Perfect Match (32 page)

“Wait, what? What happened on Prom? Besides the fact that he was your hot date and you were so close that night and…What didn’t you tell me, Emma West?” Gabrielle scolded me.

“Um… Nothing, just…”

“You’re a bad liar. So bad! So what happened? Tell me, tell me. Otherwise I’ll go ask Mr. Nicholls and I’m quite sure that’d be a little uncomfortable for the both of you,” she assured me.

“Gabrielle…”

“Oh my God!” she screamed and I rolled my eyes. “So you hooked up with Matt on Prom’s night?” she asked. “Why didn’t you say anything?” she yelled at me. “I always thought you guys should’ve dated back then… Why didn’t you? Matt was a jerk, right? Don’t tell me he…”

“I said we shouldn’t,” I cut her off and her eyes widened. “I knew nothing about him back then, okay?”

“So? You just… took the easy way? Instead of dating Saint Swintin’s hottest guy ever? Emma, are you stupid?” she asked and I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you had your reasons. But… then again, why didn’t you two date when he moved here?”

“I was dating Morgan.”

“Oh, Morgue… Yeah, sure. And then Clingy Stacy came along… And the other ones, right?”

“Yeah.”

Gabrielle sat on the warm sand and I sat next to her. The view of the Pacific was just perfect. I couldn’t picture a place better than this.

“Yeah, but you’re dating now,” Gabrielle said with excitement in her eyes. “Oh, I’m so happy for you!” she said as she hugged me.

“You could date Jensen now. You have my permission,” I said and she laughed.

“Man, if he was here now…” she started and I laughed.

“I’m here, babe,” Rick said as she said next to her. “So you were talking about me, huh?” He asked with an eyebrow raised and Gaby and I started laughing. “Yeah, you can laugh all you want, we all know the truth. But, my beautiful Gabrielle, my heart is taken by…”

“Monica, I know don’t worry, I’ll get over it,” Gabrielle said with a fake sadness.

“I know you will,” he said as he patted her back. “You have Shia, right? He’ll be good enough to make you forget your crush on me. But then again, he’s not as hot or charismatic…”

“I know, don’t make it harder,” Gabrielle whispered and I started laughing.

“But we can still be friends, right, Gabs?” Rick asked and she nodded as she placed her head on his shoulder and he laughed.

The rest of the day passed fast, especially having Gabrielle and Richard teasing each other. I never realized they got on so well, and they were hilarious.

After spending the entire day with Gabrielle and Rick I decided to wait for Matt at home, even though I was a little surprised he hasn’t called at all. I mean, I have no idea what I should, but somehow I was relying on him to do the hard work. Considering that I had no idea how I should work with that. That meaning our relationship.

While trying to get a cab I thought I should visit Monica, because surely she was feeling worse than I was. After a few minutes a yellow cab showed up and I gave him my former address and five minutes after I was outside of the building I knew so well. I suppressed a smile and remembered Matt’s first night here in Los Angeles when he walked be home and then called me afterwards because he had no idea where Ben’s place was and we talked for almost 15 minutes while I kept making fun of him.

I knocked on Monica’s door and leaned onto the door frame waiting for Monica to answer. She should be home, because she didn’t say anything to any of us and no one was at Destiny’s tonight and knowing Monica she wouldn’t go anywhere alone, so she was supposed to be home. But she wasn’t answering. I knocked again for a few minutes, tried to call her and still no answer. Obviously I was worried about her, but she needed time to get over this by herself. This was the only way.

So I went home, took a quick shower and sat on the couch wondering why Matt wasn’t home yet. It was past 8 and he usually would finish his work by now. I turned on the TV, but my mind wondered around, forbidding me to concentrate on anything else but Matt. I wondered if this was the best thing for us, dating I mean. I know this was so complicated, because it’d ruin everything and I couldn’t lose him. I preferred having Matt as a friend than not having Matt at all.

But how could I live without the answers I longed for so long?

I wanted to know if he felt the same way, I want to know if this could be more than friendship, because for a few weeks I believed it could be, but right now, after having this argument I had no idea. I could risk losing everything just because I couldn’t control myself around him.

