Perfectly Reflected (11 page)

We quickly discovered that Beesley really enjoyed having the Dirges to play with. After a little gentle persuasion, Olivia was more than happy to play with the puppy, running in and out of the ford and letting the dog follow her.

While they were busy Callum and I had the chance to talk briefly. “Have you had any ideas yet? How we can use what we know about Catherine to help you get away from there?” I asked when Olivia was out of earshot.

“I’ve thought about nothing else,” he replied quietly. “You realise that you are in the most terrible danger? If someone like Lucas had any idea, any idea at all, that draining someone of all their memories would bring him back to life, he’d stop at nothing to kill you.”

“Look, I know about the danger, and I’m prepared for it. What we need to do is find Catherine and get her to tell us what she knows and why she hates me so much. Maybe that way we’ll get some clues to help us get you over.”

Callum was silent for a moment. “And we need to stop her hounding you.”

“I wonder if she’s living round here somewhere.”

“I wonder what she remembers,” Callum said quietly.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, she obviously has all your memories, and she knows her own name, but did she get back all of her past as well? That’s what I’d like to know. If she did, she would know who we both were…” His voice tailed off.

“Oh Callum, I’m so sorry, I hadn’t thought about that.” I reached across and gently stroked his arm, trying to smooth away the pain I could see in his eyes. He looked so downcast, almost defeated and yet again I yearned to be able to comfort him
properly. “But don’t you think that this is good news? I mean, if she knows who you are, you could find out a bit about yourself and, well, I don’t know, maybe that would also give us some clues about what we can do.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think I could bear knowing anything about my past. It’s one thing living this life of endless misery when that’s all you know, it would be quite different if you could remember everything you had lost. That would a nightmare. Look at Lucas.”

I thought about my own life, my family and friends and how I would feel if I could see them and hear them, but know that they thought I was dead. That would be unbearable. “I’m so sorry,” I said again. “What do you think we should do? I mean, we can forget all about Catherine if you want. I’m sure she’s not going to be persecuting me for ever.”

Callum sighed. “I don’t understand why she would be bothering in the first place. I mean, what’s she got to gain?”

“I know. You would’ve thought that she’d have had enough of me by now, given that she has to live with all my memories. In fact,” I added, my brain leaping forward a few steps, “if she had any of her own memories why would she bother with me at all? What would be the point? I bet that means that she doesn’t have any of her own, or maybe just the ones from life as a Dirge.”

Despite my efforts Callum still looked pretty glum. “You could be right,” he agreed grudgingly, “but she may just be vindictive. We really can’t know until we talk to her.”

“Would that be a good idea? Think about it – she really hates me, and you can’t talk to her unless I hand over my amulet, and
that’s
not going to happen.” I couldn’t imagine having the cosy three-way communication we had just had with Olivia with
Catherine, and there was absolutely no way I would give her the amulet. I shuddered at the thought.

“We – well,
you
– are going to have to talk to her at some point. If we know more about what happened when she came over it will really help us work out what we can do.”

“So that’s what we’ve got to do – track her down and get some answers.”

“I guess so, and we need a bit of a plan to do that. How about— Oops, time to change the subject; Olivia is coming back over.”

I turned to watch the puppy coming towards us from the stream. He was soaking wet and stopped every few metres to give himself a good shake. The water sprayed out in an arc around him, catching the sunlight. Between each shake he jumped up, wagging his tail and giving a playful bark. Even without looking in the mirror I could imagine Olivia there, jumping up and down in excitement with him. I turned back and looked over my shoulder in the mirror. It was exactly as I had pictured it: Olivia was bounding along with Beesley, her cloak thrown back over her shoulders, her young face flushed and excited. Even though he couldn’t hear her, Beesley seemed to be able to see her as well as Callum could. He was jumping up and licking her outstretched palm, making her giggle. The two of them arrived next to us in a flurry of spray.

“I think he likes you,” Callum said drily, looking at Olivia. She answered him, and I could see the colour in her cheeks and her shoulders rising as she caught her breath. “I’m sure that won’t be a problem. Do you want me to ask?” She nodded and turned towards me, looking a bit embarrassed. I smiled at her as Callum turned his attention back to me. “Olivia would really like it if she
could come and play with Beesley again some time. She thinks they get on pretty well.”

