jake into his chair so he could put on his own jacket and hat. He put a little woolen jacket and a hat on baby Jake then, and he picked the boy up again, carrying him outside, where the weather was cool today, but not cold. He decided he'd walk to the courthouse and see what kind of luck Lloyd was having getting some time off. He hoisted little Jake to his shoulders and walked across the street.

Miranda had come back into the room, and she went to the window to watch Jake. Her heart swelled with love at the sight. She remembered another little boy he used to carry that way, and she knew that in an abstract way he would always carry the weight of his son on his shoulders.

***

Beth waited in the study, smoothing her deep-blue taffeta dress, glancing in a mirror over the fireplace once more to be sure every hair was in place. Would Lloyd think she had changed much? She was twenty-one years old now. Lloyd would be twenty-three. How different would
he
look, and more important, how would he
feel
? She supposed he must hate her, but then if he did, he surely would not have agreed to come all the way to Chicago to see her.

She had no idea if she was doing the right thing, if any of this was fair to Lloyd. For all she knew he was in love with someone else by now, maybe even married, but that didn't matter. He had to know about his son. It had not been easy finding him. She had made a call to authorities in St. Louis after reading about Jake's release from prison and his assignment as a deputy marshal. She was happy for him, and for Miranda and Evie. She had found out through St. Louis where she could write the family, but she had not been sure Lloyd would even be with them anymore. She had completely lost track of him.

She had received the wire two days ago that he would be arriving today, and already she had been sitting here in the study for an hour, a thousand thoughts going through her mind. She had practiced a hundred ways of greeting him, had put on six different dresses before deciding on this one.

Finally she heard the door ringer. She glanced at the mantle clock. It was eleven a.m. She watched the maid walk past the study doorway to go to the front door, heard her greet someone. A man's voice replied, said he was here to see Mrs. Vogel. Her heartbeat rushed at the sound of the voice. It had not changed a whole lot, a little deeper, maybe. She backed away from the doors, went to stand near the fireplace, and a moment later the maid escorted Lloyd to the study door, taking his hat and jacket.

“Mr. Lloyd Harkner here to see you, ma'am,” she said. The woman quickly left, and Lloyd and Beth just stared at each other for several long, silent seconds.

“Hello, Lloyd,” she finally managed to speak.

He nodded. “Hi, Beth.”

Beth wondered how he could possibly be so much more handsome than he was five years ago. There was a look of deep wisdom in his eyes, an air of grace and power about him as he walked farther into the room, looking hesitant. He was filled out in a more manly way, looking as tall and strong as she remembered his father looking, but even more handsome. He wore black, snug-fitting pants, a simple white shirt that made his skin look even darker. His dark eyes watched her carefully from a finely etched face that was perfect in every line, and his nearly black hair was slicked back from his face and just long enough to fall about the collar of his shirt.