Painting Sky (39 page)

He took his time catching his breath and calming his heart, and so did I. Without a word, he removed the condom and I saw a smear of blood.

His concerned eyes met mine. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

He looked so much younger right then, as he sought approval, that I just wanted to hold him and never let go.

I scooted forward and leaned my forehead against his. “It was perfect.”

He snorted and picked up some napkins to clean us up. “That was not my best performance by a long shot. I think I lasted longer my first time.” He sounded disappointed, and then I was the one feeling self-doubt. Was it me? Involuntarily, I pulled my knees against my chest to cover my body and rested my chin on them. Keith must’ve seen the hurt, because he quickly disentangled my limbs and pulled me to him to roll us over on the mattress.

“That was a compliment to you, Sky. I’ve never lost control like that. It might’ve been short-lived, but it was the best sex I’ve had in my life.” I pushed myself up to rest on my elbow and eye him, not believing him. “It’s true, Sky. I wouldn’t lie to you.” I smiled triumphantly and he smirked at me, pulling me against his chest again. There wasn’t any place in the world I’d rather be.

“I like when you call me ‘baby.’” I said against his skin, kissing the dragon’s head on his shoulder.

“You’ve always complained about that,” he joked. “Are you sore?”

I shook my head. I felt a bit of a sting, but that was nothing he needed to know about. He kissed the top of my head and pulled my chin up so he could kiss my lips.

This time, we moved as one. The kissing lasted much less and the actual sex lasted a lot longer. At first, it stung, but, after a while, the pleasure built up, and I managed to come at the same time as Keith. He seemed much more sure of himself, this time: less lost, less afraid I would break. This made it much more pleasurable.

We fell asleep right after, snuggled together and tangled in the sheets.

The sun came up too soon and shone through the massive windows, waking us both.

“Morning,” Keith mumbled, scratching his neck awkwardly. Uh oh—I knew that face. He was thinking he’d done something wrong and he regretted it. Had I been wrong to believe I’d meant something more to him?

“You need to go to your room. We have no idea when the boys are coming home.”

I guess I knew we wouldn’t be announcing to the world what had happened between us, but if he believed we could keep a lid on this for very long, he’s wrong. Neither of us would be able to go back to the relationship we used to have.

“Sure.” I managed to keep my voice even and strong, despite the fact that, inside, I was crumbling. I didn’t want to cause a scene or plead, although that was exactly what I felt like doing.

I quickened my pace and picked up my clothes as I went. I left and rushed to the bathroom. The water couldn’t get hot enough to calm my nerves or replace the arms that had held me through the night. I should’ve known from the start where this would go. I was always going to end up hurt. There was no other way with Keith. I had been a fool to believe otherwise.

A
fter my long shower, I went to my room for leggings and a comfy shirt so I could snuggle in my bed and sleep for a while longer. Said sleep never came, and I just lay there, watching the sun get higher and listening to the house become noisier. First, it was Keith’s shower, which lasted as long as mine. Later, around ten in the morning, my brother’s voice boomed against the walls that there would be people coming over tonight. Keith must’ve complained, but I didn’t hear his voice.

“Not many people—just a small gathering,” said Ryan, right outside my door. I wasn’t in the mood to party or have people over, but it wasn’t my place to complain. My stomach chose that time to let me know I needed food.

I couldn’t hide forever. Keith and I lived together, after all. I chose the moment my brother was going to the kitchen to come out. He could serve as a buffer, even if he didn’t have a clue of what had happened.

“Good morning, sis. You look like crap. Did you sleep at all?” I guess not covering the dark circles under my eyes with make-up had been a mistake. Keith was next to my brother, feeling guilty as he looked around the room to avoid my face.

“I just went to bed late.” I was about to add that I’d had some nightmares that had kept me up, but I decided to be the bigger person. “Good morning, Keith,” I said over my brother’s shoulder. His reply was barely a whisper.

“What crawled up your ass and died there, dude? Chill and prepare yourself for tonight. You need to fu—” Ryan stopped midsentence to glance at me before continuing, “You need to get laid. You’ve been lonely lately.”

I didn’t want to hear Keith’s response, but I couldn’t leave the room without raising questions from Ryan.

“Yeah, sure,” Keith said, crushing my heart once again. He could have at least pretended I was special and leave some time for his sheets to cool.

I prepared French toast, but just nibbled at it. After Ryan left the kitchen, Keith sat on a stool across from me. I thought he had waited for Ryan to leave so he could ignore me. Wasn’t just that what he wanted?

“We need to talk.” The words left my mouth without meaning. I wanted to talk, but my heart couldn’t take any more blows.

