Personal Possessions (46 page)

“I used to pray every
night momma, every night I’d ask God to make sure I didn’t take
after my daddy, I didn’t want to be that kinda man,
momma.”

I never wanted to hurt
someone so much in my life as I wanted to hurt Willie Jackson. He
fucked my kid’s up. I remembered when I was little laying in my
bed, repeating the same prayers that my son had prayed. I had to
get up and walk.

I looked down at the scene
in front of me. The love of my life was comforting our child. It
was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. I sat back down on
the blanket and watched as they interacted.

“
Your daddy is a good man,
Luc. You are your daddy’s son, you’re just like him.”

Luc looked towards me and
it was killing me inside to look into my eyes.

I heard Luc
sniff.

“So, you’re my dad,
huh?”

I smiled a small smile,
but I was beaming inside.

“
Yeah Luc, I’m your
dad.”

Luc leaned over and hugged
me, he hugged me hard. This boy was a star football player, he had
some arms on him.

“I guess that means you’re
my daddy too, huh?” JoJo said.

She smiled a small smile
and I could see that same small dimple that adorned my face, in the
same spot that hers was on.

Suddenly, JoJo jumped in
the middle of the hug as Elle followed up behind the both of them.
We hugged one long hugged. I never wanted moments like this to end,
there weren’t many left.

“So…what happens now?”
JoJo asked

.

That was when I spoke
up.

“
Well, I think I’ve lost
enough time with you kids, I don’t wanna lose anymore. I’ve moved
back to Richland, my company’s headquarters will be here now. I
want us to be a family. I wanna marry your momma, I’ve already had
your birth certificates changed, so we’re heading in the right
direction. Now, I grew up here in this town; there’s gonna be a lot
of talk. If you have any questions concerning anything… you come
talk to me about it, got it? We’re all just getting on the right
track, I don’t wanna derail when we’re just building up speed,
deal?”

Everyone agreed. We
continued talking for a while, I got to catch up with them and they
got to know about me. Then Elle had to bring them in on the big
news…Bear.

I chose not to say
anything about Angie for several different reasons. One, I wasn’t
even sure she knew about her. Two, this was not the place…nor the
time to bring this up. Three, she had enough shit to deal with when
it came to the kids…just like Kip said.

“
Ok ya’ll…one more thing.
Bear has threatened that if I ever have contact with TJ again or
try to divorce him, he will run off with ya’ll, including Harlee
and take you down to the swamps in Louisiana and hide you so I
can’t find you. So for now, we cannot talk about this meeting…ok?
Not even to Harlee. I didn’t think it was right to make ya’ll
suffer anymore, I know that he’s been wanting to meet you for a bit
now and I didn’t want to lie to ya’ll anymore.

As Elle was talking, I
kept hearing the bushes move behind me. I looked up in the trees
that were around us and there didn’t seem to be a wind. I checked
the bushes again, thinking maybe there was a squirrel…nothing.
Maybe that little sucker was just too fast for me to see him. I
went back to the conversation at hand.

We decided that it was
time to go. I and the twins exchanged cell numbers and I told them
that if they ever needed me, day or night… do not hesitate to call.
I also told them that if they ever felt in danger, call 911 then
call me immediately. That way if something happened to Elle, I
would still know what was going on so that I could help her and
protect them. I also shared that I had my lawyers working on
something’s and it wasn’t going to be long that no one would have
to look over their shoulders again.

I drove them back to
Elle’s office so that she could pick up her car. We all hugged
goodbye and promised that we would get together again real
soon.

I drove home on cloud
nine. I was so excited over the meeting I just had. I made a mental
note that in the morning we get the divorce and the restraining
order going…I wanted them done now, especially now with Angie
dead…Bear was going to be in a foul mood.

I reached over and dialed
Kip’s number. It rang and rang…it ended up going to voicemail. That
was odd, he always answered his phone. I put my phone on the set
beside me and headed home.

I stopped and grabbed
something for dinner, even though I wasn’t hungry…I was still
flying high from that afternoon. I finished up what paperwork I had
left and grabbed my phone to try Kip once more.

It went to voicemail. I
left a message telling me to at least check in. I had a feeling he
got his buddy to take over watching the house and he was over at
Toppers doing some hands on investigating. I turned out the light
and went to sleep.

Chapter 23

Present Day

Bear

“One…two…three…four…five…one…two…three…four…five…”

The pattern never stopped
in my head. It was either count over and over or else hear the
voices, no matter what I did; they wouldn’t stop.

Crouched down, underneath
the overpass, I flicked open the lighter and set the flame
underneath the spoon. All I could do was repeat the pattern over
and over as I watched the jagged piece of black rock heat up to a
boil and begin to become a tar like substance that would at least
quiet them down.

I was lost. Angie was
dead, Bubba wasn’t putting up with her shit anymore and I was going
to be next if I didn’t come up with that money. It was always about
the money. Angie always made sure that after the last time, we
never got that behind again, we paid Bubba back from the shit we
sold from Ellie’s dad’s house, the night we…did what we did. But
yet, here we were…or rather, here I was; alone, practically on the
run and didn’t know what to do or where to go.

I’d know in a minute, once
I came back to myself, I pulled back on the plunger and drew up the
dark brown substance that was now my new best friend. I could
barely keep my hands steady enough to pull hard, but eventually I
filled the syringe. I grabbed the rubber tourniquet with my teeth
and found the vein that never let me down. Pushing the needle into
my skin, I could already hear them fading away.

“You have to kill her…get
the money, it’s the only way…she doesn’t love you, who in their
right mind would love a fuckup like you…”

I shook my head to make
them stop, but that didn’t work anymore…they were too loud
now.

