Pawsitively in Love (22 page)

“Is he gone?” Della asked.

“Yes.” Evan wasn’t exactly happy to talk to her. “You didn’t try very hard to give him a chance, Dells.”

“Yes, I did. I don’t like him. He’s not coming here tomorrow, is he?” She grabbed a slice of cooling pizza and took a huge bite. “I miss it being you and me, Ev. I miss my bro.” She came over and laid her head on his shoulder. “Remember when we used to eat pizza and watch all of the
Star Wars
movies together?”

Evan did remember that. Often it was when his mom had been gone for hours and hours, and he needed something to comfort his scared little sister.

Evan felt the guilt that he’d been pushing down for nearly a year stab him hard in the gut. Of course she missed him. Of course they didn’t have the relationship they used to because he’d picked up and moved to another part of the country. Evan was going to make things okay with his sister. He was going to make them okay, and then he was going to get Austin too. It would work out. It had to.

“I’m sorry things are different, Dells. I really do love you, and I’m glad you’re here.”

“I love you too, Ev. Sorry if I’ve been hard to deal with since I’ve been here. Maybe it’ll be better if I get some sleep. I just need to get used to things.”

“Okay.” He patted Della on the head and watched her go down the hall to her room.

He was alone again at dinnertime with nothing to do. Evan cleaned up the dishes from their disaster of a meal, then sat on the couch with Dexter to watch some TV. He had to figure out a way to make things work. He would.

AUSTIN WAS
nervous, which he hadn’t been around Evan in a long time. Things had gotten so comfortable with them. He’d gotten used to just opening up the door and walking in, since Evan usually left it unlocked when he was home, but somehow he thought he shouldn’t do that. Not with Evan’s sister around. He remembered their last meeting, how big of a disaster it was. Yeah. Better knock. It wasn’t long before he heard footsteps

“Austin. Hi. Um, this really isn’t a good time.” Evan looked harried, stressed. Like he hadn’t slept well in days. Austin could definitely understand the last part. He didn’t think he’d slept well since the last time he and Evan had spoken.

“It’s been two weeks, Ev. I miss you.” Austin reached out to touch him. “I really, really miss you.” It seemed like they’d just started, that they hadn’t even gotten a chance to grow before it was getting ripped out of Austin’s hands. He’d always abstractly wanted a partner. It was different now. He wanted Evan. Every minute of every day he wanted Evan. And it looked like Evan was slipping away.

“I miss you too. I just can’t.”

Austin wanted to fight for it, but he didn’t know if that would make things worse. He had to know where he stood, though. If the two weeks would turn to two months and then forever. “Can you call me later?” he asked. “I… need to talk to you about some things.”

“I don’t think I can. This really isn’t a good time for me. I’ve got a lot of things going on right now with Della. We’re working on some stuff between us.”

“So that’s it? You’re just going to fuck off out of my life, and if I hadn’t come here today, then I wouldn’t have heard anything about it?”

“I told you I wasn’t good boyfriend material. I guess now we’re just finding out why.”

“This doesn’t make any fucking
sense
, Evan. You and I, fuck. It was new, but we were something. We were on our way to being something at least. You said it yourself. You miss me. Were you lying?”

“What do you want me to say, Austin? This isn’t a good time for me. I’m really sorry.”

And that’s the moment he realized Evan was trying to let him down easily. Sure, he was busy with his sister, but it probably had just taken her lack of interest in him to show Evan how out of Austin’s league he really was.

“Are you really going to do that?” Austin already knew the answer. Yes. He was.

Evan sighed. “I like you. I really do. I just… can’t right now.”

He supposed it was the truth, but he hadn’t expected to hear it that harshly. “Wow, Evan. Wow. You know what? Call me whenever. Or don’t. Suddenly, I don’t care.”

Evan looked surprised by his anger. Sure it probably seemed like no big deal to him, but Austin had to get out of there. He didn’t want to be near someone who didn’t think he was good enough. Even if they were right. He didn’t wait for Evan to shut the door; he just turned and walked as fast as he could for his car. He needed to get the hell out of there, and he needed to not come back. Ever.