Somehow I wanted to work this out, because it was the thing I’ve wanted most in the last few years, even though I never allowed myself to acknowledge that, but somehow I knew this could turn out bad. And I never was the person who’d take chances or anything. I know, life’s about taking chances and risking everything, but at the end of the day is it really worth it?

They always say you better be sorry you did something than not do it at all. That you should smile it happened. Yeah, but what’s the point of that? Isn’t not having something better than having it, and then lose it?

Wouldn’t it been better if I haven’t started this whole thing with Matt in the first place than having to accept it wouldn’t work out, and then I’d get all those painful memories of how perfect we were together? That’s my opinion. Maybe he doesn’t. I don’t know what’s in his mind and right now I’d do anything to know.

I thought again about what happened today at the office, everything was going so well and he seemed happy even though he still missed Ben, and that comment was just so typical Matt, because he’s like that and I should’ve known better, because I know him, right? And when you love someone you have to accept that person with his qualities and his flaws. That’s the way it is. Or the way it’s supposed to be, anyway.

Maybe he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Otherwise he’ll be here now. Or he would’ve called. Maybe he doesn’t do all this thinking. And why would he? He’s a guy and everything’s so simple for them. No big deal, no wondering. It would’ve saved me a whole lot of time being able to take the easy way. Things are supposed to be simple but we complicate them with thinking.

And love’s complicated. And it’s supposed to be the simplest thing in the world, isn’t it? The most beautiful experience two people could share. But it’s not. Because it’s the little things that make a difference and sometimes we don’t think about that before we say or do something. And that could mess everything up. Just like that, in a second. And it’s so not fair.

I tried not to think about that or freak out because it was past 10 when the latest Arrow episode came to an end and I didn’t even start to think about Oliver’s past on that island or why his mother is being such a bitch. I just lied on the sofa and fell asleep a few minutes after.

~ M
att
N
icholls ~

After everything that happened last night I wasn’t even sure I should go back to my apartment and face Emma. I wasn’t worthy of her and surely she was curious about why I haven’t even called or haven’t slept home last night. And I had no excuse or anything.

I walked around the hall of my floor for about 15 minutes without convincing myself to come in and see Emma. Everything was a mess and seeing her it would definitely make things more difficult than they are already.

When I opened the door I was sure Emma would be right there, but she wasn’t. I sighed in relief and walked into my room and tossed my jacket on the bed and ran a hand through my hair. Everything has been so fucked up in the last 24 hours and I wished I could just erase everything. And in moments like this I needed Ben, my best friend.

Of course I couldn’t talk to Rick about it, not that he wasn’t a good friend or anything and I know I’ve been a jackass with him, but he wouldn’t understand. God, he’d hate me if he knew. He’d fuckin’ kill me and I can’t blame him.

I went to take a quick shower than decided to go and check on Emma. She wasn’t in her bedroom and when I passed the living room, I noticed she fell asleep on the couch and realized she waited for me last night and I didn’t bother to come here and explain everything to her and make everything better. No, I had to be the stupidest jerk on the planet and blew everything like I knew I’d do in the first place.

“Hey…Ems,” I whispered as I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Matt!” she exclaimed wrapping her arms around my neck. “Where have you been?” she asked before kissing me.

“Um… I… I… We need to talk,” I said and she stared at me in surprise and nodded before kissing me again. I felt like the earth was gonna break and swallow me in that moment and I ran my hand through her messy hair.

“So? I’m… I’m sorry for yesterday, it’s just…”

“No, no! You have nothing to feel sorry about, it’s just that I’m a jerk and I’m stupid, and Emma, I’m sorry. I know I should be…” I took a pause and sighed. There was no easy way in saying this, especially when she held my hand so tight and she looked so tired and sad.

“No, seriously, I mean I just… overreacted,” she said with a shy smile. “It’s not… that I… I mean, it’s… You’re right, I mean…”

“Emma. I need to tell you something,” I said and she shook her head.

