Oy Vey My Daughter's Gay (20 page)

The
Wedding Speech

Me: Question: What scares Lila’s
father more than giving a speech at a wedding?

John: Answer: Giving a speech at
a wedding, where the other main speaker was a speechwriter to the Queen.

Me: So… my husband and I... have
decided to do this speech together!

John: Lila showed her dedication
to education at an early age, when we got her a baby walker.

Me: She didn’t get the concept
that baby walkers are designed for walking, not for reading. ‘Why waste time
walking, when you can read’ seemed to be her motto.

John: Lila’s devotion to
academic achievement continued throughout school. One day, a helicopter landed
in the school grounds. Everyone, including the teacher, left their desks to get
a better view.

Me: Everyone, that is, except
Lila, who was in her own little world, happily writing her essay.

John: Lila’s studiousness paid
off when she won a Carnegie Scholarship to Harvard, whilst studying medicine at
Glasgow University.

Me: She and her friend had a
great time in Boston, sharing a flat with male medical students. One of the
students was a particular favourite with them both. However, her friend was
afraid of pursuing him, for fear of upsetting Lila. Lila hadn't yet come out to
her friends. She could have saved that poor friend a lot of angst, if she had.

John: Lila’s life wasn’t all
study. She loved the theatre and acting, and was in the Glasgow cast of the
Rocky Horror for much of her teenage years.

Me: When she was seventeen,
encouraged by us, she went to the Rocky Horror Convention in New York. We even
helped her to make a fake ID for entry into the clubs in Greenwich Village. We
are, indeed, crazy parents!

John: We knew she was in safe
hands with her Rocky Horror friends. There was a webcam in Times Square and she
and her friends stood at it, every day at 1 o’clock, so we could check out that
she was still alive!

Me: We thought of enlisting the
help of Lila’s brother with this speech. He has proved his writing skills in
the past. One of his numerous sibling scams was masquerading as Lila’s perfect
online friend, while at adjoining booths in an Internet café!

John: I don’t think Lila’s
forgiven him for that one!

Me: Poor Lila! She was much too
nice to play tricks on
him!

John: Except for one Easter,
when she told him that if you didn't eat all your Easter eggs on Easter Sunday,
you’d get bad luck for the rest of the year. He had a pretty sore stomach that
night!

Me: Lee also had the last word
when Lila came out at the age of seventeen. We asked her not to tell him at
that time. However, she never quite got round to telling him−until he
found out from one of her friends. He confronted me for keeping secrets and, when
I apologised, he announced casually, ‘Never mind, I’ve known for eight years
anyway. I read her diary when I was twelve!’

John: Brothers! Now they’re all
grown up, and the best of friends.

Me: So grown up, that we’re here
today to celebrate the wedding of our daughter, Lila, to our wonderful new
daughter, Miranda.

John: We were very nervous about
meeting Miranda, because we knew she was very special to Lila.

Me: We later found out that we
weren’t the only ones who were nervous. Poor Miranda had been so concerned to
make a good impression that she had even drawn up a list of suitable topics.

John: Her mother had helpfully
suggested ‘the fogs of the 50s’.

Me: Unfortunately, none of us
were old enough to remember the fogs of the 50s. (Except for Lila’s grandmother,
who thoroughly enjoyed the topic!) 

Sadly, Miranda’s mother can’t be
here today, due to ill health. We wish her well.

John: Miranda had also been
warned that, being in Scotland at New Year, she would be asked to do a ‘piece’.
Strangely, that prediction came true! At the end of our family party, we all
began doing a ‘piece’ (some kind of little performance), which was completely
unprecedented. Miranda got to perform her speech from Chaucer. Most impressive!

Me: We bonded so well with
Miranda that Lila was beginning to feel usurped. ‘I wanted you to like her, but
not
this
much!’ she moaned. ‘What if I have to dump her?’ I replied in
an aside to Miranda, ‘Don’t worry! If she dumps you, we’re going with you!’

We knew they were perfect for
each other when Lila asked me to check her beloved copy of ‘Anne of Green
Gables’, for a quote to inscribe on Miranda’s Valentine watch. It was also
Miranda’s favourite childhood book.

John: Lila and Miranda are
indeed, ‘kindred spirits’. They have many of the same interests− reading,
theatre, travelling to obscure and dangerous places. Miranda even persuaded
Lila to join her in one of her other loves: cycling.

Me: Today they have taken the
next step in cementing their relationship. They have made a lifelong commitment
to each other. We are not losing a daughter, we are gaining another one.

John:
Please raise your glasses, and join us in a toast − to Lila and Miranda.

