Papa Bear (Finding Fatherhood Book 1) (2 page)

Clearing her throat, she moved closer to him. He didn’t even flinch when she cleared her throat again, louder this time. “Lucas?” He didn’t stir at all, so she moved closer to the couch, leaning carefully over him with one knee on the cushion as she brought her face closer to his. She told herself it was simply so she wouldn’t have to shout at him, but she couldn’t pretend there wasn’t more drawing her toward him.

His lips looked soft and inviting, parted as he snored gently. For a brief moment, she was tempted to mold hers to his, but then common sense reasserted itself. She couldn’t go around kissing him, especially when he was asleep, if she wanted to maintain an emotional distance between them. That was the sort of thing that led to anything but friends. Either they’d end up as fiery lovers that broke up as soon as he learned about her past, or they’d fizzle and fade out. That seemed pretty unlikely, considering how he made her heart race, but she wasn’t willing to risk the friendship for a casual fling.

“Lucas?” She kept her voice soft, but a little louder than last time. “Are you awake enough to hear what I’m telling you?”

He muttered something that sounded eerily like a growl, and a moment later his arm was around her, dragging her down onto his lap. He held her cuddled against his chest, his large hand cupping the back of her head and keeping her immobile. She would have objected, but she knew he was asleep—and she didn’t exactly want to object if she were being honest with herself. Being held against him like this felt too good, and she allowed herself a moment to savor it before pulling away with a regretful sigh.

His arms held tightly to her, requiring some effort on her part to free herself enough to lift her head. “Lucas, wake up.” She spoke more firmly this time, and his eyelashes fluttered open slowly. His gaze seemed unfocused, so she waited until there was a sign of recognition before speaking once more. “Angel is finally asleep, and I need you to let me go so I can go home and fall into bed myself. Thank goodness it’s a Sunday, so I don’t have to open the shop until this afternoon.”

He growled something again, and most of the words were incomprehensible to her, but she was aware of his arms tightening around her, and one word coming through crystal-clear. “Mine.”

She shook her head, denying his assertion to both of them as she tried to pull away. “Let go now. I know you’re half-asleep, but you have to let go.”

“I have a better idea,” he said in a slurry voice thick with sleep. A second later, the hand on the back of her head guided her mouth to his, and his lips touched hers.

It was a surprisingly tender kiss, considering how gruff he’d been, and how clearly reluctant he was to release her from his arms. His mouth moved gently over hers, his tongue stroking the seam before pressing lightly to gain access. Even knowing it was a bad idea, she yielded with a moan, allowing his tongue to sweep inside her mouth. She caressed it with her own as their kiss grew progressively hungrier. For the moment, she forgot all about how weary she was as she lost herself in Lucas’s kiss.

She wanted to think at some point she would have regained control and tapped into common sense, but she couldn’t be certain of that. If it hadn’t been for Angel crying, separating them instantly, she couldn’t confidently tell herself she wouldn’t have ended up in his bed

She jumped her feet. “Oh no, she’s awake again.” Regret filled her, and it wasn’t solely for Angel’s broken rest. She was marginally regretful the kiss had ended, even if it was for the best.

With a tired sigh, he got to his feet. “I’ll take care of her, and then we can pick up where we left off.”

She didn’t argue with him, hearing the escalation of Angel’s cries that indicated there was no time. And frankly, she didn’t want the confrontation. She simply waited until Lucas had gone into the baby’s room before moving away from the couch to the front door. She slipped out as quietly as possible, closing the door and locking it behind her with a quiet click. Then she rushed from his house back to her shop, moving as quickly as she could but still unable to out run her own urges.

***

He couldn’t believe it when he returned to his living room and found her gone. She’d slipped out without even a word of parting, and he’d stood there for at least a minute, trying to comprehend the truth. He probably would have grasped the idea that she had sneaked out much more quickly if he hadn’t been so tired. With a small sigh of disgust at her lack of facing him, he turned on his bare feet and headed back to his room, where he collapsed on the mattress face first and slept for the next few hours, until Angel woke him again.

