Perfectly Flawed (17 page)

Sean found his briefs and started to dress, unwilling to take his eyes off Adrianna; she might just disappear. It had happened before.

Chapter 21

Adrianna did the best she could with her hair, and dabbed away the smeared black mascara from under her eyes. Turning, she nodded at Sean to open the door. He let her go out first then followed.

Cari stood at the top of the stairs and watched them walk into the hall together, hand in hand. Then she grinned.

“I was worried about you,” she said, looking at Adrianna. “I haven’t seen you for…a long time.” Then she grinned again. “Glad you’re enjoying the party.”
Cari beamed and gave Sean a friendly punch in the shoulder.

“Good party.” Sean grinned back and wrapped his arm around Adrianna.

“Sean’s giving me a ride. I think we’re going to take off.” Moving closer to Cari, she gave her a quick hug.

“Sure. Have fun.”
Cari kissed her on the cheek.

From downstairs, music boomed and the party showed no signs of waning.
Cari raced ahead of them and disappeared from sight. Winding through partiers, drinking and rowdy, Sean carved a path to the front door and opened it.

Once outside, Adrianna said, “Didn’t you come with…who’s your friend, the Italian one?”

“Nic?”

“Yeah, him.”

“No, I drove. He came with Tomas.”

“Hmm.
I take it you were confident about connecting with me?” Adrianna smiled.

“I hoped. I’m never sure about you.” Sean grinned. “But if not, guess I’d be going home alone—not my first choice.”

Once in the car, Sean put the keys in the ignition, but before starting the engine looked over at Adrianna. “Did you eat dinner?”

“Not really. I planned to eat at the party.”

“That’s what I thought. I’m pretty hungry too. How about Chason’s Grill? You been there before?”

“A couple times.
That sounds fine.”

Sean turned the key and revved the engine, then turned up
Foo Fighters singing “Rope.”

“Love this song,” Adrianna said loudly.

*****

The cozy Beacon Hill restaurant was romantic. It was decorated in all earth tones. The walls were painted a warm yellow that reminded Adrianna of sunshine. The padded booths were a pale rust color and the furniture was dark wood. Sconces and table candles cast the room in a bronze-hued light.

The greeter seated them at a table in the back of the warm nook of a restaurant, and Adrianna sank into the comfy darkness. Sean sat across from her, clearly wanting to be closer, because he boxed in her feet with his. Touching ankles and holding one of her hands, he used his other hand to flip pages of the menu.

“I’m going to have the sirloin steak sandwich, but I assume you want lighter fare.” He looked up, sexier than ever in the soft lighting.

“Mmm, I think so. I’ll have the roasted chicken breast. They do it with Meyer lemon and capers. I had that one time, and it was delicious.”

A waitress in a beige dress and blouse outfit took their orders and then promptly served the Cokes. Sipping, Adrianna looked at Sean. No matter how long she looked at him, she’d never tire of it. He leaned up on the table, something none of her preppy dates would ever do. His thick biceps bulged and Adrianna had trouble looking away.

Sean stared. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

Adrianna looked away, embarrassed.

“You puzzle me, Adrianna.”

“Why?”

“Well, like just then. You must know you’re absolutely gorgeous. Heck, you’ve been in who knows how many beauty contests. How could you not know?”

Adrianna shrugged. “Sometimes I don’t feel that way.”

“You should.”

“Maybe.”

“No, not maybe. You really should.” He was serious.

“Can we talk about something else?”

Sean hesitated.

“Do you still cut?”

Adrianna looked out the window into the darkness of the city. “Are you always so direct?”

“I try to be.” Sean held her hand up and leaned over to kiss her fingers. “I just want to know.”

“It’s been a while.”

“When was the last time?”

“When I lived at home.”

“It was rough there?”

Adrianna wanted to sink under the table. “Why do we have to talk about this?”

“You don’t. But I want to.” Sean’s look pierced into her. “It’s a big deal, Adrianna. You went out of your way to hide it from me. You hide it from everyone, don’t you?”

“If I could. Nobody can really understand. They’d just be upset.”

“How do you know that?”

“My mother was.” Adrianna looked down at the table. She’d said too much.

“What did she do?”

“She was furious. I hid it for as long as I could. But…the trouble was…she kept entering me in those stupid beauty contests. I kept saying no, but then there was one she just went ahead and entered me in.”

Sean squeezed her hand.

“Anyway, you can imagine what happened when I tried on the bathing suit.”

“She saw the scars?”

“She didn’t understand at first. I don’t think she’d ever heard of cutting. But she forced it out of me. How that happened. What I had done. It was awful.”

“Didn’t she see that you needed help?”

Adrianna gave a short laugh. “My mother? You don’t know her. She was furious. How was I to be in contests anymore, she raved. I tried to tell her that I didn’t want to. I never wanted to.”

“And?”

“That only made her madder.”

“So, what made you cut?”

A feeling of horror gripped Adrianna and her throat locked up. She just shook her head.

Sean reached across and touched her cheek. “You can’t tell me?”

Adrianna looked down and shook her head again. No way. Somehow Sean had pried more out of her than she had ever told. But there was no chance she would sit there over dinner and discuss her destructive behavior. Keeping it together was difficult enough. Talking would open the floodgates.

“Okay.” Sean took both her hands in his. “Just promise me that if it ever gets bad again, you’ll come to me.”

Adrianna rolled her shoulder, unwilling to make a promise she wasn’t sure she could keep.

“Try.” Sean looked into her eyes.

