Perfectly Flawed (13 page)

“I’m not certain. She mentioned grabbing a cup of coffee, and I suggested The Hut—you know, the new coffee shop at the Crossing.”

Sean was already walking out the door. “Thanks.”

He raced back to the elevator.
Please be there
. He hit the button several times, as if that would open it sooner. After some interminable seconds, there was a ding and the doors opened. Fortunately, he was alone for the ride down, so didn’t have to deal with any annoying stops at other floors.

Downtown Crossing, a pedestrian-only shopping area, was just west of the financial district. Sean considered running the distance, but decided it was faster to drive even though he had to re-park. Signals took forever to change, and other drivers were slower than ever.
Tourists. They should walk or take the subway.

Finally, Sean made it to the parking structure on Arch Street. It wouldn’t be long now. Hoping Adrianna had driven and had to negotiate parking as well, he nevertheless hurried. How long could it take to drink a cup of coffee? Maybe she’d already left.

He didn’t want to miss her again. Sean jogged to the shopping area, vaguely remembering where the new coffee shop was. Another of his clients in the financial district had raved about it, though he couldn’t see what could be so different about coffee from one shop to another.

The city had finally edged into spring, and for once it wasn’t freezing outside. Turning the corner, he looked down Winter Street toward Boston Common and had no idea where the coffee shop was. He tried to recall what his client had described.
Something about Winter Street. A big red banner of a body and bath shop, whatever that was, caught his eye and he looked up.

Maybe he’d go in and ask directions.

“Sean. What are you doing here?”

He looked back down, and there in front of the entrance to the shop was Adrianna. Her blond hair gleamed in the sun and her pouty lips looked so kissable. Sean’s pulse pounded.

“Adrianna. I thought you were getting coffee.”

Her eyes widened. “How did you know that? Are you following me?”

“Yes.”

Adrianna didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she stepped closer.

“What happened to your eye?”

“Nothing.
Some idiot punched me.”

“Fighting?”

“You could say that. Anyway, I didn’t come to talk about me.”

“No? What did you come to talk about?”

Sean just wanted to kiss her, hold her, and carry her away. Seeing her so close brought it all back. How much he wanted her. If only he could think of the right thing to say.

Chapter 17

Adrianna waited for a reply from the gorgeous man only inches from her. Sean shifted from one foot to the other. He was more sumptuous than ever, and his awkwardness was endearing. The solid black T-shirt he’d worn made him look tough, the way it hugged his broad chest and accented his biceps.

The ruggedness of his face seemed to contradict the softness of his brown eyes. His short hair was messy, like he’d raced after her without taking time to get ready. Adrianna had a feeling that’s what had happened, and it pierced her veil of indifference. She wasn’t indifferent at all.

Looking at Sean’s black and blue eye made her think of his
dangerous
tattoo. He was a fighter, rough around the edges, imperfectly dressed, approachable; the opposite of every man she’d known. But he was passionate and definitely a little dangerous. Being with him was risky. Was that why her heart was pounding heavily?

“Want to walk?”

Sean seemed relieved at her suggestion; his shoulders relaxed. “Sure.”

Carrying her light package, Adrianna fell in step next to him. At first, neither spoke. Merely walking next to Sean excited her—another new experience. There was something just so different about him—many things, really.

The faint scent of his cologne wafted over, making her a little weak. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his sculpted thighs, outlined under faded jeans. If only she could just fall into his arms and make the world go away. If only she could have him, in her arms, with her, and it would never end. If only.

“So you’re talking to me.” Sean was the first to speak.

“Yes, I’m talking to you.”

“I don’t understand you, Adrianna.”

That had to be true. She couldn’t understand her own feelings half the time, so how could he be expected to? “I know, Sean.” Adrianna paused. “I don’t understand you either.”

“Me? I’m an open book. I like you…I like you a lot. I want to be with you. What’s so hard to understand about that?”

The way he said the word
like
, it had depth, emotion, as if it meant more than the word implied. “It’s hard for me, you know.”

“No, I don’t know. Tell me. I want to know.”

“To trust.”

“Oh.”

“How can I explain it?” Adrianna looked around at the row of shops, at the cobblestone street, reaching for a way to make Sean understand.

Sean glanced over at her.

“I’ve only known…well…what I’ve known.”

“Which is?” Sean looked over at her again.

“I don’t measure up, you know. I’m not sure why you keep pursuing me.” That was it, or some of it. Adrianna knew that once all the truth came out, Sean would be gone. She could let him in, for a while anyway, but was that worth the pain? How it would feel later when he realized she was flawed goods?

