Persuasion (31 page)

interested in what occurred between man and wife until I met you. Before

that, I was quite content to walk through life as a virgin.

“If I am with child, then I shall not disturb you with that information, my

lord. Feel secure in that. I shall away to some quiet town and raise my child

as a widow. Fear not, for I do not need you, neither as a partner nor as a

father for my child, whether she exists or not,” Lily whispered and stood on

shaky legs. She stumbled forwards and quickly gripped the backrest of the

armchair for support.

Lily heard the sounds of a chair scraping against the floor, and she quickly

spun around and held up a hand to halt him in his tracks. He was but five

steps away from her. “Do not come one step closer!” she commanded.

“Are you well?” he asked gruffly.

Lily laughed. It was a sound that rasped against her throat and had her

hiding a wince. “No! I am not well!” she spat. “The man I thought loved me

and who I believed to share the other half of my soul seems quite content to

believe the worst of me, to believe me duplicitous. I have shared with you

the truth and I shall share but one more salient fact with you . . . .

“Beware, Dorian. I say that not for my own sake, but for your own. The

blackmailer . . . .” Lily gulped and closed her eyes. “He wishes to hurt you.

Wishes to truly cause you pain. As you yourself said, why select me? If I

were you, I would investigate why a man would force a woman of my

position into seducing you . . . Ponder the thought of who can obtain keys to

your home and who can command staff . . . .” Lily paused and then, in the

glove that did not contain the two sovereigns, retrieved the key to Dorian's

house. She pulled it out and stared at it blindly for a moment and then

raised it to show him.

Releasing the heavy metal from her palm, she watched as it slid to the floor

and dented the polished wood with a slight bang. She stared at it once more

and then turned on her heel. Stalking over to the door, she paused again

and with one hand pressed against the doorknob, stared sadly at the

wooden pane. "Discover who wishes you harm. You may not be the man I

believed you to be, but I do not want the man with whom I fell in love to be

in danger. Protect yourself, Dorian. Protect yourself,” she called out

warningly.

With that, she ran out of the room, down the corridor and barged out of the

front door. Lily managed to compose herself as she stepped out on to the

columned portico and walked calmly down the front path and on to the

streets.

She may have presented a serene facade to the world, but inside, Lily was

screaming. A faint tremble had overtaken her body and as she placed one

foot before the other, it took great control to not simply crumble to the

ground.

Despite her frailty, she hastened her pace. Knowing the importance of

reaching home before she did something ridiculous like swoon!

Streets and avenues passed in a hazy blur, but she finally made it home.

With one step over the threshold, she strode to one of the two decorative,

carved, oriental chairs that stood pride of place in the front hall, one at

either side of the door, and with a sigh of relief, sank into it.

Lily rested there for endless moments until the butler came over to her. "Are

you well, my lady?” he asked courteously.

She fought hard to withhold a sob but nodded shakily.

“Do you require your aunt, Lady Lily?” Rodgers asked softly.

“Please, Rodgers,” she whispered.

He disappeared and moments later, returned. With his help, she stood on

trembling feet and was guided into her aunt's sitting room. He soon

departed after having helped her into a small armchair.

“What is the matter, Lily?” Aunt Millie asked, her voice plagued with concern.

She strode over to Lily and bent over her. The scent of rosewater permeated

Lily's nostrils and she had to fight a burst of nausea.

“I-I wish to return home, Aunt Millie.” Her voice was steady and filled with

purpose, even as her lips trembled as she spoke.

“But the Season is not yet done!” Millie protested.

“I know, but I need to go home. I don't feel well and I know that I'm simply

homesick, that if I return I shall quickly recuperate,” she lied, knowing that

to spend one more night in this Godforsaken city would be the death of her.

“You are not promised to anyone! You cannot leave until you are wed!”

“It was never my intention to marry, Aunt Millie!” she snapped and regretted

her harsh tone as the older woman's face crumpled. "I came here to put my

mama's mind at rest. She was so certain that I was wasting my life on her.

But I'm not. I've experienced the Season and I want to experience no other

part of it!” she said in a softer voice than before.

Millie looked shocked, and Lily could well understand that. She herself was

feeling shocked. Dumbfounded, dismayed and dejected.

She felt quite rotten for abandoning her aunt, when Lily was quite aware

that she was enjoying squiring her around the ton and had Dorian not

behaved as though she were the devil incarnate, perhaps she would have

remained for the rest of the Season but not anymore. No longer could she

stay in London, when he was here and hating her from afar.

The baby did not concern her. For one, she was not certain as to whether or

not she was with child and if she were, it would take quite a while for the

babe's presence to make itself known on her figure.

Her monthly was soon due . . . . Janie would know the exact date, and Lily

knew that with it, would come the answer. She was only now coming to

understand the way a woman's body worked and for the most part, fiercely

resented how much information had been withheld from her. It seemed

quite ridiculous to be so in the dark as to how one's body worked, but that

was the way of the world, unfortunately. There was nothing she could do to

change it, either!

If she was indeed with child and the babe was a girl, then Lily vowed to

inform her baby of every single circumstance that happened upon a woman.

To be forewarned was to be forearmed and Lily would quite definitely ensure

that her child could not be pressured into a situation such as the one she

found herself in! Some good had to come from the bad, after all.

Lily pondered that thought for a moment and knew that were she indeed

carrying Dorian's child, she was not upset to be in such a situation.

Naturally, she would be condemned by her peers, but that did not matter to

her. The thought of carrying her lover's babe filled her with a warm glee.

