Pearl's Awakening (Devil's Iron MC #3) (4 page)

When Markus was in the doorway and I heard that voice, I knew I was in for trouble. I just didn’t think the trouble would be quite so painful. As I turn over, I take the body pillow, which is between my legs, with me. Facing Markus is something that I have not been looking forward to the last few days. I knew that he would not let me go, and I don’t want him to. I don’t even know what I was thinking taking off like that, other than I wanted to get the fuck out of there. Abraham and Markus going at each other is not something that I want to witness or deal with.

They both mean so much to me, even with everything that happened, I couldn’t stop the feelings that I have for Abraham. The last three days alone and the nightly dreams of the three of us together, have only cemented the fact that I cannot make a choice when and if they ask me to. When Abraham was away, I blocked him and the feelings that I have for him out completely. As soon as I heard his voice again, the feelings came rushing back, and with them the dreams of living a life with both men.However, the fact that Markus has claimed me, asked me to be his wife, and his old lady, it throws my mind into a wreck. I love Markus and I don’t want to hurt him again, or more for that matter, but I just don’t know what to say or do here.

Looking into the green eyes that are one part of my recent haunting, I reach out slowly to touch the growth of beard. “Markus, I know you are upset and disappointed with me. I really don’t know what to say to you that might make this situation less painful for me or for my Master.”

“Painful for who exactly, Pet? I have been in fucking pain these last few nights not knowing where you were or if you, the girls, and the babe were safe. Tank has been in fucking pain since the moment he got back and heard the truth of the night that he left. And you, you have been in pain for a lot longer than either one of us has known you, I think. Why do you have this pain in you, Sweetling?”

Reaching out to stroke my hair, his hand slides down my shoulder and softly runs around my breast before stopping on my protruding belly. “Tell me what has made my woman so quick to run at the slightest thought or mention of trouble. You did it the night that those fucks raped you, and then again the night that Tank walked in on us in the Dungeon. Talk now, Sweetling.”

“I really don’t know what to say Markus. I don’t want to disappoint you or upset you, but the dreams I have been having these last few weeks have been troubling to me.”

“I know you said you were dreaming of Tank, but why the fuck does that have you so put out? So quick to run out on the family that we are building?”

“David,” comes out as a quiet whisper.

“Yes, both Tank and I thought it might have something to do with that piece of shit. We just couldn’t fucking figure out what he might have done to you to make you so unsure about your relationships, the feelings that you have, and also the instant reaction that you have to run away from violent and uncomfortable situations.”

“Markus, you just won’t understand what it was like with him allthose years. The shit that happened between us is not something I like to think of and I will not be retelling my story of woe to you, Abraham, or anybody fucking else.”

Trying to move away from Markus on the bed, I turn onto my back and quickly straighten back to my previous position facing him. “Ouch, that fucking hurt. Why did you have to be so fucking rough with my ass and thighs? I will not be able to fucking sit for a week, Markus.”

“Exactly, that is why your punishment was that severe, Pet. You ran and I will never stop coming for you if you dare to do it again. There will be no waiting like there was the first time after the night of the attack. You are mine and I do not take lightly to what is mine running from me.” Grabbing tightly onto my hip he adds, “Do not push this with me, my Pet. If you ever dare to run again, you had better hope I have some restraint left in me, because it was wearing thin tonight when I took my belt to you.”

“Markus, I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to hurt you when I left, I just don’t know how to express what I am going through, what I am feeling.”

A single tear starts its roll down my check and is quickly scooped up by rough fingers. “Sweetling, I am fucking hurt. You left with no word. It felt like my heart was fucking being ripped out of my fucking chest. I never want to feel anything like that again, and if I need to lock you in to keep you where I want you, that is something that I am willing to do.” Lightly stroking at my cheek before grabbing my hair and forcing my eyes to his he finishes,“I am losing my patience with this, tell me why you ran.”

