Painless (15 page)

I tip him and say I hope he has a good night. He says thanks and doesn’t even bother looking at the money. He says he enjoyed talking with me, and it’s one of the small things he’ll remember. He says I should always remember the small things.

I step out of the bathroom. The band’s playing “It Feels Like Rain.” Luna’s dancing close with a guy. I see the maid of honor talking to two bridesmaids by the ice sculpture, and I hear them talking about Elizabeth. I go over and get a grape. One bridesmaid says she’s happy Elizabeth found somebody like Barney. She’s had a very tragic life.

There’s another slow song playing, so I take a
deep breath and ask her to dance. I’d like to find out
why Elizabeth’s life was so tragic and see if anything sounds familiar.

The bridesmaid’s name is Em, and she’s probably ten years older than me. “I don’t really know anybody here,” I say as we’re dancing. “Are you Barney’s daughter?”

“I’m his younger sister,” she says, smiling at me. “Neither Barney or Elizabeth have any children yet.”

Okay. So Elizabeth doesn’t have any children. I need to tell Joe to get his money back from that detective.

The song ends. “Do you want a drink?” Em asks. I shrug and follow her to the bar. She gets a martini, so I do too. I take a drink.

“Have you known Elizabeth long?” Em asks me.

I look around the room for Luna. “No.” I finish the drink.

“Is the girl you’re with your girlfriend?” Em asks.

“No. She’s a friend.”

Em smiles at me.

Em’s friends come over and start talking. I listen and learn things I’m not trying to learn. Where to get the best massage (or tummy tuck), how it is insane to fly coach to Europe, and if you go to a doctor who sees mostly low-class people, you’ll get treated well.

I scan the room and see Elizabeth by the ice sculpture talking to Barney. What if I just go over there and say hello? It’s not like it’ll kill me to find out whatever I can. I have to say something now or I may lose my chance, plus I’ve had two or three drinks, and I’m feeling brave. I set my glass on the bar, grip my cane, and walk over to her.

“Congratulations,” I say to Elizabeth and Barney.

Elizabeth looks at me as if she’s seeing an alien from outer space. She clears her throat. “Hello,” she says. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

So she’s not my mother, and I’ll probably get thrown out by security.

“I’m David,” I say. “David Hart.”

She stands looking at me for a few seconds. “Jan’s grandson?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say. “Jan was my grandmother.” I think she has to be my mother unless there’s another Jan with a grandson named David who was invited to her wedding. I swallow hard.

She introduces me to Barney.

“Nice to meet you,” Barney says and shakes my hand.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she says.

Elizabeth has to be my mother. I look at her and see if there’s any resemblance to me. I don’t see any. I’ll have to ask her. Maybe she had amnesia and forgot she had a son. “Would you like to dance?” I look toward Barney, and he nods.

I stick out my hand and lead her to the dance floor. The song is “You Raise Me Up.”

“Who taught you to dance?” she asks as we whirl slowly past the ice sculpture, me ignoring my limp.

“My grandmother.”

We move past the cake standing tall on a table. “What are you doing here?”

“So you are my mother?”

She takes a breath. “I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

It’s like I’ve been stabbed in the heart. “Is that a yes?”

“I gave birth to you.”

“Do you know where my dad is?”

“I left the past behind me,” she says. “I am sorry. I feel awful.”

I have a feeling it’s because I showed up at her wedding reception. Rejection wasn’t part of my dreams, but it was my nightmare.

But I knew she didn’t want to meet me. I had a crazy idea that if she saw me, she’d feel differently.

“We had no reason to keep in touch,” she says.

No reason.

“He doesn’t want to be found,” she says.

When the song ends, I say, “I have had a good life.” I bow. “Thank you for giving me away, and thank you for the dance. I hope you and Barney have many years of happiness together. Congratulations.”

“Go home. Forget about me. Take care, David.” She’s choked up.

I turn and walk away.
I’ve done great without you, and I have no reason to see you again.

I don’t want to talk to anybody right now. I go outside, stand on the deck, and watch distant lights from the fishing boats. The wind’s blowing hard now, and I feel the size of a grain of sand when I hear the roar of the ocean waves and see the billions of stars. I can’t move. It’s hard to breathe.

“David.”

I turn. “Hey, Luna,” I say, fixing a friendly smile on my recently stepped-on face.

She hugs me. It’s the best hug ever. She makes my heart race. It’s also the worst hug ever because she sees my sadness.

