Overture (Rain Dance, Book 1) (Rain Dance Series) (38 page)

     
Standing here
at
this
very moment with this particular view…I was home.

     
Safe.

     
I could have
died right now and it would have been alright. In fact, I wanted to die like
this - right here by
this
water.

     
After what
might have been only minutes - though it felt more like hours, I sat down and
continued starting out, letting the peace overtake every atom of my being. And
just as the day before, I allowed my surroundings to take over every one of my
senses. More time passed, yet somehow I didn't notice Ethan until he was
already sitting beside me.

     
"What is
it you're seeing when you look out at the ocean like that?" I didn't turn
to look at him, but I could feel his eyes on me when he asked.

     
"...I see
a man."

     
"Should I
be jealous?" He spoke a little too quietly to really seem amused.

     
"No. That
man is you, probably." I pointed to the sea. "Your eyes."

     
"...Why
are you crying?"

     
I didn't
realize I actually was until he said so. "I don't know," I answered
honestly. "I feel…I feel like I'm saying goodbye. Like I don't need it
anymore."

     
He turned his
gaze towards the water.

     
"It's made
me so happy. I don't understand why, but it has always made me feel safe. But
only so long as I was
here
with it. I could never bring the feeling back
home with me." I laughed lightly. "I don't know. There are no words
that describe what I feel when I look at it." I felt like a fool, but that
didn't stop the tears from falling. "It's pure. Unconditional. It's everything.
It's the only thing. It's too much. It's not enough. It's us."

     
Looking down, I
began fiddling with my fingers. "But really, it's not. It's a lie." I
laughed again and wiped at my eyes. "Oceans can't return feelings. But
that was okay. My love was more than enough for the both of us."

     
Ethan remained
quiet, staring straight ahead with some unknown expression. Biting down on my
lip, I tried to numb myself before going on.

     
Only when I was
sure that I would be okay did I continue. "But then
you
happened.
And in that single moment…I was overflowing again. I could
feel
things.
It scared me at first. But then I thought that maybe the angels had sent me a
gift. 'We know you're lost, so here…take this little piece of the sea. Know
what it's like to
be
again. Put it down on paper, so every time you want
to run away…you only need to look at this memory to remember that you're
already home.' And so I did. But then you had to go ahead and find me."
Closing my eyes, I sighed, suddenly feeling really tired. "You can come
home with me," I went on. "But you can do more than that. You can
leave me, too." I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms
around them.

     
"I'm not
going anywhere, Daphne." His voice was gentle.

     
"…You
don't know that. It's okay, though." Finally, I looked over at him. His
forehead was creased in slight frustration.
Time to move on.
"You
still want to know about those triggers?"

     
He wasn't happy
about the sudden change of subject, but he went along. "Of course."

     
"They're
pretty silly, but…" I swallowed. It wasn't going to be easy to say what I
was about to say, but luckily I'd already been crying, so if I started again I
probably wouldn't feel too embarrassed about it. "When you buy me stuff it
makes me feel like shit."

     
After a long
second, he turned to me with an expression that was more full of shock than
puzzlement. "How's that?"

     
"I'm an
adult." Though I sure as hell didn't feel like one. "I should be able
to buy my own things."

     
"I'm not
sure I understand."

     
"You don't
have to."

     
"I would
like to," he insisted.

     
Too tired to
try and sort through what I would and wouldn't say, I just let it all out.
"I feel worthless. Incapable. Like I said, I was very spoiled growing up.
Although my father did it because he loved me and my stepfather did it to keep
me quiet and out of the way, it's all the same. I've been taking all my life. I
took the money Noel gave me. I accepted the ridiculous amount of what you're
paying me for the mural. When it comes to little things that make me happy -
like clothes and shoes and other nonsense…If I can't get them on my own, then I
don't deserve them." It made perfect sense to me, so I figured Ethan
would've understood, too. But when he stayed silent and the air around him
began to grow cold, I started to worry. Before he could say anything, I quickly
jumped into some other issues.

