Perfekt Balance (The Ære Saga Book 3) (19 page)

June 3. Today I accompanied Ragnar to
Jotunheim. Things have gotten so dark there. Their king lost all
sense of compassion when his would-be daughter-in-law disappeared.
Although I empathize with his heartbreak for his son, I cannot
comprehend his path. Instead of reaching out to the girl, who
clearly wants nothing to do with the giants’ reign of cruelty, he
put a hit on her. Ragnar believes the girl returned home to
Vanaheim, but I doubt she would expose her loved ones to the
tyrant’s wrath. Most likely she sought protection among the
dwarves. Their alliance with the dragons all but ensures peace in
their realm, and their dislike of the frost giants would make them
sympathetic to the girl’s plight. I will continue my own search for
Lifa, but I will do so with extreme caution. The king’s rage is
terrible.

While we were in Jotunheim, Ragnar negotiated a treaty with
the ruler’s youngest son. The prince was reluctant to enter into an
agreement with Asgard, but I located a weakness in his emotional
center—a pebble-sized hole near his heart, awaiting the return of
his runaway bride. When I spoke to his spirit, I saw it was only
partially dark—not yet fully tarnished. And so we were able to come
to a meeting of the souls. For now
.

I read
the last few lines twice as Mom’s words sunk in. Forse had been
right. Unifying
was
about connecting with another being on a spiritual level. I
mentally kicked myself
again
for not reading Mom’s journals earlier. Of course
my mother’s journals would be about more than falling in love with
my dad. If I’d stopped to think it through, I would have realized
her grown-up journals would have more depth than my teenage ones.
But I’d been so wrapped up in my grief and fear, I’d failed to see
the lifeline she left behind. All those tears over not having
anyone to teach me…and the textbooks had been in a box labeled
“Stuff From Mom’s Closet” all along.
Sigh
. It was such a universal truth. So often
the answers were right in front of us—we just had to get outside
our own heads to see them.

I scanned
through the communicator, reading entries that confirmed Forse’s
theory again and again. I lost myself in my mother’s words, her
familiar scrawl embracing me in comfort as I imagined her reading
her journals aloud. When I finished that file, I clicked it closed
and opened another, reading until I came to a page that stopped my
heart cold.
No. Way.
I read it again, my pulse accelerating as I realized how
connected my mother had been to my fate. If only she’d done what
she set out to do, maybe none of this would be
happening…

December 12. Lifa’s daughter arrived at my home today. I
haven’t seen her since her mother’s death—Runa has rebuffed my
offers to do a healing since Lifa’s passing, and continues to deny
my requests to perform a cleansing. Sadly, this refusal precludes
me from giving her a permanent Asgardian placement, and she remains
in the custody of her temporary guardian. Seeing her today came as
a shock—the girl has her mother’s eyes. It was the first thing I
noticed when she came over with Forse Styrke to help me bake for
St. Lucia’s. From what I gather, they are together. I should be
happy that Lifa’s daughter found such an upstanding young man—Forse
certainly will not repeat Runa’s father’s crimes—but I cannot help
but feel unsettled. Forse has always been so close with my
children, I feel as if he is a part of our family. His soul is
filled with light, despite the heavy path he must walk as God of
Justice. He deserves a partner who emanates an equal
brightness
…and truth be told, I have always seen him ending up with
my Elsa
.

Me too, Mom!

Runa can sense something between them. She
watches my Elsa with unsettling calculation. She looks angry, or
maybe jealous.

When I reached out to her spirit today, her energy
was cold. She has a
good dose of her father’s darkness, but tempers it with what little
she inherited of her mother’s light. Her spirit is torn—it has not
completely given itself to her father, but I sense his energy
pulling on her. No doubt he will pull out every stop to bring her
into his fight. I will do what I can to keep her on the path her
mother wanted for her, but Runa keeps her spirit locked so tight
inside her heart, I am not sure if I will be able to reach
it.

And I am afraid of what will happen to
her
…and to
us…if I fail.