Adrianna nodded, though what he asked was unlikely to happen—especially after tonight. She cared what Sean thought. It was bad enough he knew she’d cut; she had no intention of making things worse by revealing deeper trauma.

The food came, and as they ate the conversation shifted to other subjects. Sean talked a little about his family, and Adrianna began to see how he’d turned out like he did. Apparently his family was close. It was heartwarming to hear about. Adrianna’s family unit sharply contrasted with Sean’s. A loving family was something she heard about, not anything she’d experienced.

The evening had Adrianna feeling good, but a little raw. In his magnetic, charming way, Sean had crossed an emotional barrier. It was no longer a simple matter to turn away from him, partly because he was so good, down to earth, and caring, leaving her at a loss. She’d never had a relationship like that, and knew she’d blow it. When he got to know her better, knew everything, Sean would see that he’d made a mistake. She hoped to delay that moment.

Sean stood and helped her up. He seemed happy and held Adrianna’s arm possessively, sending a sensual charge through her.

After pulling out of the parking lot, Sean stopped before entering traffic.

“Come home with me, Adrianna.” He looked over, his soft eyes melting her.

“Not tonight. You need to take me home.”

“You’re kidding. I’m not letting you slip through my hands again.”

“I won’t, Sean. Tonight was special. It was…more than I can tell you. Everything’s fine. I’m just not ready for that yet.”

Sean shook his head.

A horn honked behind them, and Sean edged out into the traffic lane. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

Adrianna touched his rock-hard thigh, her heart swelling with desire. A part of her—the bigger part, it seemed—wanted to go with him. She wanted to be with him and never leave his side. But that was folly. Life wasn’t like that.

“I’m okay, really.”

“I’m going to call you tomorrow. So don’t do something crazy like not take my calls.” He glanced over at her. “Understood?”

Adrianna rubbed her hand on his jeans. “I’m looking forward to your call already.”

Sean smiled.

In front of Adrianna’s place, in the dark of the car, they kissed and touched until it got too cold to stay outside. His kisses were warm and sexy, making Adrianna regret her decision not to spend the night. But she couldn’t. Sleep wasn’t an easy matter for her, and if she woke in the night screaming and sweating…no, that would be the worst.

At last Sean released her and reluctantly walked her to the front door, where he kissed her again, deeply. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he whispered, and turned to go. Adrianna went inside
quickly before she changed her mind.

*****

The next morning, Adrianna went for an early jog and was surprised to see a text from Cari when she returned. After the late-night party, she never expected her friend to be up before noon.

The message said, “What happened with Sean?”

Smiling, Adrianna texted back: “Tell you later. Why are you up?”

“Been up all night.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Promise to tell me.”

“Promise.”

What had happened with Sean the night before had been a ray of hope. Singing, Adrianna stripped off her sweats and stepped into a hot shower. Her mind was filled with sexy images: Sean kissing her breasts, Sean sucking her just right until she screamed with pleasure. He was amazing.

In all the times she’d been with a man—and there really weren’t that many—Adrianna had never felt like that. Not like
that
. And it was a good feeling. It had never felt right before and now it did. For the first time.

She stood under the shower spray until the water got cold, thinking of Sean. Her nipples were taut, and the throb between her legs made her wish she’d said “yes” the night before. Waking up next to Sean would have been delicious. Finally, she toweled off and got dressed, trying to focus on something else. But it was impossible.

She was on her back, staring up at the ceiling with her ear buds in, rocking out and waiting for Sean’s call. Feeling the phone vibrate in her hand, she lifted it excitedly, only to see that it was her mother. Her first instinct was to send the call to voicemail, but she thought better of it. The last thing she needed was another unannounced visit.

“Hello.”

“Adrianna. I’m surprised you took the call.”

“You’re not happy if I do or I don’t. What is it, Mother?”

“Are you okay? You sound odd.”

What would her mother know about how she felt? “I’m fine.
Just got back from a jog. Is that why you called—to ask how I am?”

“I called because I’m a little distressed over your choice of men.”

“You call me on a Sunday morning to discuss my dating habits?” Adrianna was annoyed but tried to keep her temper in check.

“Well, first you rebuff Kevin—who, I must say, is better than you might hope for.”

Adrianna rolled her eyes.

“I don’t see where you get off, rejecting a boy like him. He’s going to college, and will have a good career. You could live in the style you’re used to.”

“Mother, you’re getting carried away.”

“No, Adrianna, I’m not. You’re my daughter, and I’m interested in your welfare.”

Since when?

“Who is this Sean guy you’ve been seeing?”

Now her mother had gone too far. Sean was special; he was important to Adrianna. It was private and not open for discussion. What she felt in her heart had to be protected from her mother’s assault.

“I told you, Mother. I’m an adult. Who I see, or don’t, is none of your business.” She
wondered how her mother knew about Sean anyway. But she didn’t have to wonder long.

“Well, Kevin seems to think that you’ve rejected him because you have a thing going with Sean.”

Adrianna closed her eyes tight and gritted her teeth. It would be so easy to explode. The coffee shop—Kevin had seen her with Sean at the door of the coffee shop. That had to be it.

“Kevin is assuming a lot. And considering that he’s trying to get me back, I wouldn’t believe everything he tells you.”

“What are you doing with your life, Adrianna?”

“I’m going to hang up now.”

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I am talking to you. Why won’t you listen?” Adrianna disconnected.

That was all she could take. Possibly, her mother would storm over in a fury to continue the argument. Even moving out and no longer being under her parents’ roof hadn’t seemed to remove them from her life. Still, her mother ragged on her incessantly.