Now, with her refreshed and smiling, clearly having improved from the homeopathic gas drops, he dressed the baby and prepared her for the short walk to Libby’s house. It was late afternoon, so the shop might still be open, but if not, he’d scoped out her building enough to know where the back entrance was that lead to her apartment. He’d lean on the doorbell all afternoon if he had to, because they had to settle what had happened between them.

The bell tinkled when they entered the shop, and his heart leapt in his chest, just as it always did, at the sight of his mate. Libby was packaging up a box for an elderly customer, so he had a moment to observe her without interruption, or having her shy away. She still looked tired, and he felt bad about disturbing her sleep, but he certainly didn’t regret kissing her.

He finally felt like they were making some progress, and as he observed his black-haired mate finish her task, he wanted to stride over and bury his fingers in those long strands while tipping her head back and kissing her again. He was certain she would object, and the older woman shuffling out of the shop would probably be shocked at his display, so he held himself in check.

If he thought it would have worked, he would have made the grand gesture, but whatever was holding Libby back—and it clearly wasn’t a lack of attraction as proven by their kiss earlier in the day—it was enough to make her skittish, so he’d have to move slowly. He’d already felt like he was moving at a glacial pace before being assigned to Astoria’s protection detail, and he wondered if he had lost any small progress that he might have made before then, or if his absence had actually done something to soften her. It was difficult to say, based on that explosive kiss followed by her running away.

He could see her chest heave as she let out a small groan at the sight of him. He tried not to take it personally as he approached the counter.

She arched her brow. “Surely you’re not out of matcha tea already?”

He ignored the question, keeping his expression serious as he placed his palms on the counter and leaned across it, careful not to squish Angel in her sling against his chest. “You just left.”

He could see her draw up defensively, her shoulders curving in as her lower lip protruded in an obstinate set. “I was tired, and you clearly didn’t need me any longer.”

“If that were the case, you would have simply told me you were leaving. You waited until I was busy with Angel before sneaking out. I just want to know why?”

She shrugged. “It was obvious you thought things were going somewhere they weren’t. I thought it would be easier for both of us if I just left the situation.”

He snorted. “What was obvious to me was you were as eager to get there as I was, at least until Angel cried, and we both had to think for a few minutes. I know you want me. I can tell after this morning.” He could tell any time he was in her vicinity, because he could smell her arousal, but he didn’t share or explain that information. “So what’s holding you back? Do you have a secret husband stashed somewhere? A boyfriend at the penitentiary?” He added the last part as a joke, but the way she flinched made him reevaluate. “Is that the case?”

He let out a small sigh of relief when she shook her head, looking irritated. “No, of course that’s not it. I don’t want to get involved with a criminal. I just have my reasons, and you need to respect them. I want to stay your friend, but if there’s going to be any more of the kissing business, I won’t be able to do that.”

Her tone sounded sincere, but it was obvious from her body language that even she knew she didn’t mean the words as she spoke them. Her confliction was obvious, though he didn’t know the root of the problem. “You know what I think?”

She sighed, clearly exasperated. “No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

He didn’t allow the snark to distract him. “I think you’re afraid. I don’t know if you’re afraid of me, or how I make you feel, but it’s obviously fear holding you back.”

She feigned a yawn, looking desperate to look bored, though failing completely. “Where did you receive your degree in psychology? Was it in a crackerjack box, or did you send away for it?”

He grinned at her. “You can hide behind sarcasm all you want, but I’m not going to be deterred from our conversation.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s hardly a conversation. You’re just telling me what you think, and I’m sitting here forced to listen.”

He put up his hands, making a show of leaning back so he was no longer anywhere near her personal space. “There’s nothing about force here, Libby. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave. If you tell me to never come back, and you don’t want to see me again, I’ll try to abide by that. I don’t way you to felt threatened or intimidated. If you’re afraid of me, you have no reason to be, but I know words alone won’t reassure you.”