“It is just that, fuck!” Reaching out to him again I place a gentle hand on his bare chest and try to put my scrambled thoughts into words.“I know that you will be hurt and disappointed in me, by what I am thinking, what I want, no, what I need to happen. I never want to see either of those emotions,that is not something I ever want to see in your eyes as you look at me. You are the one I decided to be with and I don’t want to do anything to put that at risk. I am your old lady, your pet, and I never want a man to look at me with regret and hate again, those are not things that I could bare to see coming from you.”

“You are so confident in yourself and stronger than most men I know, Pearl. You sure as fuck are my everything.Where does this fear come from? I know that it has to do with that dead husband of yours and probably Tank,as a matter of fact. I mean, I know what Tank did, but what the fuck did that husband of yours do to you?”

“It is such a fucked up story, and half the time I don’t know why it affects me the way it does. How are you supposed to understand why and how it affects me, when I have no fucking idea how it will affect me from day to day?”

“Pet, don’t take that tone with me and don’t tell me what I will and won’t understand. Just get on with it. I have had enough of your stalling. Tell me what I want to know so that we can move on from here. I am not living without you, so I need to know the hows and whys of the way you are, so that I am better at predicting your behavior and also correcting them.”

“Markus,” I breathe out as he squeezes my hip to prod me on “David and I went through a lot. No, not even that, he put me through a lot in the twelve years that we were together,I don’t even know where to begin. Our lives together were not easy or nice and I was not nearly as sad as a wife and mother should be when you find your husband dead.”

Taking my hand off of his chest I draw it back towards me, but am stopped short when he grabs my hand and places it back on his chest leaving his hand over mine.

“Thinking back on those years is something that I have tried to put out of my mind for so many reasons. David was a very jealous man, like crazy fucking jealous. He would yell at me for talking to anybody that he thought was flirting. I am not even sure why, because other than the times we were trying to get pregnant, we didn’t have sex, and he sure as hell was not making me feel like the woman he wanted to be with. He would frequently tell me about the things I was doing wrong as both a wife and mother. He would berate me for my weight, what I was eating, really almost anything that he didn’t like, which was almost everything.”

I go on with a shaky breath, “He only ever hit me the one night.”

I was quiet as my eyes dropped away from the green depths I had been looking into. As I remembered that night a few tears formed in my eyes, and I had to shake my head a little to clear the thoughts from my mind.

“Oh, Pearl. If he wasn’t already dead, I would fucking put him to ground.” Is growled out at me when a tender touch is placed under my chin and my head is raised back so that my eyes are looking into his again. “You should never have had that experience, or any violence touch you like that. It is one of the reasons that I fought the feelings that I have for you so much. The world that I live in is not one that you should be exposed to.”

“My world was dark before you or Tank came into it, Markus. I would have left as soon as the girls were up in the morning after that night. I am not the kind of woman to take that shit from anyone. I had been taking the verbal berating and abuse for the years we were together, when it finally came to blows, I knew I was fucking done. However, that was the night that David killed himself, so I didn’t need to do that. It was a bittersweet day to say the least.”

“What about Tank? What is it about him that is affecting you so much? Is it more than that night those months back?”

“Yes. No. I just don’t fucking know, Markus. I fought to get him out of my mind and now that he is back, I feel I am under attack, trying to keep him out.” Fighting with myself to tell him of the thoughts, feelings, and dreams that I have struggled with these last few days and weeks.

“Abraham is inside of me. I still have not fully forgiven him for what went down, fuck, I haven’t even really talked to him since the night it happened. I have tried to ignore the thoughts that I have of him. When he was gone I was able to easily forget about him. The thoughts and feelings I have for him were put to the side, out of sight, out of mind, I guess. I don’t think that I can continue to put those thoughts and feelings aside, especially when he is so visible in our lives. I know that I committed myself to you and I have no intention of throwing that away. I just don’t know how to deal with him as well. Fuck we haven’t even talked, maybe it is not something that he wants.”

Tears slipping free from my eyes I continue on, “I don’t want to hurt you and I do love you, so much Markus,” reaching out,I gently touch his cheek, “Master I need to…”

“Spit it out, Pet. Tell me why you ran, what it is that you need and we will work together to make it so. I never want to be without you again, these last few days have been absolute torture for me. Just tell me what it is that you need and I will make sure that you have it.”

