penance. a love story (The Böhme Series) (44 page)

I walked into the living room to find Hannah and Claire going through photo albums. They were sitting on the floor as Henry lay on the couch wrapped in an old quilt. I leaned against the doorframe and watched Hannah. I was in awe of her. We spent a great deal of time with her parents, Sid, and Joe, creating a life together and with our families. She and I had become so intertwined with each other, I forgot what life was
like before her.

“Hannah?” I said. She looked at me with that beautiful smile of hers. “Can you guys come out back with me a minute?”

She nodded as they both stood and went to Henry. They helped him up and once he stood he pushed their hands away. It had only been a few weeks since we arrived, but he was deteriorating fast. His spirit remained strong. Ever since he and Hannah reconnected, his eyes grew brighter each day, despite his circumstances. “I can walk myself, ladies,” he said with a stubborn smile. They both threw their hands back in surrender and followed behind him.

Hannah stopped at my side and I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed the top of her temple, then pulled her to me as I deepened our kiss.
She laid her head to my chest and breathed in deep. I loved it when she did that. "The natural smell of the country suits you, Wynn,” she said as she kissed my chin. "This also suits you,” she said as she tugged on my beard.
Maggie was right.

"It's you that suits me, Hannah
.” I rolled my eyes at my own statement. “See what I mean, that was cheesy as hell, but with you I can't help it, it just spews out."

"Well, I’m glad it does, because it's sincere. You say what you're thinking and nothing is bullshit. Your every word has intent with it. I love that
.” I turned her for another kiss and I kept her back to the door as we stepped out onto the porch. Over her shoulder our friends waited in a circle of tiki lanterns. Everyone was there, Sid, Petra, and Pike along with others from the Böhme, Blake, Joe, Maggie, Toby, Gabe, Henry, and Claire. I nodded over her shoulder at Toby who brought his music equipment for the night. He pushed a few buttons and the steel drums started in on Bob Marley’s
Three Little Birds
and Hannah stopped short in her tracks and raised her eyes to me. She brought her hand to her mouth as tears formed in her eyes. Her lip started to quiver and she turned around to see everyone smiling at her.

She looked back at me in question. “This was Lily’s favorite song. We used to dance to it all the time when we were little. Every time I hear it, it’s like she's right here
,” she said as she touched her chest.

I smiled and wiped tears from under her eyes
. “Your dad told me.” I took her hand and led her down the stairs. “I wanted part of her to be here for this,” I said with a smile.

I stopped her at the bottom of the steps as I then lowered to my knees and she put
her right hand up to her mouth as I pulled her left hand to me. “Oh my god, Wynn,” she said with the happiest, most pure smile I had seen on her yet.

“Hannah Anderson. I love you. I love your crazy laugh, I love your strength, I love your chaotic freedom, and I love your passion and creativity. I see you, Hannah Anderson, and I want to see you every fucking moment from now until we leave this life. Will you do me the honor of claiming every single moment we have left together as my wife?” I asked as I held up the box for her.

She took it from my hands as she nodded and squealed. She hadn’t opened the box yet and I loved her all the more for it. She pulled me up and as I stood, she jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck as she kissed my face. “Oh my god, I love you so fucking much Wynn Hawthorne.” She took my face in her hands and tightened her grip with her legs and kissed me deeply.

I pulled away after several moments and touched our foreheads together. “Are you going to open it?” I asked.

She hopped from me to the ground. “Oh man, I’m sorry,” she said as she opened it. Her breath caught and she put her hand up to her lips. “Oh Wynn,” she said as she pulled the paper from the box.

It was a drawing of three birds that sat atop a cherry blossom branch. It was the tattoo I designed for her to cover her
penance
tattoo. I hadn't even told her I was working on it. She wrapped her arms around my neck again and cried into my shoulder. “This is perfect.”

“I have a ring for you too,” I said as I looked over at Joe
. “But this was what I wanted to give to you today.”