      
"Next one: If I don't
look
like I'm okay, there's no point
in ever asking if I
am
okay. I'm not, and asking will only make it
worse. Just…talk about food if you need to talk at all. Certain kinds of name-calling
is another one, though not nearly as serious. Also, there's the whole touching
thing. Obviously I don't have a problem when you or friends do it, but it's
usually unacceptable, regardless of gender. I won't start throwing a fit or
anything…but I
really
don't like it. Another is 'sorry' - I have a hard
time saying it sometimes. Usually, it's okay. It's just a very
particular
kind of sorry that messes me up." Happy to have gotten it out, I breathed
out in relief. "I'm forgetting a few, but those are the basic ones. I
mean…I shouldn't have to mention hitting. But then again, nowadays that's more
of a button pusher than a trigger."

     
Smiling, I
looked up at Ethan. His expression made me cringe inside. "Stop looking at
me like that, please. I'm not a fucking dying puppy." I stood up, checking
to make sure my face was completely dry. He followed, wrapping his arms around
me until his grip became painfully tight.

     
"Dammit,
Daphne," he practically growled.
He's angry again?
Before I could
ask, he quickly pulled me up and over his shoulder and began pacing.

     
"What
now?" I complained, trying my best to grip onto his back. I had to settle
for clinging to his shirt instead.

     
"I
can't." He exhaled loudly, trying to steady his breathing. "I swear
to God - if I
ever
come across any of the fuckers who hurt you…"

     
Suddenly, I was
having one of
those
moments. The kind where time slows down and
everything becomes quiet. I pressed my forehead against his back and smiled
again, letting the rush of good emotions run through me.

     
Warmth.
Gratitude.
Thank you.
"It's alright, Ethan. I'm okay."

     
His laugh was
harsh.
Yeah, okay, maybe not. But still...

     
My body jolted
slightly when he made a sharp turn and began making strides in the opposite
direction, straight towards nothing. "I need to punch, maim, kill…fucking
stake
something…Anything!"

     
"…You can
take it out on me," I suggested, sniffing my nose.
Why the hell am I
still crying?

     
That made him
stop. "Are you coming on to me?"

     
"I will
be."

     
He set me down
and looked at me with raised brows.

     
"Ethan…" I viciously began drying off my face - for the last
time, hopefully. "I feel like I've done more talking within the last few
hours than I've done in my entire life. And I'm not even exaggerating. I'm
tired. I don't want to think anymore. Can we just enjoy ourselves?
Please
?"

     
Gradually, the
tension in his eyes began to fade. "Okay."

     
I took his hand
and led him over to where the water was just able to reach us.
"Look." He followed my gaze down to our bare feet. "You're my
ocean now. When I'm scared…When I need to run away, from now on I'll come to
you instead." As I spoke the words, I realized that I was being way too
forward. I tried to correct it. "Is that alright?"

     
There it was
again.
His smile filled me with such warmth, such gratitude, that the
cold water no longer registered. It was only him that I saw. My living,
breathing, ocean of a man.

     
"You know
I wouldn't allow it to be any other way."

     
I'm not sure
how it happened, but somehow we ended up playing like two little kids who had
just consumed way too much sugar. I challenged him to a race, but he had me
beat within seconds. He was unbelievably fast. There was walking, talking,
laughing, shell picking, random dancing, lots of twirling - from me, at least,
a little singing - also from me, and everything else you would expect from a
movie montage of two lovesick fools enjoying their time at the beach. Minus the
bit where I tripped over my own two feet and fell on my ass, of course.

     
As we walked
back to the house, he carried me on his back. It was just as fun as it was
weird to be up so high.

     
"Where
would my head normally be if I were standing right in front of you?" I
asked.

     
"Hm…"
He put his hand out sideways in front of his chest and I held on tighter so I
wouldn't fall. "About here."

     
"Doesn't
it feel odd looking down at me all the time?"

     
"...Doesn't it feel good looking up at me all the time?"

     
I leaned my
head forward and kissed his cheek, then rested my chin on his shoulder.

     
When we got
back, we went straight into making dinner. I did all the chopping and left most
of the actual cooking to Ethan.

     
"I'm
surprised you can cook at all. Don't you have slaves who do that for you?"

     
He chuckled
softly. "No, but my housekeeper might on some occasions. I'll have you
know that I
did
have a couple of years where I had to learn to fend for
myself."

     
"When was
this?" After everything I had shared, I was eager to learn more about the
man in front of me.

     
"College."

     
"You
cooked actual meals back then? I thought college was about Cup O' Noodles and
boxes of Mac and Cheese."

     
His tone became
thoughtful. "I suppose it is. For the average student, that is."