Parker's Island (25 page)

Christine stood up,
“I’m going to give you
two
some
time to talk.  Brian, honey, I’ll be in my room
when
you need me
,
”
s
he said, with a
sheer
look of utter pain on her face for what she knew her son was about to learn.

“Delaney…tell her!  Tell her you’re not…
Tell
ME
you’re not pregnant!
”
h
e demanded,
begging me to tell him it wasn’t true.

But I couldn’t tell him
what he wanted to hear
, because I knew without a doubt
that
it was true.  Our lives were not going to turn out like we’d planned.  Chad had managed to take that from me too, from both of us.  A
nd a
s I sat there shaking, I knew what I had to do.  I had to go away, leave Brian before I hurt him again.
             
“Delaney…
” Brian whispered, realizing his mother had been right all along.

I slowly turned to face him
a
s
tears filled my eyes.  There was nothing I could say to ease his pain, nothing!  “I’m so sorry
,
” I said, and I slowly got up to leave.

“Delaney…”

I was standing at the doorway, facing away from Brain
as the tears started down my cheeks.

“Whos
e
is it?”
h
e
finally
whispered.

“I
um, I
have to go
,
” I said, and
headed to the front door
.

“You swore to me that you didn’t sleep with him
,” h
e said, his eyes closed, refusing to look at me.

“Brian…I can’t…I don’t…I have to go.”

“Are you coming back?”
h
e asked, already knowing the answer.

“I know you don’t believe me now, but I swear I love you.  I don’t deserve you. 
And I can’t keep hurting you.
Please just let me go.”  I wiped my eyes and walked out the front door.

I headed toward the street, but needed to see him one last time.  As I looked in the window, I saw that he
was
still
sitting
there in the same spot
and he
was
crying.
I had destroyed the one man that I could always count on, the one man who loved me unconditionally and who
would do absolutely anything for me.
  I didn’t deserve him.  I had lied to him from the beginning.  Now it was too late to go back and fix the mess I had made. 

I
started running
then. 
I ran u
ntil I couldn’t breathe anymore and collapsed under a tree.  As long as I lived, I would never be able to forget the pain I saw when I looked in that window.  I had truly destroyed
a
n
amazing
man, and that thought would haunt me forever.

I slowly made my way home
with absolutely no idea of what I was going to do.  I thought about going to the store and buying a pregnancy test, but knew it was pointless.  I knew without a doubt that Christine was right
.  I had ignored
all of
the signs, but I couldn’t ignore them any longer. 

I knew that I had to leave
, go somewhere and hide.  I couldn’t risk anyone thinking that Brian had gotten me into trouble and then didn’t stand by me.  I knew that’s what everyone would think and I couldn’t bear for anyone to think he had been anything but wonderful and perfect, which of course, he was.

When I got home, I realized
the house was empty and
I was alone
.  I breathed a sigh of relief and headed up to my room.  I sat down on the edge of my bed, terrified.  I felt completely alone and had no idea wh
at
I was going to
do
or wh
ere
I was going to
g
o.  Suddenly, as if I needed a reminder of my current condition, I was running to the bathroom as another wave of nausea had me bent over the toilet, retching. 

I finished vomiting and stood up to rinse out my mouth.  As I looked in the mirror, I found myself looking down at my still flat stomach.  I put my hands on it, expecting to find a rounding softness, but I had been sick for a while and I realized I
was
very thin.  Everyone had been telling me that lately
.  E
ven Molly told me I needed to eat.
  I felt a
small
hard knot low in my belly, and knew that I wouldn’t be able to hide it for long.

I headed back to my room and knew I had to leave.  I couldn’t risk the thought of Brian trying to break my resolve.  I knew he would eventually come for me, telling me he would stand by me, even though it wasn’t his problem…or his baby.  I couldn’t hurt him again.  I HAD to leave! I knew I had to leave
,
right then
! 

I grabbed my suitcase out of my closet and started fill
ing
it with this and that, not really paying any attention.  I heard my parents’ walking in the door then, and realized I needed to tell them something
.  I couldn’t just leave
.  T
hey’d never let me go and they’d look for me.  I had to convince them that I needed to go.  I had to tell them that I broke it off with Brian and I had to leave, and I had to do it fast.  I knew Brian wasn’t going to give up on me, even though he
believed
I had
been unfaithful
.

I sat down to dinner that night, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”
m
y mother asked.

“I…
I…broke up with Brian
,
” I said, sobbing now for all I had lost.