She frowned, and her expression thawed slightly. “I’m not afraid of you. I just know you and me would be a bad idea. Sometimes, you can’t have everything you want.”

He flashed her a cocky grin, sensing the need to lighten the atmosphere. “You admit you want me?”

She rolled her eyes, but her lack of answer was as telling as if she had confirmed with a yes. “I think you’re missing the point. You can’t have what you want, at least not this time.”

“Whatever you’re afraid of, do you really want fear to dominate your life? I think we could be good together, Libby. If you really don’t feel that, then I’ll leave you alone. But if you feel something for me like I feel for you, you’re cheating both of us by giving in to fear.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “So what’s it going to be? Are you going to live in fear, or you going to give us a chance?”

As he uttered the words, which sounded perilously close to an ultimatum, he realized his plan to move slowly might have just been shot to hell. He could be patient when warranted, but when it came to claiming his mate, he found himself completely impatient. He didn’t want to rush her, but maybe that was what she needed. Perhaps she needed to reach a point where she had to decide whether to move forward or run away. Either that, or he was an idiot who had just ruined everything.

She bit her lip, her gaze straying from him to the baby for a moment before looking at him again. “It’s going to end badly. We’re both going to get our hearts broken, and then you’ll be sorry.”

He reached across the counter, taking her hand in his and taking it as a promising sign when she didn’t fight him. “I can’t imagine I’ll ever regret having a chance to be with you. If things end badly, you can tell me I told you so, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Since she wasn’t a bear-shifter, and she didn’t know he was, there was no way she could know he was in this for the long haul, planning to make her his permanently.

He didn’t know what kind of jerks she’d dated before, but she clearly didn’t trust men, or at least she didn’t trust him. It hurt, but he also knew he had to prove his trustworthiness to her. Despite having known her for months, he didn’t really know her on a deep level, at least not yet, but he was hopeful he might get the chance to change that since she seemed to be weakening in her resolve.

“Fine, you win, but be prepared to hear that ‘I told you so.’”

He somehow resisted the urge to shout with joy, afraid of startling Angel and of either frightening Libby or giving her a laugh at his expense. He was happy to entertain his mate, but not if she thought he was a big dork. “You won’t regret it.”

She let out a sigh. “I probably will, but I don’t yet.”

Her fatalistic attitude was a quick damper to his enthusiasm, and he reminded himself he still had a lot of work ahead of him to win her over as he reigned in the wild joy spiraling through him. Instead, he strove to sound nonchalant as he invited her to dinner. She said yes, which pleased and surprised him, despite her capitulation, and he waited in the corner of the shop as she closed up for the day, jostling Angel lightly when she started to wake up from her brief nap.

Her eyes were sparkling, and her lips appeared to pull up into a smile, though the baby books claimed she was far too young for that. He thought the books were full of it as he stared down at his daughter, who was giving him a wide smile. He whispered the words low enough where Libby couldn’t hear them when he bent his head to speak to the baby. “We’re just waiting for Mommy to settle her register, and the we’ll get out of here. We’ll go show you off and let people fawn all over you while I fawn all over her.”

Perhaps he shouldn’t refer to her as Angel’s mother. It felt right on every level to him, but he was certain the idea would have freaked out Libby if she’d heard his reference. He’d have to remember to tamp down that impulse in the future, but as she joined them a few minutes later, he knew in his heart she was already his mate and Angel’s mother. Libby just had to reach the point of accepting that.

***

After dinner that went surprisingly well, once she managed to relax, Libby allowed Lucas and Angel to walk her back to her house. She was briefly surprised when he made no attempt to do anything besides press a gentle kiss to her mouth before stepping back. She tried not to show her surprise, and certainly not her disappointment, at his restraint as she unlocked her door and stepped into her home. She thought about inviting him in, but a quick glance at the baby, who was drooping against his chest, ended the impulse.