Perfekt Balance (The Ære Saga Book 3) (20 page)

“Fine,” Runa spat. “Heal it. But if I get the
slightest feeling you’re up to something, I will track down your
idiot blond friend and put a blast through her head so fast, she’ll
never know what killed her.”

“Fair enough.” I held up both hands. “Why
don’t you sit down? This can be kind of draining.”

“I’ll stand.” Runa crossed her arms. She
winced as the motion jostled her injury, but otherwise didn’t
move.

“Okay then. This will take a few minutes.
You’ll feel my energy moving inside you. Just let it pass through
your body, and don’t try to eject it. I won’t be able to fix your
shoulder if you do.”

“You heard what I said about killing blondie,
didn’t you? I won’t hesitate to—”

“
I got
it.” I interrupted through gritted teeth. “Now, try to relax. It
goes faster if you’re not…clenching.”

The last
thing I saw before I closed my eyes was Runa’s angry glare.
Typical
. It must have
been exhausting to live in a state of perpetual fear. Because as
much as Runa played angry, anger itself was only a mask. It wasn’t
a real emotion—rather it covered up a deeper, more vulnerable one.
And from the little I’d seen of Runa’s black knot, she’d lived her
life in a state of constant fear—fear for her safety, fear for her
little brother, fear of losing her mother, and fear of being alone
after her father banished her. If she wasn’t so unbelievably awful,
I’d have felt sorry for her.

But she was awful. At least, a part of her
was. Now I needed to see if there was any trace of that good soul
that had risked her own life to save her brother’s. I hoped the boy
was safe and happy, wherever he was. Runa’s sacrifice was worth at
least that much.

With a grounding breath, I retreated to the
quiet part of my mind. I uncoupled my consciousness, and allowed my
spirit to control my thoughts. It was surprisingly easy to do.

Hei
,
I
greeted Runa’s spirit cautiously. When I didn’t get a response, I
waited a moment before trying again.
Hei
?

Still nothing. I retreated into my mind, and
took a quick scan of Runa’s energy. There was a heavy blockade
surrounding her mind; no doubt she’d braced herself for the worst.
She’d thrown up a mental wall, probably thinking I was a mind
reader like Tyr.

I snorted. If only my gift was as simple as
my brother’s.

“Are you laughing at me?” Runa growled.

“
I
am
sniffling,
” I
said indignantly. “You just killed Forse. How am I supposed to
feel?”

My lie seemed to mollify Runa. “Just hurry
up.”

Fine
. I directed a stream of positive energy at the wall around
Runa’s head, and in moments I’d dissipated the block. With my hands
raised, I whisked it away, flicking it into the ground, where it
would be reabsorbed and recycled like the fertilizer it was.
Good riddance
.

This time
when I retreated to the quiet spot in my mind, I felt the desperate
pull of an anxious soul.
Bingo
.

Hei
, I tried
again.
I’m
Elsa. I’m here to help you.

I know who you are
.

My jaw fell open when the spirit presented
itself. I honestly hadn’t expected this to work. The spirit looked
kinder than I expected. It had Runa’s sharp features—her angular
jaw, strong nose and full lips. But it had a softness that Runa
lacked. Its cheeks were a rosy pink; its hips were gently rounded.
And although it flickered with a dark energy it obviously tried to
repress, its heart emitted a strong light. There was hope for Runa
yet.

Are you going to kill me?
I asked the spirit.

I don’t want to
,
it answered back.

Is that because you need me alive to find
Fenrir?

No.
I don’t want you to find
Fenrir.
The spirit sounded
vehement. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or
alarmed.

Why then?

It’s because I don’t want to kill anyone.
The darkness flickered, and the
spirit held itself very still. Blackness covered its form from head
to toe, draining it of all color. Then a dim light flashed from its
heart, and the spirit permitted itself a breath, drawing the light
upward. When it reached the spirit’s face, relief washed over its
features, and the blackness ebbed.

What was that?
I
effectuated an air of calm. A freak-out, even a spirit-level one,
wasn’t going to win me any friends.

That was the real me
, the spirit said sadly.

No, it’s not. You’re talking to me. If Runa
had a black soul, it—you—would have killed me by now.

I killed my mother. That’s black enough
.

I scanned
the spirit’s energy.
No, you didn’t,
I confirmed.

I might as well have. I’m the reason she’s
dead. I left her alone with him.

You lost me
.

“Are you fixing me or are you screwing with
me again?” Runa’s voice broke through our interlude.

“I told you this would take some time,” I
reminded her. But in the interest of sending up a red herring, I
sent a pulse of healing energy at Runa’s arm. It would numb the
pain enough to make her think I was playing along, when in reality
I was searching for information that would help me break her dark
streak.

All’s fair in love and war.

“Hurry up. I don’t have all day.” Runa
sounded agitated.

With another grounding breath, I retreated
into my mind.

What happened with your mom?
I asked the spirit.

The
spirit’s shoulders drooped.
When my father told me to
leave, my mom begged him not to kick me out. She said I was the
only good thing she had left in her life, and she’d die without me.
My father didn’t care. He made sure every guard in Jotunheim knew
to kill me on sight if I tried to come home. He gave me twelve
hours to gather my things and get out.

I’m so sorry.
I
was. Despite being God of War, my own father had been nothing but
kind. Even on his darkest day, he’d made himself fully available
for any games Tyr and I had wanted him to play.

My mother was heartbroken, but she knew
better than to defy my father. She had a friend in Asgard who
offered to protect me.

My mom,
I
surmised.