She looked at the
drawing again. “No Wynn, it's absolutely perfect.” She hugged me again and our family and friends began to clap around us. We turned to look at them and Hannah whispered in my ear. “How soon can we do this?” she asked.

She looked to her father and her worry for him showed. “Well, everyone is planning on staying a few days
,” I said with a smile that showed her how sure of her love I was.

She slapped my shoulder playfully
. “You were that sure I would say yes?”

“I didn’t have a single doubt
,” I said as we kissed again.

Two days later, I was waiting under her cherry tree surrounded by my family. I hugged Sid as he stood near the tree as he was going to officiate. Joe walked from the house with Claire and he must have said something to make her laugh because they both were almost in tears of joy as they gave hugs to everyone. Blake and Maggie came out of the house next. Maggie stopped in the doorway and must have been saying something to Hannah. She put her hands to her face and tried to hold back tears as Blake took her arm and led her out towards us.

Maggie stood to the side of Sid and Blake came
to stand by me. He put his hand atop my shoulder and brought me in for a hug. “I love you man,” he said as he stepped back to my side. He gave a pat to the pocket of his shirt. “I have the ring too. Don’t worry,” he said with a wink and I couldn’t help but laugh.

Then everything went silent, except for the birds that were chirping over the field of flowers. There was no music, but the music of life surrounding us. Henry stepped from the house and held the screen door for his daughter. She was wearing a simple white dress that went to her feet. It was a dress she found in my grandmother’s things and she looked amazing. She was barefoot and her dress was simple and reminded me of the top of hers I loved. She wore daisies throughout her loosely flowing hair that danced around her shoulders. She was breathtaking.

I took a deep breath and bit my bottom lip as she came closer to me. Her father held strength today that he hadn’t had in weeks. He looked at his daughter and the love and pride he held for her radiated from him. When they reached us he kissed her cheek and before handing her over to me, he pulled me in for a hug. “Thank you, Wynn. I know you’re going to take care of her,” he said as he stepped back and embraced his wife.

When my father walked me from the house, my mind drifted back to running through the flower fields with Lily and my dress reminded me of our white nightgowns we used to pretend were our wedding dresses as we played. She always told me she wanted to get married under the cherry tree that was ours.

Now, I was walking toward the man I loved and the man that had shielded me as a child was holding my arm. When he pulled Wynn into a hug, my heart caught. I heard the birds sing along the breeze and the memory of Lily was there with us. Her energy continued in the wind and the smell that danced across the breeze, just as she said.

She was on my wrist as was her child in the form of little birds, reminding me that all was well. I told my father the third bird was him, which caused him to cry. It was uncomfortable for me to say that to a man that was still living, but I wanted my daddy to know that even after he passed, I will continue keeping my promise. I forgive him and I forgive myself.

Wynn had been nervous about giving me the tattoo so soon, but I told him I had to have it before our wedding. So yesterday, we went to Sid’s shop and he directed him with the tattoo. Wynn was incredibly steady as he did the lines, and Sid helped with shading. But the design was all Wynn. Every time I looked at my wrist now, joy replaced the guilt and pain. Love consumed me.

When my father put my hand in Wynn’s I couldn’t help but smile at how amazing this man was. He wore his usual buttoned shirt, only this was an old blue one he borrowed from Joe. He asked me what my favorite color was the day we had our first coffee together. He remembered the color and it just added to the explosion of emotions inside me when I heard him ask Joe for a blue shirt, because it was my favorite.

He rolled his sleeves to his elbows, showing the tattoos on his arms and he fidgeted, pushing his hair back in an attempt to keep it out of his eyes, but his usual chunks flew chaotically in the breeze. I reached up and ran my finger across his ear because I couldn’t help myself. He smiled at me and pulled my hand to his lips and kissed my fingertips. We stood there with our eyes dancing across each other’s face, forgetting
everyone else under the cherry tree with us. Sid finally took a breath to remind us we weren't alone. He gave us a slight nod in recognition, having given us the time we needed to absorb the moment.

