Painting Sky (41 page)

“I’ll just give them like this.” He shoved everything in his trunk.

“That’s so—so un-Christmas-like,” I said, wondering if he was going to write the person’s name with a sharpie on the metal box before shoving them under the tree.

“Says the Christmas elf. I don’t have time for this shit. They’re lucky enough to be receiving a gift, at all. I might just throw the cookies on a plate and offer them to Santa.” He said. I spent the rest of the ride wondering about Keith’s present. I had spent the last hour roaming the shops, trying to come up with something suitable, but nothing caught my eye.

Over the weekend, I asked Keith for his car to go out and buy the rest of the presents I still needed. I found a cover for his phone that he would like: it looked like it had been spattered by paint of every color. It would suit him. When I got home, however, and thought about it, I realized it was such an impersonal gift. He deserved more. My eyes drifted to my sketch book. He’d liked the drawing I’d made of myself. I picked it up and smiled. He would never place it on the wall, but maybe, from time to time, he could think about me. I turned the page and picked up a pencil.

You see me.

I see you.

With love, Sky.

Maybe it was too much, especially the “love” part, but it was what I felt: the truth. I always wanted to be honest with Keith, even if we couldn’t have each other. I searched my drawers for a cardboard to place on either side of the drawing and wrapped it with blue paper with white stars on it. I just needed to keep it hidden from everyone before Christmas Eve. I had a feeling he wouldn’t receive many meaningful presents. Ryan had asked me to buy him a CD of a band they both liked. It looked like a present for Ryan, instead, but I didn’t comment.

The next week dragged on with the last finals. Some were practical, like drawing, in which I had a B+, while others were theoretical and required me to study harder than ever. I needed to balance the B+ with some As for my father’s approval.

The weekend before Christmas, we packed Keith’s car with our luggage, which was half presents, and settled inside. My brother rode shotgun, while I had to share the backseat with Cody.

Cody hadn’t been home much. He’d come home to sleep for a few days between finals, but that was it. He looked tired: his skin was grayish and his eyes were red, as if he hadn’t had much sleep in a long time. After Keith got on the highway and turned the radio on, I turned to Cody.

“Are you okay?”

He jerked in surprise and turned to me like he hadn’t noticed my presence. His eyes were cautious, like those of a scared animal. “Yeah, just tired. Sophomore year’s hard—too many night groups and exams. I think I’m going to sleep through Christmas.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes.

I didn’t have any lingering feelings for Cody, positive or negative. I wanted his friendship back, but I feared it wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

The drive was uneventful, and we got home before dinner. My parents met us in the driveway, hugging each one of us. They paused, awkwardly, in front of Keith. My father gave a head jerk for acknowledgment, but my mother kissed his cheek. At least one of my parents hadn’t lost their manners. I wouldn’t let them treat Keith the way they had last time, even if that meant I had to face their wrath.

“Your parents went to pick up your grandparents, so you’re going to have dinner with us.” My mother spoke to Cody, while Keith started toward his parents’ house. Before anyone could notice, I grabbed at his shirt.

“No way. You’re coming with us,” I whispered. He faltered, but gave a slight nod and followed my parents and his brother.

That’s when I noticed Ryan’s expression. He’d seen the exchange and had found it strange. I smiled at him and picked up one of the bags, dismissing any of his thoughts.

The table was set for everyone, to my relief. Keith was about to sit between me and Ryan when my mother rushed Cody to that chair, not so subtly. This confused Keith, Ryan, and me, before we all realized: my parents still thought we were dating. We needed to address that subject, but when? Before or after Christmas?

I
stayed in my room that night, but my grandparents were coming the next day and would need it. I expected they’d want me to stay with Matilda. My mother surprised me during breakfast by pulling me into the kitchen to have a word with me.

“Honey, your father and I were talking, and I made him see reason. So, if you want to stay over at the Hales’ with Cody, we’re okay with it.” I was so taken aback that I didn’t answer right away. My father was okay with it? No, he wasn’t, but I was starting to suspect they wanted me with Cody more than they didn’t want me with Keith. Solidifying my relationship with Cody was the best way for them to do that.

“No, Mom, we’re not sleeping together there, so it would be stupid to do so here.” I picked up the butter and turned to return to the table.

My mom sidestepped. “You’re not?” She frowned. Any mother would have been pleased, but not mine, which only confirmed my suspicion. I shook my head and hurried to the dining room.

The next couple of days flew by, as I helped my mother with cooking, decorations, and last minute presents. My mind was on Keith the entire time, though. I missed him with such force that it brought tears to my eyes at night. How could I go on with my life, ignoring these feelings for him, if forty-eight hours seemed like forever?

That night, the Hales were able to come have dinner with us, but Keith wasn’t with them. Ryan surprised me by not asking about him. I had seen light coming from his bedroom window, so I knew he was home.

My parents were laughing with the Hales, my grandparents and Cody’s and Keith’s were exchanging stories from their younger days, and my sister, aunt, Cody, and Ryan were discussing movies. I felt so alone and my heart physically hurt for Keith. I was suddenly so mad at all of them—at the hypocritical Christmas mood, the decorations, food, and presents. The only thing that should have mattered was family and being together. Were they forgetting they had another family member alone next door? Were they the ones who had asked him not to come—to keep the mood positive?