“Of course. I think that my neighbour would be more than happy for me to volunteer for walking duties any time. We could make it a regular fixture if you like.”

Olivia looked like she was about to expire with excitement, bouncing up and down on the spot and linking her thumbs again as if she were trying to keep her hands under control. She nodded violently, then seemed to burst; words I couldn’t hear were tumbling out of her, her hands fluttering about and punctuating the speech. I didn’t need to hear her talking to know that she was almost overwhelmed with happiness. She positively glowed.

“I think I better let her speak to you,” murmured Callum. I saw him move away and guide Olivia to the seat next to me. The unfamiliar tingle in my arm arrived at the same time as the barrage of noise. I could see Callum was smirking behind me as I tried hard not to flinch under the onslaught. Her high-pitched, excited voice was relentless, but her enthusiasm was infectious. Beesley was clearly a high point in her day, and I couldn’t help smiling at her. She finally wound herself down and stopped for long enough for me to get a word in.

“I think he likes you too, you know.” I gestured towards the dog, who was sitting patiently in front of me, staring intently just to my right. “I’ve never seen him this well behaved.”

“Really? Do you think so? I mean, he was kind of jumpy, but I think I’ve sorted him out now.” The pride was evident in her voice.

“Absolutely. He’s not even finished his obedience lessons, so you’ve done really well.”

“Honestly?” She beamed with pride. “Perhaps I had dogs of my own before … well, before. You know.”

“I know.” I tried to squeeze her hand, but didn’t seem able to feel her the way I could feel Callum. “It’s clear you are a natural, and you’ll have to come with me every time I take him for a walk. I’m sure he won’t behave as well just with me.”

“I can’t wait! Will it be tomorrow? What do you think? Will your neighbour let you take him again so soon? Will you call me straightaway? Now that I know the way I won’t have to wait for Callum the next time…” Her voice carried on, asking more and more questions but not really expecting any answers. It was fabulous to see. Her eyes, which were a chestnut brown, shone with excitement, the gold flecks in them catching the sunlight as she periodically turned to stroke the top of Beesley’s head. He clearly liked it, even if he couldn’t feel that much.

We stayed in the park for an hour until the puppy was almost too tired to walk back, then Callum suggested that he take Olivia home. She wasn’t keen, but I could hear him reminding her that she would need to do some more gathering that evening. Eventually the two of them agreed it was time to leave, and I promised Olivia that I would call her the next time I had the opportunity to take Beesley for a walk.

“Thank you so much!” she enthused as she said goodbye. “It’s been the best – the very best – day of my life!”

I smiled at her. “It’s been great to meet you properly, and I can’t wait until we can do it again. I promise I’ll call you.”

She beamed back at me, and I could see Callum leaning in to speak to her. She pouted, and with a last “Bye!” her tingle went from my wrist to be replaced by Callum’s. I felt myself relax.

“I’ll be back in an hour or so, if that’s OK. I just need to make
sure that she can find her way and that she does enough gathering this evening.” His voice fell to a whisper and he glanced quickly at Olivia, but she was bending over Beesley, totally absorbed in trying to scratch his ears. “She’s going to have to do a lot more than usual.”

“Poor kid. Why is that?”

“If you have a fun day the amulet demands payback, as I found out to my cost when we first met. I have to gather a lot more happy thoughts and memories than I would usually collect. I don’t think any of the others have ever really had to worry about that, so she has no idea. I did try explaining it to her this morning but I don’t think she was listening.”

“I understand. Do what you have to do, and if you have to stay out, well, I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

“I’m sure I’ll be able to make it back. We have to start making our plans to find Catherine.”

My face fell. I had been able to forget about her for a while. “Exactly, and before she does something else really horrible to me. I just wish we had a bit of a clue where to start; right now we have no idea where she is or where to find her.”

