Painful Consequences (11 page)

“Lay off her, Kraus,” another man said. “Can’t you see she’s been crying? What’s wrong, Britts? If I didn’t know better, it would seem like you got your buns fried.”

Brittany turned every shade of red as the men started laughing at the comment. She looked at Reed pleadingly. He simply raised an eyebrow.

Find your voice
, she thought to herself. “Please don’t laugh at me,” Brittany said quietly. “You are right, Carl. I got my buns fried big time by my sponsor after we got home from the meeting last night. It was bad enough that I relapsed, but I also lost a major job opportunity because of it. Kraus, you told them to give me a good walloping, and Reed complied, okay? Now you all have something to really laugh about.”

“Holy shit! The cop paddled you?” Carl asked, stunned. He looked at Reed’s serious face, seeing him confirm with a nod. “Geesh, honey, I was just teasing you. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“Good for you, Simms! I’m not in the least bit sorry. She will live with a blistered ass, so don’t go giving her sympathy. Maybe she won’t do something so stupid again. Better a good spanking than death,” Kraus barked.

“I hope she won’t take that path again. It was not enjoyable for either of us,” Reed said softly.

“Hey, I’m all for that method. It works faster than jail time. Did you learn your lesson, girl?” Kraus demanded.

“Yes. I have no desire to smoke again at this point in time,” Brittany answered, face still red as she looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure he forgave you. I know the rest of us do,” Kraus commented gruffly, hugging Brittany abruptly.

“You are an old softy,” another man chuckled. “But he’s right. There is unconditional love and forgiveness here. We can’t rely on finding it outside of these walls, but here, it’s guaranteed. Without judgment. No teasing her about this, gentlemen. The poor girl has suffered enough embarrassment.”

“Thank you. I… Need to know that I can trust you guys, especially when I do something stupid. Brett? Are you still angry with me?”

“Angry, yes. But that does not mean I don’t forgive you. Part of the program is about making amends to those you have hurt because of your addiction, and you have done so.”

“Making amends and asking for forgiveness doesn’t always mean we get it, though. There are some people who will hold the pain we caused them against us forever. That is the hardest,” another voice piped in. “Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation, either.”

“Sometimes reconciliation isn’t wise. I would never want to reconcile with my ex. She still uses and would cause me harm if I regained a relationship with her. I just had to learn to forgive her and myself, and go forward without her,” Carl commented.

“What about reconciliation that won’t cause harm? Should it be attempted?” Brittany asked.

“Of course. Especially if it is with family and friends who can provide love and support. We should always try to make things right, but we also need to realize that it might not happen the way we want it,” Reed commented, eyeing Brittany suspiciously.

“When do we stop trying? I mean, how many times do we let someone reject our attempts before we give up?”

“Baby girl,” Kraus spoke, “if it is someone worth having in your life, then you never stop trying. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to feel sometimes, which is why we first make it into an action. Forgiveness simply means freeing yourself, or someone else, from an assumed debt. Don’t let your pride or your fear of rejection prevent you from being free. Trust me. It is not worth it.”

“You are very wise, for an old crank,” Brittany smiled, kissing his cheek. “Brett? When we get home, I want to call Daddy and Momma.”

“I’ll be right there with you, sis,” Brett smiled. He didn’t notice Reed's expression as the man pretended to study his book. He was scowling and more than slightly angry. Kraus, however, did not miss a beat.

“What crawled up your ass and died, Lieutenant?” Kraus demanded. “Did your little girl hit a sore spot?”

“Kraus, you really have a nasty habit of being an asshole at times. I think we have had a long enough night,” Reed responded. “Let’s close the meeting. Does anyone need a weekend meeting to be set up?”

Heads shook around the table, and the Serenity Prayer was shared.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Kraus cleared his throat. “Did you dimwits know there is more to the original version from Niebuhr?” he asked
. Seeing
everyone shake their heads
, he
continued,

“
Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next.