APPENDIX

My mum’s knaidel recipe (with my adaptations)

220g medium matzo meal

2 eggs

1 tablespoon of soft margarine scooped from a tub

Pinch of salt

Clear chicken soup made with chicken cubes

1.
Make your chicken soup, and keep it boiling on the cooker.

2.
Put matzo meal and eggs into a mixing bowl.

3.
Melt margarine in a plate over a pot of boiling water or put it in a
microwave-proof bowl and microwave on full power for approx 50 seconds. (Don’t
leave it unattended, as it can splatter.)

4.
Add the melted margarine and half the water to the bowl.

5.
Add a pinch of salt.

6.
Mix all the ingredients together.

7.
Keep
adding the remaining water from the mug until the mixture is soft, but still
firm enough to mould into balls.*

8.
Roll into approx ten equal-sized balls using your hands.

9.
Place the balls into the chicken soup.

10.
Boil for five minutes.

11.
Remove from the heat.

12.
Leave to cool before serving.

*If the mixture becomes too soft, leave it to stand for 5-10
minutes before rolling into balls.

  1   Crossing Delancey:
1988, Warner Brothers

  2   Ellen:
Sitcom starring Ellen
DeGeneres

  3   American blogger:
Amelia, Huffington Post
online

       newspaper

  4   Socrates:
A classical Greek
philosopher credited as one of

       the founders of Western     philosophy

  5   Zen proverb

  6   Clifford the Big Red Dog
by Normal Bridwell

  7   The Tiger Who Came to Tea
by Judith Kerr

  8   Dogger
by Shirley Hughes

  9   Anne of Green Gables
by Lucy Maud Montgomery

10   Joni Mitchell
‘Big Yellow Taxi’

11   Trembling Before G-d
(2001) New Yorker Films

12   SHRE or SHARE:
Sexual Health &
Relationship Education.

        Scotland

13   Homophobia Still Rife in Scottish Classrooms: The

        Scotsman newspaper (November 2014)

14   ‘Mewling and puking infants’:
from Shakespeare’s ‘As
You

        Like It’

15   Steptoe and Son
A classic British sitcom
about rag-and-

        bone men

It takes a village to raise a book…

I would like to thank the people who have helped, supported
and inspired me throughout the writing of my memoir.

Quotes at the beginning of each chapter come from
@JewishComedians.  Thanks for the laughs.

My thanks go to Sharad who, through Fiverr.com, designed
the cover which so aptly depicts the roller-coaster ride we’ve all been through
together as a family.

I’m so grateful to Lesley Burns who took my official
‘author’ photos and managed to capture my personality and the tone of the book so
well.

To my first editor Hannah Kaye, who volunteered to read the
book when it was in the early stages. Your advice about the ordering of the
chapters was inspired.

To my friend Christine Walkden, thanks for your editing
skills and kind comments.

Huge hugs and kisses to my editor Lindsay Haward. Your
sensitive editing, positive comments and belief in both me and my memoir were
invaluable.

An enormous thank-you to my friend Audrey McKee, aka the
‘Grammar Ninja.’ You were with me when my memoir was conceived, right up to formatting
it for publishing. Your editorial skills, computer skills, ‘can do’ attitude
and sense of humour have been indispensable. I am forever grateful.

To my long-suffering friends and family, who have endured
me obsessing, moaning and generally rabbiting on about my writing. Thanks for
putting up with me guys.

Many thanks to my son, Lee, who has been on the other end
of the phone and the computer at all hours of the day and night, calming me
down and solving my endless technical problems.

Thanks to Lila’s wife Miranda. You have been a gentle and
perceptive reader and have quietly and gracefully supported me from the
sidelines.

To my wonderful husband John. You have been my biggest fan
and have never wavered in your belief that I could write this memoir. You have
supported me throughout; reading and re-reading countless edits. We have
laughed and cried together and it has brought us even closer. After
thirty-eight years of marriage, you deservedly got the last word in the memoir.
Don’t get used to it!

Finally, to my exceptional daughter, Lila. Without you
there would be no book. As writing partners, we have come to know and respect
each other in so many new ways. You have deepened my knowledge and
understanding, and inspired me to become a better mother and person. I love
you.

About
the Author

Sandra McCay was born and raised in Glasgow, Scotland,
and has lived with her husband and two children in Scotland, Spain and
Minnesota, USA.

She worked as a primary school teacher for more than twenty
years and has extensive experience of working with young people.

Her dedication to empowering her students to express
themselves through creative writing earned her a Master’s degree from the University
of the West of Scotland.  That culminated in her editing The Poetry Catchers, a
collection of poetry written by her students and published by Auger Press in
2008.

Now retired, Sandra splits her time between Scotland, Spain
and visiting her children in far flung lands. 

Visit
Sandra’s
website
-
 
www.oyveymydaughtersgay.com

Watch the
musical version of her memoir on You Tube -
https://youtu.be/dQxQr_hFKaE

Follow her on Twitter - @SandraMcCay

Like her on Facebook - Oy Vey My Daughter's Gay.

Email Sandra at
 
[email protected]