“I know,” he agreed, “but we’ll talk about it later, OK?” I felt a tickle on my forehead as his lips fluttered against my skin, and they were both gone. Beesley suddenly looked around as if he had just woken up, jumping to his feet and peering around behind me. He barked in a slightly forlorn manner, then sank into an exhausted heap on the grass. I sat and watched him for a while as he panted gently with his long pink tongue hanging out of the side of his month. The sunlight was making longer shadows, picking out the clouds of tiny insects hovering above the water, and the bushes rustled with the sound of birds jumping from branch to branch. It was an idyllic scene and I wanted to stay exactly where
I was and not have to worry about Catherine or banks or the police. I just needed Callum here to make it perfect. Making sure I had Beesley’s lead tightly wrapped around my wrist I let my eyelids droop and felt myself drift off, finding a world where Callum and I were free to walk hand-in-hand through the fields, throwing sticks for dogs, stopping by the babbling brook where we could lie on the soft grass and…

Within what seemed like seconds I was jolted out of my pleasant doze by a vast rumbling roar that almost made the ground shake. Looking up I saw the outline of one of the huge new double-decker planes lumber overhead, its engines straining as it slowly arced away from nearby Heathrow. “It’s a sign, Beesley,” I told the curious dog with a sigh. “Time to stop daydreaming and go home.”  

Murder

Callum reappeared very briefly that evening; Olivia had needed much more help with her gathering, exactly as he had predicted. Our short conversation inevitably revolved around Catherine.

“I think I’m going to have to talk to Matthew,” he admitted. “He’s really good at thinking through stuff that you or I would never even consider, and he might know something useful. I’ll just need to make sure that no one overhears us this time.” He smiled ruefully and I remembered the last time he spoke to Matthew about our strange situation, when Catherine overheard and started devising her terrible plan.

“Is that possible? Can you really get away from the others?”

“It
is
possible,” he said slowly, thinking about it. “But I’ll have to be very careful – and very subtle. Not my strong point, I’m afraid. And it’s doubly difficult now that the others know all about you. Every time I do something unusual they assume it’s to do with you.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. Perhaps you can get Olivia to help you?”

“It’s not really fair to involve her, I think. If the others put pressure on her she’d crumble pretty quickly.”

“I guess you’re right. Well, you’ll work it out – you always do.” I gave him an encouraging smile, then sighed contentedly as he wrapped his long, strong arm around my reflection. His face in the
mirror looked worried though; the lines on his forehead seemed deeper than before. Yet again my heart ached over the harm I was doing to him. It seemed so unfair that I was inflicting so much pain.

All too soon he had to go, leaving me to fill the rest of my Sunday evening. It was too late to join Grace and Jack and the others down the pub. The two of them seemed to have slipped quite naturally into coupledom, and without Callum to keep me diverted I was sure I would have been just a little jealous of their obvious happiness in each other. Grace’s hospitalisation after the Kew Gardens mystery had propelled their relationship forward much more quickly than it might otherwise have done, and that helped to take away some of the guilt I still felt about putting her in such terrible danger. Our friends assumed there would be trouble looming, as none of them believed that I really didn’t fancy Jack. Grace was the only one who understood and, as ever, I was grateful that I had her as my best friend.

A dull evening of watching TV with my parents stretched unappetisingly ahead of me. There were some interesting noises coming from Josh’s room though, so I went to investigate what he was doing.

“Oh, it’s you,” he grunted as I peeped around the door after knocking; he was clearly about to shut things down on his laptop. As usual he was sitting on his bed surrounded by a mountain of discarded clothes, the laptop propped up on his knee and his mobile within easy reach. I cleared a small space next to him and threw myself down.

“Hi, don’t mind me. Who are you chatting to?”

“Oh, no one important.” He was trying to sound casual, but
he was given away by the bright yellow aura dancing above his head. I made a grab for the computer.

“You lying hound! You’re chatting someone up! Come on, show me who it is!” We wrestled with the machine for a minute, then he gave in.

“You tell Mum anything you see on there and you’re dead meat, OK?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know that. When do I ever tell her your secrets? You know too many of mine.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Josh said grudgingly.

“So who is it? Who’s the girl?” I asked impatiently, scanning through all his open browser tabs.

“Cliona,” he said sheepishly.

“Cliona! How is she? We’ve not spoken for – well, years! Is she OK? What’s she doing in London?”

