Paradise (33 page)

Angel wasn’t sure if it was her imagination but a shadow seemed to cross Simone’s face. She answered in typical upbeat style, though. ‘Fantastic. We’ve set a date in the fall – you’re all invited. It’s going to be a really big wedding.’

‘So his parents are okay about you getting married?’ Angel asked.

‘Oh, yes. I mean, I’ve got to convert to their church, which is an evangelical something or other, but that’s fine by me. I’d do anything to marry Matthew.’

Angel just bet she would. Ethan had showed her an article about Matthew which put his yearly earnings at well over $10 million dollars and that didn’t even include the recent advertising deal he’d signed to publicise some luxury watch. He might not have Ethan’s looks or charm, but the general view was that he was shaping up to be one of the greatest players of all time. It seemed Simone had chosen extremely wisely. She trotted off after that to meet him for lunch, leaving a waft of Maitresse behind her.

‘Blonde . . . so not her colour,’ Jez said, shaking his head.

‘It is a bit weird, isn’t it?’ Gemma commented. ‘I didn’t get it before when you told me, but she really does look a bit like you.’

She caught sight of the thunderous expression on Angel’s face and added hastily, ‘I mean, nowhere near as beautiful. Obviously. Please don’t hurt me! It’s the hair and that outfit and the necklace . . . I swear you’ve been photographed in something just like it.’

‘Tell Ethan not to buy you a golden Labrador or accept a BJ off a woman pretending to be you. A stiletto in the head has got to hurt! Sorry, Michelle,’ Jez added.

Michelle was looking at him in bemusement. ‘What are you talking about?’

And so Jez had to explain the entire plot of
Single
White
Female
. Fortunately everyone was so caught up in his summary that no one noticed Angel had hardly eaten anything by the time the waiter removed their first courses.

There were more pampering treatments in the afternoon – pedicures and manicures for the women and Jez while Rufus hung out by the pool.

‘How are you feeling?’ Jez asked Angel when they found themselves in the relaxation room several hours later. It was the first time the pair of them had been alone together. He was lying on one of the couches sipping herbal tea, but even after the treatments Angel was too wound up to relax and literally couldn’t sit still. She was pacing round the room.

She paused for a moment to say, ‘I’ll feel so much better when I’m married. I keep having these nightmares that something goes wrong with the wedding.’ She shuddered as she recalled the image of the faceless man from her dream.

‘Nothing is going to go wrong,’ Jez tried to reassure her. ‘Everything Is going to be fine . . . brilliant, in fact.’ He checked his watch. This time tomorrow afternoon you will be Mrs Turner. That’s if you really want to be?’ he added.

‘I do . . . I really do,’ Angel replied.

‘It’s okay, you don’t have to convince me,’ he said gently.

‘You heard what Simone said – Cal is going to marry Madeleine. I’m going to marry Ethan. We’ll all be very happy.’

When they returned from the Spa, the men all sat chilling by the pool, drinking bottles of Bud, while
around them the final preparations were being made for the big day. Tony, Frank and Ethan had all enjoyed their game of golf and were happy and laid-back. It seemed to Angel that everyone was except her. The closer it got to Ethan leaving for his hotel, the more anxious Angel felt. As she said goodbye to him the hallway, she couldn’t stop herself from asking, ‘Are you sure you want to spend tonight apart?’ She wrapped her arms around him as if she could physically stop him.

He kissed her lightly and said, ‘It’ll be fun. And if you look under your pillow, you’ll find a little something.’

‘I’d much rather have you,’ Angel replied.

‘Babe, I can’t fit under the pillow,’ he teased. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’ He kissed her again, this time more deeply. ‘Love you.’

‘Love you too,’ Angel replied, reluctantly letting him go. Her mum and dad left soon after that, they had to be careful that Frank got plenty of rest. Tony was really suffering from jetlag and so took himself off to bed. Angel couldn’t help thinking he was also trying to avoid her. She knew that Cal wouldn’t have told him what happened between them, but guessed that her brother still thought she was wrong to be marrying Ethan.

Jez, Rufus and Gemma were in the living room. They had cracked open a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and were arguing about what to watch.