Indeed, it went some way to improving the shakes that had so besieged her.

She could not have Dorian, but she could have his babe.

“It isn't done not to marry, Lily,” Aunt Millie inserted softly and pierced her

thoughts.

“I know that, aunt,” she retorted impatiently. “But I am quite prepared to

become a spinster. I'm wealthy enough to live how I choose. I see no reason

why I should attach myself to a man who is with me solely to line his

pockets! And do not deny, the majority of men that have swarmed around

me are severely short of blunt! I refuse to be their bridge to solvency!”

Millie gasped. “But you . . . you can't be serious. A woman such as yourself .

. . a spinster? It would be such a waste!”

“A waste it will have to be. I do not need your permission, Aunt Millie, to

leave tonight, but I wished simply to inform you of my plans and I also

wished to thank you. I am most grateful for your help these months

passed.”

“A fine way to show it!” Millie commented sourly. “Abandoning your me and

your uncle at such a time!”

“I regret that,” she admitted honestly. “I truly do. Had I . . . ,” Lily

hesitated. “Had I not become ill, then I would have stayed. But I am ill and I

need the fresh air of home, not the smog-laden atmosphere of London. It

will do me the world of good to be in the country again.”

“Perhaps, if you recuperate swiftly, you could return. You have to think of

the gossips, Lily. What will they say to your leaving, when the Season is not

over?”

Lily shrugged. “I care not and neither should you! There has to be some

advantage to the position we hold in society, my dear aunt. The tabbies can

say what they wish, for they do so anyway! And no,” she added gently, “I

will not return. London is not for me. I have realized that now.”

A knock sounded at the door and it swung quietly open a moment later.

Rodgers walked in with a tray of tea and small cucumber sandwiches and

freshly baked biscuits.

Thankfully, the conversation came to a halt as Rodgers settled the tray on a

small table which sat between the two patterned settles upon which Aunt

Millie and herself were seated.

When the butler had departed, so it seemed had the topic of conversation.

They both sat quietly as they sipped at their tea, before Lily excused herself

and headed up the stairs and to her suite.

When Janie arrived at her rooms an hour later, Lily ordered the maid to pack

her things, for she had decided they would be traveling the following

morning. Content she may be at the thought of carrying a small part of

Dorian, she was not so happy at the prospect of having lost him forever!

Janie, for some reason, was not all that surprised.

Perhaps, from the misery and dejection Lily was displaying, it was an easy

conundrum to solve.

For in a girl of Lily's age, what else could cause that particular brand of

disheartenment, but unrequited love?

After four days of slow traveling, Lily had yet to grow accustomed to the

constant motion and the vibration of the horse's hooves against the packed

earth of the roads. She felt quite certain that she could be traveling for an

entire year and her body would never acclimatize to the rocking pace of the

horses as they bumped their way along coarsely hewn roads.

For the most part, she had spent the last hundred or so hours wishing to

God that they could travel at a faster speed but it was impossible. At any

pace above a slow trot, the nausea that had so plagued her for the last

week, returned with a vengeance.

And so, she had either been in a state of constant discomfort, or severely

nauseous if they had attempted to bring the journey to an end.

Such a fabulous time she had been having!

Lily shook her head at the thought and grimaced at Janie, who had been

content to stare at her as though she were a rather large insect under a

magnifying glass.

She was growing rather tired of the expression on the maid's face. That

strange combination of concern and irritation severely chafed at Lily's

admittedly ill temper.

Had she not been utterly exhausted, then Lily would have asked Janie what

on Earth she thought she was doing- staring at her like a demented owl! But

she was exhausted and looked forward to doing nothing more than sleeping,

when they eventually arrived at Grantlake!

With a sigh, she lounged against the padded cushions of her uncle's coach

and stared somberly out of the window. At long last, today was the day they

were due to draw up to Grantlake and to say that she was excited at the

prospect of seeing her mama and Devlin was like saying she was enjoying

this hellish journey!

On the second day of traveling, they had finally come across the green

countryside and it had been a sight for sore eyes. Now, two days later, she

still reveled in the beauteous landscapes around her. Indeed, it was her only

comfort!

****

was so clean, so pure that it made London's putrid atmosphere seem almost

poisonous! Indeed, she was quite sure it was just that! While her nausea

hadn't entirely cleared, it had improved somewhat, which was frankly a

Godsend!

A part of her longed to call to the coachman to jump into a canter, carve the

remainder of the thirty minute journey down to ten minutes, but she did not

wish to present a blanched and ill-looking face to her mama or brother and

so, even though she had fought the impulse all morning, Lily had chosen to

sit here meekly as they traversed the bumpy roads and simply waited for

home.

Tapping her fingers against her knee, she sighed again and almost jumped

out of her skin, when Janie slapped her hand.

“Would you stop sighing, Miss Lily! Honestly, if I hear it one more time I

think I'll scream.”

Unable to help herself, a peal of laughter escaped Lily's throat. “Charming,

Janie!”

“Well, it's enough to try a vicar! We'll be home soon enough!”

“Soon enough isn't adequate. I wish to be there now.” Her tone held a bite

and she instantly regretted it as another frown of concern flashed over

Janie's homely features.

“Aye, I suppose you do, what with your sickness and all.” There was a pause

and it was pregnant with words unspoken.

“What?” Lily asked impatiently, her brow pleated with a scowl. She turned

from her silent vigil of the rolling hills of England's green countryside and

faced her maid.