Cliona was the daughter of a family friend. She had spent her childhood in Italy and Hong Kong, and when we were little we had been regular pen-friends. But we had got out of the habit and would have lost touch but for the Christmas cards our parents exchanged.

“She’s here for some sort of sixth-form exchange, and she has a free evening. We’re going for a drink in Richmond tomorrow.”

“Cool, I’ll be in town too. I’m going to the cinema with Grace, but I can rearrange that. I’d love to see her.”

I realised just too late that Josh was going rather pink. “Umm, well. You don’t have to, you know. She’ll be here a while …” he mumbled, avoiding my eyes.

“Josh Walker! Do you have a date with her? Is that why you’re being quite so obstructive?”

“Maybe.” He still wouldn’t look at me.

“You do! You sly thing, you! How long has this been going on?”

“Oh, a little while. We’ve been e-mailing. She got in touch as soon as she knew that she was going to be in town.”

“Great, I’ll send her a message then.”

There was no response. Under his thick curly hair Josh was clearly about to start sulking. “What?” I demanded. “Can’t I even e-mail her? She’s my friend too!”

“Gimme a break, won’t you?” he said suddenly. “Can’t you let me have her to myself for a few hours?”

I sat back, surprised by his outburst. “Of course. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you two had a thing going on.”

“Well, we don’t, not yet. And we never will if you’re there too.”

“OK, OK. I won’t come near the pub, I promise.”

“OK then,” he agreed grudgingly. “And promise that you won’t e-mail her just yet either?”

“Whatever you want. I’ll catch up with her later.” I hesitated, but couldn’t resist. “Poor girl, she’s clearly not been well, looks like the balance of her mind has been terribly affected…” I leapt up from the bed and bolted for the door. I managed to get behind it just as the old slipper bounced off it, precisely at head height. Josh was always a good shot.

I slipped back into my room, smiling to myself. I was pleased for Josh, despite my teasing, and I hoped for his sake that the evening went well. I sat back at my desk for a moment, but that just made me miss Callum. And thinking about Callum made me worry about Catherine and whatever she might be planning to do next. Sighing, I went downstairs to make a cup of coffee.

I still didn’t want to watch TV with my parents, so I opted
to get some fresh air. I took my drink out into the back garden, where it was still just light enough to see my way. There was a surprising chill in the air for late June, and I hugged my arms around myself as I wandered down to the seat by the vegetable patch. I realised as I got there that the shiver was now a tingle in my arm, and heaved a great sigh of relief; Callum was back after all.

“Hi, I’m so glad you’re here. I can’t stop thinking about Catherine and her malicious tricks. How did it go with Matthew? What did he say about her being alive?”

There was a strange silence, with just a few muffled noises. As I sat there I realised that the tingle in my arm wasn’t quite right. “Who’s there?” I called, horrified at what I’d just said. “Which of you is it?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy, it was just – I so wanted to come back! I had such a good time this afternoon and I didn’t want it to stop.” Olivia’s voice had risen to a squeak.

My heart sank. What had she heard, and what would she make of it? “That’s OK, I was just surprised to find that it wasn’t Callum.” I kept my tone as light as possible. “Did you both have a good gathering session this evening?”

Olivia’s voice was still strained. “It was fine. Callum took me to a cinema where they were showing a romantic comedy, you know, the one with the hairdresser.”

“Oh, yes, I’ve heard of it, but I’ve not seen it. Is it any good?”

“I can’t say that I really noticed. The audience seemed to be enjoying it, and that’s all I was really interested in.”

“Yes, I guess it would be…” I tailed off, wondering what I should do next. Carry on, and assume she hadn’t heard enough to put two and two together? Or explain in some form or another, despite Callum’s reluctance to do so? I was wavering between
the alternatives when she spoke again, her voice stronger than before.

“I’m not a child, you know. I mean, yes I was when I came over, but really, with what I have had to put up with for all this time, there’s not much child left. You can tell me – I promise I’ll keep it secret.”

“I’m not sure I quite follow you.” I played for time, hoping for inspiration.

“You were talking about Catherine, just now when you thought I was Callum. She’s over there, isn’t she?”

I hesitated, wondering which option Callum would prefer: to lie or to reveal the truth.