“You are talking in riddles. ‘Don’t measure up’…means what?”

Adrianna didn’t continue.

“Adrianna, I know that things have been rough for you sometimes. I don’t know all of it.
You only told me some of it. Your father hasn’t been the father he should have been to you. And Kevin, maybe others, have roughed you up—which pisses me off, by the way. But that doesn’t reflect on you.”

“But it does. You just don’t see it.”

“Your father slapping you, or whatever else he did, was out of line. I know what I’m talking about. You can’t believe you are the cause, or that you deserved such treatment.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I’m trying to.”

“Sean, I’m trying to tell you, I’m not the girl for you.”

“Yes. You
are
the girl for me.”

“No, I’ll break your heart.”

Sean gave a weak smile. “You already are…breaking my heart.”

Slowly, they strolled down the street, hardly noticing the busy shops. Sean looked down at the sidewalk and Adrianna kept looking over at him. He took her hand and she let him. It felt so good, his warmth, his strong hand. Inside she was crying out for him, but there was no way to give in to that weakness. She just couldn’t.

Sean squeezed her hand. It was so sensual. The light pressure sent sensation trickling through her chest, arousing her more than a kiss or a touch ever had with another man. All he needed to do was stand near her, brush against her, look at her, or say her name. Every tiny thing swamped her with emotion.

It was more than she knew how to deal with. Having faced a lot of pain, both emotional and physical, Adrianna dealt with life’s vagaries. But Sean was something new. How he made her feel was new. She liked it, while at the same time it frightened her. Hate was a method she’d used as a protection, to wall herself off.

But
love
—how was she to deal with that?
If
it even was love. She’d never felt it before, so how would she know - for sure?

“Did you ever get that coffee?” Sean said in his friendly way. In the sun and shadows of the day, his muscles were outlined, as though some cameraman had set up lighting to accentuate his best features. The soft sunlight gleamed over him; the lines of his body etched into fullness. The black T-shirt and slight don’t-mess-with-me stance made Adrianna envision him challenging some unseen oppressor, welcoming a fight.

Sean looked behind her and nodded toward a shop as he spoke. Adrianna glanced up to see the signage of the coffee shop, announcing The Hut. Her breath caught; she hadn’t realized how far they’d walked.

Before she could reply, or even think of how to handle the situation, Kevin stepped out of the coffee shop, holding the door wide. He wore a white shirt with the top button open under a light gray blazer. Even in the nice weather he would never go out in just a T-shirt. Something about that bugged her.

“Adrianna, you’re here.” The smug look he gave Sean made Adrianna cringe inside.

“Sean.” Looking at his face, Adrianna felt a knife stab her heart. Kevin’s unexpected presence hurt Sean; the look on his face revealed his inner reaction. It was as bad as if she’d slapped him, probably worse. She struggled with what to say, how to correct the course of her world, rapidly tipping out of balance.

“I get it.” Sean glared at Adrianna for a moment but refused to look at Kevin. Then he strode away without another word.

Adrianna stood, riveted to the concrete, her heart ripped into pieces. Looking over at
Kevin’s sharp features, perfectly groomed hair, and haughty expression, she felt ill.

“Forget about him.” Kevin held the door open, waiting for Adrianna to go inside.

The shop smelled of freshly brewed coffee, and the wood with metal décor was trendy, in keeping with university style. Many customers, some probably students, sat glued to their laptops. On another day, it would have been an inviting atmosphere. But not that day.

Adrianna slid into a curved wood chair across from Kevin.

“What would you like? I’ll get it for you.”

“Nothing.”
That was exactly how she felt. Adrianna didn’t want to be there with Kevin, or in the shop. Nor did she want any of the coffee shop’s offerings. With blinding clarity, she knew the only thing she wanted was the one thing she couldn’t have: Sean.

“Adrianna.”
His voice softened, but his pallid skin and greenish eyes reminded her of a vampire. The unreality of it all made her head spin.

“What did you want to talk about, Kevin?” She wished she hadn’t agreed to meet him. Her life was falling apart, and it seemed everything she did only made it worse.

“You know.” Kevin looked at her, putting on his most honest expression. She’d seen it before. Her father used to pull that. And she’d fallen for it for years before figuring out it was fake—just as fake as Kevin’s designer clothes and nice-guy personality.

“No, I’m not sure I do.”

“I don’t think you accepted my apology.”