Amen.
”

“Wow,” Carl said, clapping Kraus on the shoulder. “I think we should add that to our meetings. There is some serious wisdom to live by in it. Thanks.”

“I mean, even if we have different beliefs about our Higher Power, it still says so much, right?” Brittany asked hesitantly. “Thank you, guys, for being family to me. I think it’s time to make things right with mine too.”

“Good luck to you, girl. I would have been proud to have you as my daughter,” Kraus said softly. Brittany felt tears rise as she hugged him and then accepted Brett’s hand as they departed the facility.

“Do you want to go for coffee and pie or just get home?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her neck and knuckling the top of her head.

“Home, please. I have some amends to make. Reed? Are you angry with me?”

“No, honey, or course not. Stop worrying about everyone being angry with you. I am just very disappointed in myself. Kraus hit the nail on the head, and I need some time to sort things out, that’s all.”

“Healing never ends for us, does it? We are here for you. You know that, right?” Brett said kindly. “Thanks for the ride. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. Have a good night. Bye, Britt,” Reed said, kissing her briefly before driving off. She stared after him and grabbed her brother’s hand.

“Brett, I am falling in love with him,” she whispered.

“He is already in love with you, if that isn't obvious. Hey, why the tears?”

“Because this is the first time in my life that I feel truly happy. Come on,” she sniffled, pulling Brett towards the house. “I need to take the steps to make things right with Mom and Dad.”

* * *

Reed stared at the picture of his parents and two younger siblings that he kept hidden in a drawer. He had given up reconciling with his family fifteen years ago when they had rejected his half-hearted apology for the pain he had caused them. His sponsor, not knowing how their absence gnawed at him, never pushed the issue to continue to try.

Excuses not to dial the phone raced through his mind, haunting thoughts of
what if they refuse me again
swimming in his brain. He knew forgiveness could never be forced, not if it was sincere. But it was a chance he had to take.

“Hello?”

“Mom? It’s Reed. I’m sorry that it has taken this long to call you…”

* * *

Brett held Brittany close as she sobbed. He stroked her hair as he continued to talk to his father. “Dad, honestly, she is doing great. No, she is not calling to ask for money. In fact, she is going to be starting school and found a way to get financial assistance and a grant. You need to let up a bit. Hell, you were nicer to me when I made this same exact phone call.”

“You weren’t my little girl!” Carmen Wallace bellowed. “She is going to kill herself, and I don’t want to be part of it!”

“Reed and I are keeping a careful eye on her. Neither of us are going to let her be hurt. I swear.”

“Who is Reed?”

“My supervisor, AA partner, and Britt’s… sponsor.”

“A sponsor trying to get into her pants?”

“Carmen!” his wife scolded. “Apologize this instant! That was uncalled for! Give me the phone. Brett? Honey, it’s Mom. Do you think that maybe you, Brittany, and your friend can come for brunch next Sunday? I would love to meet this young man.”

“I am not going to throw Reed into the lion’s den with that old badger, Mom!”

“If Reed is going to be involved with your sister in any manner, he will have to learn how to stand up to your father. I could have Stephen…”

“No, Mom… I don’t want Britt having to deal with Rina and her attitude yet.”

“Brett? It’s okay. I need to make things right with them too,” Brittany whispered.

“Are you sure?” Brett asked his sister. He sighed and returned to speaking with his mother. “Britt said it’s okay to invite them. Maybe have them come a little later though, so she doesn’t have to deal with everyone at once. I’ll talk to Reed and see if he is available, okay?”

“Do you think he is serious about your sister? Carmen, stop sulking!” Helena Wallace asked quietly. Brett could easily imagine the glare his mother would be directing toward his father and the interest his father would suddenly be paying to the conversation.

“Yes… yes, I do. They just don’t know it yet,” Brett answered, handing his sister a tissue to blow her nose.

“Is he good for her?”