EVAN SHUT
the door and put his back to it. He sank all the way to the floor and just sat there silently. It was about thirty seconds before Dexter wandered over and crawled into his lap. Evan scratched Dexter and wondered what the hell he’d done.

Della came wandering out to the living room. “Why was that Austin guy here again, Evan? I told you I don’t like him.”

He was so tired. Tired of putting other people first, tired of not sleeping well, of
missing
Austin so badly he could cry. But he didn’t know how to deal with it. There was no way to deal with it. Not as long as Della was nearby. It was like he was right back in New Mexico where he’d started and he had no way to escaping from his life.

“He just was, Dells. He’s gone now. What do you want to do today?”

Della shrugged. “I’m not really in the mood to do anything, to be honest. Sorry.”

Evan didn’t have the energy to argue with her about it.

AUSTIN FELT
like he was living in a daze. He’d felt like it for weeks. He’d gone from drinking too much, which had never been his style, to sleeping too much, to not sleeping at all. He was currently in the mode of putting every last drop of his energy into the shop in the hopes that when he got home, he could pass out on his couch, stay the hell away from the bed that had too many fresh memories attached to it, and get up and drag himself back into the shop to do it all again the next day.

He glanced at his phone. There were messages from Cole, Colleen, Mary Beth, even Peter. He didn’t want to read any of them, so he tossed his phone in the basket by the front door. He knew what they’d say. That they were sorry, that they hated Evan for him, that they’d be happy to distract him, take him out, same things they’d been saying since the day he’d walked off Evan’s stoop and out of his life.

The bag of takeout that he’d nearly forgotten about was hot against his thigh. He put it up on the kitchen counter, which was better than the coffee table where Maggie could get to it and make a mess Austin didn’t have the will to clean. He wandered over to the couch instead of eating and flopped down. Maggie got up next to him and curled around in a circle until she found her spot sprawled along the back of the couch, head perched on Austin’s thigh.

“You’re a good girl,” Austin said. He scratched her head. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a lame dad lately. I’ll take you to the dog park this weekend, and we’ll do some running, okay?”

Maggie whimpered like she understood him. He simply closed his eyes and hoped that he’d be able to sleep for more than five minutes without dreaming of Evan.

EVAN WALKED
through the door, excited for the first time in a while. He had a card with an appointment time on it. He’d been at the organic market down the street—where he sometimes went when he wasn’t in the mood to go to a big store—looking at their selection of teas, when he’d noticed they were hiring a new checker. He’d been very friendly with the owner since he moved into the neighborhood, and he’d asked if he could talk to his sister.

The owner had implied that if she came by and seemed like a good candidate, the job was hers. Evan had grabbed at the chance.

“Della, are you here?”

“I’m right here.” She came wandering out of her room. She looked just like she had earlier in the morning. Evan wondered if she’d done anything all day but mess around on her laptop.

“Hey, I’ve got exciting news.”

“What’s up?” Della plopped down on one of the kitchen chairs.

“I think I found you a job,” he said.

“I don’t want a job.”

Evan knew that he should’ve expected that. Della hadn’t ever wanted her old job, and that probably paid better than the market was going to offer. Still. He didn’t… no she couldn’t just stay there forever and do nothing.

“I know you don’t, but this is a good one. The owner is really nice. It’ll be stress free.”

“What is it?”

“Doing check out at the organic market.”

“With a bunch of hippies?” She scowled.

“Della, it’s a job. You can’t just sit around here all day.”

She sighed. He knew she wanted to fight about it more. She always did. “When am I supposed to go meet with him?”

“He said five o’clock. That’s in an hour.”

“I guess I’ll get a shower, then. Wouldn’t want to ruin my chances at getting the high-powered, important grocery checker job at the hippie store.” She rolled her eyes.

Evan wanted to drive her up there himself and make sure she didn’t screw it up. But Della was thirty years old. “I think it’ll be a nice fresh start. Might not be a salon, but you can look for work in one of those after you get on your feet here.”

Della fixed him with a long look, then turned silently for her room.