Keith looked anxiously between me and the door. He whispered, “Not now, with Ryan in the house.” It was as if that would have been the greatest tragedy of all. Maybe it would have been, but he didn’t need to get mad at me.

After washing my plate, I went back to my room to rest. I had a class later, but I didn’t think I was sane enough to go. My body was sore in places I didn’t think I even had muscles as a constant reminder of the previous night.

The pictures of Keith in my room taunted me. The sadness in that child pulled at my chest. Who the hell had broken him? Not his father—he wouldn’t have had the power to affect him like that. Keith had seemed hurt that his mother hadn’t defended him. He had radiated indifference toward the man who’d fathered him.

A light knock sounded around four in the afternoon, when I was just starting to focus on the subject I was studying. “Yeah.” I assumed it was my brother, as Keith was probably avoiding the talk. Those beautiful, gray eyes met mine across the room, though. He looked much more tired than me, as if he hadn’t slept at all. The circles under his eyes were purplish and the whites of his eyes were bloodshot. I sat straighter on the bed and pushed the books aside.

Whatever he’d come to say was hurting him, and this was the first sign since this morning that he cared about me. If I wasn’t indifferent to him, then I could fight for us. I would.

“Ryan went to pick some beer. I’m afraid the ‘small gathering,’” He made air quotes with his fingers, “Is turning into an epic party. You know your brother.” He shrugged, trying to clear the air between us. I just nodded. I wasn’t interested in Ry’s party.

“What happened between us was a mistake, Sky.” The words seemed to hurt him as much as they hurt me. I turned to the window to avoid his eyes. “I care too much about you and your brother to do this—not to mention Cody.” His voice was small and defeated.

My head snapped up to him. “This has nothing to do with our brothers. Cody and I broke up, and Ryan has no say in who I date.” I flinched at the word. We’d never mentioned dating, and I had known from the start that Keith wasn’t the relationship kind of guy. At least he could man up and admit that I meant more to him than the girls before me. “It’s fine, Keith. It’s done. Just don’t pretend it was just a casual fling—we both know it wasn’t. Doing so would betray the part of me I gave you last night. I don’t regret it, no matter what you say.” I picked up my book and leaned against the bed frame, trying my best to look composed.

Keith got up, sighed, and went for the door, but, before opening it, he turned. “I said it was a mistake—not that I regret it. Those are different things, Sky.” He left me and my heart squeezed inside me.

How could this hurt more than breaking up with my long-term boyfriend? I was wrong in the head, that’s for sure. I had an adoring boyfriend who had worshiped me and given me anything I asked, but I hadn’t been able to find in me the desire to sleep with him. Now, in a matter of hours, I had released my feelings for his brother, slept with him, and got turned down.

I had lost my virginity last night. Instead of beaming with happiness with a healthy gleam in my eyes, I was the saddest I’d been in a while. My eyes hurt from exhaustion and tears. I had told Keith the truth: I didn’t regret him. It still hurt.

The party started at nine and I didn’t bother going downstairs. I had cookies in my room and that was my dinner, which I ate while watching some comedy show on my laptop. I didn’t laugh once through it. My bladder let me know it needed release, even though I could hear the party right outside my door. I locked the door behind me and saw the line to the bathroom—my bathroom.

I was so sick of Ryan’s parties. It was my stuff in there. The line wasn’t long, but I had already waited until the last minute to leave my cocoon. I couldn’t wait for the four people in front of me.

Peeking through Keith’s cracked door, I saw no one inside. Everyone knew his room was off-limits, so I tiptoed across the floor to his bathroom. It was much cleaner than the other one would be—that was for sure. After washing my hands, I watched my reflection in the mirror. I looked so tired that it had put five years on my shoulders.

I was still patting my hair when I left the bathroom and almost collided with the desk. Keith was casually leaning against the doorframe, with his door shut behind him.

“I saw you come in here.”

“The line to my bathroom was...” I nodded my head to the closed door. He had seen it. He didn’t need an explanation.

He rushed to me and gathered me in his arms, pushing me violently against this desk. The table lamp rattled against the wall, but I didn’t have time to assess the damage before his lips were on mine. This time, he was more aggressive, and I loved every second of it.

After we discarded our clothes, he picked me up and sat me on his desk. One of his hands searched for a condom in a drawer, while the other came between us and hit me in the right place. I buckled against him, while he muffled my screech with his mouth. I was almost coming by the time he got inside me, and then the stars behind my eyes were almost too much to bear. I wanted him closer and farther away, at the same time, as if it was too much and too little. Keith picked me up and turned me around to face the mirror, he kissed my neck while eyeing me from over my shoulder.