‘Angel should decide,’ Jez said. ‘You have to choose between
The
Hangover
and
Did
You
Hear
About
the
Morgans
? I’m torn between lusting after Bradley Cooper and worshipping at the altar of SJP.’

Angel shrugged. ‘I’m really not bothered.’ She poured herself a large glass of white wine and sat on the sofa next to Gemma. Even though it was a warm night
she wrapped herself up in a fake fur throw as suddenly she felt freezing cold.

Gemma was quick to pick up on her mood. ‘Pre-wedding nerves?’ she asked. ‘It’s going to be such a good day tomorrow.’ She gestured at the marquees already set up on the lawns, visible through the large French windows. ‘Everything’s ready. Your dress is perfect, your hair looks fab, I’m going to do your make-up. So stop frowning or I’ll have to book you a last-minute Botox appointment!’

Angel looked over at Jez and Rufus who both shrugged sympathetically. Suddenly she had an urgent need to know if Gemma thought she was doing the right thing marrying Ethan.

‘There’s just one problem, Gem – I’m still in love with Cal,’ she announced. There was a pause, then Gemma spoke.

‘I’m tempted to say, “Tell me something I don’t know”,’ she said dryly, but she looked sympathetic. ‘You can’t go ahead and marry Ethan feeling like this. Why don’t you tell Cal how you feel? I’d swear he still loves you.’

Angel gave a heartfelt sigh. ‘It’s complicated.’ And she went on to describe how she and Cal had planned to get back together, and how Madeleine’s pregnancy had changed everything.

‘He didn’t tell me they’d been planning to get married! I just don’t think I can ever trust him, and I can’t live my life like that. Ethan loves me and he’s such a good man . . . and Loretta died and I’m all Ethan’s got and I couldn’t hurt him by leaving . . .’ Angel had been calm as she started to speak but now the tears rained down her cheeks. ‘I don’t know what to do!’

‘Oh, babe, and I can’t tell you. None of us can. But look at yourself, crying before you get married. How can that be right?’

Angel didn’t answer and Gemma went on, ‘Cal gave me something for you. He wanted you to have it the night before the wedding.’

She reached into her bag for a small parcel wrapped in gold tissue paper. Angel unwrapped it to reveal a pink leather jewellery case. She snapped it open. Inside was a silver love heart on a silver chain. She turned over the heart and saw it was engraved with the words:
i carry
your
heart
with
me
– the first words of the poem Cal had read out on their wedding day. Angel had never forgotten that poem and Cal must have known that he didn’t need to say anything else. It was his way of reminding her that he loved her.

Silently she handed the necklace to Gemma who then passed it to Jez and Rufus. Finally Rufus spoke. He had been quiet all this time. ‘Only you know what to do for the best, Angel, but whatever you decide, we’re all here for you.’

The four friends stayed up for a while longer. Angel tried to encourage the others to watch a movie, but no one was in the mood now. All the happiness and sparkle they had felt during the day seemed to have drained away. In the end Angel made an excuse about needing an early night and went up to bed, though she doubted she would sleep.

She checked on Honey first. Her daughter had flung her duvet off and Angel gently put it back over her and sat by the side of the bed for a while. Her thoughts seemed as jumbled and confused as ever. She felt more lost than she ever had before in her life. She just didn’t know what to do. Eventually she went into her bedroom.

The bed felt horribly empty without Ethan and she longed to feel his reassuring warmth beside her. In the end she got up and went through his wardrobe. She pulled out one of his sweatshirts which smelt of
him and wrapped that around her. But it was no good, she couldn’t sleep. Then she remembered his comment about the gift under her pillow. She discovered a Tiffany box and inside was the dazzling green tourmaline pendant, surrounded by diamonds, that Ethan had wanted to buy her all those months ago. There was also a note in the case: ‘
Angel
,
you
have
made
my
life
complete
. I
love
you
more
than
I
can
say
.
Here’s
to
the
rest
of
our
lives
together.
’

She held the pendant up and the gemstone caught the light and sparkled. It was beautiful, but it didn’t mean anything to Angel. She put it by the side of the bed and reached instead for the silver love heart necklace which Cal had given her, re-reading the inscription. He loved her, she knew that, but was it enough? He hadn’t been completely honest with her about Madeleine, and he had cheated in the past. How could she trust him again? And how could she hurt Ethan? She should marry him and accept that she would always love Cal, shouldn’t she?