“HEY, BABE.”
Mary Beth sounded sympathetic. Austin had a hard time not hearing it as smug. He was angry. Everything seemed to make him angry lately. It had been a few weeks since the scene at Evan’s house, and he still saw it every time he closed his eyes. Which wasn’t all that often, to tell the truth.

“Hi, Sis.” He wished he hadn’t answered the phone. He’d done a lot of avoiding people. He didn’t want their sympathetic words or their pitying glances.

“You wanna get coffee today?”

Austin had skipped their last few coffee dates. He didn’t want to leave his apartment. He’d gotten home from work and flopped into bed with Maggie curled up right next to him. He figured he’d get up and grab some dinner. Maybe. Other than that, he was going to stay right where he was.

“No. I really don’t want to go out anywhere.”

“Austin, it’s been weeks. You can’t do this forever.”

“Please don’t tell me what to do. I made a mistake. A huge mistake. I started to fall for someone who was obviously not really that into me. Cliché, huh? He’s just not that into you.”

She made a strangled noise on the other end of the line. “He was
so
that into you. I have no idea what’s up his ass. I’d love to go over to his house and strangle him.”

“You don’t know where he lives.” The others had been over to Evan’s a few times, but his sister had always been busy. Austin had been annoyed when she’d declined, but at the moment, that was probably for the best.

“I’m sure I can find a way to solve that problem,” Mary Beth growled.

Austin nearly smiled. Apparently vindictive overprotective twin was much better than sympathy and sad looks.

“Really, I’m just trying to forget about it. I’m making a huge deal out of nothing. We were just dating for a few weeks. It’s not like we were married.”

Austin couldn’t act like the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. Which was scary. He’d never thought that about anyone, and he’d gotten there with Evan so quickly. Such a huge mistake.

“If you’re hurt, you’re hurt. And that makes me want to kill him. But I’d be happy splitting a large pizza and a lot of alcohol with you. You’re closed tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,”

“Good. I’ll be over in twenty. You want pepperoni, I’m assuming?”

“And sausage.”

Austin figured he’d better clean up for his sister, so he dragged himself out of bed and went to the bathroom to splash some water on his face and maybe brush his hair and teeth. He wished he could stop missing Evan. His voice, his laughter, the way he seemed to fill a room—even his damn dog’s pattering little paws. Austin missed Dexter too.

“We need to find you a rebound shag,” Mary Beth announced as soon as she walked in the door.

“Shag? Since when are you British?”

“I like their TV shows. And I’m right, so quit trying to change the subject.” She dropped the pizzas and a bag that clinked suspiciously like multiple bottles of alcohol on his coffee table. “I’m willing to put aside sibling squick factor and help you find a casual guy to take home.”

“That’s not really my scene. You know that.”

“I set you up a profile on a few dating sites.”

“Oh my God, please tell me you didn’t do that.” Austin rooted around in the grocery bag and pulled out a bottle of vodka. Good. He was going to need a few swigs of that. “Cancel them now. Like right now while I watch you. I want nothing to do with that.”

“Then we’ll go to the club next weekend. You’re adorable. Somebody in there will want to take you home.”

“I don’t want someone to take me home.”

Obviously he got where Mary Beth was going with it, but he’d never once gotten laid to forget a guy, it wasn’t him, and he didn’t want to start just because Evan had managed to weasel his way into Austin’s heart and hurt him more than anyone else ever had before.

“Cole agrees with me.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“He and Peter miss you. Colleen too.” Mary Beth wrapped her arms around him for a moment and squeezed. Then she let go.

“When have you seen them?”

Mary Beth shrugged. “Chad and I broke up, and there’s no rule that says I can’t like your friends. I went to lunch with Colleen the other day, and Cole and Peter had a few of us over for poker. I’m very sure you were invited and you blew it off.”

Austin had no memory of a poker game. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Well, let’s start by getting loaded, eating some pizza, and watching something really dumb. If you’re completely opposed to finding a therapeutic hookup, we’ll have to work on another plan. I want my brother back.”

Austin leaned his head on Mary Beth’s shoulder and nuzzled her. “Thanks, Sis. I love you.”