“I almost cried watching you dance with Elizabeth. I knew she had to be your mother.”

We keep looking at each other. “I’m fine. It’s beautiful out here.”

“Yes, it is. What did Elizabeth say?”

“She didn’t want to meet me. She moved on long ago. We can go home tomorrow if you want.”

“What about seeing Sam Tink? What about finding your father?”

“What if he says the same thing Elizabeth said?”

“You’ll have closure,” Luna says.

“There’s a hurricane coming.”

“We have plenty of time, and I love storms,” she says.

“You’re great, Luna. I am glad you’re here.”

“I am too,” she says. “Ready?”

I fold my hands and watch the water. “Yeah.”

Then we go down the steps and stand on the beach. Floodlights from the country club light up the sand.

I take off my shoes.

“Oh no, you’re not,” she says.

“Oh yes, I am.”

I take off my jacket and walk out about fifty feet. The water’s not deep until a wave comes along, and I bodysurf toward the lights on the shore.

Chapter 34

“This is the perfect place to spend the night,” Luna says as I get out of the water. “Look at the stars.”

They’re so bright they look as if they’re breathing with life when they twinkle.

After we get clothes, the lantern, and the sleeping bags from the car, we find a place out of sight under the deck where we can hear the ocean waves and the music from the wedding. I change into dry shorts and the T-shirt I bought at the truck stop. Luna puts on her T-shirt and shorts.

We have matching shirts with sea turtles on them.

We sit in the sand and watch the waves. “If we get arrested, will you bail me out?” she asks.

“Will I be able to bail myself out?”

“I don’t know. I have never done anything illegal before.”

“I’ve driven without a license before,” I say. “I had an accident. Luckily I only got into trouble with Joe.”

Then Luna opens a tote bag and pulls out a plastic pail shaped like a castle and a shovel. My mouth drops open.

“I bought them at the gift shop of the hotel,” she says. “We need to be prepared, and I figured you’d never built castles before.”

We build a castle in the sand and talk and laugh. “Time of Your Life” is playing inside the country club, and when it ends, the floodlights go out. Suddenly it’s dark, but the castle is six stories high by now. I turn on the lantern, and we crawl into our sleeping bags.

When we awaken, we watch the sunrise.

“God shouldn’t allow a person to die until they’ve seen the sunrise over the ocean,” Luna says. “And at least a hundred other miracles.” She looks at me. “I have a long bucket list.”

Luna is driving slowly as we exit the interstate and head south. It’s early Sunday morning, and rain’s now coming down in sheets. Traffic lights are swinging back and forth on wires. It’s amazing how the clear sky suddenly changed to black.

“Pine Branch is about an hour from here,” I tell Luna as I look at the map. “But in this weather, it’ll take longer.” I fold up the map. “Maybe we’re wasting our time.”

“You never know unless you do it,” Luna says. “And we have a purpose.”

It feels good that she thinks so. Still, I have doubts if I’ll ever find out what happened to my dad. But we built our castle, and we saw the sunrise over the ocean.

My cell rings. It’s Joe.

“Do you want to know how mad I am?” he says.

“No, thanks.”

“Your mother called,” he says.

“So you’ve known all the time where she was.”

“Sporadically,” he says. “She did not want to meet you, and your grandmother did not want you hurt. I didn’t either.”

“Meeting my mother is on my bucket list,” I say.

“David,” he says.

I shrug. “My life expectancy is on the short side.”

“For god’s sake, why didn’t you tell me what you wanted to do? I’m your guardian.”

“Because you’d stop me,” I say.

“I told you how she felt,” he says.

“I had to find out for myself.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. “You were a challenging kid. You needed constant care. She just couldn’t handle it all. I can’t handle it.”

“Nana did it,” I say. “And my grandfather did it.”

“They were special people. Where are you?”

“Ten hours from home. Luna is with me.”

“There is a hurricane watch along the East Coast,” Joe says.

“I know. We’ve hit some rain,” I say.

“Please go home,” he says. He’s at the Belize airport, but his flight has been delayed.

“I’m going to Pine Branch first.”

Luna glances at me and wrinkles her forehead.

“No, David. The weather will only get—” Joe’s saying when the call is dropped.

I set my phone on the console. I’m too close to turn back now. “He’s no better than my father or mother.”

“You can’t get mad at him for doing what he is supposed to do,” Luna says.