“Markus, fuck, it is not that easy. You will not look at me the same if I tell you what it is I want. I just don’t think that I can have you looking at me differently. I will work it out.”

“Fuck that shit, Pet. You will tell me what it is, and you will tell me right fucking now,” is barked out at me and accentuated by a sharp tug on my hair, making sure that I maintain eye contact when I answer him.

“My heart is telling me that I want…”, looking down to continue, I feel a sharp tug on my hair again and my eyes rise up to meet his as I finish, “I need to have both you and Abraham in my life. I am not sure if that is even possible or something that can happen, but it is something that I cannot stop thinking and dreaming about.”

“Is that what had you running for the hills, Sweetling? You thinking that having both Abraham and myself in your life would not be possible for you? That we would not both find a way to make you happy by working together?If you can find a way to forgive him for what happen that night, I am sure we can find a way to work together.”

“Yes, it is just that you and him both are so dominant, and I am not sure that either of you would be able to share me.”

“Share? No, we would not be able to share, Pet. We would have to both own you equally. It is not something that I have talked to Abraham about, but I must admit that it has crossed my mind a time or two since you started having those dreams when he came back.” Stroking my face lightly he goes on, “That is what made you run? Your fear of what I, no, we, would think if you asked for both of us to own you?”

“Yes, that is why I ran. I don’t think I can talk with him, and didn’t know how to talk to you, about it.”

“Well, he will be here in the morning to talk with you and you can tell him what you have just told me. We will see what his thoughts on the matter are. Pet, know that no matter what he decides, you are mine and you will not leave me again. No matter what the fuck happens, if you do, I will have to seriously stop myself from locking you in a cage and leaving you there.”

“He is here? Why, is he here?”

“Sweetling, he and I have been together nonstop looking for you these past days. I let him come up here, but wanted to have some time with you alone before he talked with you. He is at the motel down the street and will be here at sunup. I will take the girls out on the lake when he gets here so that you two can talk and find some peace. You will not do anything unbecoming of my ol’ lady or pet, though. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Master. I understand. Thank you, Master.” I lean into him as he takes my mouth with his in a passionate kiss. “I love you, Markus.”

“I love you as well, Sweetling. Let’s get to sleep so that you are rested for the morning.”

Trying to turn over to go to sleep I am quickly reminded of the belting that I just received and I hiss. A gruff laugh comes from next to me and then Markus is up on his knees helping me to turn over and snuggle in with my pillows again. After he finishes making sure that I am comfortable he gets up to check on the girls and then returns. Turning off the lights, he shuts the door behind himself, stripping out of his pants and lifting the blanket to get into bed. He curls up behind me resting his arm on my side and his hand on top of my belly. Sleep claims him quickly and I am left wide awake, pondering the events of the evening.

What the fuck is happening?

I know that Abraham and I have a lot to talk over, and tomorrow will not be an easy day for either of us. I am not sure if I will be able to handle the emotional roller coaster that is going to happen, but it must be done if I am to get what I want out of the situation, which is to have both of these men in my life, no matter how that has to happen.

I struggle for the next two hours to get to sleep, and when it finally comes I drift again into the dream of the two men in my heart. Dreaming of both of them, taking me together, with no qualms or problems between us.Being able to be happy together, if that is even possible.

Waking up to Iris and Rose standing in front of me, I am shocked to see them dressed. “Good morning. You going somewhere, girls?”

As I sit up, Iris answers me quickly, “Yeah momma, Markus is taking us out on the boat and Abraham is here, too. Momma, it is so cool that they are both here to play with us and hang out. You won’t be sad anymore because they are here, right? You are always so sad when they are not around, Momma.”

“I will not be sad anymore Iris, I will be happy, I promise. Now you two go have fun on the lake and show Markus how to catch some fish, Ok?”

“Yes momma, we will.”

As I follow them out of the room with my eyes, I am caught off guard by Abraham standing quietly against the doorframe staring at me.

