Pieces of You (Shattered Hearts) (12 page)

“I should have been there for you.”

“It would have ruined everything you had going on.”

“In April, I was touring in Asia. I didn’t have to be there. I should have been here.”

I unbuckle my seatbelt because I’m starting to feel claustrophobic in the tiny cabin of this sports car.

“I need some air.”

I throw the door open and jump out of the car. The asphalt sways beneath me and I swallow the sour vomit stinging the back of my throat. Chris arrives at my side just as the vomit comes back up and explodes out of my mouth. Some of it splashes onto the side of his beautiful car, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he holds back my ponytail and one more pocket of spew streams from my mouth.

I spit out the bitter traces still lingering on my tongue then swipe the back of my hand across my lips. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For handling this so poorly.”

His eyes soften as I lean back against the car to steady myself. “For someone who’s been through what you’ve been through, I think you’ve handled this well. But I do wish you wouldn’t close yourself off to me. Sometimes I need someone to talk to about all this stuff and you’re the only one who’ll understand. I need you, Claire.” He takes a step toward me and I hold my breath as he brushes a sweaty lock of hair away from my face. “And I know you need me too.”

His hand is warm against my cheek and it makes me want to lose myself in him. I close my eyes to attempt to block out this longing, but I still see his face. I have so many memories, though most of my memories from my first fifteen years on this Earth are painful. I didn’t really start creating happy memories until I met Chris and Jackie.

After Chris and I broke up, I saw him everywhere. When I watched a movie and saw a man kayaking, I thought of how Chris promised to take me whitewater rafting. When I opened the refrigerator at Senia’s parents’ house and saw her little sister’s Capri-Sun pouches, I thought of how Chris was addicted to those. Every time I’d lie in bed at night, I thought of how Chris would sing me to sleep. Every time I looked down at my growing belly, I saw him. Every time I listened to her heartbeat during a checkup, I heard him.

I’d gotten so used to imagining my future with Chris that every reminder of him seemed like a slap in the face. Like someone laughing and pointing at me while showing me all the beautiful things and the all-consuming love I would never have. By the time I had Abigail I was thoroughly beaten down by the memories.

Then I met Adam.

I open my eyes and Chris is watching me with that look of concern that I’ve grown accustomed to. You don’t grow up with a heroin addict for a mother without becoming very familiar with that look.

“All of this is insanity,” I whisper as I stare at his chest. “I should be able to have a conversation with you about… Abigail. I don’t know if I deserve to meet her. I think it will drive me crazy. Seems I’m more like my mother than I thought I was.”

He places his fingers under my chin and tilts my face up. “You are nothing like your mother, babe. You put Abigail’s needs before your own. You made the selfless choice, not the selfish one. Please tell me you believe that.”

I shake my head. No, I don’t believe that.

He pulls me into his arms, a place I practically lived in for four years. My home. I clutch his T-shirt in my fists, afraid I’ll collapse at any second.

“I’ll make you see it,” he whispers into my ear.

The drive back to my car is filled with an uneasy silence. I can’t stop thinking that I shouldn’t have come to the club tonight. And I can’t stop wishing I were going home with Chris, back to a time and place where things were simpler.

When he pulls up next to my car, the sidewalk is as empty as the space between us.

“Can I call you tomorrow? I’ll tell you everything Tasha and I have been discussing.”

I nod. “Yeah. I’ll be in my dorm all day.”

I reach for the door handle when it dawns on me that my cell phone is about to get cut since I haven’t paid the bill. If I tell Chris, he’s going to offer to pay it for me. But if I don’t tell him, and it gets cut before he calls, he may think I’m trying to avoid him or that something bad has happened to me.

“I might not be available, though. I’ve got a paper to write for my sociology class.”

“Really? You can’t spare a few minutes to discuss the adoption?”

My leg starts bouncing with nerves as I try to think of a better lie. Finally, I sigh as I resign myself to the truth. “My phone might get cut. I have a couple of job interviews this week, but even if I get one of those I won’t get paid for another two to three weeks, which means I’m going to probably be without a phone for a while. I’ll call you from Senia’s phone tomorrow whenever I take a break from studying.”

“Are you serious? Your phone is about to be cut off?”

“I don’t have a job anymore. The scholarship doesn’t pay for my cell phone bill.”

He’s pissed.

“Don’t worry about your cell phone. I’ll take care of it.”

Chris knows all my personal information, from social security number all the way down to my fucking panty size. All he has to do is have someone call and pretend to be me so he can pay the bill over the phone. Part of me is pissed that I know what he’s going to do and part of me is grateful that he’s willing to go to such lengths to help me.

“Thanks.”

“I’ll do anything for you, Claire. You should know that by now.”

Against everything inside me, I lean over and kiss his cheek before I jump out of the car. My hands are shaking as I hit the unlock button on the key fob. I slide into the driver’s seat and slam my door shut before I allow the first tears to fall.

Chapter Fourteen

Adam

T
HIS IS MY FIFTH TRIP
to Hawaii. The first four trips were packed with exhausting competitions and late nights with plenty of booze and girls. This time is different. My first two days in Hawaii were spent unpacking and grocery shopping for my training diet. My coach, Remmy Dufrense, won’t be here for another three days. I need to keep up my routine until then, but I’m already feeling the urge to toke or down a bottle of vodka.

After what happened last week with Chris, I’m getting a strong feeling that this trip will be the biggest mistake of my life. I’m not imagining things. Claire’s voice sounds different today than it did yesterday morning.