We pass houses, a school, and a church. More houses. More churches. “It’s coming up,” I say. “Turn at the next right.”

Luna pulls into the parking lot. The apartments look like a run-down motel. Cars are parked in front of doors. I don’t know why my dad would’ve lived in a place like this when he could’ve been living with Nana and me.

Luna parks in front of the office. “You can wait for me,” I say. “I’ll only be a minute.” I figure that’s how long it’ll take for me to walk in, the manager to say he doesn’t remember anything, and me to walk back out.

“I’ll come with you,” Luna says.

A skinny man with a beard sits at the desk in the middle of the room.

I stick out my hand. “My name is David Hart. This is Luna.”

He stands. “Sam Tink,” he says and shakes my hand. “Are you looking for a one-bedroom or two-bedroom?”

“We aren’t looking for an apartment. I’m looking for information on James Hart. He lived here years ago before he disappeared.” My voice shakes. “May I ask you a few questions? I’m his son, and I’ve been searching for him for years.”

“I’ve told the police all I know. I can’t remember much about him, but I’ll answer what I can.”

Suddenly, I don’t know what to ask.

“What do you remember?” Luna asks.

“He lived here for a year, but I rarely saw him. He’d pay his rent in cash two months ahead each time. He never caused any problems, but he took off without giving a thirty-day notice. I called the emergency contact number—turns out the person was his ex-wife. She said he had a history of disappearing for weeks at a time, but who knows what an ex-wife might say,” Tink says, eyeing me. “The police weren’t worried either.”

“What happened to his stuff?” I ask.

“I put it into storage for thirty days, and then the unit was sold at auction. Evelyn Winters kept a few of his personal belongings, believing he’d be back. You should talk to her. She lives in apartment one thirteen.”

“Will she talk to me?”

“She will talk to James’s son,” he says.

“Where did he work?” Luna asks.

“He was working for a video-game company for a short while, but then he was laid off. I don’t think he found another job after that,” the manager says. He walks around the desk toward the door. “You’re lucky you caught me. I’m closing the office before the weather gets bad.”

“Would you let us know if you hear anything?” Luna takes out a piece of paper and scribbles my name and number on it.

“Sure, but it’s been years, and I haven’t heard anything new since the day he went missing. I’ll give Evelyn a call and say you’re on the way over. Otherwise, she’d probably slam the door in your face.”

“Why?”

“For a while she was a suspect. People thought she’d killed him.” Tink walks us to the door. “You know, sometimes a man gets to be a certain age, and he just gets fed up and takes off. I’d do it if I had the nerve.”

“Do you think you’d be some kind of hero for running off?” Luna says.

“No, but I might be happier,” he says.

I’m barely aware of walking across the parking lot to Evelyn’s apartment while Luna moves the car. A light rain is falling, and the sun is behind black clouds. I need a few minutes to think. I figure my dad took me to Nana’s because of more child-abuse charges. They had already decided to leave me there. Was that best for me? Yes. I know it was. Then they divorced. Six years ago, Dad rented an apartment for a year, and then he disappeared.

Luna is waiting at Evelyn’s door. “Make this quick. The weather is getting worse,” she says and knocks on the door. I hear talking from inside and then silence. Somebody’s probably looking at us through the peephole.

“I’m looking for Evelyn Winters,” I say when the door opens. “My name is David Hart. I’m James Hart’s son.”

“I don’t know anything,” a middle-aged woman says. She gives me directions to the police station.

The rain’s coming down pretty hard. “Thanks,” I say. “Thanks.” I turn toward the parking lot.

“You can’t do that to him,” somebody else says. “Come back, David.”

I turn around and see a girl.

“You’d want somebody to help me if you disappeared,” she says to the woman.

“Come in,” the woman says in a trembling voice. “I’m Evelyn. This is my daughter, Rachel.”

Luna introduces herself.

Evelyn doesn’t smile, but I can tell by the way things are going, today’s not a smiling day. I’m about to find the pot of crap at the end of the rainbow.

Their apartment is small. I sit on the sofa with Luna. Our legs touch. It’s like we were meant to meet and end up here. It feels right.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” Rachel asks.

“No,” I say.

“We once lived in the same neighborhood,” Evelyn says.

I tilt my head. “You knew my family?”

Evelyn nods. “You resemble your father.”

“I had nightmares about you after you left,” Rachel says.

“I was pretty scary back then,” I say.

“Not really. Tyler and you were my best friends. I thought you had died.”