By the time Honey came racing into her room at eight o’clock, full of excitement about putting on her flower girl dress and most of all about the chocolate fountain, Angel had probably only slept for two hours. She felt a physical and emotional wreck. She took Honey’s hand and the two of them went down to the kitchen to have breakfast, or rather for Honey to have breakfast. Jez, Rufus and Gemma joined them a few minutes later. They all looked at Angel questioningly as if to say, What have you decided?

‘I’m getting married to Ethan,’ she told them. Gemma bit her lip and didn’t say anything. It was left to Jez to respond, ‘If that’s what you want, Angel, we’re right behind you. Hair and make-up in twenty minutes.’

He looked meaningfully at Gemma, who managed to say, ‘Yep, I’ll grab some breakfast and see you up in the dressing room.’

‘Don’t worry, we have the technology, we can rebuild her!’ Jez declared an hour or so later after Angel had emerged from the shower. But she doubted that as she sat in front of her dressing-table mirror while Jez made a start on blow drying her hair. Across the hall Lucy was getting Honey ready, downstairs she could hear the clatter of the caterers, the doorbell kept ringing as last-minute supplies of food arrived, along with the chocolate fountain and ice sculptures.

‘Love the necklace, by the way,’ Jez said, noticing Ethan’s present which Angel was wearing.

Gemma wandered into the dressing room next with her make up case. It seemed to Angel as if Jez and Gemma had agreed not to talk about what she’d revealed last night as both of them were relentlessly cheerful, constantly telling her how wonderful she looked. Angel would far rather they had said nothing at all.

The only thing that brought a smile to her face was seeing Honey dance into the room wearing her pale pink dress. She looked so cute, and was so enormously proud of her appearance she kept twirling round and round to make the skirt flare out. Finally, after Gemma had worked her magic on her face and Jez had arranged her hair up, it was time for Angel to put on her wedding dress.

She looked in the mirror. Her hair was perfect, her make-up was perfect, the white dress was perfect. The trouble was, it all felt like a charade. A lie.

‘You do look beautiful!’ Gemma exclaimed, backed up by Jez and then Rufus. They were all trying so hard to be nice.

‘Thanks, guys,’ Angel managed to say, but inside she felt as if her heart was breaking.

Finally her brother made an appearance as they prepared to get into the cars to take them to the church. ‘You make a beautiful bride,’ he told her. ‘And I’m happy for you, if this is what you really want.’ He paused then. ‘But if it’s not, and you don’t want to go through with it, we’d all understand.’

Angel just nodded and got into the car.

The small church had been decorated with exquisite arrangements of white flowers; the air was heady with the fragrance of lilies and roses. Angel could see her friends and family already seated. At the end of the candlelit aisle, dressed in a black tux and looking heart-stoppingly handsome, was Ethan. He was chatting and laughing with Logan, his best man and ring bearer. He turned and caught sight of Angel waiting at the back of church, and smiled and blew her a kiss. He looked as if this was indeed the happiest day of his life. Jez and Rufus took their seats, leaving Gemma and Angel and Frank, who was going to give Angel away.

‘You look beautiful, love,’ he told his daughter, beaming at her; then got caught up with giving Honey a hug and admiring her dress.

‘I’ll go and sit down now, shall I?’ Gemma asked. She hesitated before whispering, ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’

Angel nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and Gemma walked quickly up the aisle.

At a signal from the minister, a young male singer began singing ‘Love Me Tender’, and Angel and Frank began their slow walk up the aisle while Honey skipped behind them. Angel kept her eyes fixed on Ethan, though she was aware of everyone looking at her. Then she was standing next to him. He was still
smiling and looking so happy. She should marry him and make him even happier. He loved her. The minister began the wedding service . . . but suddenly Angel knew with absolute certainty that she couldn’t go through with this. It would be living a lie, and it would be unfair on Ethan. It wasn’t even that she was thinking about being with Cal, she just knew she would rather be on her own than be with someone she didn’t love with her whole heart.

The minister’s words seemed to wash over her until he said, ‘“If there is any here present who knows any reason why these two should not be lawfully married, you are to declare it or forever hold your peace.”’