I got up silently without anyone noticing and went to the foyer, and picked up my coat. That was when another thought popped into my head. I went to the kitchen, picked up a plastic box, and went to the dining room. Everyone noticed me, then. I had my coat on and was shoving Ryan and Cody away from each other to reach the table.

“What is it, honey?” my mother asked, confused. That only increased my bad mood. I kept my mouth shut and shoved enough food for two into the box, as I hadn’t eaten anything.

“Jane,” my brother pleaded when he realized what I was doing. “He likes to be on his own.”

I closed the lid and turned to my brother. “Is that what you really think?”

I didn’t wait for the answer and went through the kitchen door. No one followed. I made my way to the Hale’s house and up the stairs, listening to the music coming from his room.

The door was slightly open and I nudged it with my foot. Keith was on his bed with his shirt off, furiously sketching on his pad. Before he noticed me, I peeked over his shoulder and gasped. He jumped off the bed, almost hitting me with the sketch pad.

“Jesus, Skylar, you scared the fuck out of me,” he muttered, rubbing the knee he’d hit on his bedside table.

I tried to catch my own breath as I placed the food box on the table. I crawled over the bed and picked up the sketch, before he could protest. It was a drawing of the two of us—at least, it seemed the two of us. A girl, presumably me, was facing the viewer. A guy was behind her, circling both arms around her: one was around her hips, covering her up and the other was around her chest. He was kissing her neck and her head was thrown back with closed eyes. It was the most beautiful and sensual thing I’d ever seen.

My eyes shone with unshed tears, and Keith took the opportunity to take the drawing from my hands. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” he said.

“It’s us, isn’t it?” He looked around, embarrassed. “Why are you drawing us? Why are you here, alone, drawing us?”

“Because it’s the only part of you I can get, okay? I won’t show it to anyone, but no one would get that it’s you, anyway.”

I laughed. “You’re very good at what you do: of course they would know.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

I picked up the plastic container and the two forks I’d brought. “I brought you dinner,” I sat on the bed.

His frown showed me his confusion. “Dinner? Aren’t you supposed to be next door?” He tilted his head to the window, but sat next to me.

I shrugged. “I left. You can’t be alone on Christmas.”

“Christmas is tomorrow,” he said, as he picked up the fork and shoved it into the food. “Besides,” he said, as he put the fork in his mouth, “Don’t you think they’ll be suspicious?”

It was my turn to fork the food, so I shrugged again, taking my time swallowing before answering. “I don’t care. My parents are smothering me again. My mother asked if I wanted to sleep here with Cody, for God’s sake. Talk about pushing.”

Keith froze beside me, but didn’t comment. I hoped he knew how over Cody I was. I had slept with Keith, after all.

The drawing sat on the bed, taunting us the entire time we were eating. I knew I shouldn’t bring it up again, but I couldn’t not comment on it. I handed the food to Keith and placed my fork on the table, while he still ate. He had been hungry.

“It’s the most beautiful drawing I’ve ever seen.” I nodded at the couple. Did I look like that, having sex? Did he see me like that? Passionate? “It is me, but I don’t look like that,” I muttered, envying the girl on the paper.

Keith placed the lid on the box and turned to me. “Yes, you do. I didn’t imagine that.” He nodded at the sketch. “I saw it.”

At my confused stare, he explained further. “The mirror in my room. That second time, you looked like that at one point.” My mouth was hanging open and I must’ve been turning bright red, because he laughed and pulled me closer. “Don’t shy away from me. I like you exactly like that.” He nodded at the drawing, but didn’t take his eyes off of me.

His gaze lingered on my lips and my belly tightened in anticipation. I so wanted him to kiss me, but sounds from the stairs made us pull apart from each other. Keith turned the page of the sketch book to a drawing of hands: two intertwined hands. In my head, they looked like our hands, but, now, I could have just been making that up. They could have been anyone’s.

Ryan’s head popped into Keith’s room. “Hi,” he said. We pretended he hadn’t just tiptoed up the stairs without announcing his presence.

“Hi. Your sister was kind enough to come feed me,” Keith said, with a smile on his face. “I was exchanging food for art advice.” He nodded at the hands on the paper, but shut the sketch pad closed and put it on the other bedside table, away from my brother.

“Yeah. You should go home, Jane. Mom’s worried about you.” I noted my brother’s tone, but there was no way I was going to let him ruin Keith’s improving mood.

“Nope. She knows where I am.” I crossed my arms. To prevent an argument, Keith suggested we head downstairs to play some games. I sat next to them, but, after a while, it started getting boring. I looked around and found paper and a pencil. Using a thick book as a surface, I sat a few feet from my brother and Keith, and turned to them.

I spent the next hour drawing their faces, their smiles, and the carefree position they were in. It was so beautiful, in the end. It showed how much they loved each other. It hurt to know that this love was keeping me away from Keith.