“You can’t even be a man
when it comes to dying…always a pussy…”

“Stop it!!!” I
screamed.

I pushed the plunger
forward and felt the sudden urge to close my eyes and be…nothing. I
couldn’t feel…I couldn’t hear. I was now Bear, not the
others.

I could now function, for
a couple of hours and until I’d have to shoot up again. If I was
going to think of a way to get that money, now was the time. I got
up and headed down from under the bridge to walk back to my truck
that I left near the park.

I mentally had to tell
myself to walk. I enjoyed the high, but it made me incapable of
functioning, that was one of the drawbacks of heroine. I was happy
to have silence in my head for a while though.

Passing a secluded part of
the square, something caught my attention. This part of the gardens
was usually never used because there was nothing here to do, but I
heard the sounds of laughter…familiar laughter…JoJo’s laughter. I
immediately went to the bushes that surrounded the entire area of
gardens. I got down on my knees and pushed the branches
aside.

I thought for a minute I
was hallucinating, the scene that was before me couldn’t be real.
There sat Ellie with my two children and Trevor…the man that she
was supposed to never see again. They all looked pretty cozy too,
laughing and touching. I could feel the anger starting at that
place deep down inside.

“Motherfucker!” I
exclaimed silently through gritted teeth.

“She think I’m an idiot?
We’ll see who the idiot is.”

My vision turned red. I
knew she was seeing him, I wondered how long this was going
on.

“It never stopped, but you
were too stupid to realize it, what a fucking loser!”

All the voices began
laughing together. I put my hands over my ears to drown them out
but they just got louder.

I crept back away from the
bushes and ran towards my truck; I had to get out of
here.

I drove straight to the
house and ran inside, they were louder than they had ever been and
the drugs didn’t keep them away as long this time, it must’ve been
because I lost my temper…who fuckin’ knows. I went to my quiet
place so that I could begin the tedious task of counting; I had to
calm down.

I hunched down in the
corner and brought my knees up to my chest and closed my
eyes.

“I don’t know what made
you think that someone like her could love someone like you, you’re
nothing to her.”

“One…two…three…four…five…one…two…three…four…five.”

“You don’t even compare to
him…you never have.”

“One…two…three…four…five”

“She aint worth dying for,
better her than you. She’s played you for a fool, Willie…think
about it, her and him and their two kids…the ones you raised after
he rode off to take what rightfully should’ve been yours…they need
to pay, Willie…they need to see what it’s like to lose everything.
He’ll lose his long lost love and she will lose her life and her
millions and you…well you, won’t ever have to worry about anything
ever again.”

“Shut up, I
said.”

“We’ll go away if you do
it…”

That got my attention.
What would it be like to have one day of not hearing them in my
head…all of them. I closed my eyes and pictured a normal
life.

The vision appears to be
in a home bigger than this one. I am sitting around a dinner table,
my family all around me laughing and hugging, just like they were
out in that park, my wife throwing her arms around me after she
places a steaming dish of mashed potatoes on the table.

“Love you,
honey.”

She whispers in my ear as
she places a gentle kiss on my cheek, I smile as I pull her hand up
to my mouth to return the sentiment. I opened my eyes to the
reality that was my life.

I was a fucked up crazy
junkie that heard hundreds of voices in his head.

“Sure…we’ll leave you
alone.”
They replied in
unison
. “Get the money and you can have
everything you ever wanted.”

I didn’t know what normal
was, but I wanted it.

“Ok then…let’s do
it!”

I got up and walked out of
the closet, then out of the room, then the house…I had to come up
with the best plan on how to kill my wife.

I stayed the night at
granny’s old house; it was nothing but a dilapidated shack that
didn’t even have a front door on it now, but this place brought me
peace. I never had a momma and a daddy, so this was as close to a
home as I ever got.
She used to tell me
that my momma had her “friends” too. Granny played it off as if
they were there to keep me company when no one else would be there
for me. At first, I thought it was a good thing, turned out…it
wasn’t…it was a fucking nightmare that I could never wake up
from.

Gran tried her hardest to
give us brothers as much as a loving place to grow up in as she
could, but after papa died… life got ahold of Bubba and he pulled
me right along with him; I was fifteen when I made my first
sale.

I never expected to get
this sucked into this life, but when I was in my twenties, I met
Angie and I couldn’t turn away from her. I loved that woman more
than anything in this world. Met her at the club…shit, she was
beautiful up there on that pole. I sat down right next to the stage
and couldn’t take my eyes off of her, and that’s where I stayed up
until she couldn’t dance anymore. She got sucked in deep…and quick.
I wasn’t her supplier at first, but eventually I did.

Bubba was the main
distributor, dealers came from all over these parts to buy from
him; he set the price…he made the rules. I began taken small
amounts from his stash room to impress Angie, I was his brother…I
didn’t think he’d mind. He caught me a couple of times and every
time he’d say the same thing.

“Don’t let me catch ya
again.”

I’d nod and go on, but the
voices kept telling me if I didn’t get them for Angie, she’d move
on and fall for someone else, I couldn’t have that…I needed her.
Ellie didn’t love me, I tried so fuckin’ hard with her, but she was
too wrapped up with fuckin’ frat boy that she couldn’t see me right
in front of her. I came to realize that she wasn’t even worth the
fight anymore, as a matter of fact I began to resent her for tying
me down and not being able to be with Ang. Yeah, I could’ve left
and been single but I had a good thing going. Bills were paid, food
was cooked…I didn’t even have to come home…it was
perfect.