My arm
dropped into my lap as I finished reading. Of course my mother knew
Runa. Forse, Tyr, and Henrik were pretty much joined at the hip all
through
forever
,
and once Forse started dating Runa she invited herself along
everywhere he went. Thanks to my parents’ open-door policy, the
boys—and Runa—were at our house a lot. But I hadn’t known Mom knew
Runa’s mom. Until today, I hadn’t even known Runa had a mom. If
Mom’s journal was correct, Runa had been lying to us from day one.
It sounded like Lifa had passed away before Mom wrote that journal
entry. But if Runa’s father was still trying to pull her into his
darkness, whatever that meant, then he was still alive when Runa
showed up…and might even still be alive now.

Anger filled my chest. She’d lied to Forse.
He’d trusted her enough to hand her his heart, and she’d stomped
all over it. She’d betrayed my mom who, apparently, had done
everything in her power to help her. And then she’d destroyed our
family, and knowingly aided and abetted Fenrir in the murder of the
God of War and Unifier of Asgard. I wanted to hate her. Turn her
blue-beam-of-death hand on her own heart and do to her what she’d
tried to do to Forse.

But I couldn’t help but remember the images
I’d seen when I’d tried to unravel her knot. The day she protected
her brother; the way she soldiered on as her mother pleaded for her
own death; the night she bore her father’s rage after she sent her
brother away.

Hold on
. Had Mom
known Runa’s brother too? And her father? I knew Mom had helped
thousands of souls during her reign as Unifier, but her story about
Lifa seemed more personal—like she had a deeper connection to this
group of spirits than some of the others.

BANG.

A loud
noise jarred me from my thoughts, and I quickly scanned the tower
and the rest of the building for energy signatures. Instead of
feeling my friends’ presences, I felt a bird. Its energy was
confused, and I deduced it had flown into one of the tower
walls.
Ouch
.

The clock on the communicator indicated it
would be at least another ten minutes before the locator might be
able to track me. I swiped the screen, jumping documents to read an
earlier journal entry, this one dated before Tyr or I were old
enough to start school. As I read, my heart tugged.

I wish you were still with me, Mom.

I wiped my tear and resumed my reading.

May 19. Ragnar and I took the kids camping
this weekend. He is just so sweet with them. I don’t know how he
checks his war god hat at the door and becomes simply Daddy, but he
does it with a grace all gods should envy. This weekend was no
different. He and Tyr shared an enthusiastic stick fight with
willow branches. Tyr will make a fine swordsman one day. Elsa
preferred to cheer from the sidelines, and when the battle ended,
Tyr helped me grill the caribou while Ragnar read Elsa one of her
favorite fairy tales. After supper, he led us all on a nature walk,
lifting the children on his shoulders in turns so they could peek
at the bird nests in the aspen trees.

As crazy as our work lives are, I truly cherish these
moments we have as a family. The children are our greatest
blessing. Tyr adores his sister unabashedly, and his fondness for
his father radiates from every inch of his aura. No matter what the
Norns throw at him, I know we have given him a foundation of love
that will see him through his darkest day. And my Elsa…our baby
girl has a heart so beautiful, I doubt there will ever be another
like it. I hope she retains that unparalleled blessing for all her
existence, and that she always remembers a single act of kindness
can brighten even the darkest realm
.

I turned off my communicator and rested my
head against the door. Gods, I missed my parents. They were
honorable; kind; full of love. They were everything the realms
needed, and they’d given me the most beautiful childhood. I was so
thankful for that. And though I felt their absence every single
day, I was grateful for the love they instilled in me. They’d
taught me to find the best in everyone, to make the most of even
the worst situation. And although I might not be able to hug them
anymore, I knew they were with me; in every act of kindness, I saw
a reminder of the mother who’d taught me hope, and the father who’d
taught me compassion, and the good that could come of change.