“Please. I deserve to know.” The voice was imploring and I was grateful that I didn’t have my mirror with me so I couldn’t see the pain in those big brown eyes.

“You have to promise me,” I said slowly, “to keep this absolutely secret. Tell no one at all what I’ve told you, not even Callum – let me do that. He thought it would be too painful for you. Are you sure you want to hear?”

There was another muffled sound, then a big sniff. “Cross my heart and hope to – well, die again, I suppose.
Was
it Catherine?”

“Yes. Taking all my memories allowed her to escape and come back alive to the real world. She’s been causing me a lot of trouble. She knows everything about me.”

There was a brief silence. “So … there is a way out of here after all. Maybe I don’t have to be stuck in this life for ever.” There was more than a hint of wonder in her tone.

“It’s true, but it’s still really difficult. You need someone over here to be wearing the amulet,” I gestured to my wrist, “you need to make sure it’s low tide, and you have to be willing to kill.”

“Yes, I see. Not to be undertaken lightly then.” There was a brief pause. I stared out across the vegetable beds, my eyes slowly adjusting to the dark, and I became aware of the usual arrival of the small animals who liked to be close to any Dirges. Olivia’s voice suddenly cut through the silence. “Who is Callum going to kill?”

“He isn’t going to kill anyone! It’s all so frustrating – we know how we
could
do it, but we need a way to do it without hurting anyone else. That’s why we need to talk to Catherine; there might be something else that will work and she might know what that is. We can’t just kill someone so we can be together!”

Olivia made a dismissive snorting noise. “Of course you can. Isn’t that what you both want?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, really.” I was beginning to appreciate why Callum had been keen to keep our news to ourselves. She was very persistent, and I quickly realised that she didn’t miss much.

“What was that about low tide? What does that have to do with anything?”

I sighed inwardly. “After she stole all my memories, Catherine ended up in the river. In the Thames, near to where she went missing. If it hadn’t been low tide then she probably would have drowned. As it was, she was lucky that someone saw her floating unconscious in the water and called out the lifeboat. She has spent the last couple of weeks in hospital.”

“And why is she tormenting you?” asked Olivia. “What have you done to her?”

“Good question. I don’t know, but I’ve obviously really upset her somehow. She’s been playing havoc with my life, pretending to be me, e-mailing my friends, all sorts. She even took all my money out of my bank account.”

“She must really hate you,” Olivia said with a hint of awe. “She’s such a cow, too. You’d better be careful. I … I…” She suddenly fell silent.

“What is it?” There was no answer and I checked my pockets just in case I had brought the mirror. “Olivia? What is it – what’s wrong?”

“I … I’m going to have to go. It’s getting late and I can’t stay here. I’ve got to get back to St Paul’s.”

“You won’t mention this to anyone, will you?” I asked urgently. “I mean, I’m sure Callum was going to tell you at some point, but he doesn’t want everyone knowing just yet. He thinks it might be dangerous.”

“Don’t worry. Your secret is safe.” Her voice seemed suddenly strained. “I’m sorry, it’s time. I’ve got to go.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I called as the tingle abruptly left my arm. I sat back, blinking into the dark garden. “Crap!” I couldn’t help exclaiming. How was I going to tell Callum what I had done? There was a brief rustling noise as I spoke, and my eyes locked with a small pair of dark, beady eyes that had emerged from behind the blackcurrants. The hedgehog blinked once, then returned to snuffling about in the dead leaves.

I thought long and hard about trying to avoid telling Callum, but in the end I knew I had to confess. There was no way that I was going to be able to keep something like that from him. I was right too. He had spotted my guilty face immediately. I had called for him in the school field at lunchtime, as I didn’t want him to be in the dark for too long. He was going to have to keep an eye on Olivia and make sure she really understood that she couldn’t tell anyone.

It had been quite hard to get away from my friends; the common room was constantly full. We were in the last few days of term, so very little actual work was being done. There were also end-of-year activities for most of the clubs, some of which required us to be there as supervisors. Grace and Eloïse had been made prefects, so they were in charge of the library, while Abbi and Alia were busy bossing about the junior art club. I had had a very quick lunch with Mia, who was keen to find out if there was any truth in the rumour that Ashley and Rob had split up over the weekend because of me.