Wynn turned toward him and his typical crooked
smile formed. Sid laughed at us before beginning.

"Okay, I don't have an elaborate speech planned for this first part. B
ut I need to say something. Wynn, I’m proud of you son. Now I know how much you hate being called that, but hear me out. You are my son, so I can say it. It may not be biologically, but ever since that first day I met you, you have been. I remember seeing you playing outside and you watched me move new painting supplies in my house. You asked me what I was doing and that was it. You followed me around everywhere, asking questions of every painting, every tattoo, and every photo. You absorbed it. You followed me around and stuck yourself to me for life. You may not remember much of that, you were young, but you had this light in you that made the world feel fuller. I’m proud to be in your life. I’ve watched you grow into a man and your integrity is inspiring. I love you, Wynn."

Wynn's eyes glossed over as the older man, choking on his words, pulled him in for a hug. He whispered something into his ear and a smile formed across Wynn's face. Sid turned to me
. “Hannah. You’re wonderful. I have only known you a short time, but watching you with Wynn and the perfect way the two of you complement each other, reminds me that there's still a hell of a lot of good in the world. You are perfect for each other. Okay, now that I got all of that off my chest.” Sid smiled on an exhale and everyone laughed. “I’m pretty much here to pronounce you married, so Hannah, let’s let you go first honey. You can share your vows, now,” he said with a smile.

"Okay
.” I smiled and handed my flowers to Maggie and wrapped my hands around both of Wynn’s holding them against my chest. Holding his eyes just as tightly as our hands, I looked at him. He was beautiful, and the thought brought a shy smile to my face. I was never shy around him, and it was a combination of the intensity of the moment with standing under my cherry tree, that made me feel like a little girl, bringing the shyness from me. 

“Wynn Hawthorne, standing here with you, under this tree and surrounded by our loved ones, I feel such an immense, youthful, pure, joy. I cannot thank the universe enough for allowing us to cross paths. You exude this strong humility that breaks me every time I look in your eyes. You are the most amazing, beautiful, man I have ever met. You give unspoken words meaning. You saw the part of me I had long hidden away and you woke her up and I will be grateful for the rest of my days. I love you. I promise to always claim every single moment together as ours. I promise to see
you
and to not depend on hope, but to actively chase the
yets
we have waiting.”

Sid nodded to Maggie
who gave me my great grandfather’s ring. It was a thick white gold band that had black engraving around it and it suited Wynn perfectly. Sid told me what to repeat, but Wynn’s eyes pulled me in and I missed the words, so I created my own. “With this ring that my great grandfather forged himself,” I said with a small laugh. “I promise to
always
say what needs to be said. And I promise with this ring to always choose to surround you with my love, every day I am on this Earth.” I kissed his knuckle before lowering his hand. He kept his eyes focused only on me and the intensity of his gaze caused me to pull my bottom lip in and smile. He didn't have to say the words, but I read the love on his face and in his eyes.

Sid laughed
. “Okay, Wynn, your turn.”

Wynn pulled me closer to him and lifted his hand to push hair behind my ear, caressing my ear with his thumb and brought his other hand up to the other ear
. “You look amazing, Hannah. This moment is going to be trapped in me forever.” The truth in his statement permeated in his eyes as he watched me. “I told you once that the first time I saw you, you were as a light that moved on its own regardless of everything crashing around it. I still believe that. But now, I see you as so much more. You are the balance of everything in my world and you have pulled me back from my own chaos. You make me a better person and not because you’ve pushed me to be that way, but because being around you, I can’t help it. You bring out every instinct in me to be more. You are the strongest and most delicate being I have ever met. I love you, Hannah and I promise to always be there in the spoken and unspoken words with you. I promise to see
you
and to not depend on hope, but to actively chase the
yets
we have waiting.”