Change
. I might not have the family I was born with anymore, but
my parents were proof that family was more than just what Odin gave
you at birth—it was what you built for yourself. And just as they’d
taken in my brother, Tyr and I had built a circle of friends we
were lucky to call our new family. We’d been blessed with so much
love, even in the face of unbearable loss. And with the addition of
Mia, Asgard wouldn’t be without its rightful Unifier much longer.
We’d face a lot of challenges, but with Mom’s journals as our
guide, we’d be able to figure it out together. And then Mia, Tyr,
Forse, Henrik, Brynn, and I would do everything in our power to
maintain peace throughout the realms.

A sharp
pain racked my skull as the door slammed against my back.
Holy Asgard, that hurt.

“
Get out
of the way,
ko
,”
Runa hissed. “You’re going to find that dog, and you’re going to do
it
now
.”

I scooted to the side, rubbing my spine as
Runa stormed into my cell. Her aura was heavy as the Svartalfheim
soot, all trace of the goodness I’d seen before extinguished by the
dark. When I tapped into her energy, I sensed a blackness I hadn’t
seen before.

Odin’s beard. The hit on Forse was only the beginning.
She’s actually going to kill every last god until she gets
Fenrir
.

With a deep breath, I drew my shoulders back.
The time for training had passed. I had no choice but to appeal to
Runa’s spirit. And if I failed, I’d have to try even harder to find
my own way out of here. There was no way I was leading my friends
straight to this lunatic.

But would I be strong enough to overpower a
monster?

Runa took a step closer, and my energy
recoiled at her heavy dose of darkness. “Your boyfriend’s dead. The
valkyrie’s next. Do you feel like doing what I asked now or do I
need to keep killing?” The cell spun a dizzying circle as Runa’s
words sent an ice pick through my chest. It took several panicked
gasps before I realized Runa didn’t know that her blast hadn’t
killed Forse—Tyr and I had saved him.

“Well?” Runa slammed the door behind her and
stood over me. “Answer me! Are you in shock or are you just
stupid?”

“
Your
shoulder’s bleeding?” My voice went up on the last word. According
to my mother’s journals Runa’s mom was from Vanaheim, which would
make Runa the recipient of a partial healing gene. If her shoulder
wasn’t knitting itself back together, that meant she was seriously
injured. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, seemingly to
stop my tears, but actually to give myself time to process this
information. There had to be a way to use it. “Did Forse do that
before…before?”

“
Before I
killed him? Yes. He went down fighting. Too bad he turned out to be
so weak.” Runa sneered. “
Now
are you ready to cough up Fenrir’s
location?”

The light
in my brain flashed.
Got it!

“Don’t you want me to fix your arm first?” I
fake-sniffled, playing along with Forse’s presumed death. “You
can’t go anywhere near Asgard if you’re bleeding like that. The
guards will smell you before you even touch down, and they’ll take
you into custody before you get anywhere near Fenrir.”

“
So
he
is
in Asgard!”
Runa declared triumphantly.

“
I don’t
know,” I answered honestly. “But most of our high-security
prisoners are. And you should know, the facility I’m thinking of
has more than just Elite Team guarding it. It has
some
…animals. That much
blood is going to agitate them, even on an energetic level. They
won’t smell blood since we won’t be corporeal, but they will smell
injury and weakness. If I hide myself in your energy the way that
it is, they’re going to sniff me out long before I can track your
dog.”

Runa pressed her lips together. “How do I
know this isn’t another one of your tricks?”

“You don’t.” I wiped my nose on my sleeve,
keeping up the act. “You just killed the only god I’ve ever loved.
I have every reason to retaliate.”

“You’re not fighting me.” Runa furrowed her
brow.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not exactly
a fighter.” I shrugged. “Besides, I don’t want you to hurt Brynn,
or my brother, or anyone else for that matter. But before I look
for Fenrir again, do you want me to heal your arm or not?”

The line was cast. Now came the wait.

Runa glared at her arm, and then at me. She
knew the facility I alluded to; we’d toured it in high school, as
part of our Law and Justice course. Asgard had upped the security
since, but even back then it had plenty of sentinels of the
carnivorous variety.