“Everything is just messed up, okay?” she continued without wanting to hear me out. “I have no idea how we should do this, because I’m… You know this could be…” she sighed and I looked over the room and stopped the impulse I have to leave. I couldn’t bear to listen to her struggling about this while I was just… stupid and not worthy of her.

“I know what you mean, but you have to listen to me, Emma…”

“No, please let me talk,” she said and I sighed.

“Yeah, sure, like always you do the talking without giving a fuck about what I have to say!” I yelled and she stared at me in surprise and even I was surprised by this. What the hell’s happening to me?

“What… do you mean?”

“I mean it’s always about what you feel and right now I wanted to say something, but like you did five years ago, you think you could decide for the both of us,” I said and immediately felt sorry about it.

“What?” she asked and her voice was so slow I could barely hear her.

“Look, this is complicated, okay? Because this is not about what happened yesterday, you’re just… I mean… You’re having doubts about it, right? That’s why you didn’t say anything about us to anyone. You’re just thinking I’d suck at this and that’s why you’re acting like that. Like you don’t care. Because you think I don’t care.”

“How can you even say it like that?” Emma yelled and I looked around the room. “Like you don’t give a damn!” she complained and ran a hand through her messy hair, and then she placed it on her hip and sighed.

“What do you know, Emma?” I yelled back at her. “It’s not like you were there!”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what it means. That you have no fucking idea, Emma, cause all you did was send me a fucking e-mail and say you don’t want a relationship with me because I’m not ‘boyfriend material’. How the fuck would you know that?” I yelled and she stared at me.

“Well, I thought…”

“No, you didn’t! You just left me like I wasn’t worthy of you or anything. And God, Emma, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not, no, you’re right, I’m surely not, but I wanted to be with you.”

“It’s not like you did anything and…”

“Do you think before opening your mouth?” I said and she blinked at me in surprise. “You’re the most stupid person I’ve ever met, Emma.”

“Fine,” she said and sighed.

“What? Fuck. No, no, I…” I took a step closer to her, and she took one away from me.

“You can’t say I didn’t care or that I didn’t feel anything,” she whispered to me and I noticed the tears in her eyes and I physically felt my heart aching.

“Emma, it’s…”

“No, you’re right. I am stupid and I shouldn’t have sent you that e-mail five years ago, but I was scared, okay?” she paused to take a breath and sighed. “I was scared things would get too good to be true, because you were too good to be true, and that I’d lose myself in this, that I’d lose my head and everything I stand for, and that I could be vulnerable. No one likes being vulnerable, right? I was afraid of getting involved because all my life I focused on things that could make me feel safe. I was afraid of getting hurt and yeah, the fault is mine, because life it’s about taking chances and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t afford to get hurt that bad so I chose the easy way. Staying away from you was one of the toughest things in my life and I know that now better than ever, now that I know that you’re actually greater than my understanding could go…” she finished with tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Ems…” I started, and she shook her head. “I’m sorry. Hey. Look at me,” I told her as I placed my hand under her chin and made her look at me. “I’m sorry, love,” I said and she nodded. “We’re just acting stupidly,” I whispered and she nodded again and placed her hand on my shoulder.

I leaned and kissed her forehead and she took a step closer to me and in the same second I wrapped my hands around her and started kissing her passionately. She kissed me back in the same instant, her hands wrapping around my neck as she pulled me even closer to her. In the next moment we were lying on the couch and I was on top of her, kissing her passionately and she started unbuttoning my shirt with trembling hands.

“I love you, Emma,” I whispered while kissing her.

She stopped kissing me for a moment and placed her hand on my shoulder and stared at me in shock. I kissed her again, without saying anything because I didn’t actually expect her to say it back or anything, I just wanted her to know my feelings towards her.

“I love you, too,” she whispered softly and I smiled before kissing her again.

Chapter 25

Happiness

~*~
E
mma
W
est ~*~

I couldn’t believe everything that happened in the last twelve hours. I was lying next to Matt and his strong arms were wrapped around me and he was playing with a strand of my hair. That was really relaxing. I couldn’t get any sleep, even though I was exhausted because of recent events. Matt had said he loved me! I couldn’t believe this, after everything that happened and he said he felt the same.