Yes
. The spirit
smiled.
Your
mom was one in a million. She said the needs of a child outweighed
the needs of a realm, and offered me refuge in Asgard. She’d
offered it once before, but I’d been too afraid to leave my mother
alone with him to accept. This time, things were different. Even
so, your mom sensed my father’s darkness in me, and she worried
about what I might do if I snapped.

Sadness colored my aura.

I’m so sorry. My mother would have been horrified at what I
became
. The spirit
looked as downcast as I felt.
She wanted us to move away together, to live a
better life, but she knew she had to plan our escape carefully. She
reached out to your mom, and asked her to bring me to Asgard for
safe keeping. Mrs. Fredriksen wanted to remove my dark energy
before I entered the realm. But my mother was adamant that I needed
immediate placement, for my own protection. Mrs. Fredriksen agreed
to set me up in a house with a transitional guardian until she
could do a cleansing—she couldn’t in good conscience place a
partially darkened spirit with another family. And my mother didn’t
want to leave my father until she knew I was secure in Asgard. So
Mrs. Fredriksen stationed a female warrior in the house with me.
She was supposed to stay until Mother showed up—then Mrs.
Fredriksen could cleanse my energy.

Let me guess
, I
interjected.
My mom never got around to that cleansing.

Exactly. My mother was supposed to join me
after a few days, but she never came. My father found out she was
planning to leave him, and he had her killed. She’d still be alive
if I hadn’t left.

Maybe
, I
agreed.
But
you’d
be
dead if
you’d stayed. Your father all but promised as
much
.

The
spirit wrung her hands.
I know
, she whispered.
But look at what I’ve
become. The realms would have been better off if I’d let him kill
me instead.

Don’t talk like that
, I urged.
Your father’s choices were his to make.

And my choices were mine
. The spirit met my gaze.
The darkness took over when I lost my
mother.

How so?
I
questioned.

The part of my physical form that took after
my father got stronger. It grew to the point that it all but choked
out any goodness I’d cultivated in Runa. At first it was just the
genetics; my father’s physical traits manifested in acts of
aggression—fist fights, screaming matches, normal teenage goddess
things. But then the psychological eclipse occurred.

Psychological eclipse?

The
spirit sighed.
Your mom reached out to me, but I pushed
her away. A cleansing would have meant severing my ties with my
father, and awful as he was, he was the only family I had left.
When I looked at you and your friends, all I could see was what I’d
never have. Loss wasn’t foreign to your families, but you stuck
together and made the best of what was left. When I realized how
different my life could have been if my parents had made different
choices…well, that’s when I lost all sense of humanity.

Boy, had
she.
Was that when you left Asgard?

Almost. First I went to my father. He hated
the Fredriksens, so he said if turned their pet on them, he’d let
me come home. I did what I thought I had to do to earn my father’s
approval. But it didn’t work. There was always one more task my
father needed me to complete before he would welcome me home. And
as much as I hated hurting people, my host body has been consumed
by her need for his approval.

Your host body?
The choice of words surprised me.

I don’t identify myself with Runa. I haven’t been allowed
to guide her choices in years.
The spirit paused.
You know she’s about to snap again, don’t you? My
father declared that if I don’t deliver Fenrir to him by midnight,
I’ll be dead to him. He’ll close my home realm to me forever, and
I’ll be stuck on Svartalfheim, praying nobody turns me over to
Asgard.

My blood
chilled. Odin only knew what Runa would do if she went on another
true warpath. Though her dad cutting her off would probably be the
best thing for her.
Hold on. What about your dad’s other
son? Could he take you in? What ever happened to your
brother?

Runa’s
spirit blinked.
You really don’t know?

No.

The
spirit gave a sanguine smile.
He’s just fine.
She pressed her lips together,
indicating the matter was closed.

Fair enough.

“
Why
don’t I feel better yet?” Runa hissed. “You said it would take a
few minutes, but it’s been a
lot
longer than that.”

Uh, I’d better go
. I raised a hand in farewell.
Until next time?

The
spirit smiled sadly.
I’ll be in here.

I’ll work on your host for you
, I promised.
I’ll try to make your living arrangements
if not better, then at least less awful.

Stay safe,
the spirit warned.

You too.

“Elsa!” Runa shrieked.

“Sorry!” I sent another beam at Runa’s
shoulder. The energy cleared out the region’s darkness, which
enabled her demi-god genetics to kick back in. Her muscles rejected
the bullet, dislodging it from the bone, and allowing the skin to
knit itself back together. As the flow of blood ebbed, Runa leaned
against the wall in relief.

“About time.” She swore. Her eyes flew open
and she stared at me, her gaze shooting the fire of a thousand
Muspelheims. Runa hated me; there was zero doubt about that. The
question was, how far was that hatred going to take her?

And how many gods were going to die because
of it?

“
PICK UP, PICK UP,
pick up.”
If I will it, he will
come…
Positive thinking
began working its magic.
The communicator buzzed against my arm as I waited for
Forse to answer. Runa had slammed the door on me just moments
before, her newly healed shoulder severely weighed down by its
enormous chip. She’d run out of patience with my fake attempts to
track Fenrir, and she’d decided killing Brynn would convince me to
do her bidding.

“Pick up!” I pleaded.

After a slow eternity, my wish was
granted.

“
Perfekt
timing.” Forse stared at the screen. “We adjusted the
search parameters with the additional info you gave us, and the
locator’s narrowed your whereabouts to two potential
sites—searching only the towers east of the ambush site cut our
prospective locations down a lot. As soon as it confirms a single
location, I’ll port us to the forest at the base of your tower. Get
ready for company.”