“Abraham,” comes out on a whisper and he makes his way towards me.

He is quickly reaching out for me to help me out of bed, until he realizes that I am not wearing any clothing and grabs his shirt off and over his head. Putting it on me quickly, he continues helping me up. When I get into a seated position, I hiss again at the pain the belting has caused and he quickly helps me to my feet spinning me around.

“OhLittle-no sorry, Pearl, I see that Blaze did not go easy on you last night.” His face drops as he goes on,“Let me get the crème for you to put on before you finish getting dressed and then we can talk.”

Walking around to the other side of the bed he grabs the crème that was left there from the night before. “I will give you a couple minutes to put that on and then get dressed. Meet me in the living room when you are done. We need to talk.”

“Yes, Abraham. I will see you in a few minutes.”

He turns and walks out the door shutting it behind himself, louder than I expected. I lift the hem of his shirt and try my best to apply salve to the welts on my ass and thighs. Pulling on a loose fitting pair of yoga pants when I am done, I make my way out of the bedroom. When the door opens, I look to the couch and find Abraham waiting for me, but let him know that I need to use the restroom before we begin.

Taking an extra minute or two in the bathroom to brush my teeth and run a comb through my hair, I give myself one last look in the mirror before I turn around and head into the talk that I have been both looking forward to and dreading for the past few weeks.

As I approach the couch, the look coming from Abraham is one of anxiety and dread. Sitting down on the opposite side of the couch from him, I need to adjust to get myself comfortable with the baby bump protruding so much, and the welts on my ass. Reaching for the bump to adjust my stomach, my hand is beaten to the bump by Abraham’s. The words that come next out of his mouth are ones that could not have hurt either of us any worse or more than we already are.

“What happened to us, Pearl? I love you so fucking much, and even when Ileft, that never changed. No matter what I did during those months,nothing would help to get the thoughts of you off of my mind. What the fuck happened that night? What has happened since I have been gone? I thought that there would not be a happier day than seeing you, fat with my seed. Right now, that could not be further from the truth,though.”

“Abraham, so much has happened” I say rubbing my hand over his, before quickly looking down to catch a glimpse of the sparkling diamond that Markus placed on my finger. Pulling my hand back, I quickly try to think of something to say to Abraham, but find myself at a loss.

“Let me start Pearl.” Taking his hands off of my belly he moves,resting his back on the arm of the couch and goes on. “I know that the words I am about to say will not make a difference to you and, ugh, I know thatthey should have been said a lot sooner or not have needed to be said at all. Fuck, they should have been said after I stopped those fucking idiots from raping you, and after I was done taking them apart piece by piece. That is something that I will work every day for the rest of my time on this Earth to make up to you, I swear it to you now.”

“Abraham, I know that you were under the impression that what you walked in on that night was something that I was doing of my own free will, and that I was trying to play some sort of game, but that could not have been further from the truth. As far as being alone after the rape, I was never truly alone. Markus, Doc, or Trip always seemed to be somewhere keeping watch over me and the girls. Not that it was an easy thing to get through or even that I have completely healed from it yet.”

Looking into his blue pools, I see tears forming in each, but Abraham goes on without pause. “I have no excuse for leaving you there, for turning my back on the only woman that I have ever cared for, loved, or wanted. I should have known that you were not the type to play games, especially when it came to what we shared. That must have been such a difficult time for you, going through all that alone.”

Placing a hand over the bump of my belly I answer, “We made it through and we are stronger for it.”

“I will understand if you can never forgive me for that, but how could you keep this baby from me? Hmm? How far gone are you?”

Answering him I simply say “A little over six months.”

As I can see the thought process he is having he is snarky in his reply. “Did you know before I left Pearl? Why didn’t you fucking tell me? Is it a boy or a girl? Why were you keeping this from me?That baby is mine and I will do everything I can to be in theirlife. I cannot believe you didn’t tell me about this.” His eyes filled with rage as he continued, “Even if I was in the wind, you should have told me as soon as I was back in the picture. What the fuck were you thinking? Did you think that I would not find out? Or that I would not care? That I would not want to be a part of my baby’s life? You were so fucking wrong on all accords!”