“What happened?  You two seemed so happy
,
”
s
he said, coming around the table to sit next to me.

“I thought I was, but Brian wanted to marry me and I’m not ready for that
,
” I said. 

“Did he ask you because you
two
have
to get married?”
m
y father asked, accusingly.

“No
,
” I said, too upset to be angry.

“I don’t understand
,
Delaney.  You told me you loved him, so why don’t you want to marry him?”
m
y mom asked.

“I’m not ready for that.  I’m leaving…” I said, unable to finish my sentence.

“What do you mean you’re leaving?  Where are you going?”
m
y mom asked.

“I’m going on a Mission.  I can’t stay here
.  H
e’ll never let me go.” 

“A mission?  But honey,
y
ou’ve never even mentioned wanting to go on a mission.  We’ve talked about it before
, but y
ou said you didn’t want
…
”

“I know what I said.  I’ve changed my mind.  I need to go.  It’s all set.  I’m going on a six month
Christian
mission to B
elize.  I’m leaving tomorrow
,
”
I said
, sounding very determined.

“Well, we’ve always thought that a mission would be good for you, but how can you be leaving tomorrow?  There are things that have to be done.  You need a passport and a medical exam.
  And
,
w
hat about college
?  Y
ou were all set to go
?
”

“Th
ey take care of all of that for me
.
  I just have to show up tomorrow morning.
  It’s all set.  I have to leave tomorrow or I’ll miss it.
  College can wait!
”

“Delaney, don’t you think we should talk about this?”
m
y mother said.

“Yes, I think we should have some say in what you’re…
” m
y father started.

“Why?  I’m an adult now.  You ca
n’t stop me and I can’t stay.”
I stared at my parents with such
conviction
that
they didn’t know what to say.

“Hey, can I have your room?” Seth asked.

We argued late into the night, but I finally won.  I was leaving in the morning and there was nothing they could do about it.  I finally made it back up to my room to finish packing.  My head was spinning
, and
I had absolutely no idea where I was going, but I knew I had to leave, so I kept packing.
             

I opened the bottom drawer of my dresser to pack a few more things and then stopped. 
At the bottom of the drawer
I found Logan’s shirt. 
I knew
then
what I had to do, the only thing I could do. 

Early the next morning I called Molly and told her I needed her to come get me. 

“What are you talking about?  Do you know what time it is?”

“Yes.  I’m leaving today and I need a ride to the airport.”

“Where are you going?”
s
he asked while yawning.

“Please, if you want to see me before I leave, come get me now.”

“When are you coming back?” s
he
asked,
concern evident in her voice
.

“Molly, please just come get me
.
I have to see you before I go
.  Y
ou’re
my best friend,
” I said, the tears starting again.

“Okay, give me 15 minutes to get dressed and drive over.”

I left my parents a goodbye note.  I knew they would be angry and hurt that I left without actually saying goodbye, but it had to be this way.  I left my brother a note as well, saying that I would miss him,
and
that I loved him and that yes, he could have my room.

Molly was true to her word
.  S
he pulled into my driveway exactly 15 minutes later.  I threw my bags in the back seat and got in the car.

“Delaney, what is going on?”

“I’m leaving.”

“You said that!  Where are you going?”

“On a mission
,
” I said,
knowing that Molly would never believe
it
.

“What the
h
ell are you talking about?”

“I broke it off with Brian.  I have to leave.”

“What happened?”

“He’s too serious.  I’m not ready for that.”

“W
as he trying to force you too…
?”

“No, of course not.  He’s in love with me though
,
and
he’s
way too serious.  I have to go.”

“Where are you going and when are you coming back?”

“I told you
.
I’m going on a mission
.
I’ll be back in six months.”

“A mission?  Forgive me if I don’t believe you
, but I know you’re lying
.”

“Molly, please just take me to the airport.  I HAVE TO GO!”

She pulled out of my driveway then and headed to the airport.  “Does Brian know you’re leaving?”

“He doesn’t know where I’m going, but he knows it’s over.”

“Don’t take this wrong
,
okay, but d
oes this have something to do with
Logan?”

“No.”

“I’m
sorry
.
I should have known that you wouldn’t break up with Brian just because Logan came back.”

“Yes
,
I would have
.  But, he didn’t come back for me
,
” I said, honestly.

“Where are you going
,
then?  And don’t give
me
that crap about a mission.  I don’t buy it!”

“Molly, I just have to go.  I can’t tell
you
any
more than that, because I don’t really know exactly what I’m doing yet.  But, I will call you.”