“The best. Sunday, then… at eleven? Okay, Mom. Love you,” Brett said, easing the receiver onto the base. He sighed, patting Brittany’s arm. “I know that was tough, kid, but it’s a beginning. Dad has to come to some terms about his own responsibility in this as well, and he isn’t exactly the most flexible of people.”

“He is going to frighten Reed away. I know it.”

“If he does, then Reed isn’t the man I thought he was. Why don’t you get to bed? It’s late.”

“Do we still have to get up early tomorrow? It’s Saturday, and I wanna sleep in,” Brittany begged. Brett simply shook his head. “Fine, be that way. Brett? Thank you for being here for me. I couldn’t have gotten through that call without you.”

“That’s what brothers are for. How is your bottom, by the way?”

“Awful. He birched me and then used his hand. He’s stronger than you are.”

“Did he teach you a lesson?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

“Good, that is all that matters. Night, baby sister. Sleep well.”

Reed walked quietly along the running path the following morning, with Harry perched happily on his shoulder, mimicking the whistles and calls of the birds in the overhead branches. His heart was aching after the conversation from the previous night. His mother was in poor health, and his father had died three years ago from a drug overdose. Reed had no idea that the man had been a user, or that both his younger brothers were destructive alcoholics. His mother held nothing back as she blamed the family’s misfortune on him, and he fought not to defend himself or try to convince her of the truth.

He had asked her if he could come for a visit. She responded with a comment about being too busy and if he really wanted to make things right, he would send his brothers money since they could not hold jobs. His refusal caused her to abruptly hang up on him.
What a waste of life
, he thought. They had made these choices for themselves. It was their doing, not his, and he would not accept responsibility for anything other than what his own personal choices had brought forth.
Forgiveness cannot be forced
, he reminded himself, and it had to start with forgiving yourself. He also understood why his old sponsor never pushed him to reconcile. Old Harry knew what was happening behind the closed doors of the Simms' home and wanted to protect the young man who had become like a son to him. Reed felt the familiar ache of missing the old man. He owed Harry his life, and the only way he could repay him was to move forward and teach others the lessons he had been given.

The parrot's sudden burst of excited squawks jarred him to alertness. Brett was heading in his direction with Brittany by his side, armed with her standard early morning scowl.

“How did it go last night?” Reed asked, moving his face out of the way as Harry hurriedly shuffled towards Brittany. She nuzzled her face against his feathers as he began to preen her hair.

“About as well as to be expected. They want us to come over for brunch next Sunday. Mom wants to meet you. Are you open?” Brett asked.

“I’m really not in the mood for warm fuzzies right now. I’m sorry, but…”

“Trust me, there won’t be anything warm about it. It is a lion’s den, and you will be Dad’s snack if you let him. He rejected Britt’s apology last night, and it broke her heart.”

“Is this true?” Reed asked, his eyes hard, “Are you alright?”

“I think I will be okay. It really hurts, but Brett promised me that things will get better if I don’t give up. I have to trust him. My sister-in-law might also be coming, and she loathes me. I don’t want to go unless you come with me. I need my wall of security. Please come. I need you.”

“Aw, baby, of course I’ll be there to help you. But please don’t expect me to put on a Beverly Hills 'tude though, okay? I don't go for pretending to be something I am not. Just be aware that your dad might not approve of me, okay?”

“My mother will protect you from the old bear, don’t worry. She is one tough cookie and very old-fashioned,” Brett laughed.

“Reed? You look sad. What’s wrong, hon?” Brittany asked, putting Harry on a tree branch and wrapping her arms around Reed's waist. He sighed and shared the events from his attempt to make things right with his family. Brittany found herself reaching up to kiss his chin and then drew his lips to hers, forcing him to turn his energy onto her. She felt a tear on her cheek. It was his.

“Reed, you are the most wonderful, loving, and caring person I have ever known. I… I love you. You are my best friend, and I trust you with my life and my heart. I don’t want you to ever feel you have to be alone again. You have me. All of me, if you want me,” she said shyly.