“What did you do yesterday?” I ask as I grab an apple out of the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter and bite off a huge chunk.

At least the house the company rented for me in Kekaha is less than a block from the beach and a market with an awesome selection of pokē. I don’t plan on spending much time anywhere else, besides work, for the next two months.

“I studied and went… I went to a concert.”

The word
concert
and the hesitation in her voice confirms my suspicions.

“Who’d you see?” The long pause on the other end of the line just makes the frustration build inside me, spreading through my arms and down to my fingertips. I have to stop myself from throwing the phone. “Claire?”

“I saw Chris. He asked me to watch a jam session with one of his idols. I went as his friend. You said that was okay.”

She’s not asking if it’s okay; she’s telling me I already said it was okay. I knew this was going to happen, I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

“So you just went to watch?”

“Yes, of course. Are you mad?”

“I’m not mad, just not sure how to feel about it yet. I don’t like the idea of the two of you hanging out.”

“We didn’t really hang out very long. I left once the crowds were gone.”

I want to know every fucking detail about what happened. I want to know if he touched her, even if it was just a friendly hug. But I can hear in the tone of her voice that Claire doesn’t want to be grilled on this.

“Adam?”

“Yeah.”

“I need to ask you a favor.”

I sit down at the writing desk in the living room and lean back in the wooden desk chair. “You can ask me anything, babe.”

“I feel really embarrassed asking you this, but can you pay my cell phone bill? Chris found out my service is about to be cut and I don’t want him to pay it. I’d rather you do it. I should be able to pay you back in a few weeks.”

“Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“You don’t have to explain and you don’t have to pay me back. I’ll call and pay the bill as soon as we hang up.”
Sneaky little fucker.
“Thanks for asking. I want you to come to me whenever you need help. Okay?”

“Okay.”

She gives me her account information and I call as soon as we hang up. By the time I hang up with the cell phone company, I’m feeling a little better about the fact that she doesn’t want to depend on Chris, but still uneasy about their proximity to each other. But it’s nothing a long therapy session with the Pacific Ocean can’t cure. I’ll get ready while I wait for my company car to be dropped off.

I change into my bodysuit and I’m about to grab the house key off the hook in the kitchen when the doorbell rings. It must be Sam, the project assistant, with my car.

“Coming!” I yell as I slip the key into my backpack and head for the door.

I pull the door open and I’m a bit confused for a second. I had assumed Sam was a guy, but the brunette standing on my doorstep is definitely not a guy unless she’s clenching her bulge under that peach bikini.

“Adam?” she says as she dangles a car key in front of the screen door. “I have the right house, don’t I?”

“Yeah, I’m Adam.” I open the screen door and hold out my hand for the key. “Are you Sam?”

“Uh, yeah. Were you expecting a guy?” She shakes her head. “You don’t have to answer that. I was just on my way to the sand so I thought I’d drop your car off. I actually picked it up yesterday, but then my aunt came over and made all this food and it was this big thing with all my cousins and….” She looks at me as if she’s just seeing me for the first time. “Oh. I’m blabbing. Sorry. Anyway, I’m just dropping off your car. I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

She’s awkward as hell. Everything from the way she talks to the way she gestures wildly is awkward. She squints at me as I wait for her to leave.

“Are you going surfing?” she asks, as she looks me up and down.

I don’t normally wear my bodysuit to surf unless it’s really early in the morning, which it is. The fact that she doesn’t seem at all embarrassed about showing up at my door at 7:30 a.m. in a bikini just makes this girl even more awkward.

“Yeah, I was just getting ready to leave. Thanks for bringing the car.”

I shut the screen door, but she doesn’t leave.

“Can I go with you?” Her brown eyes are wide as she waits for my response. “I mean, if you don’t mind. I was going to walk, but if you’re already going.”

“I’m walking. It’s less than a block away.”

“That’s cool. I can walk with you.”

Fuck
. This girl doesn’t take a hint well.

“All right. But I’m going to surf, not to hang out.”

“What does that mean? Is that your subtle way of telling me you’re going to ignore me?” She laughs, a low, snorting chuckle, and I try not to cringe.

She’s definitely good looking, but she’s strange, like a tomboy who doesn’t quite understand the rules of engagement between guys and girls.

“Look, I have a girlfriend.”

“Cool! So do I. Well, not a girlfriend; I have a boyfriend. Well, we’re not really exclusive yet, so it’s not a big deal. Plus, he’s been getting on my nerves lately. He always wants to spend the night at my place.” I stare at her for a moment and she continues, undaunted. “Anyway, you’ll probably meet Kai soon enough. He stalks me at work.”

“I think I’m going to hang out for a little while,” I say as I reach for the doorknob to close the front door. “I have to finish reading the specs for the project before tomorrow. Have fun.”

She pulls her hand out from under her breast before she responds. “That’s cool. I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Don’t bring lunch. I’ll bring something good from home. My aunt has been cooking like crazy all weekend.”

I nod in agreement as I begin to close the door. “See you tomorrow.”

I shut the door quickly and stand in the foyer for a moment confused by how a girl like that, who’s more than a bit ditzy, could get a job as a project assistant on the base. I shake my head as I make my way back to the living room to watch some TV for a few hours, at least until it’s safe to go to the beach without running into Sam. As soon as I sit on the sofa, the doorbell rings again.

I set down the remote on the sofa cushion and jog to the door. When I peer through the peephole, I’m not surprised to see Sam standing on the porch. I open the door and she’s holding out a three-inch stack of mail.

“This was in your mailbox,” she says. “Looks like you forgot to check it.”