“Don’t you fucking dare take that tone with me Tank!” My words get heated as I continue, “I didn’t even fucking know I was pregnant until after the rape when the nurse left a test for me to take before I was going to take the morning after pill to prevent a pregnancy from the two fuckwits that had just raped me and beaten me to a bloody pulp. Just so you fucking know, I needed fucking stitches and almost two weeks to recover before I was able to return to work without fear of the bruises being visible.”

“Pearl, I was just trying to….”

“No, fuck you, Tank.”

“Stop fucking calling me that, and stop with thedisrespectful language. You know better than to use my road name when we are together talking and I have no problem reminding you that I own a piece of you. If a reminder is needed, I have no problem asking Blaze for a chance to spend a few minutes with you to teach you a lesson.” When I meet his eyes I see lust flush in them and am quick to stand and move away from him.

“That will not be happening, Abraham. Markus owns me heart, body, and soul, and he would never share me with you- no matter what you might think.”
Or what I might want,
runs through my mind, wishing this wasn’t as far from the truth as it really was.

“I am not talking about fucking sharing you, Little One. I will find a way to fucking own you, at least for a little bit, if need be, and your disrespect continues to go unchecked. He will have no problem letting me have some time to teach you a lesson, just as I did with you that night all those weeks ago.”

“Six months ago, Abraham. Six fucking months ago, ring any bells with you?” With a snarl in my voice I go on, “Sir.”

“What are you saying, Pearl?” I’mlooking at him with contempt in my eyes.Heappears to be thinking back to six months ago, “Are you saying that you think you got pregnant the night of your punishment at the Dungeon?”

“That is what the doctor tells me.”

“So, when can we have the test to determine who is the father of this baby so we can move on as a family, Pearl?”

“No- I am not doing that Abraham. There is too much of a risk to the baby to do a paternity test in-utero.”

“Fine, we will wait until the baby is born and then we will have the test.”

“No, we,” shaking my finger between us I finishes “fucking won’t.”

“What do you mean no, Pearl? We are having the test to see whose baby this is, because the dynamics within this little fucking family will change if that baby is mine. It doesn’t matter who you are with, if that baby is mine I will be in their life, no matter what.”

“The baby is not getting tested after its born Abraham. It is my choice,no matter what you or Markus thinks. Don’t fucking push me, or you will not like the consequences.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Pearl?”

“If I say I am not having this baby tested, then there will not be a fucking test. Markus and I have argued about this for the past few months as well. We have not been able to reach common ground and that is after some very intense punishments, so I have no question that me and you will not be able to, either. I have no issue telling you exactly the same thing that I told him, this is my fucking baby. You, nor him, needs to have anything to do with me and the little guy.”

The anger in my eyes flares as I continue,“As far as the law will be concerned, I am a single mother and you two are nothing more than a breeze passing by. If you push this, I will not fail to air all the dirty shit that has gone downto make sure that the girls, this little guy, and I, are not bothered by either of you again. Do you want me to air all the shit about what happened the night of the attack and how you so lovingly left me to get raped? Is that something that you think will play out well in the courts? Do you, Abraham?”

“Pearl, no one said a fucking thing about the courts, Jesus Christ. Why are you so quick to jump down my fucking throat?”

“Just don’t fucking push it Abraham, it has been a point of contention with Markus and I, the argument doesn’t seem to have changed with you.”

Stilling for a moment he whispers out, “Little guy? It’s a boy?”

“Yes,” reaching down to still the kicking that started while we were arguing my hand is quickly joined again by his. “Don’t push this Abraham. I cannot and will not argue again about this.” Looking up into those blue eyes I plead, “Please, don’t push it.”

Hearing the door creak open, I look up to see Markus striding into the room. Looking over at us he sees Tank’s hand being quickly removed from my belly. “Sorry to cut this talk short. My fathering skills are not as good as I presumed.” Looking towards him questioningly and with some fear in my eyes, he goes on, “I forgot the fucking diapers.”