“So you had to complain—at work, I guess. Because my father seems to know that you think I’ve mistreated you.”

“He talked to you?”

“No. My mother stopped by and she happened to mention it,” Adrianna said sharply.

“I’m sorry about that. I may have mentioned it to a co-worker, this guy I play tennis with. But I had no idea he’d blab about it.”

“Didn’t you?” Adrianna was in a sour mood and it was getting worse the more she listened to the excuses.

“No, but I guess things get around fast in the business world.”

“I guess they do. And how is it that you never mentioned that you work in your father’s business?”

“I would have. We didn’t talk about my side job, just about college. I’m only there part time.”

“Right.”
Why did Adrianna feel like she was losing some argument?

“Anyway, I want you to know that what happened…that night…will never happen again. I just…lost my temper. I feel terrible about it.”

Adrianna looked at him. Unwillingly, she felt a tinge of pity for him. Maybe he was sorry, at least a little bit.

“You got the roses I sent you?”

“Yes, they were beautiful.” Adrianna looked down at the table.

“I hope I haven’t ruined everything. I’d like to still see you, Adrianna. You know I care about you.”

Adrianna looked at him. Old feelings rose, clouding her mind. A man like Kevin was her fate. She’d be lucky to get such an accomplished, handsome, intelligent man from a respected family. Similar words had been uttered in one form or the other since she’d been old enough to wear dresses.

Most of the time, it was difficult to separate one feeling from the other. Did she believe that
she deserved the life she’d been handed? She must. It must be her failings, her weakness, her imperfections that caused the trouble. After all, if bad things kept happening, it must have something to do with her.

“Kevin, I just need some time.”

“We can take it slow.”

“Let me…I just need time to think. A lot has happened. I accept your apology. Okay?”

“Okay.” Kevin looked dejected. “But you’ll think about us?”

“I’ll let you know.” Adrianna stood, suddenly suffocating in the warm, coffee-scented, enclosed shop. She took her bag and left without looking back.

Walking back down the sidewalk the way she had come, the obvious lack of Sean’s presence hit her. The void, the emptiness, left a gaping hole inside her. It hurt. Tears ran down her cheeks, and she walked faster, angry and frustrated. She’d fought so hard not to resort to her one destructive outlet for the emotional trauma that consumed her.

Involuntarily rubbing her left wrist, she thought of the last time.
Strong. She had to be strong. But she was starting to wonder why, and if it really helped. Because it would feel so good—relief from everything she couldn’t control. Focus. Something to focus her attention away from the issues at hand, that was what she needed. Something compelling that would force her to forget, at least for a little while, even a few minutes.

Sobbing, she walked block after block, not even caring if people saw her crying. What did it matter? Who cared anyway?

Sean did. Struck with the truth of that, Adrianna stopped and leaned against the side of a building, covering her face with her hands. Crying harder, crying for the loss of love she would never know. It was her fate, and she could blame no one but herself.

*****

Sean walked away from the coffee shop, upset and conflicted. He shouldn’t have left her with Kevin, knowing what the man was capable of. But it was Adrianna’s choice. She’d made the decision.

Even while Sean had strolled down the street with her, talking, trying to work things out, Adrianna had planned to meet Kevin. There was no clearer signal he needed. She’d thrown it in his face, led him right to the door of the shop, knowing the man who’d abused her would be there.

Was that what she liked, being knocked around? When he’d talked to her, Adrianna had seemed to want something different, had seemed disgusted with the abuse. Yet she went back to it. Sean couldn’t understand that. A guy abuses a girl, she leaves. Nothing else was logical.

Frustration mounted and Sean clenched his fists. Damn. It was tearing him apart. He couldn’t leave her in the hands of that asshole. Sooner or later, he’d do it again. Sean knew guys like that; he’d pounded on guys like that, even as recently as the other night. You couldn’t trust them. They didn’t change.

Surely Adrianna wouldn’t believe Kevin’s backpedaling. Sean could only imagine the “I’m sorry” with the fake sincere look.
Come on, the guy’s a stereotype.
Guys like him were everywhere; guys that got their jollies beating up on women. But the idea of him doing that to Adrianna made him sick.

Yet he was helpless to rescue her. Adrianna had gone back of her own free will. Kevin hadn’t abducted her and carried her off to the coffee shop. No, she’d agreed to meet him there. He was waiting for her—as planned. And Sean had little to say about it. Well, that preppy idiot better not put a hand on Adrianna again or he’d answer to Sean. It was a mistake to let it go the
first time. It wouldn’t happen again.