I look at her and smile. “But Tyler wasn’t real,” I say.

“Wasn’t real? He lived next door to you.”

My jaw drops. Oh god. How could I have been that mixed up? How come nobody told me the truth?

“Tyler died a couple of years ago in an accident,” Rachel says.

I wish I would’ve known.

“Do you want something to drink?” Evelyn asks.

“Sounds good,” Luna says.

“We used to play cards together,” Rachel says. “You’d wear those goggles, and Tyler thought that was what gave you secret powers.”

“I sort of remember playing cards,” I say.

Suddenly I’m a little kid again. Tyler, Rachel, and I are dressed up. She’s a fairy princess. Tyler is a bunny rabbit. I’m Superman.

Evelyn comes into the room carrying glasses of iced tea. She hands me one.

My finger traces a line through the frost on the glass. Frost feels the same as steam or morning dew. Wet. To me, ice tastes like wet rocks.

Evelyn starts talking.

James moved here temporarily while he was building his lake house. He was a kind man who loved animals and nature. He didn’t like being around people. He was working as an accountant.

“I thought he worked for a game design company,” I say.

“He was the accountant. Someone called his employer and said he was stealing money. James was asked to resign. The accusation hit him hard.”

“When did you last see him?” Luna says.

“Around seven a.m. the day he disappeared. He was heading to his lake house. He was only living here because it was closer to his job. He said he’d be back in two days.”

My heart’s beating fast. “Do you know what my dad did the day before he disappeared?” I ask.

“No. After he didn’t return on time, I went to his lake house. He wasn’t there. I went to the police, but I wasn’t allowed to fill out the form. I’m not a relative. James was forty-five, the detective said. He could do as he pleased.

“James had left his cell phone. I went through his numbers and called everybody he knew. Carlee said he’d run off somewhere and not to worry because he had a history of running away to avoid sending her money. She accused me of being another one of his girlfriends.” Evelyn smiles in a tired kind of way. “I don’t believe James is dead. I think he changed his name and went somewhere to start over.”

“I don’t really understand,” I say.

Evelyn shrugs. “He lost everything. Then he was accused of stealing money. He wouldn’t do that. There was never any proof.”

He didn’t lose me. All he had to do was come back for me. I waited. Nana waited.

Evelyn keeps talking. “One day, I took Rachel over to play with you. Nobody was there except Carlee, and she had a fire going in the backyard. She was burning everything James owned, pictures, and toys. Then we moved, and years later James called me.”

“Was my dad happy?” I ask.

“Sometimes,” Evelyn says.

“He was sad most of the time,” Rachel says.

“He loved you,” Evelyn says. “You were the sweetest, most caring little boy I’ve ever met.”

“Once I cut my finger, and you kissed it and cried,” Rachel says.

I smile at her.

“The apartment manager said you have a few of his things,” Luna says.

“Yes, I do. There isn’t much.” Evelyn goes into a back room and returns with a manila envelope. I open it and find a wedding band and a watch.

“I’ve always believed he’d be back one day,” Evelyn says.

Written on the ring is “For Time and all Eternity.”
I’m feeling sick. The watch is engraved with “Let us be one until there is none.”

To calm down, I take deep breaths. The room is loud with silence. I miss Spencer and Cameron and Nana and how my life changed from great to everybody’s got a friggin’ secret.

“David,” Luna says, looking at the inscriptions. “We need to go now.”

“Can you give us directions to the lake house?” I ask and glance at Luna. “I promise we’ll be back home before Tuesday.”

“What happens Tuesday?” Rachel asks.

“The end of the world,” Luna says like she’s kidding.

Evelyn pulls out a state map from a drawer at the bottom of the coffee table. She draws a route. From what I can tell, we’ll be heading toward the storm, but the house isn’t close to the coast. “James’s place is about an hour from here, and the area is deserted. Most people started calling it Zombieville after the developer went bankrupt.” Evelyn gives me the map.

“Do the police know about this?” Luna asks.

“Yes. The local police checked the house. It’s been abandoned.”

I give Evelyn my phone number.

Then I pick up a picture of Evelyn and a man. They’re dressed up like they’re going to Cinderella’s ball. “That’s James.” Rachel hooks her arm around mine. “He was happy when he was with my mother.”

I think of Luna and how we danced the night of the Spring Festival back when I was a kid and how we built a castle and watched the sunrise—and how things can change in a heartbeat.